Not Enough Hayden :: Part 2 :: i've got a bad feeling about this

The bridge in Gallup Park

Gallup Park (Jumper in A2)

Do you know what it’s like to be stuck in an office all day, imagining that Hayden Christensen could be three short miles away? It’s torture, that’s what it is. Friday was an unusually gorgeous winter day in Ann Arbor (affectionately known as A-squared or A2). Cloudless azure skies, gentle breezes, lots of sunshine, and a bone-chilling temperature. As soon as I got off work I headed straight for Gallup Park, where the newspaper had said the Jumper crew would be filming. Although sunset was imminent, I figured I could at least get my bearings and find out where they might be filming on Saturday.

A “Park Closed” sign was erected at the park entrance and a police officer was preventing vehicles from entering. Undeterred, I spotted a temporary (dirt) lot across the street and parked my car. I grabbed my HAYDENC license plate (just in case), pocketed my digital camera, and headed down a path with a man who was walking his dog. Up ahead, I could see a fire truck parked on top of a one-lane, wooden bridge that traversed the Huron River. There were other vehicles, vans used to transport cast/crew, a camera crane, and several people packing up equipment. Firefighters sprayed water onto the frozen river below the bridge. Five yellow school buses stretched out in a line between the opposite bank of the river and the railroad tracks that ran parallel to the water. A woman wearing a fluorescent vest emblazoned with the word “SECURITY” stood between me and the bridge. This would be my first hurdle. Would I get past security? How close would I be allowed to this bridge?

I once had the rare treat of spending four days at an outdoor television set (Paramount Ranch in Agoura Hills, California). That experience taught me that if one feigned ignorance and indifference, let the hired help do most of the talking, and refrained from threatening or obsessive behavior, maybe, just maybe, it was possible to get closer to the action. Without a set pass you were at the mercy of the gatekeepers.

The security guard thought they were filming a movie about a guy who could time travel — today’s filming was a scene from his childhood. They had been filming in and around this bridge, including on the frozen river below the bridge. She didn’t think any big name actors were involved. While Saturday’s newspaper would feature a photograph of two actors performing a scene by the river, identifying them as Rachel Bilson and Hayden’s stand-in Max Thieriot, I believe both actors were misidentified. Thieriot (The Astronaut Farmer) is not Hayden’s stand-in, but a younger version of his character, Davey Rice. Similarly, actress AnnaSophia Robb (Bridge to Terabithia), playing young Millie, was probably mistaken for Rachel Bilson. It made no sense for an adult Millie (Bilson) to interact with a child Davey (Thieriot), as the photograph’s caption suggested. Besides, Davey always jumped in real time, not to the past or future. Apparently screenwriter David Goyer chose to make Davey and Millie acquaintances from childhood, which was not the case in the book. However, that is certainly the screenwriter’s prerogative.

As the security guard and I continued to chat, I noticed a sled containing an auger about 3 feet (.9 m) in length, suitable for boring through the ice. A man standing near the sled appeared to be checking the consistency of the frozen surface. A few minutes later, Security Gal said I could cross the bridge. I thanked her and headed off. Still, I hesitated when I reached the base of the bridge. Was it really okay for me to be here? A cute firefighter standing alongside the fire truck noticed my hesitation and waved for me to come up. I asked him what they were doing. He said they were spraying water on the ice so that it would refreeze overnight. That lead me to believe they were preparing this spot in order to return again on Saturday. I asked if the ice was thick enough for people to be on it. He said it was 13 inches (33 cm). Safe enough. That was a relief. If Hayden had been out there today, I sure didn’t want him crashing through thin ice. Not that it was likely that an actor would be allowed to work in dangerous conditions. Luckily, the University of Michigan hospital was less than two miles away.

I crossed to the other side and mulled whether to pull out my camera and snap a picture of the firefighters doing their thing. But they had completed their job and were packing up, so it was a moot point. I looked toward the buses but did not notice any actors hanging around. Director Doug Liman was nowhere to be seen, nor were there any call sheets lying around to clue me in on that day’s activities. Clearly they were wrapping up their production for the day. The fire truck backed off the bridge, enabling the school buses and vans to depart. Since everyone was leaving I decided it was time to head for home. After only 30 minutes my feet were already getting numb; I made a mental note to wear my warm boots and wool socks on Saturday. I stopped to bid Security Gal good-bye and asked if she knew when filming would resume. She thought maybe 6:30 a.m. I said that I might come back — I wanted to see some of the filming.

To Be Continued (Part II: Where’s ~~Waldo~~ Hayden?)

[28 February 2007]

Will Hayden show in Ann Arbor?

Holy Moly!!!!

Yesterday I started to write my review of Factory Girl, but had to rush off to attend Ash Wednesday services. When I got home I was all set to fix myself some din-din (dinner for you grown-ups), but decided to scan the newspaper first. Boy, am I glad I did. Guess whose handsome mug was on the front page? Yep, Hayden’s. Naturally, my curiosity was piqued. The headline read, “Hollywood pays Huron High a visit.” The film crew for Jumper is filming here in Ann Arbor this weekend. I swear it. Girl Scout’s honor. Can you believe it?

They took applications yesterday at Huron High for teenaged extras. One of the filming locations is the high school and these student-extras will be filmed as if they are leaving the building at the end of a school day. Other filming takes place in nearby Gallup Park. The article states that the principal actors aren’t expected to be in town for this filming, although “it’s rumored Christensen may be on hand.”

Breathing hard. Hardly breathing. Hyper-vent-i-lat-ing.

Calm down, Kath. Breathe deeply, girl. Exhale slowly.

Needless to say, I didn’t sleep a wink last night.

Of course, it was originally MY idea — last October 18th to be exact — to film some of Jumper in the real Ann Arbor, but I never dreamed they’d take me seriously. Could my darlin’ Chrish maybe, possibly, really be here this weekend? Could I possibly get him to sign my HAYDENC license plate?! Omigosh!!!

The article goes on to speculate:

Why does “Jumper” have this Ann Arbor connection? Perhaps it’s because one of the screenwriters is Huron High grad David Goyer…

Or, perhaps they came here because they actually believed that hokum — that I would drop everything to be an extra. Sadly, I can’t do that. First of all, I would never pass for a teen-ager. Well, maybe from a rear view. Second, I already took a day off this week and I’m taking another on Monday. Third, I have an appointment to work on statistical reports with PC Guy tomorrow. Okay, he’s not the actual PC Guy from the Macintosh advertisements, but he sure reminds me of him. Yeah, you can imagine how bummed out I am. PC Guy or… Chrish… PC Guy… Hayden… PC Guy… sob!

Of course, we’ve had some really gorgeous (i.e., atypically sunny & warm) weather this week. Now that the film crew is rolling into town, the skies have turned ominous and there is a wind advisory for most of the day. The weekend is supposed to be calmer, but there is still snow and rain in the forecast. Not exactly a warm welcome for the Jumper folks, but at least it’s unlikely they’ll forget their “Michigan Experience” anytime soon. The timing kind of sucks though. They won’t get the full Ann Arbor effect because the students will be on Spring Break starting tomorrow.

Oh, and, Hayden dear, if you should catch a glimpse of a petite blonde gal in a blue paisley parka, that would be me, hon.

[22 February 2007]

Hayden, you make my heart throb!

L is For the Way He Looks

Valentine’s Day. The day that couples live for and the romantically unattached dread. If you have a SO, then all is right with the world. However, if you find yourself in the latter category, you’re probably searching for the nearest hole to crawl into, am I right? While it’s comforting to know I’m not alone in my singlehood, I am not one to wallow in self pity. No, way. When the going gets tough, the tough must… haiku!

Haiku is an ancient form of Japanese poetry. Does 5-7-5 ring a bell? The most popular form of haiku is five syllables in the first line, seven syllables in the second, and five syllables in the final line. No, they don’t need to rhyme, thank goodness. Brevity is its charm. Once you get started, they are hopelessly addictive. Honest. I’ve tried to stop and can’t. So, in the spirit of Valentine’s Day, here are a handful of haiku, Hayden-style.


	Here’s my valentine Filled with passion just for Chrish And sealed with a kiss.		Hayden Christensen — The Force is strong with this one. Talented actor.

	Hayden played tennis, Hockey, too — but, mostly, the Boy was born to act.		Why do films take so Long to make when I’m dying To see Hayden now?

	The boy got his start When his trampoline champ sis Had to babysit.		That’s Scott, super jock. His stepmom molested him — Now he’s high on drugs.

	Sam loathes his parents: “Just die and leave me alone!” Someone needs a hug.		Canadian lad — “That one!” George Lucas exclaimed, “He’s my Anakin!”

	Ani Skywalker, Padmé’s Jedi protector, Lovesick puppy dog.		TNR’s Steve Glass — Hack Heaven was his downfall. “Are you mad at me?”

	Restil, Hiert, Sims — “Those are all real people!” Fact check that sucker.		“My strength has doubled,” Anakin Skywalker bragged. Dooku’s unimpressed.

	Anakin, my love, Don’t do this, you’ve chosen a Path I can’t follow.		Luke and Leia’s dad — Once a storied Jedi knight. Sith happened. How sad.

	Clay can’t move a limb Though awake. Pain wracks his bod. No one hears his screams.		Now you see him, and Now you don’t — Davy jumps and Millie is annoyed.

	Bullrun road rally — Dead Ferrari transmission. Massive towing bill.		Sideburns, luscious lips, Reckless hearts shall pine in vain — Not Enough Hayden.

[13 February 2007]

My new HAYDENC license plate

Baby, It’s COLD Outside!

Man, has it been c-c-c-cold here lately. A few days ago I awoke to -4°F (-20°C) on my outdoor temperature gauge. They’re predicting milder temps (in the 20s) for the rest of the week, which is fine by me. Of course, if Hayden takes the red-eye from Tokyo to the Baja peninsula (where Jumper is reportedly filming next), then he can enjoy those balmy, tropical breezes in the 80s (°F). Hardly seems fair. To get paid mucho bucks and scarf down drinks with little umbrellas in them! Meanwhile, my tender tootsies froze twice this week!

Naturally, I always ~~blame~~ thank Canada for these blasts of f-f-f-frigidity. Whenever it gets cold like this I try to remind myself that there’s a whole ’nother country north of me that has it even worse. Yeah, those Yoopers are a crazy bunch… What?! You mean the Upper Peninsula isn’t a separate country? Could have fooled me. Yoopers sound just like their linguistic kin in Canada. Ya, da Yoopers and da Canucks, dey speak da same tongue up dare. Hey, I can make fun of them because (a) I’m a troll (I live under da Bridge, da Mackinac Bridge) and we trolls can be ornery, (b) one of my college roommates was a Yooper from Marquette, and (c) six of my choicest ancestors were Canadian, so there’s a residual Canadian twang in my Midwestern dialect. Plus, I can understand Don Cherry and I am one of the few thousand people on the planet who has actually seen the Yooper farce, Escanaba in da Moonlight, starring Jeff Daniels, written by Jeff Daniels and directed by… well, you get the picture.

Trivia fact: Did you know that Jeff Daniels (RV, The Squid and the Whale) lives just a few miles from here? near Ann Arbor? Left the rat race known as Los Angeles/Hollywood and returned to his roots, the bedroom community of Chelsea, where he founded the Purple Rose Theatre Company and his folks own a lumber company. My garage was built from a kit from their store. Yep, garages come in kits. Bet ya didn’t know that either. And I bet ya didn’t know I have a cousin whose middle name is Hayden. Well, actually it’s Haden, but she pronounces it the same way (yes, my cousin is a she, not a he). And this was before our Hayden was even a twinkling in George Lucas’ eye. Have I been to the Purple Rose Theatre? Well, I’ve slinked past it a few times, but have not deigned to enter the premises (pssst, they show nudity on stage!). Besides, my first boyfriend dumped me for the sk*nk who wrote PRTC’s inaugural play, so the place has bad vibes for me.

And that concludes our lesson on Yooper history & climate, Yooper-inspired films (along with the classic Anatomy of a Murder), and Yooper-ese (their dialect).

[07 February 2007]

Cute baby pout

Factory Closing in Michigan

Okay, you know something’s amiss when I break out the pouting baby pictures (no, it’s not a baby Hayden pout but he is a cute little fella nonetheless). Here in Michigan, auto factory closings are a frequent occurrence. Still, it came as a terrible shock when it circulated that Factory Girl had failed to make the cut in my neighborhood. Granted, I was not terribly geeked to see this one, but it IS Hayden… I mean, Hayden’s first film in, oh, eons. Okay, two years. Two excruciatingly long years I might add. Fine, I’ll just go and sulk over here in my corner… No, no, don’t even try to console me. I’m a big girl (sniff). I can handle this… this blatant rejection of my very allegiance to Mr. C. Believe me, I am well aware there is Not Enough Hayden to go around. Cripes, I practically invented the concept. Wait… I did invent the concept. If this keeps up, people will start to refer to Ann Arbor as “Hicksville USA” — but the fact is, Ann Arbor is just too snobby for some films. Hmmph! Hayden, baby, I am so sorry, but… not. my. fault. darlin’.

Ah, well. I guess I can take solace in the fact that Factory Girl is getting poor reviews — not that I like Hayden’s films getting body slammed. NYT reviewer Stephen Holden had especially harsh words for Hayden’s Bob Dylan-like portrayal, calling it an “abysmal” impersonation. Frankly, I don’t believe it was meant to be a literal impersonation, given Dylan’s threats of a lawsuit. Sigh. At some point I will see it and judge for myself.

[01 February 2007]

The irrepressible Gwen Dew

Lights! Camera! Action!

I had a very fascinating cousin named Gwen Dew Buchanan (1903-1993) whom I wish I could have met in person. Why a movie hasn’t been made about her life, I’ll never know. Hey… Forest Park Pictures could make a movie about her! Hint, hint. My cousin was an early feminist with a flair for the dramatic. She was the only female in her journalism class, yearbook staff, and a pre-law course at Albion College. She transferred to the University of Michigan where she earned a journalism degree and edited The Michigan Daily (student newspaper). She was one of the first females in the U.S. to obtain a pilot’s license.

As the daughter of a florist shop owner, Gwen was well-suited to start up a public relations department for FTD (then known as Florists’ Telegraph Delivery Association) where she designed their famous Running Mercury Man logo (a variant is still used today). While recuperating from a 1929 automobile accident, Gwen vowed to do something interesting with her life so that, should she end up flat on her back again, she would have memories worth reflecting on. So, naturally, she headed off to New York City. There she worked as a publicist for a Chinese dance troupe and wrote for a Hollywood gossip publication, Screen Book Magazine. That lead to writing for other movie industry publications and hobnobbing with celebrities like Claudette Colbert.

In 1935, she decided to travel the world, finagling funding from The Detroit News to write a travel series and serving as her own photographer. She was especially taken with Chinese culture and interviewed Madame Chiang Kai-Shek, wife of the Chinese president, who rarely granted interviews. When her travels ended in 1937, she decided to return home in an exotic mode of transportation — aboard a transatlantic dirigible. A scheduling conflict forced her to rebook her original flight… which was on the Hindenburg. Yes, my dear cousin was supposed to be on that ill-fated trip which ended in tragedy in New Jersey. Oh, the humanity!

Her luck would run out four years later.

After her world tour, Gwen was hired by the United Press as a special correspondent. She traveled to Mexico and Hawaii where she made films of the Mexican presidential inauguration and noted the large Japanese population in the then Hawaiian territory. In December 1941, as she prepared to leave Hong Kong, the Japanese invaded (concurrently with the attack in the U.S. on Pearl Harbor). Gwen filmed the attack and surrender of that British-held island; one of her photographs appeared in The New York Times. Shortly thereafter, along with 200 others, Gwen became a prisoner of war. Ever the plucky journalist, she kept notes and took photographs during her forced march and incarceration. Her film and cameras were later confiscated but she managed to smuggle her notes out. Upon her release in June 1942, she wrote a series of articles about her experience for The Detroit News which she later turned into a book. I was able to locate an autographed copy of her no-holds-barred book with the politically incorrect title, Prisoner of the Japs.

Gwen lectured and toured the country with the Edward Dmytryk-directed war propaganda movie, Behind the Rising Sun. She was praised by the U.S. Treasury Department for her efforts in selling war bonds. After Japan surrendered in 1945, Gwen was the first female foreign correspondent allowed into Japan. At a press club party in Tokyo she was the lone woman among 33 men. “I thought that was the proper ratio, and still do,” she quipped years later. Gwen met her future husband — Captain James Buchanan, a U.S. Army public relations officer sent to investigate her — after she wrote an article critical of U.S. military conduct in occupied Japan. Sadly, James was felled by a heart attack five years later.

Gwen moved to Scottsdale, Arizona and started a business called “World Adventure Travel Series” featuring the work of professional photographers and filmmakers. She was publicity director for the Phoenix Civic Opera and served on its board of directors. Regrettably, she had just begun to write her memoirs when she died, a day before her ninetieth birthday, in 1993. She had planned to title her autobiography “My God, A Woman!” after a male chauvinist’s remark during her time working at The Michigan Daily.

Now, doesn’t my cousin sound like a real cool person? I barely scratched the surface in regards to her accomplishments. If only she had finished her memoirs… someone might have read them and written a screenplay by now. Don’t you think Hayden should produce a film about her life? And hire moi as a consultant? I envision Kate Winslet in the lead role. Not sure, though, who Hayden would play. Maybe he could do a cameo as “The Chauvinist.” Right up his alley. Always playing the villain!

Dew book jacket

P.S. I just discovered a 1940s NBC-produced radio show based on Gwen’s book Prisoner of the Japs. Like many radio shows of that era, it is very melodramatic. The music soundtrack is particularly hilarious. Actress Joan Alexander played the part of Gwen. By sheer coincidence (I’m sure) the podcast contains a commercial (starting at 17:45) featuring the voices of Yoda (“A Jedi’s strength flows from the Force”) and Darth Vader (“Impressive… most impressive”). You can hear the real Gwen Dew speak briefly at the end of the broadcast. Listen to the 33-minute podcast at World At War Podcast, or download it for free at iTunes, like I did!

[25 January 2007]

It's like looking in a mirror!

My Favorite Thangs

During the holidays I got the sudden urge to… crochet. I want to learn to knit, too. Make hats and scarves and sweaters for Hayden. Just kidding, Chrish. Unfortunately, I am crocheting during my lunch hours instead of writing musings for this site. Therefore, you’re stuck with another list: My Favorite Thangs (Things), grouped by category.

Food Stuff

Cinnamon Caramel Cashew Crunch ice cream — a store brand at my local grocer Kroger is to die for!
Key Lime flavored yogurt — another Kroger delicacy.
Hershey’s Kisses with Toasted Coconut & Toffee filling — not yet available to the public-at-large but, trust me, they’re delish!
Archer Farms Cherry Pistachio Dark Chocolate granola bars (available at some Target stores). Yum!
Dorothy’s Broccoli Raisin salad — homemade and mmm, mmm, good!

Places

The Free Dictionary (website) — words are my friends!
Grand Illusions (website) — the geek in me can spend hours here. I dig the videos that show how the optical illusions work and I want their Toy Box!
Borders Books & Music — I’d work there for free books if I didn’t need to eat, drink, or buy tickets to Hayden’s films.
The Family History Library in Salt Lake City, Utah — the closest thing to heaven on Earth for genealogists.
Graceland — the private home of Elvis Presley. Been there twice. Just wait, one day Hayden’s domicile will become a national landmark and we can all make annual pilgrimages on his birthday!
Toronto — and not just ’cuz it’s Hayden’s stomping grounds (although that certainly is a plus factor). I went there on my first-ever train trip (from Windsor, Ontario) to visit the Ontario Science Centre, which turned me on to science and other geeky thangs (like Star Wars).
The Henry Ford in Dearborn, Michigan — their museum is humongous. Highlights include: Abraham Lincoln’s chair from Ford’s Theatre, the limousine JFK rode in when he was assassinated, a Tucker automobile (my dad had an erstwhile connection to Preston Tucker), an Oscar Meyer Wienermobile, a street car, and a fire truck from my hometown — they do have Ferraris but not Hayden’s Bullrun Ferrari — and scads of ordinary and extraordinary items. It’s like visiting a very big attic stuffed with fabulous thangs.

Thangs (Not Edible)

Blistex® Complete Moisture™ lip protector/sunscreen — so smoooooth!
My iPod + iTunes Music Store — can’t live without ’em.
A 30-Hour Day — well, I would love it if it actually existed. Or, how about a 30x11 Calendar? A calendar year with eleven 30-day months followed by December with 35 days (36 in a leap year) would sure simplify thangs. Hayden’s birthday would still fall on April 19, except in leap years when it would fall on April 20.
Wickedly Hot Chocolate — a 3-in-1 body wash, bubble bath & shampoo at Bath & Body Works, previously endorsed by your webmistress.

The Arts

Ugly Betty — ABC Television’s new comedy. Michael Urie (Marc St. James) is over-the-top hilarious.
Reruns of Higher Ground — Hayden’s performance in the pilot blew me away and I haven’t been the same since. Mr. Christensen at his aesthetic best and smoldering baddest.
Sense & Sensibility (1995) — directed by Ang Lee. When Hugh Grant (Edward Ferrars) gets down on one knee and tells Emma Thompson (Elinor Dashwood) that his heart “is, and always will be, yours” — I get all melty inside and break out in big, blobby tears. Plus, it’s darn funny — a real hoot.
24 — Kiefer Sutherland (Jack Bauer) is one scary dude on Fox’s hit show.
Scherenschnitte (“scissor-cutting”) art of Marie-Helene Grabman — I purchased a small example of her gorgeous and intricate artwork at The Ann Arbor Art Fair a few years back.
“Unputdownable” by De/Vision — a great, mellow song. Wish you were here with me.
“Yellow” by Coldplay — the opening guitar strumming makes me feel very, very naughty for some reason.

Wow! 23 thangs. The same as my New Year’s Day list. Hmmm, I’m sensing a trend. Or, maybe I’m in a rut. Whatever.

[12 January 2007]

Some leg action

Resolved

It’s that time of year, when people make (and break) their New Year’s resolutions. So, without further adieu, here are mine.

In 2007, I hereby resolve…

to STOP losing weight!!!
Admittedly, most people want to lose weight, but I am going broke from buying clothes. Call me the Incredible Shrinking Woman. I’ve lost so much weight through exercise and diet that most of the clothes in my closet have a half-life of 30 days or less. The good news is that I have abs again — and my BMI went from 27.8 to a healthy 21.6 (19.0-25.8 is ideal for females). Woo hoo! While I am pleased with my accomplishment, please feel free to hate my guts. Swear words may be written in box provided below.

I further resolve…

not to mention “Hayden” and “cute” in the same sentence
to stop fantasizing that Hayden is my very own personal masseur
to cap my playlist of “Songs That Hayden Might Like” at 100
that when gazing at photos of Hayden I shall refrain from babbling things like “lips of an angel”, “a living god”, or “the Force is strong with this one”
to stop fantasizing that I am Hayden’s personal masseuse
to change the look of Not Enough Hayden before the year is out (I tend to fall in love with my ~~masterpieces~~ creations and resist changing them)
to see all of Hayden’s films during their first week of release (What?! Hayden in our movie theaters?? What a novel concept! Last known sighting was in 2005.)
to finally write a critique of Revenge of the Sith
to surpass last year’s birthday card to Hayden
to pursue a platonically incorrect relationship with Hayden
that should I ever meet Hayden face-to-face, I will (a) not faint, (b) remain calm, (c) thank him for taking the role of Anakin Skywalker because Star Wars has given me oodles of material to work with, then (d) make sure he is “decently kissed” (it would be unladylike of me to elaborate)
to be one of the important women in Hayden’s life!

Sigh. Yeah, those last three will be nigh impossible to pull off. I was a math chick in a former life and I just crunched the numbers. The probability that I would actually ~~seduce~~ pursue Mr. Christensen figures out to be something like 3.0756 x 10^-8. In other words, he need not hire a bodyguard on my account. However, I don’t believe Chrish would actually snub me. He strikes me as a nice, decent guy who would very graciously turn down my offer of… of irresistible ME in his life. Regardless, life is like a merry-go-round and I don’t intend to get off just yet. I love a challenge. Yessiree, if the brass ring comes around, I will absolutely take a swipe at it.

Lest you think I am all about Hayden, all of the time, I’ve thrown in some others that are serious and not so serious. Thus, I also resolve to…

exercise 3-5 times a week
up my fruit and veggie intake and drink lots of water
reduce my exposure to allergens
find a worthy cause (besides Hayden) for which I can volunteer my time
practice my flute more and get my saxamaphone repaired
acquire a few more domestic goddess skills (cooking, cleaning, wiping snot from little rugrats’ noses, stuff like that)
lobby for a Chipotle restaurant in the Ann Arbor/Ypsi area (quality fast food!)
chain myself to an asphalt paver until the Washtenaw County Road Commission agrees to repave my road (can you say “potholes the size of Rhode Island”?)
avoid fiscal ruin by eschewing H&M stores and pitching my Victoria’s Secret catalogs into the trash