Empathy
Irina: "I don't believe in this
talk about empathy when it is expressed as by that person on a panel: if we
called a friend in Iraq, the situation would be different. Fact is he did not
have a friend in Iraq, and if he had, a friend would have to speak English, like
many of us with other mother tongues. How can you say that you know what the
other is feeling through a phone call?"
Faith: My understanding of your comments on empathy is that it is often used in the
wrong way, as an attempt at identification that is false because we can never
become the other precisely because of the spaces between us. Irigaray suggests
the notion of “recognizing.” So one might say: “I recognize THAT you are
feeling" rather than "I ‘empathize’ with WHAT you are feeling," because empathy
always implies that we agree with what the person is feeling and agreement is
not what is called for in this case. And further we could say: "Because you are
feeling and because I recognize that you are feeling I also am feeling." It does
not matter then whether we are feeling the same thing (because we can never know
that), what matters, is that we allow each other to feel and to acknowledge and
recognize the expression of feeling, this creates a connection of empathy.
I agree with you that empathy can be used as a way out of an ethical or moral
response to a situation that is too difficult, too unimaginable for us (the
example you gave was about empathizing with an Iraqi person in Baghdad). I do
believe though that empathy is an important emotion and it is one that often
must be learned - and perhaps, taught. It should not be a “fallback” emotion for
situations that demand our action, our anger, our indignation, rather than our
empathy.
Faith: I walked down "our" boulevard in Chicago today in the cold spring rain. I was
thinking about you and the many conversations we are having about love,
friendship, difference. The way that we are talking about the nature of our
friendship, examining its features with wonder and with humor. Then I remembered
something you said about empathy -
