NPC Log Two: Happiness in Slavery
It's a strange feeling, really.
One moment, I'm thinking, cool, I'm hip, I'm the Man who is in Charge of my own Situation, I've got it Down, I'm gonna get outta this one with my head still attached to my neck. Maybe. If I play my cards right. And no one was gonna be a bit wiser.
And then the feeling of tunnel vision comes upon me, I hear the siren call, and nothing else matters, as the song goes. The holder... loved and hated, torturer and closest friend, now the only person in the known universe. Their word, their want, their NEED, it's the most important thing, the most important action, in all of creation. It's comforting, as it wraps around, blocking my sight, as I know I now have a goal, a purpose to existing, and a path from which I don't need to deviate. It warms my blood, and gives me the feeling of being wanted and needed.
It's slavery, but what are you gonna do? As my mother neatly informed me, if I wanted to hang out with the Big Boys, I'm gonna get used. And I wouldn't do it if it didn't feel so damn good. Maybe a little too good.
With a Geas that strong, it's like watching a movie with an intense first person perspective that I can't turn off. Most of the time, the part of my brain that is still functioning just hopes I don't do something crazy or stupid while I'm under. It's a quick prayer to a God I don't believe in, but it couldn't hurt. Or maybe it could, come to think of it. I am, after all, me.
I don't remember a whole heck of alot of what happened. It's sort of a blur. Yes, I remember Maxwell hitting me, and I remember the pain in my jaw when I came back around. I remember gettting into a fight with Malcolm, and wanting, very badly, all of the sudden, to kill Star. I remember screaming in pain at that Tether, pleading that I would do anything - ANYTHING - to get out of there and finish up what I was told to do, because the pain of a geas not being fulfilled is worse then anything else. And I remember that being responded to in kind.
The worst of it was when it was wrenched from my soul, unfulfilled, and handed to someone else. My mind came back with the sensation of being completely lost and empty. I felt like I had failed in some horrible way, and couldn't put my finger on it. A loss so horrible I stood at a chasm and believed I was falling into the darkness.
I slumped against the wall, drenched in sweat, and trying to adjust myself so my hands in the handcuffs weren't biting into the ripped up flesh of my wrists so badly. The proximity of the Tether was causing me pain, like a dull thump in my head, but it wasn't enough to kill. There were voices, but they were a haze of chatter that was beyond my range of consciousness.
I felt Star's hand on my forehead, and her soothing voice. I looked at her, deep in her eyes, feeling that deep burning Need for love and friendship that would kill me long before any Angels and their high and mighty Council got to me. I felt the yearning in my soul to start to fill that abyss that I saw in her eyes, answering it with the tangle of Geases and Fulfillment.
And then I felt the chains around my soul tug in Star's direction. I wanted to cry. Star was no longer to be a friend. And that hurt, since I had gone a long time, afraid, without a friend.
She was now my Mistress.