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Thursday, August 12, 2004

Operation: Harm our country and our people

A little satire from Sojourners:
An apparent misstatement by the president has been taken all too seriously by overzealous military planners. Bush told high-ranking military officials while signing a $417 billion defense bill: "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.*" In immediate and unquestioning response to his remarks, $23 billion were earmarked for the hastily conceived "Operation: Harm our country and our people."
Initial plans of curtailing civil liberties, despoiling the environment, and launching pre-emptive wars to swell anti-American terrorist ranks were quickly rejected. "Been there. Done that," said one official. "As the president said, we need to be innovative - Dr. Evil innovative.
Democratic presidential hopeful John Kerry, whose running mate is the son of a millworker, responded to the news: "It's important to stand with our president in this time of crisis, so I support this plan. But if later it turns out badly, I will criticize its implementation."

While polls indicate the public's overwhelming opposition to being harmed, a determined Kerry strongly asserted his determination and strength: "Bush would know a lot more about harming people if he had fought in Vietnam like I did." He underscored that claim by appearing with a "Band of Mothers" from Vietnam, who praised him for his bravery and skill in combat. Said Nike sweatshop worker Phuong Dinh Tran: "The way he fought our husbands and sons, then later threw away some of the medals he got for fighting them, and then later took credit for those medals brings honor to us and to him."