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	quill "Outrageous Fortune" quotes
Sessions 80-89
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Session 80

"The moral of the story is that if you don't know the rules of the Shadow, don't go widening any assholes." -- Laughter to Nicholas

"Oh great, Usires is the Amelia Earhart of barbarianism." -- Jason to the group

"I am a wizard, I am known to the Great World Turtle." -- Reeshau to Bart and Ariel

"If I can learn regular sorcery, maybe I'll be a better daughter." -- Laughter to Fiona

"You know what I'm saying." -- Laughter
"Yes, unfortunately, I do." -- Fiona

"(Real magic) is basically the same concept (as faerie magic), just with a different method and different results." -- Foster to Laughter

"I couldn't think of anything I could get you (for your wedding present) that you couldn't have just killed someone and taken." -- Ahab to Deirdre

"If you ever want to learn how to really use that sword, you know who to ask." -- Deirdre to Ahab
"Benedict." -- Sean

"You actually have some control over your body now." -- GM to Laughter
"Which means you're no longer wetting the bed." -- Sean

"I'm going to try to access the Disc." -- Laughter
"How are you going to do this?" -- GM
"I'm going to wake Foster up and ask him how to do it." -- Laughter

"Oh, I'd love to see (Bart) get vicious against Oberon!" -- Kris
"Short piece of entertainment." -- George

"Even with your endurance, you're beginning to feel the effects of this." -- GM
"Oh, good." -- Ahab

"Who knows, someday you might get tired of Kimdyl." -- Ariadne
"I might get tired of living, too, it amounts to the same thing." -- Ahab

"Yes, I suppose you're only a sorceress, shapeshifter and assassin, I can see how you would feel impotent." -- Ahab to Kimdyl

"You'll let me beat you up now, or no sex later." -- Kimdyl
"Can we combine the two?" -- Ahab

"You're going to have to try harder, my brother was better than you." -- Liam, speaking for Deirdre to Luther

Session 81

"Foster is the only one Laughter can marry, because everything else would be heinous incest, due to all of the other marriages." -- Merrie to GM

"Fiona hasn't gotten around to teaching you to mask your thoughts, has she?" -- Bleys
"You can do that?" -- Laughter

"Fiona's been busy on her honeymoon." -- Laughter
"Why would that keep her busy?" -- Bleys

"Are there any nasty surprises waiting for (Ahab)?" -- Ariana to Arthur
"Gonorrhea." -- Liam

"We know our status in the world, and we are fly, and (Gramble) is swatter." -- Laughter to GM

"When they replace Gramble versus Oberon, with Mandor versus Ahab, the world will come to an end." -- Jason to GM

"(Kimdyl's) sex drive is stronger than nausea, it just needed a few days to build up." -- Ahab to GM

"No, Shard would not make me (a vampire), even though I asked it of him." -- Beauty to Laughter
"You're grounded." -- Sean

"I Trump Ariana, this is her pet vampire, after all." -- Laughter to GM

"(Haris) can't be Driscoll's child, because we never slept together." -- Laughter to GM

"I don't want to throw up on Benedict, it would be bad form." -- Bart to Constance

"It's about an unexpected pregnancy. Well, frankly it's between Dad and Shard." -- Foster
"That's not physically possible." -- Laughter

"I don't tire easily." -- Bridget to Laughter
"Of course not, it took two of them to, oh, never mind." -- Sean

"What are you going to do when Shard gets back?" -- Felix
"I'm not putting the two of you in the same room!" -- Laughter

"If you can't provide a sword for your wife, what kind of husband will you be?" -- Felix to Foster

"We miss Julian. He's the only person half as grim as me. Except for Benedict, who doesn't count, since with him it's a state of being." -- Ahab to GM

Session 82

"We're just standing there, you can't come up to us and be mean." -- Merrie to Liam

"The plot's getting Ahab!" -- Merrie
"Oh, like that's unique." -- Jason

"How are you going to dance?" -- GM
"On my feet." -- Laughter

"Laughter will dance with Foster, and make a snide comment about Driscoll. Perhaps a snide comment to be named later." -- Merrie to GM

"Well, we could get down on our knees and beg." -- Foster
"You don't even have any knees." -- Laughter

"We should all bow to Ahab." -- Kris
"Are you kidding me? I've seen this man grow breasts, I bow to him not until he has the throne of Amber glued to his ass." -- Merrie

"Don't listen to (Ariana and Laughter). Women lie sometimes." -- Felix to Nicholas
"And that's how babies are born." -- Sean

"Did I mention that I'm wearing my armor?" -- Ahab to GM, after someone shoots at his back

"I don't want to talk to Fiona and her husband. I'm sorry Fiona, I know you're listening in." -- Felix to Foster

"It would be convenient if you told me how much pain you can withstand before being broken, so I can skip the intermediate levels of pain." -- Ahab to his would-be assassin

"You have no more need of me, then?" -- Fiona
"Well, I'm sure if we wait long enough, something will come along..." -- Ahab

"It's what has allowed me to live to a ripe old age." -- Riftvan to Ariana
"Yes, it's a vitamin they leave in the water, vitamin evil." -- Felix

"Laughter - fear of your soul. You're going to have to change your name, first." -- Foster to Laughter

"I'm not toying with (Vetch), I'm using him." -- Laughter to GM

Session 83

"I thought we were only speaking of the past metaphorically." -- Riftvan
"Well, I mean metaphorically in a different way." -- Laughter

"I assume that you are calling me to service?" -- Riftvan
"I don't know if I want to do that, you might hurt me." -- Laughter

"It would be promise to try to be coherent." -- Bart
"That would be Laughter's wedding." -- Kris
"You can't make promises you can't keep." -- Merrie

"Corwin slept around? That bastard, cheating on his sister!" -- Sean to the group

"I'm going to have to strip-search myself when I get home." -- Ahab to GM

"It just occurred to me that a wedding takes a lot of careful planning, so could you wake your father up?" -- Laughter to Foster

"I think I can find an errand to keep (Vetch) in the vicinity of your wedding." -- Mandor to Laughter
"Has it occurred to you the sort of errand Mandor would find for an assassin to do around your wedding?" -- Kris to Merrie

"(Laughter's) mind is an open book, that no one can close." -- ? to the group

"Shouldn't you be planning your wedding?" -- Fiona
"What is there to plan, the priest knows we're coming!" -- Laughter

"That was an awfully long time ago." -- Shard
"No it wasn't, don't you love Shadow?" -- Felix

"You hadn't been snacking while going down the hall?" -- Felix to Shard

"Please, like I wouldn't have a fashion store available to me at any moment." -- Flora to Felix

"You're going to a bachelorette party. Only you're going to have to grow breasts." -- Lyss to Bart

"What's holding (the men's loincloth) up?" -- Laughter
"String. It's tied in a bow on the side." -- GM
"I touch not the bow." -- Laughter

"My legs talk." -- Foster
"Do they cut off other people's legs?" -- Ahab
"Well, no." -- Foster
"So, they don't carry quite the same weight in an argument (as Sequence)." -- Ahab

"What is (Riftvan) going to do to me? Torture? Death?" -- Laughter
"Oh, nothing so obvious." -- Ariana
"There's something worse than that, but not so bad." -- Laughter

"Just knock me out, let me go through the (wedding) ceremony unconscious." -- Foster
"I don't think that's legal." -- Felix

"(Laughter) would invite the man who threw an ax at me." -- Foster
"I'm sure he didn't mean it." -- Ahab

"I have a hand, could you use that?" -- Laughter
"A hand?" -- Foster
"Well, I'm not exactly lubricated at the moment." -- Laughter

Session 84

"Why are you so nervous?" -- Tamaryn to Felix
"He wants to sleep with her, but he doesn't want to see her in the morning." -- Sean

"Now that you are lost to me, I'm willing to be your friend." -- Driscoll to Laughter

"(Laughter's) a nice, Catholic girl, with druidic, paganistic tendencies." -- Laughter to GM
"You're about as Catholic as Henry VIII." -- Jason

"Surely there is something out (on the dance floor) that catches your eye." -- Pari to Usires
"This isn't Pari, it's Caine, shapeshifted." -- Liam

"(Feldane's daughters) make for ample air-headed conversation." -- GM to Bart
"Oh, they're perfect for Bart." -- Kris

"With Haris' grandparents, he's going to be a force to be reckoned with." -- Merrie
"You'd think that, but look at Laughter." -- Jason

"You realize that you're not one of Ahab's favorite people?" -- Fiona
"I'm not marrying Ahab." -- Bart
"That would be ill-advised." -- Jason

"I may be responsible for the deaths of three princes and a king. Foster can sleep with Viktoria, for all I care." -- Laughter to GM

"I am not a prize to be won or lost, I made my own decision. Not a decision made on logic, mind you." -- Laughter to Foster

"You won through deceit. How Vetchlike." -- Laughter to Foster

"Oh shit, where did we leave the kid!" -- Bart to GM

"I run over to Ariana, and do my level best to arouse her. I mean rouse her." -- Laughter to GM

"Long live the King." -- Bill Roth
"Fat chance of that." -- Ahab

Session 85

"(Nicholas) has got two Trumps." -- Merrie
"Kind of like Usires in that matter." -- Liam
"Usires has three." -- George, rather proudly

"Would you like to see your young cousin?" -- Laughter to Nicholas
"Yes, where is Felix?" -- Liam

"Is Nicholas cute?" -- Laughter
"Yes." -- GM
"He can be my son-in-law, then." -- Laughter
"How are you going to stop him?" -- Ahab
"I'll be disapproving from afar." -- Laughter

"I'm doubling your pay." -- Ahab
"Um, nothing doubled is still nothing." -- Meander

"Ahab smiles, not pointing out to the Hellmaid that she's missed his point." -- Jason to GM

"I don't think there's a 'Use a condom' look, so I won't give (Ariadne) one." -- Jason to GM

"I always give people an opportunity to back out, before I force them to do what they don't want to do." -- Ahab to Eric

"I would appreciate it if most of you with informant networks, that is to say, all of you..." -- Ahab to the family

"Crown Prince of Amber. Vampire. Which is the lesser of two evils?" -- Laughter to herself

"What good is being able to tell the future, if you can't tell where you're going to sleep?" -- Ahab to Meander

"I don't suppose you'd care to find whoever stole the Jewel? Assuming it wasn't you." -- Ahab
"Two hours on the throne, and already you've lost it?" -- Bleys
"Well, these things happen." -- Ahab

"A lock. How devious." -- Matt to the group

"Felix, I remember you being taller." -- Nicholas
"And I remember my younger sister beating you up." -- Felix

"So, the next time we're making love, and (Brand) taps you on the shoulder saying, 'Can I have a moment?' you're going to react how?" -- Kimdyl
"Violently, I imagine." -- Ahab

"(Bleys) is perfectly loyal - to nothing in particular." -- Ahab to Benedict

"One of us should talk to the undead person." -- Ahab to Laughter

"Are you sure you want (Laughter) to (talk to the vampire) unsupervised?" -- Merrie
"The vampire had better not kill her." -- Jason

"The fact that a conversation was never started doesn't mean that Laughter can't continue it." -- Jason to the group

"As Ahab said, the living and the unliving really shouldn't live together." -- Laughter to Foster

Session 86

"They know what causes (pregnancy) now." -- Eris
"The Pattern." -- Felix

"You just say that because you think that you defeated me." -- Felix
"As I remember it, you were on your knees telling me you yielded." -- Eris

"Kiss and make up." -- Jason
"Or at least have sex." -- Merrie

"Ahab's playing gene pool lifeguard." -- Liam to the group

"Laughter had a master plan? Weird." -- Felix to Nicholas

"I have an upset stomach. You're the one who made it that way. You and Oberon." -- Laughter to Foster

"I'm going to Hellride to Sequence. Well, maybe I'll Hellwalk, if my butt hurts too much." -- Laughter to GM

"I don't think it's to anyone's advantage for a war of assassins to break out." -- Ahab to Ariana
"Ooh, that's a good idea." -- GM

"(Riftvan) killed someone else, though." -- Ahab
"Do I owe them money?" -- Laughter
"I don't see how it would do him any good." -- Ahab

"Will you admit that it was a moment of extreme stupidity to bring a master assassin into Amber?" -- Ahab
"No, it was a moment of extreme stupidity to ask my father to help." -- Laughter

"I'd love to rail at you about this, but the next day you'd just go into denial." -- Ahab
"That's not true." -- Laughter

"I didn't use you as a pawn. You invited me to use you as a pawn." -- Ahab to Laughter

"You actually have more respect for Suhuy than you ever did for Dworkin." -- GM
"That's because he hasn't tried to kill my mom yet. That pissed me off." -- Ahab

"Do I have an impending sense of doom?" -- Bart to GM
"You're a Jesby, you always have an impending sense of doom." -- Kris

"I am a Jesby, maintaining my dignity would be a rather novel experience." -- Bart to Brand

"I have a bit of a proposition for you." -- Riftvan
"I'm married." -- Ahab

"Granted, I'm not sure how to say this without sounding like a complete hypocrite." -- Laughter
"You could say something different." -- Ahab

"If I approve (Beauty's) intentions after she's told them to me, then I'm only doing it because she's right or she's wrong." -- Laughter to Driscoll

"What offense do I now make?" -- Beauty
"You're defending me. To my face!" -- Laughter

"Are there any eligible lords floating about?" -- Eris
"What, in the boat?" -- Felix

Session 87

"At least (if you caused me grief) I'd know you're developing normally." -- Laughter
"You mean the crush on the undead wasn't enough for you?" -- Beauty

"There are certain, unusual things about the other end of reality." -- Bart
"You don't say." -- Riftvan

"In all honesty, if (Ahab) presented his buttocks, would you go for them?" -- GM to Laughter
"Wouldn't anyone?" -- Ahab

"50 years ago, I would have thought it was a great idea. What's wrong with me?" -- Ahab
"You've grown up?" -- Nicholas
"They always made it sound like a good idea!" -- Ahab

"I was confused before I was drunk. Now I'm being confused about three of everything." -- Ahab to Nicholas

"I want to be there when (Dara) escapes." -- Ahab
"I want to make sure that she's not escaping to me, she's escaping away from the area where I'm at." -- Alex

"Ahab is walking past the sitting room when he hears this feminine twitter coming from the room." -- GM
"Can I identify the twit?" -- Ahab

"I merely live my life, I'm not always present." -- Bart to Constance

"Laughter's got real problems." -- Nicholas
"Yeah, but you aren't a psychologist, and this isn't a good time." -- Ahab

"If you know it's coming, you'll only worry about it." -- GM to Bart

"There's the queasiness of being in a Pattern cage, and the queasiness of being outside with Dara. I'll take the former." -- Alex to GM

"I'm sorry, it's genetic, I can't actually be helpful for more than a few minutes at a time." -- Ahab to Nicholas

Session 88

"You're on the Disc. Fuck the Disc. I can't blow it up, so I'll ignore it." -- Ahab to Ariana

"Since I'm now Queen of Amber, I thought it would be wise..." -- Kimdyl
"To bring up my genitals? Wrong! Bend over!" -- Ahab

"And these people number...?" -- Lyss to Bart
"The same way we do." -- George

"Denial is a safe place to be." -- Laughter to GM

"I'd be mad for three weeks..." -- Laughter
"And then I'd go kill a bunch of people." -- Sean
"That's part of being mad." -- Merrie

"If Beauty could go out and kill things, I think she'd feel better, but that's just me." -- Laughter
"I think you're projecting." -- Ahab

"She's my girl! Sweetie! If only (the rosebushes) bled a little more, you'd feel better." -- Laughter to Beauty

"What does it feel like if I put my hand in the sparks?" -- Ahab to GM
"It feels like a bunch of Hellmaids knocking your hand away." -- Sean

"If this wasn't plot, it wouldn't be happening." -- Jason to GM

"We seem to be communicating wonderfully so far, so there's no point in pushing our luck." -- Ahab to Brand

"We proceed in that direction, while watching the other directions." -- Usires to GM

Session 89

"Dara attacked, killed all of Gérard's men, and took off with Gérard. Presumably he wasn't willing." -- Ahab to Brand

"I go pick up my good child." -- Laughter to GM

"Ahab doesn't think he's the king of Amber, he thinks he's the sheriff of Amber." -- Merrie to GM

"You've said time and time again that I'm an adult, and I can make my own decisions." -- Beauty
"Not when they're the wrong ones!" -- Laughter

"I try to arrange my cloak so that (Beauty) doesn't cry on the chainmail. I'm so sensitive, I could die." -- Ahab to GM
"He's the Alan Alda of Amber." -- Merrie

"I'm beginning to think that killing a whole race of people was easier than subduing a 14-year-old." -- Laughter to GM

"What happened to my perfect Celtic existence?" -- Laughter
"What perfect existence?" -- Sean
"I killed people, I took their heads, I put them over my door frame. It was a perfect existence." -- Laughter

"(Teresa's) not stupid, like the rest of us. She's an NPC." -- Jason to the group

OF Unicorn
"Outrageous Fortune"
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Done by Kris Fazzari.

Last modified on September 13, 1998 by Kris Fazzari.