Tuesday, December 13, 2005

last day of school.... yay!

sigh.... last day so sad... FUCK NO i'm so excited!!! but hey i realized people, from my CFC presentation didn't really get to know me as an individual. most of my life is explaned through my friends but i do also have a unique indiviual side. what is it you ask? hmmm well i'll try to describe different aspects of my life.
Theater- i love musical theater my dream was to attend school at carnige melon for musical theater. i have been dancing, singing, and acting for years and now i found a area that encompasses all three... to bad i was going out with a really controling guy at the time and my stupid blind love for him let him control my dreams for myself and my future (i know it was wrong now) i had the lead role my junior year in our school play, if any of you have seen damn yankees i was Lola. she was this girl who sold her soul to the devil and the devil now uses her to seduce others to sell their soul as well. anyways it was a very controversial role. and my boyfriend would just tell me all the time that i was such a slut for doing the role and that it was disgusting blah blah blah.... i did the role but i quit doing theater afterward inorder to make him happy. and its kinda too late to go back to it so that ship has kinda sailed.
Pom ( dance team )- i was the only freshman that made the varsity dance team it was filled with mostly juniors and seniors. and because most of my time was spent with the team i became best friends with an older group of people. this is where basically i started growning up faster than the rest of my class. i used to go to parties with my team and go to frats and yes thats normal for kids to do but most people don't inter the frat party scene untill they are actually in college, not when they were 14. because of that once my friends all graduated i was left by myself really. i peaked my party life at like age 16 and have gone down hill sence. i don't seen the point in partying with people who you don't know and they don't give a fuck what happends to you. i hate the feeling of people not really caring about me and i have now been more aware of who does and who doesn't. anyways... now that i am in college i'll go to a frat and i'll have fun but i see all these girls ( prolly still in highschool ) wasted as fuck and i just see them making fools of themselves. and i see wasted guys trying to get with these girls and most of the girls want to be loved so bad that they will take any attention they can get. what a pathetic way to live your life.
Religion- i went to a private school up untill 8th grade. i had really be into the lutheran faith. now that i have seen the real world and gone through what i've been through i have realized that more of religion is based off of man made traditions that i don't believe God in the end really cares about. i don't believe you'll go to heave because of good deeds and i don't think that you'll go to hell because of mistakes. i believe God knows whats in your heart and your true intention for the things you do and he can tell whether you are truely sorry when you ask for forgivness. i think that god doesn't require you to go and do so many good deeds. i believe that out of your love for God and what he has done you will want to serve him by helping others. free willed. not being forced to do anything. its really a long story to explain all my thoughts on religion but all i can say now is that i do believe in God and Jesus but as for orginized religions i hate them and what they have done to God. they actually prolly turned more people away from God than have brought to God. Society has put a bad connotation on God and i think people should free their minds and be open to feel God for themselves.
i really don't know how to explane myself and who i am and if i think of anything else that makes me me i will post it but as for now this is just a part into the mind of Sarah Simmons :-) crazy i know!

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