the second Moral-less Fable™

Ten people wait on a dock. 3 are waiting for a ship. One is waiting for Our Lord, who is waiting for him impatiently in an airport miles from here. 5 people are waiting for the mood to strike them. The other 2 aren't actually there, but asked that I mention them.

A ship pulls up to the dock. Out jumps a woman dressed in nothing but a t-shirt, jeans, 2 socks, a pair of sneakers, a sweater, a baseball cap, and a light windbreaker. And a bracelet. All heads turn and fix upon the woman. She pretends not to notice.

"Hey," she calls. "Someone look at me."

All ten people continue to stare intently.

"Come on. Just a little look."

No change.

"Aw, forget it" she sighs, and explodes into a ball of flames.

"Did you see that?" asks the person who is awaiting Jesus.

One of the 2 who isn't there says, "Yah. She's done that twice already today. I don't know where she gets the energy; if I had exploded once I'd need a nap."

"She's a professional" confides another person, having known her from grad school.

"Oh," says the first. "Where the hell is our Savior?"

A passing monk decides to answer the call. "He died. Didn't you know?"

"Yah, yah, semantics," says the waiter. "He could call if He's going to be late."

"That's true" says the monk.

The ship departs the dock, having unloaded the exploded woman's luggage.
"Hey, someone look at me" cries the luggage.

An hour passes. All the people are still there, except the two who were never there in the first place. But no one seems to notice their absence.

"You're waiting for a ship too?" asks one of the people who is waiting for a ship to another person who is waiting for a ship.

"I can't remember" says the ship waiter.

"You know, that was a ship that dropped the woman off," mentions the messiah waiter.

"Yah, but I'm waiting for a blue ship, something lightweight" explains ship waiter 1.

"I like orange" says ship waiter 2, "And heavy."

The mood strikes the 5 people, and they leave.

"Lucky stiffs," complains the man waiting for the Nazarene. "We're gonna be here all night."

After 3 more hours of people waiting and saying things, the man who has faithfully waited for the man who was born in a barn, founded a religion and then got crucified 1900-odd years ago speaks up.

"I can't wait anymore" says Jerry (that's his name). "I have kids to feed." (Jerry owns a goat farm, but normally keeps that to himself). "JC can drive his own damned self home."

"Yah, I'd better go home too." says ship waiter 1. "It's so dark now that if a ship did arrive, I'd never be able tell its color."

"Or its weight." adds ship waiter 2.

Everyone leaves, and the dock is once again empty.

But somewhere in an airport luggage pickup area, a major deity is getting really pissed.


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If I Had a Porch
1995 John Cady & his Lounge Life Press
bing@umich.edu