The number three figures prominently in my life

MÉnage À Trois

Not Enough Hayden turns three!

When I started this web site I never expected it to last this long. I figured I would, at best, hang in there for two years and then move on to some other Flavor of the Month. I get bored easily. But Hayden had more staying power than I expected. That is either a testament to his likability or my nuttiness. Not sure which is the stronger force at work here.

A lot has changed since I started all this (a)musing shtuff. Hayden had longish hair, then an unflattering short style, but mercifully appears to be growing it out again (thank you, God!). While he once claimed it difficult to play a fabulist, he has since become a Class-A prevaricator. Tsk, tsk. He was single and now he’s… um, decidedly less so. His star was escalating after the success of Revenge of the Sith, Life As A House, and Shattered Glass. Now, we pray his next gig won’t be another Jumper debacle.

Since NEH’s debut, Hayden has played a musician of dubious origin, rich boy heart patient, irksome teleporter with equally vexing girlfriend, and deaf-mute nun deflowerer. Phew! Talk about your full plate. That doesn’t even include his recent role in the upcoming New York, I Love You, which simply defies description (mainly because I don’t know anything about it).

My life has changed, too, having experienced firsthand the art of film making. Most notably, playing a nurse (extra) in a movie featuring conjoined twins. Which reminds me… maybe a consultation is in order with the gifted Dr. Ben Carson. Perhaps I could convince him to schedule a surgical separation of Hayden and his joined-at-the-hip gal pal, Blanche Rolis. Their constant togetherness is taking a toll on my Hayden Honeywatch & Countdown Toward Matrimonial Bliss diversionary tactics. Yeah, not a huge fan of this craptastic ménage à trois I now find myself in.

Flash forward one year. I hope we won’t all be moping around lamenting Hayden’s (a) engagement or (b) nuptials to the aforementioned Blanche. While his biggest fan certainly desires that he find eternal happiness, she is fully and distressingly cognizant that he hasn’t actually met his dreamboat soulmate yet. True, we er, they nearly met each other once—but, alas, his sense of direction was off. Yes, missed me her by one lousy block!

Still, there may be some recent anguish-reducing news to report. It seems glamour-puss Blanche told a UK magazine she may be in a baby-desiring mode but not necessarily in a husband-procuring mood. Now, that’s a cock-and-bull story if ever I heard one. I’m not sure who has perfected the art of fibbing better—Blanche or her boyfriend. [13 October 2008]

 

Hayden and I communicate via beta waves transmitted through our trusty tinfoil hats!

How We Think Alike

I’m sure Hayden recorded this interview a while ago, but I was flabbergasted at how he and I used nearly the same language to describe our respective filming projects. You may recall in my previous narrative regarding Gifted Hands: The Ben Carson Story, I said:

“I had so much fun. The extras and crew were terrific to work with. Friendly, nice people whom I would work with again in a heartbeat.” —NEH webmistress

Now, compare that to what Hayden said in this video to promote the Virgin Territory DVD:

“But I would go back and make another [film in Italy] in a heartbeat. I had such a good time.” —Hayden Christensen

Needless to say, I had an eerie sense of déjà vu when I heard him say that. Did he steal my words or did I plagiarize his? Clearly—since I did not hear this interview until today—we must be on the same wavelength. I believe he recorded this several weeks ago, then cyberliminally transmitted his thoughts to me so that I might commit them to my latest musing. Seems far-fetched, but how else do I explain it?

There is one woman out there who surely envies this gift, i.e., my ability to read Hayden’s mind, and vicey versa. Apparently Blanche is dropping heavy hints to the media that she is ready to get married and start a family. She’s even willing to elope. I smell a desperate woman.

Since I can read Hayden’s mind and she cannot, there are two possibilities in play. Either she is at wit’s end trying to get him to pop the question, or he is toying with her. Making her think he is content to sample the milk without purchasing the cow, metaphorically speaking. He fully intends to do the deed… he just wants to see her squirm a bit first.

Frankly, it wouldn’t be fair if I revealed the truth here. Hayden has a right to keep his thoughts to himself and I don’t wish to violate that trust between us. I mean, if you were Blanche, would you want to find out—via his obviously better attuned alter ego—what your boyfriend was thinking re matrimony? No, I don’t think so. I believe I am being kind by keeping mum.

I feel Blanche’s pain. Really I do. The Maxim Top 100 hottie and Glamour girl clearly understands what she has within her grasp: the best man she could ever hope to find. The fact that she’s not yet betrothed is clearly eating at her innards. Well, at least she’s got him wrapped around her finger neck. [06 October 2008]

GIFTED HANDS set in Detroit, Michigan

A Brush With Fame

I promise not to bore you guys too much with my exploits in the filming industry, but I got booked for another project last weekend and it was a pretty phenomenal experience. Let’s see, I worked with an Oscar-winning actor, Emmy Award-winning hairstylist, and Hillary Clinton’s make-up artist. Can you beat that? No, I didn’t think so.

This new project was a TNT movie called Gifted Hands: The Ben Carson Story (probably airing Feb. ’09). Having previously read Dr. Carson’s book, The Big Picture, I was extremely impressed by the man and his uplifting life story. Gifted Hands is his memoir, which I am currently reading. Benjamin S. Carson, M.D., grew up in poverty in Detroit, graduated from Yale and the University of Michigan medical school, and became the youngest chief of pediatric neurosurgery at Johns Hopkins Children’s Center at age 33. Earlier this year he was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom. Oscar-winner Cuba Gooding, Jr. plays the lead role. Very cool!

Filming took place at St. John Hospital-Riverview in downtown Detroit. All but the hospital’s urgent care section is closed, so the production was able to establish separate sets simulating two different hospitals (Denver and Johns Hopkins). Our scenes were set in 1987; we (background actors) were hospital staff. Our exact roles would be on the check-in sheet. The initial casting call had been for miscellaneous extras. The fact that I was playing a specific role was both nerve-wracking and exhilarating.

Real babies, aged 3-6 months, were involved in one scene. In 1987, Dr. Carson was the first pediatric neurosurgeon to successfully separate Siamese or conjoined twins joined at the head, also known as craniopagus twins. [this Johns Hopkins article features a similar operation Dr. Carson performed in 2004.]

My report time was Friday afternoon. For the most part, my wardrobe, make-up and hair were provided. I brought a selection of shirts to wear under hospital scrubs. I was happy to pack a comfortable pair of tennis shoes rather than the high heels I wore for six excruciating hours during my last acting gig.

Driving into the hospital complex, I noted a large blue sign near the building that said “The Johns Hopkins Hospital.” I reported to the extras holding area and received the usual forms to fill out. I was playing a pediatric nurse at Johns Hopkins! Meredith* was another pediatric nurse. An experienced background actor, she and I had worked together on Miss January. The third peds nurse was Penny. All three of us blondes. Go figure.

I had so much fun. The extras and crew were terrific to work with. Friendly, nice people whom I would work with again in a heartbeat. After changing into my light blue hospital scrubs (like the ones Hayden wore in Awake!), I was sent to make-up. Thankfully, I didn’t have to endure one of Anakin Skywalker’s marathon sessions in the chair. Only one make-up artist for everyone (45 extras plus principal actors). Filming started late because they had finished the previous day’s shooting earlier that morning. She confided that she hoped it wouldn’t go as late this time because she had to be in Lansing Saturday morning to do Hillary Clinton’s make-up. Who knew I’d be sharing make-up artists with the former first lady!

Hair stylist Julia Walker (Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest) loved my hair. Raved about it every time she saw me. Privately, I referred to my new style as “helmet hair” because it never seemed to move. I felt like I was trapped in a ’80s time warp. After wardrobe, make-up and hair, a PA gathered the three pediatric nurses together and took our pictures for hospital ID badges (which apparently disappeared into a black hole). Shortly thereafter, a crew member collected us to take us to the set. Without his guidance I would have gotten lost. Hospitals are so confusing. It turned out that our escort wasn’t your typical PA. He was the assistant director! Nurse Meredith said it was highly unusual for the AD to bring extras to the set. Hmmm, why the special treatment, I wondered.

It was Penny’s very first time as an extra, so she was nervous—but so was I. We were led into the pediatric isolation ward and outfitted with props: felt-tip pen, small flashlight (to check those dilated pupils), and a stethoscope! Our hospital IDs were never located so I always wound up wearing the badge of someone who vaguely resembled me. This time I was nurse Diane Mulliniks (a fictional name). Another time I was Alexa somebody. Dolls were lying in two of the isolettes. The real babies’ mothers had been dressed as nurses so they could be on the set with their child between takes.

The AD chose Penny and I to be in a smaller room, a nurse’s station, which had a windowed wall providing visual access to the ward and its patients. As the cinematographer and crew adjusted the camera and lighting, another crew member worked to erect a bulletin board in our “office.” A set dresser spread paperwork, a digital thermometer, and two blue hospital gowns on the desk. The AD explained that the parents of the babies would be coming into our office via the hallway. We would help them into their hospital gowns before they went into the isolation area. Director Thomas Carter (Coach Carter) would give us further details momentarily.

As equipment adjustments continued, a young couple entered our office space. The cinematographer worked with them to find the best lighting as they stood in front of the window wall. Colored tape marked the placement of their feet, i.e., their marks. We had a couple of run-throughs, with Penny and I putting the hospital gowns on them. The gowns were to be tied on as quickly as possible. A few minutes later, a different young couple came in and we repeated the procedure. The director wanted me to cross the room after the couple entered and stand next to the mother. The parents stood on their marks and gazed at their babies. I was to tap the mother on the shoulder and take her coat and purse. Penny took the father’s jacket and then we helped them into their gowns.

Initially, I helped the father into his gown, but we accidentally switched partners during the next rehearsal. This young couple seemed nervous, so we talked it through and decided I would help the mother. She had long, straight hair, so after attaching the Velcro enclosure at the neck, I pulled her hair out from under the gown and placed it outside the gown. This extra step gave me less time to tie her gown and she walked away before I could secure it. Eek! She said that if I couldn’t get it tied in time, she would take off anyway. I was okay with that.

More equipment adjustments were necessary, so Penny and I stepped out into the hallway. We discussed the two couples; one had to be the stand-ins, the others were the actors. Penny thought the first couple was the actors because the second pair was so nervous. I disagreed. Stand-ins usually come in first. Actually, it made sense that the actors were nervous. The parents would be extremely anxious to see their conjoined twins, now separated for the very first time. They were simply getting into character.

When they asked us to come back into the room we were informed of a change. Penny would bring the couple into our office from the hallway (this was a last-minute script change due to the unavailability of Cuba Gooding, Jr.). Director Thomas Carter told me to grab a clipboard off of the bulletin board. When he said “Action!” I was to place the clipboard back on its peg, then cross over to my spot after the parents entered the room.

Meredith, the third pediatric nurse, only had to walk across the ward and sit down at a desk at the end of the room. She could see what we were doing because she was mostly off-camera. Penny and I were clueless about the extent of our actual “face time” because we weren’t supposed to look at the camera. Meredith thought we got decent face time and was impressed that it only took three takes, which made me feel good.

Then they brought the camera into the nurse’s office to shoot the parents standing next to their babies inside the nursery. The babies cried a lot. What hams. Hey, you’d bawl too if your head was wrapped in gauze and you had tubes sticking out all over. Relieved that our bit was over, Penny and I stepped out into the hallway and watched the monitors as they filmed this. Afterward, we were taken back to the holding area.

All of the extras (excluding EMTs and ER nurse) were called to the set for the next scene, which was in the corridor outside the same pediatric ward. The AD explained that this was basically the final scene where Dr. Carson leads the parents down the hallway to the pediatric ward after the surgery. The hospital staff walking along the corridor would stop in their tracks, smile, and clap as the entourage passed by. Everyone is happy because the surgery went well. A very emotional moment.

The actress playing the mother observed that I couldn’t be in this scene because I was already supposed to be in the isolation ward (their destination). Drat, she was right! Penny had to be in the scene because she was the nurse leading the couple into the ward from the corridor. A handful of extras ultimately were not used, myself included. We hid around the corner while it was filmed. However, Cuba Gooding, Jr. did walk past me a couple of times. My first chance to see him!

I subsequently learned that Cuba was supposed to be the one who brought the couple into the ward, but he had to undergo a facial hair transformation, which required a 40-minute delay. Time is money. That’s why they opted to have Nurse Penny lead the couple into our office instead. She waited outside the door and Dr. Carson brought the couple to her. So, it turned out that I was in the climactic final scene of the movie and Cuba was supposed to be in our scene, but it had to be changed. Is that cool or what? When it’s all spliced together, I’m sure it will look like we were in the same scene, high-fiveing each other. Ha, ha. Just kidding.

I was in two more scenes, including one with Cuba Gooding, Jr. (another corridor scene utilizing all extras)  Even though I was dismissed around 3:30 a.m.—thirteen hours after my report time—eight extras were asked to change into civilian clothes for one last scene. I don’t imagine they finished before 5 a.m. Yes, that saintly make-up artist was still working when I left. Later that evening I saw Hillary Clinton on the news—she looked fab (and I swear she was wearing my lipstick shade!). As we waited in line to turn in our costumes, Tom Bell, father of actress Kristen Bell (Veronica Mars), walked by. Mr. Gooding collectively thanked us for doing a great job as he made his way back to the set. It was an exhilarating experience. The only thing that could top this is… yep, a scene with Hayden!

Update: Today (10/2), there was a film crew on State Street (Ann Arbor) at The Produce Station near the Salvation Army building.

*All names of extras have been changed for privacy reasons
[01 October 2008]

Designs on Hayden

Everything Will Soon
Come Your Way

On the set of ‘Miss January’

[Part 1] [Part 2] When filming ended, a PA separated us extras into FMEs and graduates again. Each group was given instructions, however I missed ours because I waited for Nina* who was fetching our coats and umbrellas. By the time we caught up, the FMEs were moving back toward the wardrobe trailers. It soon became apparent that a crew member was choosing people from our group. She asked how many of us had brought extra outfits. Several hands shot up. Hey, we follow directions! She only needed a few of us. I… was… not… chosen. The PA thanked the rejects unselected FMEs—we could turn in our vouchers to be signed. Mine was still inside the church, which was only a few steps away (I learned later that you’re supposed to keep the voucher on your person at all times—hey, no one told me that!).

So, no catered lunch for this girl. I climbed into my car and drove about a half-mile down the road when… Crap! I suddenly remembered that the wardrobe gal had not taken a picture of my outfit. I figured I better go back and get that done. Of course, nearly everyone was in the church eating lunch (boy, it smelled good). Spying a female PA sitting in a car in the parking lot, I explained my situation. She switched on her headset and asked someone in wardrobe if they wanted my picture. Affirmative. I walked over to their trailer where a crew member was waiting with a digital camera and took down my name. She held my coat, I posed, she snapped a picture. She then walked away (with my coat!) but immediately realized her mistake and returned it. I probably should have told her that I wore it in the first scene. Oh, well. I thanked the female PA for her assistance and beat a hasty exit.

I later learned (via the newspaper) that filming was to be done in the school’s guidance office that day. Brian Dennehy’s scene? Perhaps the adult extras were to be teachers walking in the hallway. I assume the graduate extras were retained since none of them checked out with us. We were released at 2pm, so I only got 6 hours pay. But that was okay since my feet were killing me. We could have worked as much as 14 hours; anything over 8 hours is considered overtime.

Many of the extras had worked on other projects being filmed in Michigan, although a few were rookies like me. The “dad” who shook my hand had been in Drew Barrymore’s film, Whip It. Although horrific tales of overflowing portable toilets on the set (ewwww!) were recounted, he had a reel highlight: in one scene, actress Marcia Gay Harden grabs both of his shoulders, shoves him aside and says, “Excuse me!” FME Anna told me she had five lines in one project. Real acting experience. You could tell the ones with acting experience. They were the assertive ones who tended to get on camera more.

So, it was fun. This neophyte learned a lot. Given the circumstances, I don’t know if I actually got on camera. I didn’t know who the director was until I checked IMDb: some dude named Keith Bearden. Kind of (physically) resembled Woody Allen. I never saw any big-name celebrities. Didn’t nick a call sheet as a souvenir. Never even saw one. Or took any pictures of cast/crew. That would be unprofessional. If I do another gig I know I need to be more aware of my surroundings. Sometimes PAs were choosing people for stuff or giving out verbal instructions while I was gabbing with another extra.

Due to the last-minute nature of getting booked for projects, I don’t know how many opportunities I will have in the future (since I have a real job!). Many of the extras seemed to have more free time on their hands. If I get enough vouchers I think I can join the Screen Actors Guild and vote on Oscar nominees. Maybe vote for Hayden?! Well, a girl can dream.

Obviously, I didn’t do this for the money (a mere pittance) or to see celebrities. Unless, of course, that celebrity should happen to be Hayden. Needless to say, I would be a colossal wreck if I worked on the set of one of his films. I’d probably definitely get booted for reckless swooning and not doing my job.

Do I now consider myself to be an actress? Please… that would be an insult to Hayden and other real actors. No, I am more like the Great Pretender. Perhaps the greatest of them all. Mom was afraid I’d get bitten by the acting bug, chuck my job, etc., but I’m too much of a realist. Unlike Hayden, acting is not my true calling or passion, nor do I possess his innate talent. It would be foolhardy for me to delude myself with such fantastical thinking.

But I digress. Once you work as an extra on a particular set for a day (or a scene, whichever is longer), you can’t return unless you’re invited back. So that was it for me and Miss January. Maybe I didn’t get on film or won’t survive the editing process, but I’m confident I will see the actors and extras I worked and talked with up there on the big screen. That alone makes it exciting.

A few days before this Miss January business began I had a fortune cookie that said “Everything Will Soon Come Your Way.” Gee, they weren’t kidding! Does this mean a date with Hayden is also on the horizon? Hope so!

*All names of crew members and extras have been changed for privacy reasons
[24 September 2008]

Weenie Wiz truck (Photo: Detroit Free Press)

Fun Times at Stevenson High

On the set of ‘Miss January’

[Read Part 1] At base camp I continued to fill out my paperwork from central casting. We learned that Kim Cattrall (Sex in the City) was not filming that day. Darn! One of the male extras at my table told us he had been the last one OK’d by wardrobe. They didn’t like his tie or dress shirt and provided him with alternatives from their meager supply. After changing, he saw actor Brian Dennehy going into make-up. Lucky him! Yeah, they don’t bring in the VIPs until the riff-raff have vacated the area. Ha, ha.

A woman came into the church’s all-purpose room where the FMEs were encamped and told us she would be taking our pictures (in groups of 3) for wardrobe continuity. She was only on the third group when PA Mike* (a confused Ann Arborite sporting a MSU sweatshirt**) entered and started selecting people. He explained that he was looking for the youngest looking and shorter people. Qualifying on both counts, picking me was a no-brainer.

After he had handpicked 14 youthful but height-challenged prospects, we were informed that extra bodies were needed to toss graduation caps into the air. We wouldn’t be on camera, just the hats. Bummer. We loaded into a van and returned to the football field where we joined the “grads” in the middle of the field. One guy with curly, dark blond hair seemed to be the class clown. I later realized he was one of the principal actors, Dustin Ingram (Unfabulous), the aforementioned teen infatuated with Kim Cattrall’s character.

PA Mike and 2nd Assistant Director Jeff (a fellow Michigander) were fun to work with. 2nd AD Jeff demonstrated the throw a few times for the camera and for us. First, we were told to remove the tassles (which had “2009” fobs hanging from them) and only toss the caps. If we nicked these items, they threatened us with… torture. No, no, they just wouldn’t sign our vouchers. We were to throw straight up, but some of us had to angle our caps into the wind. Despite our best efforts, they still landed behind us.

We gathered into a cozy circle and the PAs gave us cues, although I could hear the director’s “Action!” just fine. The camera was angled upward, pointed toward a bank of stadium lights, so no chance of our bodies getting on camera. We were to throw our caps, cheer excitedly, then “duck and cover” as the caps rained down. Our voices would be recorded. I yelled “yee-haw” with hopes it might bleed through the cacophony in the final cut. Our first cheer was too brief, so we were instructed to sustain it and add clapping to draw it out. We probably did a dozen takes, throwing the caps at varied heights. I got smacked in the face with one of the caps. So, does that qualify as stunt work?

Once finished, there were snacks waiting for us outside the fence (apples, chips, beverages). I never checked my watch but it was probably 10:30ish. We munched while waiting for the remaining FMEs to arrive from base camp.

There were three paths leading from the stadium: one to the baseball diamond and two to the parking lot. A PA started matching up FMEs with grads and placing us at various points on the paths. I was paired with a FME named Anna (but no grad) on the middle walkway. After setting up their equipment the crew began filming a group of extras on the ball diamond path: a dad taking pictures of two female grads. The girls would then run up to him and he’d show them the result on the camera’s digital screen. As they moved away two male grads joined them, mass hugging ensued, and the foursome posed for another picture as other extras passed behind them.

They did several takes and appeared to be using a boom mic, but we couldn’t tell if the extras were talking or miming. While this was going on, some of the extras on the other two paths grew restless and wandered off their marks. Subsequently, a different PA came around and created new groups. This time I was put on the farthest path with three other blondes (a British FME and two bleached blonde female grads). One of the girls was instructed to run up to our group from 20 feet away and hug the other grad (her BFF). Nina (the British woman) and I were not really given any instruction other than we were family—mom, aunt, neighbor, whatever—congratulating our graduate. It was during this time that I noticed the Weenie Wiz truck (apparently a cousin of the Oscar Mayer wienermobile) parked by the high school and therefore visible during shooting.

The sun peeked in and out. Three or four airplanes flew overhead which delayed shooting. Two girls, one in a Stevenson sweatshirt, wandered onto our set. Obvious truants. I don’t know if they ever got yelled at for being there. Given my own dubious history of crashing Hayden’s Jumper set, I wasn’t about to be the one to dash their hopes and shoo them away. The next scene was filmed along the middle path. An Asian family (real actors) did another picture-taking sequence. I could hear the dad giving his daughter graduate instructions on how to pose. The school (beaver) mascot mugged with the daughter as more extras (including Anna) passed behind them. Lucky her!

For the final bit of filming, the camera was set up on the ball diamond side, pointed toward all three paths. I couldn’t really see the camera; could it see me? Who knows. The cues are always “Picture Up!” (I haven’t a clue what that means), “Rolling!” (filming begins), “Background!” (cue for extras to start moving), and “Action!” (actors speak, move, etc.) Either Nina or I would hug our grad before her BFF arrived, then we’d laugh and chat (miming, of course).

Yeah, miming isn’t easy. You’re supposed to mime nonsense phrases like “peas and carrots” or “watermelon and strawberries” but I usually just moved my mouth and smiled. We were so far from the camera I doubt it mattered. Sometimes a male grad would hug our girl grad as he walked by. During the last several takes, one of the dads would come up and shake my hand and his son (a dead ringer for his dad but no relation) would hug me. Several times the son and I got tangled up with the dad as he tried to shake Nina’s hand. Oops! We did probably a dozen or more takes. Our stomachs were growling by this point, but we finally heard those magic words: Lunch in 17 minutes! Oh, joy!  To Be Continued…

*All names of crew members and extras have been changed for privacy reasons
**Ann Arbor is the home of the University of Michigan; Michigan State (MSU) is their main, in-state rival
[22 September 2008]

Hayden overexposed

In Over my Head

Breaking a leg into showbiz

Being a Hayden fan has inspired me to learn more about his business. The fact that Michigan has become the new Mecca for the film industry hasn’t escaped my notice. Productions are going on all around the state and there is talk of building a film studio right here in the Ann Arbor area. Thus, it was with a smidgen of trepidation that I threw my irons into the fire and submitted my name to a casting agency.

When you get booked as an extra (background actor) there isn’t much lead time. I received an email Friday (9/12) from my casting agency regarding an HBO pilot filming Saturday that needed eight “moms.” Now, I am not a mom but I can play one on TV, right? Although I responded within the hour they already had enough people. Would I be interested in Monday (9/15)? Sure. A few hours later I was booked for “Miss January,” which was filming in Livonia. Was this the same HBO pilot or something else? No clue. More details would be available Sunday afternoon or evening. In this business it seems everything is on a need-to-know basis and extras are definitely at the bottom of the acting food chain!

Synopsis: The life of a high school graduate takes an unexpected turn when he befriends an all-but-forgotten siren of the golden age of ’70s adult film (Kim Cattrall). Adult themes. The scene: High school graduation ceremony. Role: We are parents and graduation guests. Miss January is a feature film (comedy), not the HBO pilot. Base Camp was a church in Livonia. Filming was at nearby Stevenson High School. I was to report at 8 a.m. dressed in my Sunday best (no red, white or royal blue) and bring alternative outfits/accessories in case wardrobe didn’t like my first choice. The only clue that it might be an outdoor scene was a note that rain gear would not be provided. BYORG! We had to come hair and make-up ready. The forecast was morning drizzle and cloudy.

Guided by the bright yellow “Miss January” signs planted along the roadway, I arrived 30 minutes early but had to wait until 8 o’clock to receive my cast (payment) voucher and other forms. We were advised to grab a quick breakfast and report back for wardrobe, hair and make-up checks. The wardrobe mistress asked me to open my coat, presumably to get a better look at my green cardigan sweater, then declared me “perfect!”

Somewhat relieved, I walked a few steps away only to be confronted by a crew member who asked if I was done with wardrobe. I guess I was. He started playing with my hair and I wondered, “Who is this guy?” He whipped out a can of hairspray and started spritzing, right there in the parking lot. Oh, it’s the hair stylist! He finger-tousled some gel through my hair then led me over to the make-up trailer. Since no one was there he proclaimed me acceptable. Cool, I passed my first test!

There were also 18- to 20-year-old extras in royal blue graduation caps and gowns (production companies avoid hiring minors as much as possible). Their footwear ranged from green and yellow Converse tennis shoes to 4-inch platforms and hot pink toenail polish. These “kids” had an earlier check-in time and therefore were shipped off to the set while we “family members” were being processed.

I’d say there was 24-30 in our group and a similar number of graduates. I was in the second of three vans used to shuttle “family” to the football stadium (same van, 3 separate trips). Upon arrival, we were immediately seated in the bleachers by a production assistant (PA) who placed us three abreast, alternating rows, top to bottom, adjacent to an aisle. However, we were spaced so that one or two people could have sat between each of us, not shoulder-to-shoulder (maybe they’ll clone us digitally in post-production?).

We were actually seated behind a stage that was set up on the field. A blue curtain backdrop obscured our view of the four individuals seated on the dais and the speaker at the podium. Only their feet were visible. Unbeknownst to me, one of the older female extras, whom I had chatted up earlier (she had worked on the HBO pilot), had been plucked from our group to sit on the stage. She did have that principal/faculty/distinguished guest look going for her. Lucky her!

The graduates were seated in front of the stage, so the curtain partially blocked our view of them, but they, too, had empty chairs interspersed between them. A beaver mascot (tall guy in costume) was seated on the dais. The speaker at the podium was miked and had a terrific voice. Someone mentioned that he was a Detroit radio deejay. I saw him later. Gray hair, 50ish, walked around like he was hot shtuff (in character, natch). His speech, which lasted a minute or so, was pompous and condescending. There was a laugh line, which we were supposed to react to; the graduates also clapped and cheered.

There were about eight takes of this scene. The final group of Family Member Extras (hereinafter known as FMEs) didn’t arrive until halfway through. It was difficult to hear the director’s cues due to the distance and curtain that separated us. The PA nearest to us could hear everything through his headset, but rarely passed along anything other than “Rolling!” A heavy mist began during the final take but we had been instructed not to use our umbrellas.

The whole thing took maybe 20-25 minutes (they worked fast). One FME asked a PA if we had been filmed. Affirmative. Gee, it would have been nice to know that. We couldn’t even see a camera and no one was feeding us cues! Even the experienced extras groused about it. Afterward, a few extras asked me if I had kept my coat on during filming. I had. Apparently I should have removed it, but how was I to know? The wardrobe gal had never said that. Thank goodness no one on the crew yelled at me for my error.  To Be Continued… [19 September 2008]

Unofficial Seal of Hayden

Awwwwww!!!!

I’m going to Alaska!

No, seriously I am. And it has absolutely nuttin’ to do with Republican veep candidate Sarah Palin. Before the rest of the world had even heard of the mooseburger-scarfing governor of Alaska (A møøse once bit my sister), my family had decided to vacation together in “The Last Frontier” to celebrate my parents’ landmark wedding anniversary (summer ’09). I also put in a special request for a stopover in Hayden’s native city of Vancouver, BC—the location of the 2010 Winter Olympics, in case you had forgotten. Yeah, I suspect you-know-who will be checking out that gig. Especially the ice hockey venue.

No realli! She was Karving her initials øn the møøse with the sharpened end of an interspace tøøthbrush given her by Svenge — her brother-in-law — an Oslo dentist and star of many Norwegian møvies: “The Høt Hands of an Oslo Dentist”, “Fillings of Passion”, “The Huge Mølars of Horst Nordfink”...

Normally I don’t venture down the politics pathway, but I thought this vid was the cutest thing: Piper Palin giving her little brother Trig a spit ’n’ shine. I’m a sucker for kids and babies.

Reminds me of me when my sister was a wee one (about the same age differential as Piper & the Trigster). Back then, I had more Alfalfa hair action going on than sis. We’re talking Cowlick Hell.

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Although trotting out family members during political conventions is a time-honored tradition in this country, I am going to flip-flop here and get all righteous about how the media fawns over celebrity’s kids these days. Why, all of the sudden, are celebrity’s babies and toddlers so noteworthy? What did they do to merit all this attention? Nothing. They didn’t have any choice in who their parents would be. Shouldn’t there be an “opt-in” clause for these poor angels? I don’t care if the parents sell the pictures and donate the money to charity. It’s just wrong. Exploitation on a grotesque level.

Mynd you, møøse bites Kan be pretty nasti...

I’m also against breathless Baby Bump watches and warnings. They should be outlawed. Okay, I can hear the peanut gallery whispering. Right, I’m just jealous because I’ll never be a mom (cats don’t count). Mmmmaybe so, but if Hayden and his missus ever allow their precious progeny to be treated as publicity props à la Jolie-Pitt, TomKat, et al, I will personally hunt him down in Anne of Green Gables Land and thunk him on the forehead, big-time!!

We apologise again for the fault in the comments. Those responsible for sacking the people who have just been sacked, have been sacked. —Editor

Note: Møøse comments pilfered from Monty Python and The Holy Grail

UPDATE: According to The New York Times, the “MEE-dee-ah” hated Piper’s grooming tactics: “journalists wrinkled their noses in disgust when Piper… was filmed kitty-licking her baby brother’s hair into place.” Ha! As if I needed another reason to like it! [04 September 2008]