Image courtesy of TipNut.com

Valentinstag

Ich habe einen keinen Großvater mit dem Namen Valentin

I have been thinking about my Valentine today. Especially the fact that he is no longer mine. Or is he?

It’s not what you think.

You see, for years I thought I had an ancestor named Valentine. His father was also a Valentine, which means I had not one but two Valentines (surname Kohlman). Crazy. Valentine Jr’s daughter Elisabeth married a fellow named John Shroll—they had a mess of kids. Sadly, the Shroll family had the dubious distinction of losing four brothers (one of whom was John) and two of their wives during a cholera outbreak circa 1835, resulting in at least 15 orphaned or fatherless children. Needless to say, life was tough for them. The community, bless their hearts, named a road after them. It was the least they could do!

However, it turned out I wasn’t John & Elisabeth Shroll’s 4x-great-granddaughter. Years later, another genealogist discovered that I was actually descended from John’s younger brother Daniel, who perished of the aforementioned cholera along with his wife Maria Magdalena. That meant Elisabeth was not an ancestor, nor were those two Valentines. Shucks!

And yet the story doesn’t end there. Valentine Jr’s second wife was a woman named Anna Maria Shroll. They had three kidlets together. Guess what? She was the aunt of those unlucky Shroll brothers. Hence, me and ol’ Valentine found ourselves related once again—this time through marriage! Funny how life turns out.

You probably thought this was about Hayden and now you feel cheated, am I right? Well, he’s not my Valentine either. Right now he is Blanche’s Valentine, goldurnit. But, if nothing else, this vignette proves that life is fickle. It takes strange twists and turns. So… never say never! Heck, I wouldn’t mind finding myself related to Hayden… by marriage. Thus, in honor of my German ancestors, Glücklicher Valentinstag! (Happy Valentine’s Day!)

Oh, I forgot to mention that Daniel was the son of Christian Shroll. Which makes him Christian’s son. Get it? Christian’s son? [13 February 2009]

My bedsheets!

Vanishing Act

If you couldn’t spot me in Gifted Hands: The Ben Carson Story (aired on TNT Feb. 7, check local listings for repeats), don’t feel bad. Every bit of me got excised from the movie. That’s right. Nothing survived. Mind you, all 3 of my scenes appear in the movie, but not me. Either they cut away a split second before I would have been visible or they picked up just after my part. Bummer. I expected my visibility in the two hospital corridor scenes would be iffy, but I never dreamed that final scene would get pared down. Drat! One moment the twins’ parents go through the door to the ICU without gowns, the next moment they have them on. Magic! If they had left my part in, the scene would have been far more emotional (because of the parents’ reactions to seeing their babies), however it would have added 10-15 seconds to the length of the scene. Apparently they didn’t have that luxury (or ran short on melodramatic music). As my dad later observed, if they had cut just one measly commercial maybe I would have got into the movie.

Naturally, I’m disappointed that I cannot critique my performance. Fourteen and a half hours of work and nothing to show for it (want to see my paystub?). But that’s showbiz for you. Unfortunately, this experience lessens my confidence in seeing myself onscreen in my other two projects, High School and Miss January. Even worse, I’ll have to plunk down some cash to view them in the theater. I suspect both films will have lots of bathroom humor designed to appeal to teenage boys. Ugh.

I did enjoy this movie, though, and it was fun seeing the actors I worked with (German parents of the conjoined twins, little girl who had the hemispherectomy, her parents, Cuba Gooding Jr.) plus a few extras (my pediatric nurse partner did get a smidgen of screen time, the German nurse, blonde female doctor behind Cuba at press conference (photo), African-American baby girl who was so adorable and her mom). It is rather maddening to know that 45-50 extras were used on my day of filming and yet I saw so few recognizable faces.

I thought Kimberly Elise, who played Ben Carson’s mom, was outstanding. The two boys who played young Bennie (Jaishon Fisher, Gus Hoffman) were also excellent. One criticism. Aside from these two characters, I felt the remaining cast was rather one-dimensional.

A couple of interesting factoids. Bennie’s report card said “Higgins” on the front cover. My dad attended the very same Higgins Elementary in Detroit (not concurrently with Ben Carson). Also, in the scene where Sonya Carson (Bennie’s mother) is depressed and lying on her bed, the yellow-flowered bedsheets are exactly like ones I had as a kid (photo). Vintage sheets. Wow, I’m impressed by their attention to details! In the scene where Bennie gets a school award and the administrator berates the White kids for their alleged subpar performance (boo hiss), another award is announced for Alexa Courtney. That was the name on my hospital I.D. badge and it’s also the name of one of the crew members (Property Department, natch).

Why am I not listed in the IMDb yet? Well, you must have a credited role before you can list any uncredited roles. And, apparently, they still lack a Actors-Who-Just-Miss-Getting-Onscreen category. Hmmmph!

Other than that, I felt the movie followed Ben Carson’s book pretty closely. One difference I noticed: in the book his need for eyeglasses was detected during a fifth grade vision screening, not by his mother. No biggie. However I don’t recall that his wife lost twins, although I could be wrong. Dr. Carson did deliver his second son, Ben Jr., at home due to an unexpectedly short labor. Perhaps that was deemed too cliché to include.

Cross your fingers that I can get a part in Hilary Swank’s next film, Betty Anne Waters. It begins filming later this month. If not that film, my understanding is that 70 projects have been green-lighted for 2009 in Michigan! [09 February 2009]

Mr. Cool

Six Degrees

My “acting debut” is this coming Saturday, February 7. Gifted Hands: The Ben Carson Story premieres on TNT, so be there or be square, as they used to say in the ’70s. Or was that the ’80s? I don’t really consider myself to be an actor, so if you fail to be impressed by my minimal (nay, nonexistent) talent, I won’t be offended. Anyway, I play a pediatric nurse at Johns Hopkins hospital and I’m in 3 scenes (providing they all survive the knife), including the final scene. I’ll be so embarrassed if the only thing they show is my hand or the back of my head. Needless to say, I’ll report back on the results after it airs.

But when it comes to embarrassing oneself, I’m not even in the same league as actor Christian Bale. By now most of you have probably seen or heard about his bizarre **profanity-laced** tirade on the set of Terminator: Salvation. The poor DP was the target of his wrath for allegedly walking into Bale’s scene. What really saddens me is all the blog commenters who are defending him. Defending Bale. Maybe it’s the Christian in me (no pun intended), but I wouldn’t treat my worst enemy like that. Absolutely disgusting, vile behavior. Count me in the camp that will never see another future* Christian Bale film again. I used to be a big fan, but no more. If he comes to Michigan to film anything, I ain’t walkin’ on that set. If he can tear into a DP like that, I imagine he eats little ol’ background actors like me for lunch. The guy is in serious need of therapy.

I guess that’s what happens when people go around telling you you’re God’s gift to humanity and you believe them. The sad part is that Hollywood will say “oh, that’s terrible” for about ten seconds then move on. Yeah, I’m sure he won’t have any trouble getting work because he’s so talented. Spare me. Until he can act like a human being, his talent isn’t worth two nickels.

Lucky for us, we are Hayden Christensen fans (woo-hoo!) and will never have to witness Chrish engaging in such shameful off-screen behavior. His greatest quality is his humility and, as I said in my 2007 birthday card, I “sure hope he keeps it.” I am confident that he will. So confident that I am willing to go out on a limb and affiliate myself with him. Remember when I played the Six Degrees of Hayden game? Well, this time we can play it with yours truly.

Not to be a name-dropper, but Hayden was in:

1. Factory Girl with Mark Anthony Little, who personally escorted me to the set of Gifted Hands (HC factor: 2)
2. Factory Girl with Danny Green, who was in Gifted Hands with me (HC factor: 2)
3. Jumper with Teddy Dunn, who was in The Manchurian Candidate with Kimberly Elise, who was in Gifted Hands with me (HC factor: 3)
4. Revenge of the Sith with Samuel L. Jackson, who was in Coach Carter with Thomas Carter, who directed me in Gifted Hands (HC factor: 3)
5. New York, I Love You with James Caan, who was in In the Shadows with Cuba Gooding, Jr., who was in Gifted with me (HC factor: 3)

I have only just begun! That, people, is the short list. I have many other connections to Hayden.

*Disclaimer: I just can’t bring myself to destroy/throw out/give away my DVD of Little Women. Love that movie. (Now, if Bale publicly apologizes to Mr. Hurlbut, I might reconsider. He’d have to do some Grade-A groveling though. Take out a full-page ad in Variety or similar trade magazine, calling himself every derogatory invective he can imagine (just replay the flippin’ YouTube videos for inspiration, jerk).

UPDATE: Okay, now I’m torn. Bale apparently made up with DP Shane Hurlbut the same day as his meltdown and continued to work with him for several weeks after. He called into LA’s KROQ radio “Kevin & Bean” morning show this week and very sincerely apologized and denounced his past conduct. “I was out of order, beyond belief … I make no excuses for it.” Maybe it is damage control on his part, but he does seem genuinely remorseful and, since I am not entirely heartless, maybe I can forgive him. [03 February 2009]

My Ontario school report cover

Loyal She Remains

Call it kismet. I guess it was fate that these two things happened:

1. Hayden moved from Vancouver, BC to Ontario when he was six.
2. I’ve been fascinated with Ontario since childhood.

Even though some of my ancestors were native Ontarians, I did not learn that tidbit until I reached adulthood, so #2 was not influenced by that. Although one might argue that I was genetically predisposed to have an interest in Ontario.

While rummaging through boxes recently, I found hard evidence that my infatuation with All Things Hayden started long ago. Even before I (or the world) knew he existed!

• Exhibit A: One tour brochure from the Ontario Science Centre in Toronto.
• Exhibit B: A school report I did on the province of Ontario.

I visited the Science Centre as a tween-ager with my church youth group. It was also my first-ever trip by train (Windsor-Toronto, round-trip). I remember it very fondly and credit that particular excursion with piquing my curiosity in science (I minored in physical sciences in college—i.e., astronomy, geology, chemistry, physics). I especially remember being in awe of the huge laser on display. Did you know that in 1969, shortly after the Science Centre opened, John Lennon and Yoko Ono held a press conference there? Groovy!

In all honesty I don’t recall why I chose to do a report on Ontario. Were we studying Canada at the time? (It may be that Ontario was the only province I had visited up to that point; my family traveled through Ontario en route to Niagara Falls). Nor am I sure when I wrote this report, although my best guess would be 4th or 5th grade. In case you’re curious, the grade I received was A++/Excellent (why else would I have kept it all these years?) My teacher was impressed by my thorough research, especially the history section, and my handmade maps and other artwork.

Now, I have always prided myself on my spelling skills, so imagine my horror reading the heading on the very first page: Major Imformation (eek!) Let’s see… provincial capital and largest city, Toronto. Not to be confused with the nation’s capital, Ottawa, which is also in Ontario. Yes, I plan to visit their national archives someday to conduct family history research, along with a side trip to a certain Thornhill neighborhood. Ontario entered the Dominion on July 1, 1867. Canada Day, as it is now known.

Ontario’s wordmark with stylized trillium flower

Provincial motto: Ut incepit fidelis sic permanet (“Loyal she began, loyal she remains.”) Hmmm, sounds like someone I know. A certain fan of Mr. Christensen’s. Oh, looky here—the provincial flower is the white trillium. I have a cute story about trillium. There was trillium planted on my college campus. One day, a student boarded my dorm’s elevator with a nosegay of white trillium. Another student leaned over and asked, “Nice bouquet. Where did you get those?” The girl proudly answered, “Behind the dorm. They were so pretty, so I picked a few.” To which he replied, “I’d keep that to myself if I were you. Those flowers could cost you $600.”

“Why $600?” she asked nervously. “Because they’re a protected species in Michigan [ed. British Columbia, too],” he replied. “The fine is $100 per flower.” Oops! Needless to say, a look of panic came over the poor girl’s face. We all had a good giggle at her expense.

Obviously, I’ve only begun to scratch the surface of this exemplary report. For a modest fee, I would be willing to photocopy and mail it to Blanche. If she’s going to transplant herself in Ontario, she needs to know all the pertinent facts. So what if it’s a little outdated. Hey, I put a lot of pre-Internet work into this puppy. Might as well reap some rewards from it. I am willing to bet one shiny loonie that she never did a school report on Ontario, let alone get an A++ on it. Makes one wonder why Hayden even gives her the time of day. I mean… really!!

P.S. My mum was diagnosed with cancer this week. The doctor believes they have caught it early. Hoping that’s the case. Nonetheless, I would appreciate any prayers on her behalf. Please and thank you. [09 January 2009]

Nice hands

Is No News Good News?

Well, I’ve certainly had better holidays. I came home on the evening of the 23rd to a stone cold house. My furnace had decided to quit and Darth Kitty was none too happy about it. Who could blame her. I called my landlord (Mom) who summoned a repairman (Dad). He managed to get the thing started again, but decided to go home to look for the furnace’s manual. When he didn’t return, Darth Kitty and I called it a night. Unbeknownst to me, he did return later but got his van stuck in my very slushy/muddy backyard. Instead of waking me, he got the John Deere out of the garage and drove it home. He subsequently discovered that his van had no power steering. The next morning the furnace still wouldn’t call for heat. Since Dad had left his tools behind, I removed the metal plate and reignited the burner as I had seen him do (don’t try this at home, kiddies). However, it never called for heat after that and it wouldn’t start again. Would you believe a repairman actually came out on Christmas Eve and replaced the transformer? Merry Christmas, indeed!

Unfortunately, that wasn’t the end of it because the furnace stopped working again on the evening of the 29th. Luckily, another repairman stopped by on his way into work the following morning. He pulled apart the innards; there was a lot of crud (the landlord, you see, had failed to have the furnace cleaned for over 3 years!). He replaced another part, but it still needs a thorough cleaning. Yay.

Later that day, Entertainment Tonight had a teaser before going to commercial. “Guess who got engaged?” they asked while showing only the backside of a female celebrity with long brunette hair. “Oh, please don’t let it be Blanche,” I implored the TV silently while squeezing the stuffings out of poor Darth Kitty. After several agonizing minutes the bride-to-be was revealed: some chick named Zoe. I could breathe again (and, yes, the cat recovered nicely).

P.S. Bought myself a pig calendar. Just couldn’t resist. [01 January 2009]