I have a strange feeling you'll be seeing a ton of these Hayden kaleidoscopes!

Is Hayden “Tired” & Disgruntled?

Just askin’

Hollywood is knocking. Thanks to a package of film industry tax incentives that Michigan Governor (and Vancouver, B.C. native) Jennifer Granholm signed into law earlier this month, The Ann Arbor News is reporting a “flurry of activity and inquiries” about filming locations around the state, including Ann Arbor. I’d like to think that Jumper jumpstarted this whole thing, but the tax incentives probably play a bigger role.

Granted, the media cautioned that no contracts have been signed, but names like the Weinstein Company (producer-distributor of Awake) and Clint Eastwood are being bandied about as interested parties. Reportedly, local schools are among the buildings being considered for shooting locations. No doubt the brand new Ann Arbor Skyline High School—isn’t she a beauty?—is among those locations vying for their attention. Some production company should “jump” on that before the school opens its doors this fall. Virgin territory.

Now, a Clint Eastwood film would be a real coup for the state, but I would personally like to see Russell Crowe filming in my backyard. Maybe his buddy, former U-M football coach Lloyd Carr, could entice him back to the area. Crowe is a tremendous talent, but he’s 180° from Hayden. My favorite Russell Crowe film is A Beautiful Mind, although he has been wonderful in many others, including Cinderella Man. If Hayden ever achieves that level of greatness in his own acting, I will be ecstatic. He has certainly shown us glimmers, in Life As A House and Shattered Glass. For me, Hayden was Sam Monroe. He was Stephen Glass. Just as Russell Crowe was John Nash & James J. Braddock.

Lately, Hayden’s films/roles have left something to be desired. I’m not necessarily placing the blame on him. As I’ve alluded previously, there are many factors involved in a film going south. Take Factory Girl, for instance. I have a rule about filmmaking: If my favorite actor doesn’t appear within the first 30 minutes, the film will probably suck. Obviously, it’s not a hard and fast rule, but I find it generally to be the case. Certainly, FG fits the bill.

During a recent Googling session, all I could find was gossip about Hayden and his sweetie filming New York, I Love You. That, and more gossip that he hated filming Factory Girl because his Bob Dylan role was diluted to that of mere nameless musician after the real life singer/songwriter threatened a lawsuit.

Color me skeptical. I can’t recall Hayden ever badmouthing a film or role in which he has participated, aside from pointing out the obvious: that Star Wars isn’t the kind of film franchise which allows one to stretch artistically. If Hayden really did say that about FG, I can’t imagine he offered those comments for public consumption. He may have felt that way in private (he allegedly has never seen FG because of this dissatisfaction), but he isn’t the kind of guy who burns bridges behind him. For that, I have always respected and admired him. It can’t be easy to be so gracious, especially in his line of work.

Maybe things have changed, though. I can think of three reasons why this might be so. One, he is unhappy with the general direction his films have been going of late (join the club!) and this is his way of letting off steam. Two, he was tipsy when he made those comments and therefore wasn’t guarding his words as he usually would. Or, three, an external influence has turned him into a self-absorbed twit who believes himself to be more talented than he actually is. If so, Chrish dear, read my erstwhile observations regarding Mr. Crowe. Admittedly, Rusty can lean toward twit-i-ness himself, but the man can carry a film based on his talent. [24 April 2008]

One of ten faces on my birthday “card” for Hayden

Look Who’s 27!

Okay, it’s that time of year. Time to nag Hayd… oops, sorry, not that time of year. Time to party! Hayden turns 27 Saturday. Since I’ve been 29 for eons, I am ecstatic that he is finally catching up to me. It seems like only yesterday that boy was entering puberty and wow-ing us as an adorable newspaper boy in a horrid horror flick called In the Mouth of Madness. Thankfully, he has gotten cuter and his screen time has improved dramatically.

You have probably been waiting with bated breath for details about my birthday card to Hayden, right? Well, wait no more! Originally, I wanted to make a bunch of kaleidoscopes from photos pertinent to his life, i.e., films, costars, hobbies & pastimes, family, etc. I contemplated putting them into a calendar. Having already blown my budget on way-cool Kaleidoscope Kreator software (a great time waster, btw), the extra cost for a custom calendar seemed extravagant. But you know me. If there’s a way to blow money, I will do it.

I had a blast making kaleidoscopes, then combining them in Photoshop. However, I still hadn’t come up with a “card” concept I could live with, and my hourglass was running out of sand. I thought about doing a photo cube, but wasn’t thrilled about mailing a 3-D item. Still, I kept turning that cube idea around in my head and couldn’t let go of it. Having recently caught the origami bug, I thought there might be a paper version that would fold flat. That’s when I came across a magic folding cube and knew I had found my solution. Sure, it was still 3-D, but this former math major was totally smitten. A neat animation of a folding cube is available here.

I did try making a paper version first, which was insanely difficult. Thanks to this pattern, my awesome spatial skills, and Photoshop, I managed to pull it off (getting only 2 out of 48 squares positioned incorrectly). However, I knew a paper cube would not hold up very long. So, with the help of instructions from the New Mexico State University mathematics department and HGTV, eight wooden blocks, my X-Acto knife, and a few minor adjustments, I created my very first and last Hayden Christensen Birthday Photo Cube (with Jumper theme). The cube has eight square faces and, due to the unique hinge effect, two rectangular faces. Check out the photo gallery.

• Magic cubes for purchase
• Fun activities for the polyhedron fanatic
  (Activity #27: magic folding cubes)

[18 April 2008]

Yoo hoo! Paging Mr. Christensen!

From the Horse’s Mouth

You’re never going to believe this. Today I heard from Mr. Christensen himself! When I saw the e-mail in my inbox this morning, my heart skipped a beat. Initially I thought it was someone playing a joke on me. “Heavens,” I asked myself incredulously, “this can’t be the very same Mr. Christensen, can it?” How did he find me? Goodness, I never truly expected to hear straight from the horse’s mouth, so to speak.

But it was him. Unbelievably, he had Googled his own name and found Not Enough Hayden. He said he appreciated my favorable review of his acting and that my musings had made him laugh. I’m glad he found it a-musing. No way on earth would I dream of causing him embarrassment.

Small world, eh? A girl creates a Web site with the seemingly futile hope that maybe, just maybe, the guy himself will find it and get in touch. Could lightning strike twice? Yes, it could! The first time was when I created my Joe Lando fan site (hubba, hubba). Unfortunately, Joe didn’t contact me until after I had dismantled it, although I had heard through the grapevine that he definitely knew about it… and didn’t hate it. For me, that knowledge was satisfying in itself. But now, another actor has contacted me. Little ol’ me. Maybe I should change my middle name to “Lucky Duck”!

Will I hear from Mr. C again? Doubtful. I think it was probably a spontaneous gesture of goodwill on his part. But, should he happen to pay another “visit” to NEH, I can only hope these musings continue to entertain him. Naturally, I wished him luck and expressed the desire possibility that we might cross paths again someday.

I still can’t believe it. Would somebody please pinch me! Did I really receive an e-mail from that acting genius… Mr. Kacy Christensen?!?

Indeed I did. Thank goodness I never dissed him. When the other Mr. Christensen becomes rich and famous someday, just remember that you heard about him here first! [15 April 2008]

Young Anakin's braid

I Have A Code

What a week! I got Hayden’s birthday “card” finished and popped it into the mail. E-filed my federal tax forms yesterday and, after fixing an error on my state forms, I’ll get them in the mail tomorrow. All of this while battling a nasty code… sorry, I meant cold—cough, phlegm, low-grade fever, congestion, laryngitis—prompting continuous doses of Mucinex DM. “Mucinex in, mucus out.” So, please pardon the sniffles and hacking sounds while I decongest.

There’s always a silver lining behind every cloud. Missing 3½ days of work allowed me to devote time to and fuss over Hayden’s card, for which I am grateful. If I was doomed to be miserable, I might as well make lemonade out of life’s lemons, right? My card was extremely ambitious this year, metastasizing and taking on a life of its own. I know I’ve said this to myself before, but next year I will not go hog-wild. This birthday card project is getting spectacularly out of hand. I am done with playing “Can U Top This?” Even as I handed it over to the postal clerk I had this horrible feeling that Chrish would never see the blasted thing, let alone oooh & ahhh over it.

The letter I sent with the card was exceedingly brief, by NEH musing standards: one page. I felt that erring on the side of brevity increased my chances that he might actually read it, being that he’s a busy guy and all. Unfortunately, because the letter basically explained the thought process behind the card, there wasn’t adequate space to tell him why I adore him so. Yeah, kind of short-sighted on my part. Can’t exactly get him to propose marriage when the poor bloke is oblivious to this teensy, but vitally important, piece of information.

Still, I had fun making it and it was good practice since I expect to make a similar birthday “card” for my Aries-born sister. I keep saying “card” because it isn’t your traditional two-dimensional greeting card. Let’s just say me and my X-Acto knife became intimately acquainted. But that is all I will relate for now. More details to come.

Now that I have gotten all those difficult projects behind me, my reward is… no, not rest and relaxation on some beach in Tahiti. More like diving into quarterly financial reports for my church. No rest for the weary. [11 April 2008]

Ohio State University's synchronized swimming “B” team performs at the 2008 U.S. Collegiate Championships

*NSync

It is really curious how coincidences occur in our lives. When I wrote my previous post last week, how was I to know that a silhouette picture of Hayden, a camera-shy alumna of the University of Michigan, and synchronized swimming would ultimately mesh together? Incidentally, my sister won’t be acquiring any new bling this year. Ohio State University finished second to Stanford University in the team standings. Stanford has two Olympians on its team (one U.S., one Canadian). Next year OSU will have three Olympians, so perhaps their fortunes will be reversed. One of my favorite teams was from a school that no one has ever heard of: University of the Incarnate Word. Based in San Antonio, Texas, UIW finished in fourth place.

I had a great time at this year’s championships. I was a synchronized swimmer for three years, but had to give it up when my eyesight deteriorated to the point that I could no longer clearly see the side of the pool while underwater (essential to gauging your turns while suspended upside-down).

Coincidences. Ah, yes. Last week I related how I created a silhouette image of Hayden as a placeholder for a camera-shy U-M alumna’s profile page. Well, Michigan’s five-member contingent competed at the synchro championships and finished a respectable 10th, even though they are a club and not a varsity sport. After returning home, I perused their team web page and came across a photograph of last year’s team. Would you believe that this very same camera-shy alumna was a member of that synchronized swim team? Small world, huh? I guess you could say all the stars aligned perfectly when I wrote that post. Or, maybe they were just… synchronized? [02 April 2008]

Hayden masquerades as a camera-shy U-M alumnus

Putting Hayden To Work

Shucks! Missed another holiday. I knew this would happen, given my chaotic schedule. I’m thinking of starting a petition to have Hayden’s birthday moved to June 19. April 19 is too dang inconvenient for me, especially this year. Easter came early, colliding head-on with March Madness. My bracket started out well. I picked 15 of 16 correctly on the first day. Yes, it was flattering to be in the 98th percentile, but it was all downhill from there. Even my temporary bout of insanity shameful disloyalty to my alma mater (Michigan State) came back to bite me in the butt because they made it into the Sweet 16, which means I must squeeze their games into my already cramped calendar. My West bracket is deader than Jabba the Hutt, but my East bracket (4 of 4) is still going strong. Granted, I put nary a thought into these picks so it’s not like I’m thoroughly invested in them. So, what do MSU’s basketball team and the Christensen family have in common? A member named Kaylen, or Kalin in MSU’s case. Kalin Lucas is a freshman guard with a respectable 10.2 ppg.

Besides attending the synchro swim championships* this weekend, I still have tax returns to fill out (due April 15), so I don’t know when I will find the time to work on Hayden’s birthday card. Maybe it won’t happen this year. That would be a shame. I don’t want him to think I’ve jumped ship simply because he made a few lousy films. Yet, heaven forbid that I should send him a store-bought card (shudder). No, no, no! I’m supposed to slave for hours, lose tons of sleep, and forsake Dancing with the Stars for him. Yes, my lot is to suffer. Suffer for the man I lust. Suffer for my art… er, artwork. Blood, sweat, tears, and all that rot.

Natch, I have a great concept for this year’s birthday card. I even thought about making it into a calendar, but quickly realized the folly of that idea. I simply can’t risk sinking my limited wealth into a custom-made calendar only to have it end up in the bottom of some file clerk’s desk drawer at BWR. Or worse, returned by the post office like last year’s card. I couldn’t bear going through that kind of pain again.

Guess what? I found a way to sneak Hayden into my work life. Part of my duties involves maintaining the office website, including a section that profiles our alumni. Usually the alums provide a digital photograph of themselves. However, recent submissions were made by some camera-shy alumnae, so I decided to make a “No Photo Available” graphic for those pages. A silhouette-type image seemed best suited for the purpose. Remembering that I had already made one of Hayden for this website, I added a little Photoshop magic and… voilà! Hayden becomes that mystery alumna/us. Hey, only you and I know the truth and we’re not tellin’, right?

P.S. Why not move Hayden’s birthday back a month, to May 19? Well, besides making him a Taurus which would ruin those awesome Aries-Sagittarius vibes going on between us, May tends to be another busy month for me. Plus, May 19 happens to be the birthday of Rachel Bilson’s grandfather. Needless to say, I don’t want her to have more in common with Hayden than I do. Having the opportunity to smother him with kisses should be reward enough. Obviously, if Hayden was a Gemini (a.k.a. The Twins), then Rachel and I could share. Yeah, I know… when Buddy/Petunia fly!

*Ohio State University is going for its 25th national championship. My sister is affiliated with their team. Should they win, she will likely get a new bauble to add to her jewelry box (she already has a national championship ring & pendant). The team suffered a double tragedy in 2005 when one member died suddenly and another endured a closed head injury and temporary short-term amnesia resulting from a fall. [27 March 2008]

Hockey was his life

Zumba My Buttons!

Yeah, I missed St. Patrick’s Day. Sorry about that. Had to set up my new computer (Apple iMac Intel Core 2 Duo; 20-inch widescreen) and reinstall apps, so there really wasn’t any time. And, cripes, Easter is just around the corner. I have tons of stuff on my plate this week. Ironically, I missed the first few minutes of Dancing with the Stars last night because my Zumba class* at the Cube went longer than usual. The Cube (so named because it’s home to three ice rinks… think ice cubed!) was kind of deserted yesterday. I guess hockey and figure skating are between sessions, so the building was devoid of the usual gaggle of rugrats toting their gear. It always cracks me up to see 9- and 10-year-olds dragging around equipment bags as tall as they are. Good thing they put them on wheels or those kids would have hernias.

My Zumba class is held in the ballet room (presumably used by figure skaters, not hockey players) which has a window looking into the rink where the figure skaters practice. I often wonder what the Zamboni operator must think of those gals shimmying next door! Before our class starts, I wistfully watch the girls spin and jump on the ice. When I was a kidling, that was my dream: to be a figure skater. Never happened though. I think lessons were beyond my parents’ means in those days.

Speaking of computers, Mom has finally joined the Information Age. Oh, she knew how to use one, but never had her own. Since Dad hogs their one and only computer 24/7, she decided to procure one for herself. A snazzy red laptop. She sent me an e-mail yesterday, repeating most of the stuff she told me when I saw her on Sunday (with three kids Mom tends to forget what she told to whom). One important detail she left out Sunday was that my brother ran into my very first boyfriend from high school. Okay, my only boyfriend in high school. Evidently he asked about me. ’Course, my DB failed to mention what exactly he told the old flame about me. Probably something like, “Oh, her? Yeah, she’s still a loser.”

Of course, my brother is much too nice to say something like that… um, yeah, at least I hope so. It’s a wonder ol’ KMHJ even recognized my brother ’cuz he’s twice the man he used to be in high school, if you catch my drift. Let’s just say that my recent weight loss bucks the family trend. Would you believe I had to go clothes shopping again? Bought three new pair of slacks because I had none that fit. I am now a size 2P, as in Too Petite. Crazy, man. I never wanted to be this small, but two inches just vanished from my hips! Maybe I should put out an APB to alert the authorities, in case someone should find them? Nah!

Bought my DVD of Awake last week. For some reason I thought it came out on March 11, but it was actually released on March 4. Obviously, without much fanfare. Someone at Amazon.com facetiously commented that the bloopers were funny. Just so you know, there are no bloopers/outtakes on the DVD. Bummer. Still, I was elated to finally see Hayden saying “My favorite color is green.” It was either in the deleted scenes or The Making Of… feature.

When I bought my DVD at Borders, the cashier seemed genuinely interested in it. He hadn’t seen it in the theater but wanted to see it now that it was out on DVD. Now this is pure speculation, but I’m willing to bet the farm that his interest stems from the semi-nude picture of Jessica Alba gracing the film’s artwork. In fact, he mistakenly believed she was the surgical patient in this thriller. Not surprising, I suppose, since her picture is front and center on the jacket cover (grrrrrrrr). I set him straight, of course, pointing out that it was Hayden (whose mug was barely visible under the price sticker).

It amused me that director Joby Harold cut some scenes “for length.” The film was only 84 minutes long, for goodness sake! The scene between Clay and Dracula was pretty funny and I wish he had left it in. However, I am glad he chopped the scene where Clay introduces his fiancée to Mrs. Beresford. Although I did think that scene could have been longer, the original version was just too drawn out. I’m also glad, in retrospect, that he took out the Grim Reaper scene in the hospital. That was positively campy, although Hayden’s expression was priceless.

License plate seen in my parking structure: OB1 WAN

*Zumba is a dance/fitness workout that incorporates Latin moves, although my favorite workout tune is “Buttons” by PCD & Big Snoop Dogg. [18 March 2008]

Petunia says…

PigSitter For Hire

I just came across this phat video on YouTube, “If Saul Bass had designed the Star Wars title sequence.” See if you can spot the misspelled word.

Since it is now common knowledge that Hayden has acquired two potbellied pig-pets, siblings Buddy & Petunia, I have grown concerned about their welfare. Who takes care of them while he’s away at a film location or doing publicity? Natch, I feel compelled to offer my services as a pigsitter. I’m sure I am quite capable. They are housebroken after all. What are my qualifications? Well, I have no actual porcine caregiving experience on my resume, for sure, but I used to take care of my neighbors’ horses whenever they were away.

Then there is Darth Kitty. She doesn’t require a lot of maintenance, yet there is her litter box which necessitates a fair amount of vigilance. And, should I need an expert’s help, Grandma is only a phone call away. Recently, she recounted to me the time she raised a litter of piglets when the sow died following childbirth. Childbirth? Pigletbirth? Whatev. The bottom line is she didn’t lose a single one. She kept them in the house at first, but they were never pets. Eventually they were sold for slaugh… um, okaaaayyy, moving on….

I jotted down a few interesting factoids about pigs, gleaned from a kid’s TV show last Saturday morning. For instance, did you know that pigs are from the Suidae family? I believe that’s Latin for “soooiiiieeeee!” Like humans, pigs are omnivores, meaning they will eat both plants and meat. While we Anglos commonly refer to a pig’s grunts as “oinking,” Polish pigs say “chrum-chrum” and Norwegian pigs say “noff-noff.” Who knew they were multilingual? And let’s quash a few of those well-known sayings which portray our pig friends in a less than flattering light. Such as…

This place looks like a pig sty!

Pigs are actually quite clean critters. My desk, on the other hand…

You’re as fat as a pig!

Pigs are torpedo-shaped and fast on their feet; not corpulent and slothful. Some potbellies do, however, get a tad heavy when overfed.

She is sweating like a pig!

Au contraire! Pigs do not have effective sweat glands, mon ami. That’s why they wallow in the mud and water—to cool off.

When pigs fly!

Gorillas, elephants, and quite a lot of other creatures cannot fly either, but we don’t see them singled out for this nonsense like pigs are, do we?

He’s as greedy as a pig!

Okay, this one’s fairly accurate. Pigs, especially piglets, are not skinchy eaters. They will scarf just about anything and don’t have the same sense of being full that humans have, thus they are prone to “pig out.”

So, I’m hanging out my shingle as a semi-knowledgeable pigsitter. I know Hayden lives out in the boonies, but that don’t bother me none. I live in a rural area, too. I’m used to being alone. He’s got 200 acres of land for me to explore. How cool is that? I can take along my stash of books and my latest knitting project (a baby blanket for my cousin and his wife who are expecting their first kidlet in August). I’ve got quite a bit of vacation time accrued. All I ask for is a little lead time: a week would be good. However, I am booked for the last weekend in March. I’ll be at the U.S. Collegiate Synchronized Swimming Championships. Peace out, kids. [12 March 2008]

My Christensen scarf

The Christensen Scarf

I said I would reveal my knitted Christensen scarf and here it is. Colorful, ain’t it? It was made with seven different yarns and therefore cost me a small fortune. I actually finished it in January and crocheted a hat (using a vintage-inspired pattern) to go with it. Both items are really warm. I’ll admit this scarf is rather zany & funky looking. The original color scheme was more attractive but would have clashed with the jackets I own (black, blue, & brown), so I picked out my own colors. I have no idea why it’s called a “Christensen” scarf. Probably for the person who designed it. In case you want to duplicate (or avoid) my efforts, here are the yarns/colors I used (all Lion Brand yarns):

1. #790-318 Homespun®: Sierra (I would advise against using for fringe)
2. #320-134 Fun Fur: Copper
3. #210-110 Lion Suede: Denim
4. #510-204 Moonlight Mohair: Rainbow Falls
5. #540-282 Landscapes: River Crossing (also used for the hat)
6. #220-265 Fancy Fur: Sunrise
   (#220-255 Fancy Fur: Jungle Print might have been a better choice)
7. #320-124 Fun Fur: Champagne

Oddly enough, a colorful scarf, a pig-girl, and a swing or two figure prominently in the movie I went to see last weekend. Penelope, which opened on Leap Day (Feb. 29), is the film that Hayden was rumored to be attached to way back when. I don’t know how close he came to doing it, but I wish now that he had. It was charming and funny and I kept picturing him in the James McAvoy role opposite Christina Ricci. Christina plays Penelope, a girl born with a pig face—the result of a family curse. She actually looks pretty cute with a pig’s snout. If you don’t believe me, go and see for yourself. I highly recommend the film.

Buddy & Petunia would probably give it 4 oinks.

Here it is March and I still haven’t come up with any ideas for Hayden’s birthday card. I only have about a month left, to get it mailed in time. I sure hope inspiration hits soon. No, I’m not going to knit him a Christensen scarf. Too expensive. UPDATE: Inspiration did hit! Boy, am I going to waste time have fun making this card! [03 March 2008]