NPC Log One: Daimon
"I'm telling you, I'm NOT RENEGADE!"
"Just hold still, this won't hurt a bit."
"Look, I don't know what you are talking about! Lemme go, DAMMIT."
"Can you hold him? I don't want to damage the merchandise."
"I'm not... hey, knock it off. Shit, LOOK. There were these guys..."
"Yes, just like that. That's good. Right in the shoulder."
"They KILLED MARA! Nakir, she's dead. DEAD dead! They came... Wha..."
"Okay, that should knock him out for about thirty six hours."
The room was dark when I woke up, dazed. I remembered some tricks Minnie had taught me, and in the end, I was glad it was morphine they had hit me with. Or else it would have hurt much more when I decided to leave through the window. Certainly I would have been more frightened.
I refuse to look at myself in any Celestial manner. I'm afraid the name written on my collar has changed.
I don't understand Angels. Maybe it's one of my major failings, never having been one in the first place. Minnie likes to inform me it's because I'm so selfish, and don't see the big picture. It's all about the Symphony, she says, the one I'm locked out of. "I can hear the Symphony just fine, dammit," I said last time to finish off the argument. That's partially true. I can if I squint and concentrate really hard and give myself a big headache. It's like a fuzzy radio channel that won't come in.
I still don't understand Angels. Less then usual. For a while there, I used to believe that they simply didn't ask WHY, they simply assumed that their Superiors were always right and working in their best interests. Now, I just don't know what to think. The more I meet, the more confused I become.
Not that I hold anything against Dana for trying to hand my sorry ass over to, what I've come to commonly call, the Legions of Darkness, except maybe a large cucumber swathed in cold whipped cream if given half a chance. It's not her fault that she's been trained to do whatever she's told. Although I would hate to see her learn to doubt. Hell is filled with angels who learned to doubt, and then stopped caring.
Unfortunately, Hell is also filled with demons who have started caring, as well. I'm not too sure who is worse off.
I promised myself that it was never going to happen again. It's just sex. There is no attraction, no interest. I certainly don't see the Need for love in her eyes, any more then I see the Need to 'kill all demons I see' in one of her friends. I certainly don't feel good about fulfilling it, free of charge. It's just sex, it's just lust. It's just me being a thoughtless animal giving into my instincts. It's just fun. It's just a long term investment. It's trying to please a Prince. It's lying to myself.
I like her, the same lazy way I usually like Angels. I like her enough that I'll probably do a hatful of really foolish things. I like her because I just do, even after just a few hours. I like her because she was willing to die for someone she didn't even know, even if she didn't know that she might have died. I like her... and that will probably be the death of both of us.