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Sessions 70-79
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Session 70

"You don't know which way is north?" -- Bart
"Not relative to my current position in the castle sir. Why don't you look out the window?" -- page
"Why don't you look out the window and tell me?" -- Bart
"Ah hah! You don't know which way is north, either." -- page

"Reality's falling apart, and I'm on the wrong end." -- Bart
"And you're talking to a pearl." -- Ariel
"I should have known better than to expect pearls of wisdom from you." -- Bart

"Oh no, not Bloody Mary's. Quick, kill the owner, so the name will change." -- Kris to the group, upon learning the new name of Bloody Jake's

"I've lost my dad." -- Bart
"And this bothers you?" -- Shard

"Knowing Laughter, they're probably discussing baby names. Foster looks kind of pained." -- GM to Felix
"In much the same way that everyone does when talking to Laughter." -- Kris

"I'll at least wait to abdicate until after the civil war." -- Barnabas
"Perhaps I'll have the good fortune to be dead by then." -- Bart

"So, tell me how things are going in my other home." -- Heather
"They're going. So, have you remodeled?" -- Alex

"Good morning. Bitch! I wasn't referring to you." -- Alex to Heather, after being freed of Fiona's influence

"It seems there's a few people fixing to beat the shit out of Ahab, and I'm at the top of the list." -- Caine to Felix

"Respect your elders." -- Felix
"I'm older than you are, Dad." -- Foster

"Tell me why, Felix." -- Gérard
"Because you spoke with Bleys, and that's a very bad thing to do right now." -- Felix

"So, where is Ahab, anyhow?" -- Kris to GM
"Fucking Kimdyl." -- Matt
"Not in that body." -- GM

Session 71

"Laughter is taking this opportunity to get some fencing in, since it's better than vomiting." -- Merrie to GM

"I'm not mad. I'm just annoyed beyond all possible reparation." -- Laughter to Foster

"Let's go kill her." -- Sequence
"I like Ariana!" -- Laughter
"Oh. That's right. Sorry about that." -- Sequence

"I have something to ask you. How does one go about arranging a marriage to Julian's son?" -- Laughter to Foster

"Do you think that between the both of them, (Foster and Laughter) can form a complete brain?" -- Sean
"No, but they can cancel each other out." -- Jason

"I only want what my daughter wants. Or something." -- Laughter to Foster
"You want Shard?" -- Sean

"I didn't brainrape (Foster). If I'd brainraped him, I would have gotten something useful out of him." -- Ariana to the group

"I make arrangements to see Mandor" -- Bart
"And what arrangements are these?" -- GM
"You fill out your last will and testament?" -- Kris

"I figure inflicting pain on myself will speed along my assimilation into this body." -- Ahab to GM

"Well, I would go looking for Mebd, but it smells of Jesby." -- Alex to GM

"Trustworthy is Ariana, maybe, now that Vetch is on vacation." -- Ahab to Kimdyl

"I'll just explain to your father that you're going to certain death, and he'll let you go." -- Bart to Shard

"The best way to distract a Hendrake is to insult them." -- Bart
"That's also a good way to die." -- Merrie

"Since I'm no good on the battlefield, I may as well catch up on the 50 years or so of heavy thinking that I've avoided." -- Ahab to one of Benedict's Captains

"This body smells vaguely of cheap cologne." -- GM to Ahab
"Then it must be a Shadow of Ahab." -- Kris

Session 72

"Why are we going back to Foil?" -- Ariana
"Because we don't want to go traipsing through downtown Dexter unprepared." -- Laughter

"If Calamus' Shadow got a hold of Song, it might think he was Calamus and follow him." -- Ariana
"Well, yes, but I'm planning not to be captured." -- Laughter

"So, when I find the Jewel, I'm supposed to grab you and throw you at it?" -- Teresa
"No, no, you throw Kimdyl at it." -- Ahab

"Ahab really doesn't know what to do with himself without his body." -- Jason to GM

"I have no compunction about mindraping you, so just back off!" -- Matt to the group

"Hello, sister. You can't have her." -- Alex to Teresa, referring to Mebd

"Should I have the cannons readied?" -- Ethan to Felix
"No, we'd like them to board us." -- Merrie

"Let's wait for them to come to us, and then blow them up." -- Felix to GM

"I keep an eye on the thing that's about to eat Caine's ship." -- Felix to GM

"I think Caine has a promising career ahead of him as a bottom-feeder." -- Jason to the group

"Does Llewella accept the call?" -- Felix
"No." -- GM
"Bitch. I say that after I've put away the card." -- Felix

"How are you attacking him?" -- GM to Felix
"Such that I win and he dies." -- Kris

"Just because I'm not going to marry you, doesn't mean I don't love you." -- Laughter to Foster

"Do you want to come?" -- Alex
"I get to go on a boat?" -- Mebd

"Is that your dragon dung spell?" -- Kris to Merrie
"Must be Power Word 'Ex-lax.'" -- Matt

"Your body feels really primed right now." -- GM to Ahab
"Uh-oh, hide the women." -- Sean

"Are any of the Chaos ships left?" -- Ariana
"Well, they all sank, but they're all Chaosites, they might enjoy Rebma." -- Felix

"Gérard could probably remove the jack, but it would lobotomize us." -- Ariana
"In my case, I'm not sure that matters much." -- Ahab

"I know my character, I do not know my character's mind." -- Merrie to GM

"(Arthur) is mad, not malicious." -- Ariana
"I don't care if he's secretly a hamster, he's dead." -- Ahab

"(The vampire) looks like Beauty would if she were grown up." -- GM to Bart
"Gack!" (frantic gasping for air by Merrie)

"Chaos children are well-behaved." -- GM to Kris
"Either well-behaved or dead." -- Matt

"I suppose it is my duty to offer unconditional love and get you drunk every now and then." -- Felix to Foster

"Jordan has the airs and ways of Mandor." -- GM
"Which means he's cool and you're shit." -- Laughter to Ahab

Session 73

"Draw one of the swords. Draw the other one, too." -- Laughter to GM

"Well, I guess that tells us something." -- Laughter, after running into a spell and being thrown back 20 feet
"Yes, it tells us not to do that again." -- Ariana

"The last thing we want is for Foster to be in awe of Jordan. That helps our case not at all. Whatever our case may be." -- Laughter to GM

"Two pregnant women, alone in a forest. What could go wrong?" -- Ahab to Foster

"So, what do you suggest I do with Laughter, thump her on the head and drag her home?" -- Foster to Ahab
"Oh, just try it, Chaos boy." -- Laughter

"It goes something like this. Caine hid my mother and sister out in Shadow, and then got et by a sea monster. And we don't know where he put them." -- Felix to Bleys

"I don't want to be here anymore." -- Felix
"Are you sure you want to be here?" -- Foster
"I don't know." -- Felix

"Be thankful that you didn't grow up with (Teresa)." -- Delwin
"Oh yes, I guess the breakup of the family was good for something." -- Alex

"All that power, and you're going to leave it in your pants?" -- Delwin to Alex, referring to the Spikard in Alex's pocket

"I have a few questions." -- Laughter
"Not that you ever did anything with the answers." -- Calamus
"Someday I might." -- Laughter

"Let's just say that death expands the mind somewhat." -- Calamus
"Whatever." -- Laughter

"A kick in the ribs? I thought you were trying to kill me here." -- Ahab to Deirdre

"Ahab's using his tried and true strategy of letting people beat on him until they're worn out." -- Matt to the group

"You must be the Serpent." -- Felix to the Serpent

"Can I duck?" -- Felix
"No." -- GM
"But I have more warfare than the Serpent." -- Felix

"You just got maced by the Serpent." -- Merrie to Liam, after the Serpent spit poison in his face

"You feel (the Serpent's) coils brush around your feet." -- GM
"Stop that!" -- Felix

"I always thought you rather grudgingly hated me." -- Laughter
"Yes, but that was before we had sex, and you suck." -- Calamus

"You lose the hand that was holding the Trump deck." -- GM
"How badly does this hurt?" -- Laughter

"OK, so I should have been prepared (with a death curse). I'll be prepared next time." -- Laughter to the group

"(The others) didn't run into the Serpent. I don't think. It didn't feel bulgy." -- Felix to Gérard

"(The Serpent) is not much of a conversationalist." -- Felix to Ariana

"One of Mandor's silver balls floats up and shows you what Alex just did to Mebd." -- GM
"I dispatch assassins." -- Heather

"It isn't like (Fiona's device) took much to master, Fiona made it for Laughter." -- Merrie to GM

"So you got gnawed to death? Dragons don't do that." -- Laughter to Foster

Session 74

"Do you think you know something about handfasting that I don't think I know?" -- Merrie to GM

"How's Mebd this morning?" -- Alex
"She's stopped drooling." -- GM
"Is that because she's dehydrated?" -- Alex

"So, when are you going to break the siege?" -- Nicholas to Ahab

"Until you get older, I'm your dad, which means your opinion doesn't matter much." -- Ahab to Nicholas

"I can't kill Kimdyl here, it's too public." -- Matt to GM
"That would be unwise." -- Jason
"Yeah, you might piss off Nicholas." -- Kris

"Men of Amber, see my breasts." -- Jason to the group, speaking for Laughter

"My father gave me a vibrator, but he never gave me batteries." -- Jason to the group, speaking for Tamaryn

"You are not Laughter." -- Merrie
"Thank God." -- Kris

Session 75

"(Bart's) theory is that everyone Ariana sleeps with is Vetch. So if she sleeps with him, Vetch will be free." -- Liam to the group

"I don't like this being left alone, since there's Oreos in the game." -- Merrie to the group

"I'm going to keep an eye on this, to help if (the Hendrake) looks like he's going to wax Usires. To help Usires, not the (Hendrake)." -- Ariana to GM

"I'm thinking, if this castle gets invaded, I'm going to be sad." -- Laughter to the group

"I'm not going after Mebd through this." -- Alex to the group, as he watches the battle

"Would you like to take a bath? I won't be joining you." -- Laughter to Ariana

"I don't think (Laughter) cares much for me." -- Arthur
"Did you ever consider that it might be because of your approach?" -- Bart

"If (Arthur) kills (Laughter's) dad, she'll marry (him)." -- Merrie to the group

"I've told you on more than one occasion that your father is a bastard." -- Fiona
"Yeah, but you slept with him." -- Laughter

"I believe that Arthur is ready to make amends." -- Bart
"And how do you know this?" -- Random
"He told me." -- Bart

"(Driscoll) shouldn't be dead." -- Laughter to Clytemnestra

"If (Tamaryn's) son won't lactate, then she'd better not." -- Laughter to GM

"If I ask you a question, will you tell me the truth?" -- Laughter
"I'll try." -- Mandor

"You are an open book." -- GM
"And there's not much to read." -- Bart

"I'll gladly take your father any day of the week." -- Laughter to Foster

"You could always buy a title." -- Foster
"I already have a title." -- Laughter
"Bastard to the King." -- Liam

"Perhaps you should tell me of (what you are planning) now, so that I can refuse to speak to you now rather than later." -- Laughter to Mandor

"Foster suggested I buy a title. The Chaos ambassador suggested I buy a title within one of the allied houses." -- Laughter to Mandor

Session 76

"I don't want the grief that (controlling Benedict's mind) would cause me later in life. Not much later, because there wouldn't be much of a later in life." -- Ahab to the group

"You could tree Suhuy?" -- Liam
"I hope I'm not that stupid, yet." -- Merrie

"It was an incredibly stupid and ill-conceived plan." -- Arthur
"Maybe that's why Ahab wants to kill you. That's his bailiwick, after all." -- Laughter

"I'm trying to think of a punishment worse than death." -- Laughter
"I'll take death, then." -- Arthur
"Worse is a subjective term." -- Laughter

"Do you remember the circumstances under which I met Riftvan and Ariana?" -- Laughter
"Not really, since I wasn't there." -- Ahab

"What else would you like to know about the wedding?" -- Foster
"Rings?" -- Laughter
"One for each nipple." -- Felix

"You can't blame (Felix)." -- Laughter
"And why can't I blame him?" -- Foster
"Because I have the mind of a child." -- Felix
"Give it back." -- Foster

"(Nicholas) is not quite the homicidal maniac that he was going to be?" -- Deirdre
"Well, he's still a homicidal maniac, but his intentions are good." -- Ahab

"(Fighting the forces of darkness) is always a noble goal. I'd be fighting my father, if that were the case." -- Laughter to Meander

"Are you to marry a prince from a dark realm?" -- Meander
"Ah, no, that never went through." -- Laughter

"I assure you that the beds are lice-free." -- Fred to Bart and Usires
"Not anymore, Usires has slept there." -- Liam

"We were traveling..." -- Felix
"We? There's only you." -- Keimo
"Then we weren't." -- Felix

"He's the son of Satan and all." -- Jackie
"Oh, so that would put him on the evil side." -- Ariana

"We hid in a burning bush. It seemed like a good idea at the time." -- Ahab to Laugher

"If you're thinking what I'm thinking, that's incest, and I, for one, am appalled!" -- Ahab to Felix

"How could someone so lovely bring me pain?" -- Felix, referring to Jackie
"See that stick?" -- Ruepert

Session 77

"I always assumed you were more adept than to walk into a deathtrap." -- Ona
"Well, I've always escaped them before." -- Reeshau

"I will avoid the all-over body beating, thank you." -- Hickory
"Embrace the joy of the full body spanking." -- Ahab

"A Shadow full of disposable people, and there still isn't any fun." -- Ahab to Bart

"You hear Alex screaming." -- GM
"And all is right with the world." -- Bart

"Oh great, he sings well. Can we move on to someone useful?" -- Ahab to the crowd around him at the slave auction, referring to Driscoll

"I say softly in Thari, well, loud enough to be heard..." -- Felix to GM

"We need to go someplace else. Someplace the others would think to look, of course." -- Ahab to Felix

"Fire in the hole." -- Sean to the group, after Laughter casts her "blow out your ass" spell

"We touch the tube with our toe." -- Laughter
"You go numb up to the knee." -- GM
"We don't do that again." -- Laughter

"I like to think of myself as incredibly pointless. It's a punishment from my parents." -- Laughter to a city guard

"(Laughter's) trying to be 'OK.'" -- Merrie to the group, about how Laughter is dealing with her imprisonment

"No man wants laughter in their bed." -- Laughter to a city guard

"I suppose outlawing slavery is out of the question?" -- Laughter
"Unless you can think of another way to make up for 50% of the city's income?" -- Orion
"Tourism?" -- Laughter

"Some husband I'm going to be, I can't even protect (Laughter)." -- Foster to Felix
"From herself?" -- Jason

"Do you think you could Logrus out for a small child?" -- Laughter to Alex

"I would bring up the point that my breasts are rather full, and I need the child." -- Laughter to Fiona

Session 78

"Are you in need of air, Ambassador?" -- Fiona
"Oh, no thank you, I have some." -- Alex

"Nothing that Fiona ever says is harmless." -- Ahab
"Yeah, and you have her signature to prove it." -- GM

"I sleep better when there's screaming going on." -- Ahab
"Preferably yours." -- Bart

"I'm looking for Fiona. I'll ask her where she went." -- Laughter to GM

"Kimdyl told Ahab that." -- Jason
"Kimdyl's a Vetch." -- GM

"And what does one do with a Plane?" -- Bart to Ariel
"Fly it!" -- Merrie and George, in unison

"Ariel's not a guardian of the Plane." -- Bart
"No, she's the stewardess." -- Liam

"Well, the Unicorn has always smiled on me." -- Bart
"No, that's just gas." -- Matt

"It's not work, though, except when it's work." -- Laughter to Fiona

"You have a problem?" -- Foster to Felix
"I...wear...skirts." -- Sean, speaking for Felix

"(Laughter's) parentage aside, she's just not malicious." -- Foster to Felix

"Perhaps we should camp." -- Alex to the group, upon learning that Cedric's castle is turning rather octarine

"You might want to brace yourself." -- Oberon to everyone, as he reforms the Jewel
"I bring up the Logrus." -- Felix to GM

"I was thinking of something that is least like the Pattern." -- Ahab to GM
"Oral sex?" -- Liam

"Because Oberon has not made noises towards killing six million people, and when he does, I'll see which six million they are, and sign on, or not." -- Ahab to Nicholas, explaining why Oberon is OK

"Oh dear, that's inconvenient. I was planning to exterminate the Hendrakes, and now I'm going to be related to them." -- Ahab to Deirdre

"I'm more dangerous to women than women are to me." -- Ahab to the group

"Be sure to attend the execution tomorrow." -- Deirdre
"Ooh, are they looking for volunteers?" -- Ahab

"How will you explain (Ahab's) power then?" -- Kris
"The same way he always has. Don't ask, and I won't use it on you." -- Jason

"Wendi? Who are you?" -- Sean to Wendi, his wife

"Rumors of my death are often untimely." -- Caine to Usires

"How does one correct death?" -- Shard
"I don't know. Ask Oberon?" -- Laughter

"Ahab is finally dressed, freshly showed, and a stiletto up (his) sleeve." -- Jason to GM

"I don't kill people for no reason. I kill people for very small reasons." -- Ahab to Corwin

"Well, considering that Oberon's mother had four legs, (our story about you) isn't going to be that hard to accept." -- Corwin to Ahab

"Lavender." -- Oberon
"You know my name." -- Laughter

"I notice that you've been attuned to the Jewel" -- Oberon
"Well, that happened while I was away, actually." -- Ahab

"Hmm, Oberon is willing to go to some trouble, for doing whatever I want. This troubles me." -- Ahab to GM

Session 79

"You don't need soft-porn, you had 45 orgasms." -- Liam to Kris

"Oberon is going to invite everyone (Fiona's) ever dealt with (to her wedding)." -- Kris
"Especially her enemies." -- Jason
"Everyone she's ever dealt with." -- Sean

"Laughter has no clue!" -- Merrie
"We know this." -- Kris and Sean, in unison

"Nine Princes in Amber, part two, Seven Brides for Seven Brothers." -- Jason to the group

"Give me the boob. I want the boob." -- Jason to the group, speaking for Haris

"The King of Endurance rises again." -- Merrie to the group, referring to Ahab's response to Kimdyl

"I'm morally convinced that Bleys would fuck anything, if he thought it might be fun." -- Jason
"He takes after Dworkin." -- Merrie

"Bart may be a Jesby, but he does have a survival instinct." -- Sean to the group

"I have to confess, Mother, I'm a bit confused." -- Bart to Llewella
"She looks at you as if to say, 'This is different, how?'" -- GM

"Why don't you take down that damn portrait (of Calamus)?" -- Kris
"I don't know, Caitt won't let (Laughter). Actually, I've never asked." -- Merrie

"You gotta learn to think." -- Jason to Kris

"(Beauty's) three heads taller than me. This sucks!" -- Nicholas
"So does life." -- Ahab

"I don't think Caine could ever envision a scenario where his mother-in-law didn't hate him." -- Jason to the group

"(Laughter's) wearing pants, it'll look like two guys dancing." -- GM
"Foster can wear a kilt." -- Jason

"Ahab." -- Fiona
"In the flesh." -- Ahab, the very naked

OF Unicorn
"Outrageous Fortune"
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Done by Kris Fazzari.

Last modified on September 13, 1998 by Kris Fazzari.