Monday, January 16, 2006


David Palmer
Former President David Palmer, America's first black president, was killed yesterday morning by a sniper's bullet. The coroner has determined that death was from natural causes.

Palmer was born in Baltimore, Maryland. He attended Georgetown University on a basketball scholarship, earning All-American honors in his senior year. He graduated second in his class at Harvard Law School. He was elected to the US House of Representatives representing Baltimore, and served two terms before being elected to the Senate. He was elected president despite an assassination attempt, a scandal involving his son, and the fact that his wife was really creepy. He and his wife Sherry were divorced shortly after the election. Palmer did not run for re-election after Sherry was killed in a shootout at a Santa Monica beach house involving the president's brother.

Palmer is survived by his son Keith, daughter Nicole, brother Wayne, and half-brothers Arnold, Jim and Carson.

Michelle Dessler
Retired CTU administrator Michelle Dessler died yesterday morning when her car blew up in her face. The coroner has determined that she died of natural causes.

Generally considered too hot to survive, Dessler had worked for CTU in the Washington, Seattle and Los Angeles offices, as well as at Division. She was an expert in covert satellite surveillance and socket opening. She survived the deadly virus attack on the Plaza Hotel, as well as being kidnapped by the perpetrators. Michelle is survived, maybe, by her twice-husband Tony Almeida, as well as by her love-child by CTU boss Bill Buchanan, Pat.


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