Two NatPackers Attempt to Navigate Across Japan

Or: "Footsore on the Far Side"

May 9-17, 1998

Gee, look! Porn on the corner.

It's good. Slimy, yet satisfying.

My mom would love that... I'm *not* getting it for her. There's a limit to the things I would do for my mother.

Is that my nose, or is it a raindrop?

Okay, you can be my drug.

That implies that you want to kick me, but can't.

Bridges have ridges.

"Ruffles have ridges."

Yeah, but they're not as fun to slide your butt down.

I figure if I give him a look like I have *no* idea what he's saying, he'll give up and try English.

Can we go to the garden? Can we? Can we? Huh, huh? ...I'd jump up and down, but I would jiggle.

It cracks me up that you can control the pressure of the water hitting your butt.

Your job will be to point out all the rocks.

If you act French, maybe it will make the bed bearable.

I need to catch up on my travel writing.

I haven't done that yet. I'll do it on the plane.

You're going to forget.

I'll just prompt you. "What was the embarrassing thing you did on Monday?"

All we have to do is follow the expressway back to the station. We can't get lost.

Think about what you just said. Now laugh very hard.

I really miss cheese.

I had a craving for macaroni and cheese the other day.

I had a *dream* about macaroni and cheese. Julia Roberts was going to *make* us macaroni and cheese.

You kicked a pigeon!

I didn't kick it...it just didn't fly away until I stepped on it.

That's what boyfriends are good for--they keep your strap up, and give you a place to warm your hand. I need to get one.

Concussed and on my way to Narita. Ah, the joy.

You're losing weight from all the exercise.

I don't know... I keep eating a lot of crap. Well, not *literally*, because that would be just...yummy.

...And there you'll be, toting your tuber bag...

That wasn't even a pun. That was navel lint to a pun.

Maybe he had Pre-Mating Syndrome?

(Re: the poor guy trapped in the window seat next to us on the plane for 13 hours) I *thought* he was looking around a lot. He must have been climbing the walls--"Let me out!" ...I could've given him a cup...