what to do...

AHHHHH!!!!! sorry i had to get that out. i'm so frusterated with EVERYTHING adn EVERYONE!!!! seriously i'm oviously doing something wrong cus everything that i want i don't have. somethings not working for me otherwise i would be achieving my goals and dreams..... what to do.... EVERYTHINGS changing around me and even in me. I don't drink anymore, i have basically quit partying. My social life has done like a complete 180. I used to party everynight. i used to have sooo many people to call on a friday night to go out. people used to be calling me. now what... i stayed home last night and went to bed at 10. WHATS WRONG WITH ME!!!! i came from a really small school where everyone knew who i was. i'm not saying they all liked me but atleast i stood out alot! now, nobody even notices me. i'm no different than the rest of the thousands that go to u of m. it makes you feel like your nobody special. The other thing is my love life. its basically not there. i used to never have a problem finding dates. now i'd be lucky to go on a date... :( whats changed? me? have i changed? is it how i look? i don't understand what about me is so un-attractive, cus oviously there is something that i just cant see. have i ever said that i hate boys. cus i do. they are so fuckin confussing. okay okay let me give ya some background. so i have had an ex boyfriend. we have been dating on and off for the last 2 years. he was basically my best friend for the whole 2 year. he is the person i spent the most time with. he is the person i spent 3 hour a night talking to on the phone about everything, my hopes, my dreams, my fears. he knows me better than anyone does. he also knows what hurts me the most, and has. he honestly has hurt me more than anyone else. I'm not sure what to do now that him and i have started talking again. I seriously have never loved someone outside my family as much as i do him, but i'm not so sure he feels the same way. i think he loves the fact that i love him. i thihnk he wants me to chase him again... its not gunna happen. i'm not gunna do it this time. its so hard though and its tearing me up inside. to see something you want but stopping yourself from going after it. especially when he it making it seem like he wants you too. its killing me because he will act like he misses me and wants to see whats there now,but then sometimes he doesn't. whys he have to play with my mind!!! then... theres another guy. basically i'll lay it out for you. he is quite a bit old than i am. he has a whole different life and because of the age difference he does thing completely different and i'm not really sure how to read him, what to make of his actions. AHHHH!!!! i don't even wanna type about this anymore i'm getting pissed....