Eric -

I still cannot remember the name of that bar, so I'll have to make up something new. It's still a yuppie bar, though, with the walnut bar top with chrome fixings and ferns. I think the group is tolerated there because they drink enough to offset the cost of the damage they do.

The following is a list and summary of the original group. It clearly needs at least one Calabite. I lied - I decided not to include stats, because they aren't really necessary. I prefer summary descriptions anyway. All of the demons are hellborn, and they all (in 1997, say) live somewhere in the Los Angeles area.

These are my seven primaries - they don't include say, Erlithan, who is too superior to be hanging around or Javan, who would never be caught dead with this group.

JAAKOBAH (Jake Davidson), Balseraph

Jake is, well, Jake. Tall, thin, and generally good looking, Jaakobah has the distinction of being a very laid back sort of guy who never really gets around to taking anything particularly seriously. For the last 500 years or so, his main hobby has been to endlessly torment Elymius, whom he finds incredibly funny on multiple levels. ("So, hey, Elymius, found God yet? It's hard to be an angel without God, isn't it?") He's well liked by humans, since he always has some smart ass comment or another to make.

Jake sports the role of a traffic cop in Orange County, he's the kind of guy who will pull someone over for going 27 in a 25MPH zone during the morning rush hour, or give a parking ticket a minute before some poor shmoe had a chance to put their money into the electronic meter. His role also gives him access to firearms, something he has more then a passing obsession with. Jake claims it's his 'inner Calabite trying to climb out through his hair'. He's a card carrying member of the NRA, he drives a pickup truck with a gun rack, and he has enough of an arsonal to make the Michigan Militia quiver. He's also fond of the War on Drugs, because nothing makes him feel better then the irony of cacking some college kid with a nickel baggy of pot to help 'save America's youth from drug dealing scum.'

ELYMIUS (Mikhail Elymius), Habbalite

The other half of the Jake and Elymius show, Elymius claims to be the Angel of the No-God, Punishing humans to accept the ludicriousness of mortal existance, largely by dangling unsuspecting victims out of 5th story windows by their heels. Sporting the official cat-shaped hole in his soul, Elymius is the ultimate believer in the principles of Darwinism. He's vain, egotistical, and he likes to hear himself talk - which is one of the reasons Jake likes him around. "So much material to work with!"

Elymius sports the role of a Social Worker in East LA. He takes on children from broken homes and makes them "strong" through his own brand of psychosis. "So the kid has gone from being strung out on Heroin to Crystal Meth," Elymius says about his job, "not exactly an improvement, but at least he's moved away from accepting Christ as his personal savior."

KEROS (Jack Keros), Impudite

People remember, distantly, a time when Keros was sane. There is documented evidence that such a thing did, at one time, exist. And then the Big K gave Keros a special job, and he hasn't been quite the same since. He's known to be intelligent, not overly so but enough to put a sentence together, but his brain just doesn't function correctly anymore. Every once in a while, Jack suggests that the entire crew pick up and move to Iowa, so that he can get around to looking for the Messiah. "There's no Messiah in Orange County, you twisted weird fuckers," he says. "A Messiah's gotta have cows. There's just something mystical about cows. Ask the Brahmans, they'll tell you."

Jack has a role, occasionally he even has a job, but he has trouble holding anything down for very long. He's perfected the drugged, strung out, beach bum image for himself, and lives off of whatever people will toss to him. His pranks get progressively more bizare as time goes on as he wanders from lifestyle to lifestyle. Luckily, he doesn't need to eat.

The Crew wouldn't bother to invite Jack to their gatherings, except there is this feeling of paranoia that he would find out, track them down, and show up anyway in some more mysteriously mindboggling manner and embarrass everyone. Therefore, Jack is always invited along, if for nothing as a target of ridicule when the normal commentary has gotten slow and people are groping for topics.

DAIMONIQUE (Daimon Lightner), Lilim

We all know who Daimon is.

HANNAH (Jamie Hannah), Habbalah

At the gatherings, Hannah occasionally shows up and she doesn't often have too much to say. The entire group is a little bit beneath her, as they're demons and she just, well, is not. But she's famous for coming into the middle of a pointless Jake and Elymius debate, dropping some comment like "It's all Free Will", and derailing them both.

Hannah is the manager of a local Jack-In-The-Box, which serves something that is clearly Cheaper Than Food. She was part of Daimon's "Rubber Red Nose Day" scheme some time back.

MICAH, Djinn

Micah isn't very bright. He isn't very swift. He has trouble matching his socks. And he tosses out really lame little jokes at random times. But everyone keeps Micah around because no one can break someone's head as fast as he can.

Micah also has a bad habit of saying, in the middle of dinner parties, about how the hostess keeps looking at her dog in just that way, or if pretty lady A is sleeping with man B, then why is she standing there with her husband? The whole concept of, say, tact is simply too complicated for him.

COZBI, Balseraph

Cozbi is like the Dark Humor version of Terry. He lives for attention. But his recent promotions have moved him into a better tax bracket, so to speak, and he doesn't come around much anymore.

The idea is to more or less start stories in the bar for character development (just chatter) and move onto something bigger. Like, the story from the Mexican Resturant yesterday....

At the back round table sat Jack, Elymius, Jake, Micah and Daimon. Cigarette smoke hung over the table like a shroud. Conversation had become dangerously stalled. There is nothing more deadly then five Kobalites with a lagging conversation. Boredom is a killer.

Daimon looked up from the script he was proofreading to the other side of the table. He peered around, and then he said to Jake, "You gonna eat those fries?"

Sudden silence hung over the table, as the die was cast. The fight had begun. A grin spread across Jake's face. "How much do you want them, Greenie?"

Daimon just looked at Jake.

Jake picked up a fry and wagged it around in the air. It leaned over, sadly limp from the grease - another weak unloved french fry. "How much do you neeeeeeeeeeed it?"

Daimon continued to just look at Jake with annoyance. Jack perked up, bouncing with sudden excitement.

Jake leaned back in his chair, and contemplated the fry which was pinned between his fingers. He wagged it around a little, and it bobbed compliantly. "I'll tell you what, baby. Here's the deal, see, since I know how much you love deals. You get on your knees under the table and suck me off, and I'll give you this plate of the finest fries in Orange County." On that, he put his small potato captive back on the plate, leaned back in his chair, and pulled down the fly on his jeans.

"You can just say you want them, for God's sake," Daimon said, as Micah was reaching across the table to take the script from his hands.

"There is no God here," Elymius said, deadpan.

"Shut up," Jake countered. "Here, have a fry, you dumb tattooed freak. Actually, take this whole bit of fries." Jake pushed several of his fries onto Elymius's plate. Then he leaned over and grinned at Daimon. "Now to get the whole plate of fries, you have to blow both of us. Quite a deal, I think. We're letting you off easy."

Elymius looked at the fries, and then also pulled down the zipper on his pants.

Micah laughed, as he flipped through the pages. "Did you write this, Daimie? This is Funny. You're so smart."

"You're a sick jerk," Daimon said. "And I can order my own fries."

Jake waggled a finger. "But they won't be _my_ fries. They won't have that mystical power of being associated with me." He then picked up a few and put them on Jack's plate. "There. Now you have to do Jack as well."

"I wouldn't blow Jack if he was the last cock on Earth," Daimon said.

"And someday," Jake said, "he very well might be. Scary, huh?"

Jack was looking at a fry with suspicion, and then he attempted to jam it up his left nostril. To his chagrin, it fell out. Elymius leaned over to him. "Hey, Keros, it stays in better when you add a little Ketchup." Jack grinned, and took Elymius's advice.

"Terrifying," Daimon said.

Micah grinned. "I like the little funny human soul slave, Daimie. He's always trying to escape!"

"I am truly terrified." Daimon said, to finish his thought. Jack just grinned, and started working a fry up his other nostril, now that the first was well lodged.

"Don't forget to pull down your zipper," Jake told Jack helpfully.

Jack said, starting a bit, "Yeah, almost forgot," and reached a hand down to his crotch.

Jake looked mournfully at the few fries on his plate, then leaned back in his chair to the older couple in the table behind him. "Hey, you want some fries? Free blow job for the fries, and your wife looks like she could use one."

Hannah emerged from the cloud of cigarette smoke, meeting the group some twenty minutes late. She peered at the group through slitted eyes. "Why the hell are the three of you sitting there with your cocks hanging out?"

"Daimie's gonna blow us," Jack said cheerfully, nasal behind his plugged nose. "Cool, huh?"

Micah laughed a hearty laugh at something in the script.

Hannah sat in her normal seat. "I see I've missed nothing."

Daimon waved a hand to attract attention, while the old couple in at the next table looked horrified. "Hey, can I get a plate of fries here?"

So that's about it, add characters. It's all very wacky.

Flaming edge graphics from Our Domain Gallery of Graphics
The "In Nomine" and "flaming feather" graphics are
(C) 1997 Steve Jackson Games, Incorporated.
Used with fnord.