Implicit trust had never been my bag. Well, perhaps when I was younger, but my exile in Shadow was a long string of backstabbing and broken promises. Those who I did align myself with, in the resistance, often died long before I could get a feel for what kind of person they truly were. Or they sold me out, at which case I knew what kind of person they truly were, and they were equally as dead.
But I find myself now having to fight the greatest fear I could have -- something anyone else could probably deal with easily. But my circumstances and nature make this difficult. I've admitted that I love Bailey, but I'm... instable, as evidenced by the attack on the plane of earth.
Strange, though, I've known her only a few days, and vice versa; yet she can look in my eyes and tell me she trusts me, that she's not afraid...
Why can't I have the same faith?
*****
My subconscious allows me glimpses of the time lost.
Perhaps I understand now what Caine suffers under. I don't recall the particulars of what had happened that day, when we lost my mother, but the look on her face as the Trump failed to come to life said it all. I wonder which was the case -- did the storm and all the hell that was going on at the time cause the Trump to not work or -- even more disturbing -- was this during the time Caine was blocking Trump calls?
Maybe I can understand him after all.
*****
So we watched Gwyn's rites/ritual/whatever, and now she's a "revered mother." Interesting, considering most of her peers have several decades on her. I couldn't read Benny's face -- wasn't sure if he was totally overjoyed or pretending or what. I hate to say it, but my brother deserves better. Not that Gwyn wouldn't be good for him, but, like I told him, which will come first to her, Ben, or her faith?
Got to admire the kid for his patience, and the fact that he's willing to, though.
The meeting after was a mix of success and failure. Gwyn's signs that something Extremely Bad was going to happen were good to realize, but the bickering and shit wasn't getting anything done. I gave my opinion, was summarily dismissed, and so I got the hell out of there. Let them bicker until the end of time; I'm ready to rumble.
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