Piglets are so cuuuuuuute!

Before You Leap…

In honor of Leap Day (and also because I had to post this adorable pig picture), I present the following list of questions that have plagued me during the past week.*

1. Why don’t magazines airbrush men’s photos as much as they do women’s?
2. Can Hayden carry a tune?
3. If Hayden gets cattle, will he stop eating beef? If he gets sheep, will lambchops be verboten? If he gets an alpaca, will a Pushmi-pullyu be next?
4. Is it bad luck if a black Vietnamese potbellied pig walks under a ladder on Friday the 13th?
5. Given his new surroundings, has Hayden developed a sudden penchant for cowboy boots and Toby Keith tunes?
6. Could a Leafs fan and a Red Wings fan ever see eye-to-eye on anything (besides Terry Sawchuk)?
7. Does Hayden live on or near Sandford Road? If so, that would be weird. Twilight Zone-ish weird.
8. In his farmhouse, is there a door between where he cooks and where he craps? Hey, it’s a valid question—something to do with building code violations…
9. Would he and girlfriend Rachel Bilson prefer to be known in tabloid rags as Haychel? or Rayden? In other words, who should get top billing?
10. Which of the following porcine by-products will Hayden banish next?
    glue? Jell-O®? bone china? floor wax? certain pharmaceuticals? Rachel’s lipstick?
11. Since “Neverland” and “Skywalker Ranch” are already taken, what name does Hayden plan to give his new farm?
12. If Rachel surprised Hayden with a sweater she had knitted, would he break out in a cold sweat and begin hyperventilating? Which begs the next question…
13. Is the Christensen scarf done yet? (yes, stay tuned to this channel)
14. Utilizing Buddy & Petunia (his pet potbellied pigs), would Hayden consider testing the compatibility of two well-known theories…
    • pigs are intelligent
    • pigs can fly

…that is, providing they’ve obtained their pilot’s licenses?

*A curse be upon any of you who submit one or more of these questions for the forthcoming DH.net interview without giving me credit! [29 February 2008]

The scruffy look is in

Can’t Buy Me Love

For the first time in my life I purchased a magazine just because it had Hayden on the cover. Normally I’m immune to that sort of thing. Okay, dat’s a fib. Usually it’s because I find out too late to buy it. Yet, even if I could I probably wouldn’t, because there is so much great stuff to ogle for free on the Internet. Back when I was a Lando Lover I did collect a bit more of that silly “shtuff,” but I was never fanatical about it. Although, come to think of it, I did purchase a Playgirl solely because his picture was in it (fully clothed, I might add). Yeah, my girlfriend was aghast when I told her. It’s so not like me. I also bought a copy of Yahoo! Internet Life because they mentioned my Joe Lando website in an article about celeb fan websites. I seem to recall that it got 2.5 out of 4 stars, which is better than what Awake got.

In this case the magazine was the March issue of Details. One button undone on his shirt… it’s a start. I suppose that was the detail I was meant to catch. The blue Prada shirt with the sleeves rolled up seems like a nice one to snuggle up against. The article offered a wonderfully cozy mental picture of Hayden at home. Apparently, he and I share a passion for… tea. So naturally, I rummaged through my cupboards to count how many different teas I had (17 18, including a maple tea I bought in Ontario). Don’t know why it made me feel good that he is a tea connoisseur, but it did.

All this past week I have been stewing… holding a grudge against Doug Liman. For making such a cruddy film (I’m talking about Jumper) and being so careless with my our boy’s career. The script could’ve been a contender must have had real potential when Hayden read through it initially. Yet Liman, and quite possibly some meddling producers, ruined a very good thing. This muse was intended to be directed at him*, with all the loathing I could bear, but then a very weird thing happened. I had a revelation.

I had this revelation in church. I guess that’s as good a place as any to have one. The pastor’s sermon was about relationships and how we can make them better. That’s when it popped into my head: perhaps this film had a higher purpose. Perhaps the real purpose of this film was not to entertain us, not to make the actors, director, or producers rich, not to break new ground in special effects or raise questions about the science of teleportation. No, perhaps this film had one purpose: to bring Hayden and Rachel Bilson together.

“What?!” you ask incredulously. “You want me to believe that $85 million was forfeited so these two kids could stand around and make lovey-dovey eyes at each other? Are you nutters?!”

Hey, you can’t put a price on love.

Let’s face it. Rachel is a classic beauty. If I were a guy, I would fall for her. Those big brown eyes would turn any Grinch, Scrooge, or Sith lord into a puddle of goo. Plus, she looks spectacular in red, white & blue… bikinis. Hayden really had no choice in the matter. True, he did resist the charms of Natalie, Mischa, Jessica, and ultimately even Sienna. But for all of us Mrs. Christensen wannabes, we knew… the good news simply couldn’t last forever.

Normally quite reluctant to talk about girlfriends, Hayden has been quoted as saying that he is “fond” of Ms. Bilson and hopes to work with her again. In Haydenese, that equates to a full confession. Without mentioning her by name, he openly admitted to constructing a swing in his backyard for her. Our boy is deeply in love and it’s rather sweet to behold. For the first time he is struggling valiantly to keep his smittenhood under wraps. How much you wanna bet the engravings on that swing seat say something like “H.C. + R.B” or “David loves Millie”?

Of course, you may recall that the swing idea was mine. That’s right. Last summer, after learning he had purchased a farm, I suggested a porch swing for that new house he plans to build. When late-night talk show host Jay Leno good-naturedly questioned the romanticality of his gift, Hayden’s defense was, “Girls like swings.” Uh-huh. And who, pray tell, put that notion into his head?

Don’t you just hate it when people use your fab ideas to woo another? This isn’t the first time it’s happened to me. I once suggested to my brother’s best friend, whom I had a major crush on throughout high school, that the two of us take in a play at a neighboring school. A friend of mine was playing the lead, and since Bryan (not his real name) and I were in drama club together, it seemed like an ideal, non-threatening first date. Bryan turned me down, with some lame excuse about having lots of homework, but I later found out that he did see the play… with another girl. Talk about a punch in the gut. Ow!

*I am happy to report that Jumper does improve on a second viewing! [27 February 2008]

Oh, to be Hayden's stand-in!

The Stand-In

For once, Valentine’s Day didn’t suck. I got flowers and candy. And not from my parents, either. Woo-hoo! The new Borders concept store was fun, too. One of their technology stations is devoted to self-publishing; writing a genealogy book has been a dream of mine. It could become reality if I would just get off my duff and write it. Although I may have lead you to believe that I would take in Jumper on opening day, that was never my intention. I decided to save that experience for Friday instead. Took a vacation day, got my hair done, did a little bargain shopping on the side ($500 worth of clothing for under $160!). Overall, it was a good day.

My stylist confronted me at the hair salon. “I’ve been thinking about you this week,” he said. “Oh, yeah?” I smiled coyly. “Why is that?” I teased, knowing full well what he was going to say. “That movie Jumper is out this week,” he replied, “Isn’t that the film where you crashed their set?” Uh-huh, the very same. I filled him in on all the gory details, since I had just come from the theater.

The good news is that Jumper did relatively well, finishing #1 in its opening weekend: an estimated $31.7 million domestically during an extended President’s Day weekend (Feb. 15-18); $38.3 million gross-to-date. The producers opted for a global release, further enhancing the numbers to a tune of $67.6 million (estimated) worldwide. With a reported $80-$85 million budget, it is on track to make a profit. That is wonderful news for Hayden, giving him the opportunity to headline his own franchise.

I suppose that is good news for me as well. It allows me to rid myself of that bad taste in my mouth, a result of Jumper I. I can always hope that the sequel rectifies the gaffes of the first installment. Vapid characters. One-dimensional villains. I had little empathy for these people, save for the teen-aged versions of David and Millie whose puppy love tugged at my heartstrings. My local newspaper generously offered up two stars, while the local teens who served as extras found it merely “entertaining.” Hardly the rousing endorsement you would expect from those with a vested interest.

The Ann Arbor references were what mostly saved this film for me, keeping me awake via recognizable geography and verbal cues. However, I was perplexed by director Doug Liman’s decision to portray it as a working class town. Ann Arbor is, for the mildly clued-in, a university town, albeit not in the Jumper realm. Very weird. Still, I was happy to see plenty of Gallup Park (where young David discovers his ability to teleport after crashing through the frozen Huron River) and the scene of my crime… that unsecured Huron High School breezeway. I thought it was clever how they spliced those two locations together, making it appear as though the river was on the opposite side of the school. At least I now understand why the school buses were in a holding pattern in Gallup Park that weekend.

Evidently, they did some miniscule filming on State Street (only a block from my office) because I saw a flash of the Michigan Book & Supply storefront sign just before David jumps.

Yes, our boy jumped and jumped, and jumped and jumped some more. After the nth jump, it just became annoying. The special effects are cool though. I especially liked it when Millie’s apartment explodes, launching it piecemeal into the Huron River (with the humans surviving remarkably intact). SFX aside, I wish they had devoted a tad more time to character development. In an earlier interview, Hayden had touted CD as Liman’s focus, but I guess he left the majority of it on his hard drive. Much to my chagrin, the film departs from the books in many aspects. The storyline concerning David’s mom (Diane Lane) goes off in a completely new direction, although that could be a good thing. I suspect we shall see more of her in Jumper 2.

If you haven’t seen Jumper yet and are only interested in it for the “hot sex scene” between Hayden and RachelB, save your dough and watch the theatrical trailer. Tack on a few seconds of Hayden’s bare back and you’ve basically seen the entire thing. The only sizzle apparent between these two is that which is generated by electro-charged tethers used by the Paladins to ensnare them. Ironical, since this duo is a real life, off-screen couple. Let’s hope Liman assigned them some homework during the interim. If push came to shove, I suppose I would be amenable to offering my services as a consultant to ensure a more (ahem) authentic performance in the sequel.

Sadly, that brings me to the end credits. Given its Ann Arbor filming location, I was keen to see if any locals were credited. However, I never got past the name of Hayden’s stand-in, which freaked me out considerably. His stand-in’s name was… Jay Melnychuk*. Do I know him? Not even remotely. So why did I freak? Well, my Russian-born great grandfather’s surname was Melniczuk (pronounced Mel-neh-chook), that’s why. Since misspellings and variations abound in genealogy research, I’ve become rather adept at recognizing any close match to my family names. Melnychuk definitely qualifies.

In fact, the name on my grandfather’s birth certificate reads “Melnik (Melnichuck)”—an obvious attempt to Anglicize it. My great grandfather shortened it to Melnik, but it was Grandpa who determined its current formulation: Melnick. Incidentally, I was told that Melniczuk/Melnychuk is a diminutive of miller; affectionately known as “the little miller.” Thus, I suppose there are a lot of us Melniczuk/Melnyczuk derivatives milling about the planet (pardon the pun). Producer Daniel Melnick being one prime example. Ottawa Senators owner Eugene Melnyk would be another.

Hey, at least it gives Hayden and yours truly another thing in common!

Despite my underwhelming appreciation for Hayden’s latest cinematic feat, I am nonetheless overjoyed. A Jumper sequel could portend another round of filming in Ann Arbor. Another chance to stalk meet Hayden? Heck, I’ll toast to that!

*Jay Melnychuk is not currently listed at IMDb as a stand-in for Mr. Christensen, although others are. Given the numerous filming locations for Jumper, Hayden likely had several stand-ins. [19 February 2008]

Love that guy!

Thumpity-Thump-Thump

It was my intention to write something romantically themed and profound for Valentine’s Day. Well, my heart was in the right place. Unfortunately, it’s been a ridiculously crazy week—one where Hayden was not my #1 priority. Sacrilegious words that may relegate me to the dustbin of history, but nonetheless true. So I apologize in advance if this post is a rambling mess.

I did enjoy a refreshing respite at DesiringHayden.net yesterday. Always a treat. Jen has added several new Jumper-related videos. I downloaded a gaggle of ’em to view at a later date. There were a couple of new developments that I could see. Firstly, Jen got invited to the Jumper premiere and after party Monday (February 11) in New York City. Lucky duck! What a sweetheart that Hayden is. She works so tirelessly on his behalf and he rewarded her with a very special night. That is precisely why I love this guy. So thoughtful!

I don’t know if this is something she wangled out of him during her NYC visit or if it has been longer in the works, but Hayden has agreed to do an interview for DH.net. I suspect she had to twist his arm (hard), but what a coup for Jen. Best of all, we get to reap the benefits of her due diligence. Read all about it here. E-mail your suggested questions to dhn_hinterview@yahoo.com. I’ve already sent her a couple and will be thrilled if she uses one. Even more thrilled to hear his answer.

Obviously, tomorrow is the U.S. debut for Jumper. It’s almost here folks. Seems like an interminably long wait, doesn’t it? I expect my local paper will post a better review for this one since some minor shooting was done here in Ann Arbor. Conversely, Awake garnered no stars. Boo, hiss. They’ve already had several articles including one in Sunday’s paper about the locals who participated as extras and stand-ins. I still haven’t read the article in its entirety, but my mom read excerpts to me (thankfully, the press never got wind of a certain blonde interloper). Today’s paper is supposed to have an article about Mr. Christensen himself which… you guessed it, I haven’t had time to read yet. Yeah, it’s been that kind of week.

I actually have two, no THREE, reasons to look forward to Valentine’s Day. One, Jumper. Two, Borders Books & Music, a.k.a. God’s Gift to Me, has chosen to open its new concept store in A2 that day. It will reportedly have an emphasis on technology. Sweet! And three… Hayden is appearing on Live with Regis and Kelly to promote his latest project. That’s tomorrow, Thursday, February 14. Check your local listings and be prepared to swoon. [13 February 2008]

Constable Benton Fraser, RCMP

“Thank You, Kindly”

One thing I often ruminate about is whether Hayden has ever been invited to host Saturday Night Live, a.k.a. SNL, the late-night comedy show. And, if not, would he ever agree to do it? Now, I know what you’re thinking. Hayden do comedy? Are you serious? He specializes in dark, brooding characters like Darth Vader and Sam “Just Die and Leave Me Alone!” Monroe.

I am totally serious. His former co-stars—Natalie Portman, Peter Sarsgaard, Kevin Kline, and Kirsten Dunst—have all hosted SNL (Ms. Dunst appeared with rap artist Eminem… bet Hayden was jealous). If they can do it, so can he. Absolutely! The beauty of SNL is that you don’t have to be a comedian or even possess a knack for comedic timing. Hayden can play the straight man while the SNL cast members do what they do best.

Donning my Tina Fey eyeglasses, I came up with a few ideas for skits, too. My sister unwittingly supplied the inspiration for the theme behind Hayden’s appearance as well as one of the skits. He’s Canadian, so that would be the theme for their show. How might they do that? Well, Canadians are known to love hockey, play hockey… plus they are darn nice and polite people. Yes, I know I just described Hayden, didn’t I? See how easy this is going to be?! All Hayden has to do is… be HIMSELF!!! Is this great or what?!

What?! You still don’t get it? Well, maybe it will become clearer if I describe some of my skit ideas. Keep in mind, I’m just the idea generator; the show’s writers will have to fill in the details. There could be a skit dealing with the Toronto Maple Leafs—Hayden’s favorite NHL team and perennial losers. Hayden could play a long-suffering, but eternally optimistic, fan. Hey, they haven’t won a Stanley Cup during Hayden’s lifetime, so this role shouldn’t be a stretch for him at all. He can bring his own TMF fan apparel, i.e., baseball cap, hockey jersey and jacket. Their props department might have to supply one of those blue “We’re #1” foam hands. Yeah, I doubt he has one of those. Do they even make them for Toronto fans? Oh, sorry, that was a low blow. I apologize.  {smirk, snicker}

I’m sure they could also work something in about Hayden’s Canadian Open experience, when he first made international headlines: nearly getting clobbered by tennis pro John McEnroe during a match while retrieving a ball. That’s always good for a laugh and they might even persuade McEnroe to do a cameo where he verbally assaults poor Hayden because he’s never gotten over it. Or, they could just do a funny skit about tennis in general.

However, Hayden can’t host SNL without doing a Star Wars skit. So, Darth Vader could be a has-been villain who needs to take on a second job to save money toward his retirement. Natch, he’d have to take a job in customer service, where he is expected to be cheerful and accommodating. Totally contrary to his nature. I could see his supervisor reprimanding him for his poor customer service skills. “Now, Vader, I’ve told you a hundred times. We don’t threaten to slice off the customer’s fingers with our lightsabers.” Also taboo: using Jedi mind tricks and crushing larnyxes of obnoxious customers with the Force. Another possibility would be to portray Anakin as a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde character who easily flips back and forth between good guy Jedi and nasty, arrogant “I’m the ‘Chosen One’” Sith, much to Padmé’s consternation. The one obstacle I foresee with this skit is how to do Vader’s voice properly.

Those are all great ideas, but I can do even better! You see, my sister is a ginormous Due South fan. She considered naming her dog Dueser. Why not have Hayden reprise the role of Constable Benton Fraser, brave and noble Canadian Mountie? As a member of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, he’d be attired in one of those truly fashionable red uniforms (and we know how fabulous Hayden looks in a uniform). If you’ve never had the pleasure of viewing an episode of Due South, YouTube has a hilarious vocabulary primer of the always polite and helpful constable as played by the utterly gorgeous Paul Gross. His trademark bon mot was “Thank you, kindly!” Be sure to check out the video, especially the words “nice” & “polite”, “attractive” and “available.” Although “tough” (& “tough-ish”) might fit, too. Fraser also sticks his tongue out a few times. Yep, tailor-made for Hayden. I think you’ll agree that a parody of this character would play to Hayden’s strengths. Yes, I realize Fraser himself is a parody. He plays everything straight and yet he is absurdly funny. [11 February 2008]

Are we kissing cousins? I sure hope so!!

Kissing Cousins?!?

How exciting is this…?! Fox News is reporting that some scientists believe all blue-eyed people are related. Yep, we all share a common ancestor. As an avid genealogist, at some basic level I already knew this to be true. Obviously, the entire human race is related, but I guess I never thought much about the likelihood of eye color tying a bunch of us together. This means I am related to Old Blue Eyes (Frank Sinatra), Paul Newman, and, most importantly, Joe Lando and Mr. Hayden Christensen. Seriously, have I died and gone to heaven?

Leave it up to those Danish researchers to discover that blue eyes are a result of a mutation of the OCA2 gene occurring in our ancestor’s chromosomes, probably 6,000 to 10,000 years ago. One thing I did not know: blue eyes are a recessive trait. Thus, they must be inherited from both parents. My dad has brown hair and eyes, so I always figured my mom’s genes dominated when it came to my hair and eye coloring. Yet I believe my dad’s dad and paternal grandparents were blue eyed, so he must have the gene. Now, if you want to talk serious eye mutations, check out actress Jane Seymour, who has one green and one brown eye. I don’t even want to know what her ancestors were up to!

That’s right. The first blue-eyed individual didn’t actually materialize until sometime later, when two cousins, descendants of the original Old Blue Eyes, hooked up (literally). Ewww! Yes, this may surprise you but cousin marriages occur in all family trees. It’s not just a hillbilly thing. Anyway, it must have been a shock when that baby was born. Wanna bet there was some serious finger pointing on both sides as to who was sleeping with whom?

So, does this mean that Hayden and I are kissing cousins? The Wiktionary defines a kissing cousin as “a relatively distant relative who is familiar enough to be greeted with a kiss.” Ignoring the fact that they used the word “relative” twice in the same sentence, I think we still qualify. Distantly related? According to those brilliant Danish scientists (and Hayden is certainly Danish), we are indeed distantly related. Familiar? Hey, he’s familiar to me. So what if he doesn’t know me from a hole in a wall. Lots of cousins have never met or know each other exists. Familiar enough to be greeted with a kiss? While some may consider that a debatable point, there is little doubt in my mind.

So, pucker up Hayden. Next time we meet, if we are so fortunate, I’m planting a big one on you, cuz!

P.S. For the genealogically savvy among you, yes I realize the above picture is an ancestor chart and therefore depicts a nonsensical relationship between Hayden and myself. Unfortunately, descendant charts don’t resemble trees (the universal symbol of genealogy) and tend to be quite unattractive, so I cheated and substituted the more photogenic ancestor chart. [01 February 2008]

Shades of Hayden

It Sucks To Be Me

Recently I was websurfing and clicked on a link to an article on the Detroit Free Press website. At the top of the page was a banner advertising Jumper and offering a chance at free passes.

Now, a normal person would just click, fill out the registration form and be done with it. Yeah, if only I was normal, life would be so much simpler. Instead, I make everything harder than it needs to be, for which I blame my math/science background. I have to be analytical, tear things apart, examine the minutiae, and try to make sense of it all. And, if it doesn’t pass the smell test, all bets are off. So, here’s a rare peek into how my brain operates when it encounters the opportunity for free passes to Hayden’s film...

Hmmm, free passes. Go for it! Wait… no, there’s got to be a catch. Must I give away something akin to my firstborn? No, they just want name, address, email and phone. Well, they do need contact info to tell me I’ve won. But wait… where can I use these passes? Will it be a theater in the Detroit area or one closer to home? Ah, here’s a link to the Official Contest Rules. 18 years or older. Check. Open to U.S. citizens only. Check. Odds of winning based on… blah, blah, blah. Drat! No mention of a theater chain. And it says here, “Prizes will be mailed or, winner may be asked to pick up prize from Show Box Office.” Wonderful! Where is this lovely box office located? No clue. Okay, let’s say I win. Will I have to use up valuable gas money to drive to Detroit (or a suburb) to pick up said tickets (like the time I won tickets from Danny Bonaduce’s radio show)? Then, will I have to waste additional gas to drive a second time to Detroit/suburb to see the film? What is the probability that the theater is in Ann Arbor/Ypsi? Slim to none, I bet. So, is it really worth entering this raffle when I could spend far less $$$ on matinee tickets? Only if Hayden will be there. Right, and will he? Unlikely. Fine, so don’t enter the stupid contest! Okay, I won’t!!

See, this is why it sucks to be me. No sense of spontaneity or adventure. No fun. Plus, I come across as a cheapskate to boot.

Well, you are a tightwaaa…
Silencio! Would you give it a rest already!?
Chill, babe. Touchy, are we?

Sigh. It was exciting to see a TV commercial for Jumper during last week’s AFC football championship. I thought, wouldn’t it be great if they advertised during the Super Bowl? Then I remembered how expensive Super Bowl ads are. Ha! Fat chance! My mom saw 27 Dresses last week (she liked) and caught the theatrical trailer for Jumper. She remembered seeing the shot of the water tower and a few other things that might have been shot on/near the U-M campus, but everything went by so fast she couldn’t be sure.

P.S. In light of Heath Ledger’s recent death, is anyone else listening to that song “More Time” from the P.S. I Love You soundtrack? I can’t get it out of my head. [28 January 2008]

Is a military haircut in his future?

BoB

Chicks dig a guy in uniform

Due to general busyness and a terrible bout with insomnia, I haven’t been too Hayden-focused of late (no, I’m not resorting to pharmaceuticals, so there’s no danger of a possible overdose like poor Heath Ledger*). I see Hayden is slated for two new films: Neuromancer and Beast of Bataan. The former is another SciFi flick while the latter deals with a WWII war crimes trial.

Beast of Bataan (BoB for short) is based on Lawrence Taylor’s A Trial of Generals: Homma, Yamashita, MacArthur, which is currently out of print, so I checked it out from the library. A very fast read for the history or war buff. Now, I’ve been suckered into reading a book connected to a film before. I once read American Psycho because my then-favorite actor was rumored to be starring in it. Vile, awful book. It was so horrible I didn’t want to finish it and... it’s the only book I’ve ever seriously considered burning! Truly evil stuff. Later it was announced that Christian Bale—another actor whom I respect—got the part, but I could not bring myself to go see or rent that movie. I guess I trust Hayden not to put me in a similar quandary.

So far, IMDb does not list which character Hayden is portraying—perhaps his will be a composite character—but this CanMag article says he will play a young lawyer who represents Japanese general Masaharu Homma.

I’m kind of surprised that they chose Homma instead of General Tomoyuki Yamashita’s case. The two cases are closely connected: Homma for the infamous Bataan Death March and Yamashita for atrocities that took place in Manila (both locales are in the Philippines, btw). The Bataan Death March is probably better known to the casual observer, but Yamashita’s trial occurred first and went all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court. For that reason I had pegged Hayden to play U.S. army captain A. Frank Reel, who is described in the book as “a talented but reluctant lawyer.” He was also one of the lawyers from Yamashita’s defense team chosen to go to Washington and appear before the Supremes.

General Homma, however, is an interesting character. He is described as a tall, emotional, and sensitive man who wrote poetry; and a brilliant military strategist. His love life was—in a word—messy, although he eventually met and married a peach of a gal named Fujiko Takata. She was a character witness at his trial; he bawled during her testimony. Yeah, definitely not your typical macho military guy.

The gist of the book is that both generals were basically railroaded in their trials. Small wonder since U.S. general Douglas A. MacArthur, previously defeated in combat by Homma, was the one man who…

…caused the charges to be drafted; appointed the judges, defense attorneys and prosecutors—all of whom were subordinates and, therefore, answerable to him; created the rules of evidence and procedure; named himself the sole source of appeal; and, apparently, tampered with the “judicial” process to speed up the trials.
—A Trial of Generals

Hey, sounds fair to me!
/sarcasm

In contrast to the Nuremberg and Tokyo trials, the Manila trials were fine examples of a kangaroo court. The cards were stacked against both Japanese officers and the outcomes preordained. While the prosecuting attorneys were handpicked by MacArthur for their criminal trial experience and given several months to prepare, he actually delegated the task of choosing the defense teams who were relatively inexperienced, lacked criminal trial backgrounds, and were appointed only 3-4 weeks before their trials commenced. Likewise, the judges were career Army officers with no combat experience, sitting in judgment of men who had led tens of thousands of soldiers into combat.

It is interesting to note that Hayden is listed as a producer for this film. I’m always intrigued by what projects Hayden chooses to invest not only his talent but his money in. And it is somewhat ironic that my own cousin was a prisoner of the Japanese during WWII while Hayden has apparently chosen to play an attorney who defended a Japanese general for war crimes. The Taylor book portrays the Japanese officers sympathetically, but I wouldn’t go so far as to call it pro-Japanese or anti-American/Allied Forces. The author’s take seems fairly balanced. Yet my knowledge of WWII could fill a thimble, so what do I know?

I do fear, after reading this book, that the film’s writers might attempt to draw some kind of moral equivalence between Gen. Homma’s fate and the current situation at Guantánamo Bay. In other words, drag current politics into a story about past politics and war. Personally, that is the quickest way to turn me off from seeing a film. Hollywood loves to preach its pacifist ways regarding a still unresolved military conflict. Such films have tended toward financial floppery (e.g., A Mighty Heart, Grace Is Gone, In the Valley of Elah) and I’d hate to see Hayden lose his shirt on this project (hmmm, maybe I need to rethink that…). It can still be a great story without all that other nonsense thrown in. [23 January 2008]

*Preliminary autopsy results for Heath Ledger were inconclusive

Does Hayden make resolutions?

How Did I Do?

Last year I made several New Year’s resolutions. How did I do? Not so hot. In 2007, I resolved to…

1. STOP losing weight!!!
   FAILED! I still lost weight, dropping to 108 pounds (December 19). But, no more! I refuse to lose any.more.weight!!

I had further resolved…

2. not to mention “Hayden” and “cute” in the same sentence
3. to stop fantasizing that Hayden is my very own personal masseur
4. to cap my playlist of “Songs That Hayden Might Like” at 100
5. that when gazing at photos of Hayden I shall refrain from babbling things like “lips of an angel”, “a living god”, or “the Force is strong with this one”
6. to stop fantasizing that I am Hayden’s personal masseuse

PASSED these with flying colors. I’m not quite the fanatic you think I am.

7. to change the look of Not Enough Hayden before the year is out FAILED
8. to see all of Hayden’s films during their first week of release PASSED
9. to finally write a critique of Revenge of the Sith
   FAILED (add Factory Girl & Awake to the list)
10. to surpass last year’s birthday card to Hayden PASSED what do U think?
11. to pursue a platonically incorrect relationship with Hayden FAILED
12. should I meet Hayden face-to-face, I will (a) not faint, (b) remain calm, (c) thank him for taking the role of Anakin Skywalker because Star Wars has given me oodles of material to work with, then (d) make sure he is “decently kissed” (it would be unladylike of me to elaborate) FAILED (and the sad part is that I actually had a chance at this one since he was in Ann Arbor—and near my office—filming Jumper in October… pitiful, just pitiful)
13. to be one of the important women in Hayden’s life! (need I say it… FAILED)

That’s seven PASSES and six FAILS. Not terrible; not great. What about my non-Hayden resolutions?

14. exercise 3-5 times a week PASSED
15. up my fruit and veggie intake and drink lots of water PASSED
16. reduce my exposure to allergens PASSED (down to one medication instead of two!)
17. find a worthy cause (besides Hayden) for which I can volunteer my time FAILED
18. practice my flute more and get my saxamaphone repaired FAILED & PASSED
19. acquire a few more domestic goddess skills FAILED
20. lobby for a Chipotle restaurant in the Ann Arbor/Ypsi area PASSED (I didn’t actually lobby for one, it just magically appeared!)
21. chain myself to an asphalt paver until the Washtenaw County Road Commission agrees to repave my road (can you say “potholes the size of Rhode Island”?) FAILED (can you say “Michigan is in a one-state recession”?)
22. avoid fiscal ruin by eschewing H&M stores and pitching my Victoria’s Secret catalogs into the trash FAILED

Five PASSES vs. five FAILS. It was a draw. Last—but not least—was my wish for Hayden. I should have wished this one for myself instead since Hayden shouldn’t have difficulty finding his one true love. Me? Let’s just say it doesn’t look great for ’08 (oooh, I’m a poet, dontcha know it!). I’m seriously considering a desperate move… yes, I’m talking about Match.com (shudder). Hey, a co-worker met her husband that way. Perhaps there is a guy out there willing to put up with just waiting for a serious but occasionally funny, musically-inclined, humble, fitness-obsessed, Hayden-swooning, domestically-challenged, sleep- and sex-deprived goddess like moi.

23. I shall fervently pray that Hayden finds “wuv, twoo wuv” — awwwwww!!
    (even if it’s with… someone else??  inconceivable!) The jury is still out on this one.

[03 January 2008]