Do you like to Google Hayden?

Google-ized

Yes, iGoogle!

Well, I had a neat experience today. I don’t know how much I can tell you since I had to sign a non-disclosure agreement. Apparently, when you visit Google™’s offices, they don’t want you giving away any trade secrets. Not that they told us any. It was a fun experience and a fun place. Their rooms are named after cities in Michigan and decorated with artifacts and murals pertaining to that city (this is public information, so I’m not giving anything away). Paradise (in the U.P.), Mackinac Island (Grand Hotel), Traverse City (cherries), and the Battle Creek cafeteria (breakfast cereals) were some that I saw.

Definitely a young, hip culture. Googlers are, on average, Hayden’s age. The Ann Arbor office handles their AdSense and AdWords divisions. One of the things I found fascinating, besides the free food, was their lobby area where real-time search terms entered into Google’s search engine are projected on the wall. It is slightly delayed and filtered (for x-rated and potty mouth terminology I assume), so it’s not quite real real-time. Although I did not see any references to our favorite actor, Awake, or this website flashing up on the wall, there was one reference to “Mark Cuban” of Dancing with the Stars fame. Or infamy, depending on your preferences.

Yes, I watched the finals. I would have been happy whether Mel “Scary Spice” Brown or Helio Castroneves won. They were both deserving. I was relieved that Marie Osmond was knocked out. She is wonderfully entertaining, but her technical skills fell short of the other two. I guess I am glad that Helio won because I love his partner Julianne Hough. Plus, one of the judges mentioned that Mel B. looks at the floor too much when she dances, which is definitely true. Although she did far less floor gazing in her final dance, probably because it was familiar to her.

Darth Tater & Spud Trooper

Oh, I forgot to mention that Googlers are encouraged to decorate their cubicles. One cubicle caught my attention as it sported two Playskool Mr. Potato Head figures, Darth Tater & Spud Trooper, sitting side-by-side on a shelf. Too cute. We received goody bags during our Google visit. Made me feel like a celebrity at one of those awards shows. Except our bags weren’t stuffed with ridiculously expensive things like a free massage, designer perfume, or chocolates. No, try an inkpen, Post-It® notes, notepad (with cool holographic cover), a miniature Sharpie®, and a pretty nice Swiss-made water bottle. All plastered with the Google™ logo, natch.

Yes, we do get some nice perks in my office. Sometimes company recruiters treat us to a free lunch or send us cookies, candy, or other treats. I was sorry that I missed a recent visit by agents from the CIA’s Clandestine Service. I really was hoping to learn their secret handshake!

One more day and counting! [28 Nov 2007]

Clay’s Big Adventure

Operation

Not the board game

The imminent release of Awake on November 30th got me to thinking about… no, not another board game, but rather the subject of surgery. Being a rather healthy specimen myself, I have been the recipient of only one surgery during my lifetime. Two, if you count having four wisdom teeth removed. Actually, three, if you include getting four more adult teeth pulled (I have a small mouth, okay?). So, other than making my oral surgeon a very happy (and rich) fella, that’s one surgery. Like Hayden’s character, I was awake during my surgery. But I was under a local anesthesia to have a benign cyst—the size of a golf ball—removed. Impressed?

The worst part of my surgery was when the doctor pulled it out and asked, “Want to see it?”, then proceeded to flash it before my eyes before I could reply. Actually, that didn’t bother me as much as the recovery phase. Shortly after stitching me up, he said I could stand up. He began to dictate the details of my surgery into his tape recorder… as I slowly turned grey and began to sway woozily. He finally looked up and offered me a chair before I keeled over. Nice guy, that doc.

My mom had a knee replaced earlier this year. Thinking of Hayden’s character, I brought up the subject of anesthetic awareness and suggested she have “The Talk” with her anesthesiologist. Afterward, she said she was semi-conscious during her surgery. She remembered some drilling or sawing or something like that, but she didn’t experience any pain, thank goodness.

The cyst reveal didn’t gross me out because I minored in science and actually liked doing stuff like watching surgeries on TV and dissecting fetal pigs. One thrilling escapade was the time a friend snuck me into the anatomy lab to view cadavers. What can I say… I crash film sets and anatomy labs. The teaching assistant, now a real M.D., was cool about it. There were two cadavers. One was an older guy with lung cancer. Hayden should see what smoking does to his lungs. Ick! The other cadaver was very memorable because of the way it was dissected. Disclaimer: You might want to skip the rest of this paragraph if you are the squeamish type. The cadaver’s head was cut open vertically, so you could see its interior structure. Initially, I saw the two halves lying open on the table. Then, slowly, the T.A. brought the two halves together to form one head again. Freaks you out, I must say. And, for the voyeurs among you, yes, I did get to see one of the guy’s winkies. Dead guys’ winkies are not particularly impressive.

Speaking of watching operations, according to this interview with ShockTillYouDrop.com, director Joby Harold reveals that the actors observed a real-life heart surgery. He only mentions Terrence Howard specifically, but I assume Hayden got to tag along, too, being that he was the star/patient. Apparently I missed Hayden’s recent appearance on The View where annoying women kvetch about various topics, so Barbara Walters may have asked him about it. It is a pretty cool experience to brag about. Way cooler than seeing cadavers.

I did want to mention one thing that annoyed me a teensy-weensy bit. I noticed that Jessica Alba’s name is above Hayden’s on the trailer and her picture is prominent on the film’s poster. Excuse me, but isn’t Mr. Christensen the star of this film? I suppose featuring the celebrity female that most guys want to be stranded with on a deserted island was a strategic move, but Hayden has sex appeal, too. I’m actually warming up to his short, Jumper-inspired hairdo. Not sure about the spiky look he had going at the NYC premiere, but he sure looked dashing in that grey suit.  [27 Nov 2007]

Whodunit??

That Darn Writer’s Strike

**Contains Spoiler Info from the Film’s Trailer**

Color me excited. My anticipation regarding the release of Awake on November 30th is sky high—I’m not getting very much shut-eye. I won’t have to play hooky after all because I’m taking the day off. Yep, marking my own personal holiday. An early birthday present to me. I sure feel like celebrating. Finally, Hayden has a new film coming out. Woo-hoo!

It was exhilarating to see the first commercial for the film Monday night during the semi-finals of Dancing with the Stars. A financially savvy move—advertising during such a wildly popular show. Tons of viewers saw it! Unfortunately, the commercial was extremely brief (10 seconds? 15? 20?). I didn’t time it, obviously. When Hayden comes on my television screen, I sort of lose track of time.

Anyway, however long it lasted, I felt its length was insufficient to convey key points of the story. For instance, we know this guy gets put under anesthesia yet can still hear everything going on in the operating room. Subsequently, he learns that the doctors want to kill him. Now, why do they want to kill him? No clue. Was he kidnapped and subjected to this ultimate form of torture because he knows too much about some nefarious plot? Are they planning to harvest his organs and sell them on the black market? Is he a super rich, eligible bachelor and bad people want to wrest control of his fortune?

I’ll take door #3, Tad.

Except we can’t possibly know any of this from that nano-commercial. Let’s hope there will be additional commercials to fill in the gaps. Certainly, the full trailer explains more, but how many potential ticket buyers are going to see that?

I was also anticipating that Hayden might plug his movie on one of the late night talk shows next week. Then it dawned on me that there might not be any talk shows on which he can appear as a guest. Why? That darn Hollywood writer’s strike. Originally, I had been looking forward to the possibility of a strike because I missed every single one of the Halloween episodes of my favorite TV shows. Every blessed one. I hoped they would be forced to air reruns so I could see them. But now I’m in the camp with those who view the strike with jaundiced eyes. They’re depriving me of another chance to see Hayden. Bad strike. Bad, bad strike.

I probably shouldn’t do this, but I’m going to speculate on what I think happens when Clay Beresford (Hayden’s character) is put down… oops, put under. I meant to say “put under” (or was that merely a fortuitous slip of the tongue?). My family hates watching television and movies with me because I tend to guess out loud what is going to happen next. More often than not I am right, which really ticks them off. But this film is a thriller, therefore I am prone to guess wrong due to the twists and turns that are prevalent in that genre.

So, for what it’s worth… in this case I think that anybody and everybody is going to come under a cloud of suspicion in wanting Clay dead. The doctors, his lawyer, best friend, accountant, chess partner, wedding planner, the family butler, his blushing bride… even dear old Mom can’t be counted out. Well, Lena Olin, wife of director Lasse Hallström (Chocolat), did play Sidney Bristow’s traitorous “Mommy Dearest” Irina Derevko in Alias, so I can’t help but feel there may be some carryover here.

Also, I think we will initially believe Clay is hearing the awful truth about his fate while under the knife, but then everything will get topsy-turvy, making us question whether he is just delerious and the anesthesia is making him hallucinate. In reality, no one wants to kill him and he will survive this heart operation but… he will be committed to a mental institution because he is actually a paranoid schizophrenic! No, I don’t have any inside information. I haven’t seen the script. Nonetheless, I feel supremely confident about my prediction: Miss Scarlet did it in the Conservatory with the Knife!

May all of Hayden’s U.S. fans have a Happy Thanksgiving! [21 Nov 2007]

Virgin Territory cast

Another Virgin Bites the Dust

Virginity Is Overrated

About this time last year, I purchased several 2007 calendars for my office and home. Among them was one featuring the paintings of John William Waterhouse (1849-1917). It wasn’t until I got home and surveyed my bounty that I realized the JWW painting for November was titled, “The Decameron.” What a coincidence, I thought. Hayden made a film based on Giovanni Boccaccio’s book The Decameron and I unwittingly bought a calendar with that painting in it!

The film’s working title started out as Decameron: Angels & Demons. Sounds like a book title. I read the book. Well, half of it. Then I got bored. It was sort of like reading my mom’s Harlequin romances. Same old stuff, just change the names, occupations, and locations. Bottom line: all the virgins get deflowered. Pweh! Personally, I always liked “The Decameron” as a title. It’s short and sweet, plus it’s a word that often requires an explanation.* The perfect recipe for creating a buzz around the film, I’d say. The film’s title has morphed a hundred times since. Guilty Pleasures and Virgin Territory are the ones mentioned most often, but I’ve lost track of all the variations.

Unfortunately, all this indecision regarding the movie’s title does not bode well for its future. Production (shooting) wrapped up when? Just before Sith was released? At least that’s what I recall. I began to worry about this one over a year ago. By then it had been in post-production for over a year and there was still no word on a release date. Given that this did not seem like a flick that would require a lot of post-production magic or frosting, what was the hold-up?

I am guessing that it bombed with test audiences, providing it ever got that far. Perhaps translating a bunch of 14th-century tales about infidelity and lust into a modern comedy left something to be desired. Maybe director David Leland (Band of Brothers) didn’t shoot enough footage to salvage the thing. Or his script didn’t resonate with the audience. It happens. There are a zillion and one reasons why films fail to be made or released. It is really difficult to know what caused this one to go south.

I don’t have the answers, but I’m afraid this one is a dud. Or, since we’re getting close to Thanksgiving, let’s call it a turkey. Given all the mindnumbing dross Hollywood subjects us to in the name of art, this one must be a real stinker. Even Factory Girl had a limited release. So, stick a fork in it, kids. I have a feeling this one will sit on a shelf for a good long while. Years from now, Entertainment Tonight will drag it out of mothballs when they cover the ceremony where Hayden gets his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Look at the bright side. Maybe this Virgin isn’t worth plucking. Its demise might be a blessing in disguise—the best thing that ever happened to Hayden’s career. Can you imagine if Factory Girl and Virgin Territory had been released in the same year, let alone back-to-back? Might have buried him, career-wise. Let’s just hope there isn’t some kind of “O.C.” jinx in the works. Virgin Territory also stars The O.C.’s Mischa Barton. And guess who is co-starring with Hayden in Jumper (to be released in ’08)? Rachel Bilson, who played Summer Roberts in… The O.C. Eek!

* Decameron is a merging of two Greek words meaning “ten” and “day”; in the book, 100 novellas are told by ten storytellers over the course of ten days. [16 Nov 2007]

This is a smoke-free zone

Do U Crave Me?

It’s that time of year again. Today is the Great American Smokeout and “I’m on a mission, a foolish kind.”* Yep, my annual stab at futility. (I realize Hayden is Canadian, but I don’t know when the Great Canadian Smokeout happens… if it happens, so just work with me here.) Normally on this day, I have pleaded, cajoled, and ultimately tried to win Hayden over to the notion that he should adopt a smoke-free lifestyle. Obviously, my petitions have fallen on deaf ears. I have been an abject failure at this. As they say in the world of hockey, it’s been a complete shutout. For whatever reason, Hayden probably feels that smoking (take your pick):

1. is cool, thus turns you into a chick magnet
2. tastes satisfying
3. separates your true friends from those who would merely like to hang with you
4. makes one look manly (that Marlboro Man persona lives on)
5. lends an ultra mature appearance (sure, if you like the old-and-wrinkly look!)
6. keeps one thin
7. is not addictive, therefore he can quit anytime he is good and ready
8. is so addictive he can never quit

And so, this year my approach is “If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.” No, I am not taking up the habit. Hardly. Instead, I am offering myself up as a smoking substitute. Like in the song**:

Do you want me, like nicotine, like nicotine…
Am I runnin’ through your blood
Am I everything you crave
Do you miss the way I smile
Do you miss the way I taste?
Do you reach for me at night
Do I linger on your skin
Am I ever on your mind
Do you wonder where I’ve been?

Ah, so many questions to ponder. If the answers are yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes, then Hallelujah! What a lucky girl I am! Or… it could mean his nicotine habit is just really, horribly out of control. However, if the answers are no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, and no, then there is little doubt… I am simply a poor substitute for the real thing. Woe is me. But, Chrish darlin’, here’s the warning (in teeny-tiny print) on the side of my irresistible bod that silly cig package…

Try to give me up
But you know you can’t quit
I’m the burn in your mouth
And you can’t spit me out
You can try
But you can’t forget…

That’s right. I am an incredibly… er, rather, that Du Maurier habit is a hard one to break. You see, with cigarettes… a craving usually subsides after two minutes. If you can tough it out that long, you’re well on the way to winning the battle. But with me, your smoking substitute, the cravings never stop, do they? Heck, no. The good news is… I’m sweet and satisfying, yet non-fattening. I have amazing staying power and, boy, can I rev up your metabolism. Go on, try—just try to give me up!

This is a supreme sacrifice on my part, obviously. Being available 24/7—to serve at Hayden’s beck and call—is no piece of cake. However, I will do it for the sake of his health and I think we can all agree that is a worthy cause. I just hope he will reimburse my travel expenses. Or, at least go halvsies with me. Christmas is just around the corner and I could really use some extra pocket change…

Lyrics:
* “Talk to Me” by Mink
** “Nicotine” by Saving Jane [15 Nov 2007]

Anakin breaks a sweat

Get A Buff Bod Like Hayden’s

Aging is a dirty word. Yes, I realize Hayden has a long way to go before he needs to worry about the effects of aging. He is in the prime of his life, which is the nice way of saying he doesn’t have many good years left. Just kidding! It’s inevitable that there is a lot of focus on the subject of aging lately. Trust me, you’ll be hearing even more about this topic in the years to come. That’s because Hollywood’s fixation on the young and hip, the Baby Boomer generation has driven the major issues in the U.S. ever since they outgrew their onesies. If it’s important to the BB’s, the media will cover it. And, believe me, the BB’s care about growing old!

I happened to catch Oprah’s show on my day off and her frequent guest, Dr. Oz, said something that got my attention. He said, if you’ve learned the lessons of how to stay young and healthy, you should be sharing it with others. Testimonials from people we know can be persuasive. Personally, I have sought to “turn back the clock” during the past two and half years and have learned a lot, so I thought I could, or rather should, share my experience with others. I am proud of my accomplishment, so a little bragging is in order. If you don’t give a flying rip, feel free to skip this. Otherwise, read on. [07 Nov 2007]

Caroline Kennedy kicks off a national book tour at Ann Arbor’s Borders book store Photo: LEISA THOMPSON, THE ANN ARBOR NEWS

Meeting Royalty

Well, I can scratch meeting another celebrity off my list. I got to meet a Kennedy last night. Caroline Bouvier Kennedy Schlossberg. Daughter of the former U.S. president John F. Kennedy. I was in my favorite Borders store on Halloween when I saw a flyer for her book signing the following day (November 1). Her new book, A Family Christmas, is a collection of Christmas-related stories, history, poetry, letters, song lyrics, etc. There is actually an historical connection between her father and the University of Michigan. He made an impromptu campaign speech about volunteerism on the steps of the Michigan Union in October 1960 that eventually gave birth to the Peace Corps. A commemorative plaque and a brass disc mark the spot where he stood. Every so often I step on it for good luck.

As a kid I devoured books about JFK and was fascinated by the Kennedys—the closest thing this country has to a royal family. I was crushed when JFK Jr. died in that 1999 airplane crash. He was so handsome. Of course he founded the now defunct George magazine, a publication Stephen Glass wrote for and referred to in Shattered Glass. So there is a quasi Kennedy connection to Hayden.

I already own one of Caroline’s books, The Best-Loved Poems of Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis. I wondered if she might sign that one, too. Never hurts to ask. I packed it in my bag. Intuitively, I knew there would be a larger-than-normal turnout for this book signing. Ann Arbor is such a liberal-hearted town and it’s not every day that one gets the chance to meet “royalty.” Plus, any gal that attended and wrote about Elvis Presley’s funeral scores brownie points with me. Still, I didn’t get there as early as I would have liked. After paying for the book, I stopped at a table to procure my wristband and ask whether Ms. Kennedy would sign my other book. Affirmative, as long as I had purchased her new book. Cool! I was directed to the second level and told to listen for an announcement telling when to get in line.

Several people were already queuing in the music section, so I inquired about the end of the line. One lady sniffed that I had a blue wristband. They wouldn’t be calling that color for a long time. Huh!? You mean there is a color-coded system? Those standing in line had yellow wristbands. A Borders employee shooed me toward No Man’s Land the travel section, where the Blue Bands were supposed to wait. I felt like the guy with the silver-streaked beard in the Just For Men haircolor commercial. Rejected!

Approximately 30 minutes before the book signing began I spied two of Ann Arbor’s finest patrolling the area. Ah, yes. Caroline Kennedy no longer enjoys Secret Service protection, but she still merits the VIP treatment. I pondered whether Hayden got police protection during his recent visit. Probably not. Fifteen minutes after the signing commenced, the end of the elite Yellow queue had not yet diminished. Perhaps I had been naïve to assume a wristband guaranteed me Caroline’s John Hancock. Another twenty minutes elapsed before the banished Blue Bands were invited into the inner sanctum. My spirits lifted.

They never say how long the author will stay, but I took solace that no one was telling us, “We can’t guarantee you’ll get your book signed.” That happened to me when Mitch Albom signed copies of his hugely popular Tuesdays with Morrie. Luckily, he stayed longer than the contracted time. Although we were warned he wouldn’t personalize autographs or chat with us, I was thrilled when he asked my name, signed it “To Kathy Bovenschen” and even small talked about his Detroit-based radio show. He was really nice. Hank Azaria (The Simpsons Movie), who was perfectly cast in the made-for-TV film version of Tuesdays With Morrie and bears a freaky resemblance to Mr. Albom, also played opposite Hayden in Shattered Glass. Another connection!

Caroline was seated behind a table in an area partitioned off by black curtains, allowing barely 30 seconds of contact. Police stood inside and outside the curtained area. She signed my first book so quickly that I was startled when the employee handed it back to me. As I reached to take the book, out of the corner of my eye, I swear, the police officer beside me twitched. Did he think I had a weapon? Goodness, would he Taser me? My heart skipped a beat as Caroline signed the second book. I thanked her and wished her good luck with her tour.

And that was it. Over in the blink of an eye. Unfortunately, the details are a blur. I know she was wearing a red top. Was it a dress? blouse? Not sure. Her hair was straight and long, like she usually wears it. She looked tired. I could see the crow’s feet around her eyes. Well, she does turn 50 this month. I suppose she’s earned those fine wrinkles.

I think my only chance of meeting Hayden is if he writes a book and does a book-signing tour. He’s certainly led an interesting life thus far and he once expressed an interest in studying English literature, so maybe the writer bug will bite him someday. I can only hope. Still, there is a big difference between meeting someone merely famous and meeting Hayden. Don’t you agree?

P.S. Who is getting an autographed copy of A Family Christmas from me? That would be my mom. Christmas is her favorite holiday. Shhhh! Don’t tell. It’s a surprise! [02 Nov 2007]

This fall’s Dancing with the Stars cast

Can Hayden Dance?

ABC’s Dancing with the Stars has been one of my favorite TV shows this fall. As a little girl it was my dream to be a great dancer… or an Olympic figure skater. I used to skate and glide around my bedroom in my stockinged feet. If only I had achieved something fame-worthy enough to make me eligible for DWTS. I recently took a fitness test here at the ‘U’ and my flexibility score was off the charts for my age group. In fact, my score would qualify as excellent even if I were Hayden’s age. Unfortunately, my dancing dream hit the proverbial brick wall yesterday when I tried out a new hip-hop dance workout video. Cripes, it will take me weeks to master this stuff. My hipping and hopping need a lot of work!

Models bit the dust early on. Josie Maran was simply dreadful. My first heartbreak came when model Albert Reed was booted off. He lacked a sufficiently large fan base to propel him onward and upwards, but oh, those blue eyes! In my opinion, Dallas Mavericks’ owner Mark Cuban and entertainer Wayne Newton lasted way too long. They were stiff and so not sexy. Boxer Floyd Mayweather had more talent than either of them.

I feel Osmond Marie Osmond (no, not a goof… the Osmond family qualifies as a professional category all by itself!) has reached her expiration date. Jane Seymour fell to the bottom two the week Marie fainted, so I figure Marie got the sympathy vote, temporarily inflating her stock. Marie is feisty and a natural ham, but that only gets you so far. My mom prefers Canadian actor Cameron Mathison because she’s a longtime fan of All My Children. While much improved, I wonder if he gets the votes for his dancing or because viewers want to see his partner Edyta Sliwinska in yet another skimpy costume!

Actress Jane Seymour is the reason I decided to tune in this season. I aspire to be that gorgeous and graceful (and thin) when I am her age. Trust me, ninety-eight percent of women over 40 are grinding their teeth over Jane. She’s had the most off-stage adversity of all the competitors: her mother’s death, wildfires threatening her Malibu home, food poisoning. I doubt she will make it to the finals. While she is graceful, she could benefit from more kickboxing and less yoga in her workouts. The faster, more energetic, dances are going to be her downfall.

That leaves Spice Girl Melanie Brown, IndyCar driver Helio Castroneves, actress Jennie Garth, and Cheetah Girl Sabrina Bryan. Yes, I know, Sabrina got the unceremonious heave-ho this week. Actually, I feel that both she and Mel have an unfair advantage since dancing is part of their professional lives. Still, Sabrina deserved to be in the finals. I confess that I rarely voted for her because of her background and… because she was so good I figured she didn’t need my vote. I didn’t vote for her this week simply because I didn’t see her routine. Got home late and missed the first two couples. My policy is one vote for each couple I deem worthy. But this week I voted for Jane twice because I was afraid she would get knocked out.

I really don’t have a favorite to win it all. I love Mel’s Brit accent and she’s doing a great job. Helio & partner Julianne Hough and Jennie & Derek Hough are simply the cutest couples on the dance floor. Yes, Julianne and Derek are sibs. I think Jennie Garth has always had a fiery dancer buried deep down inside her, which Derek is teasing out. Helio is fun to watch and Julianne is an outstanding choreographer. When all is said and done, I want Julianne’s body and her moves! She is terrific. And I want Derek as my partner. Oh, I’m supposed to be judging the stars, not the dancers? Oops, sorry. I guess that’s the frustrated dancer coming out in me.

So, all of this dancing talk begs the obvious question. Would I like to see Hayden on Dancing with the Stars someday? Um, maybe. If he was paired with Julianne, definitely. We know he’s athletic and can handle choreography. Sith proved that. However, I’m skeptical whether he can pull off smooth, graceful, steamy. And let’s face reality… he doesn’t have the greatest butt. No, I love everything about Hayden except his tush. His Jedi costume hid the fact that it was less than spectacular. I know I’m going to get crowned for saying that, but I have previously expressed my opinion that Joe Lando has big ears (and can’t dance), so there is precedence for me dissing honestly critiquing my fave guys. Hate me if you like, but I call ’em as I see ’em. Everyone has flaws. Even Hayden. Luckily, his good points trump his imperfections. [01 Nov 2007]