"Merc, Merc, Who's Got the Merc?" by Maureen Wynn, Julie Skelly, Cath Boone, Perri Smith, Abby Albrecht Takes place after Abby's scene in WAR: The World's Greatest Book Signing Part 2: I'm Sorry, Sir, This Is A No Flashback Zone Julie snuck a peek over her shoulder, making sure that no one was listening, then finished dialling the phone number. "Hello? Perri? It's Julie... you know, Jas, your great-grandmother?" Julie winced as she said that - she still wasn't used to the idea of the generations following her. "Oh, hi, Granny!" Perri said, knowing how much Julie hated it. "Stop that! 'Granny' is quite capable of harming you, so behave yourself!" "Sure, sure, whatever you say... Granny. Did you call just to threaten me, or was there some other reason for this call?" "Yes, actually, there was a reason. I need your help with a kidnapping." There was a long pause. "Hello? Perri, did you hear me?" "I'm not sure. I think this time/space rift thing is interfering with my hearing. I could have sworn I heard you say `kidnapping'." "I did. All I can say right now is that it's a family matter, and I need your help..." ****some time, and several phone calls later**** "Quiet!" Julie hissed. "She's going to hear us if you don't stop giggling!" "Sorry!" Cath said, gasping for breath. "I can't help it. It's just so funny - there's always at least one kidnapping every War. It's just this time, it's a Merc who's getting kidnapped - the cosmic justice is, is..." and she dissolved into giggles again. Julie clapped a hand over Cath's mouth, trying to muffle her mirth, while considering that she couldn't inflict severe bodily harm until after the kidnapping was over. She said to Perri, "Check the store again - I want to be sure she didn't leave while giggle-girl here was laughing her assets off." Perri skulked around the corner (she's been in preparation for the War, and she prided herself on her skulking abilities) to peer into the window of the bookstore. She looked back at Julie and Cath, and gave them a "thumbs-up" signal before skulking back to them. "She's still in there. She's in line at the cashier's. I guess you can't expect a fan to go into a bookstore and *not* buy something." "Well, why can't she hurry up! Doesn't she know we're waiting out her to kidnap her?" Julie said, exasperated. "Uh, Julie?" Cath said. "Yeah?" "No, she doesn't know we're waiting out her to kidnap her. That would kind of give away the element of surprise, don't you think?" "Oh. Yeah. Forgot about that," the Ravenette said, distractedly refastening her barrettes. "Then I guess I shouldn't blame her for keeping us waiting, huh?" "That _would_ be asking too much, I think," Perri replied. "I think the most we can ask for is that she doesn't scream or fight too hard... yikes, I think she's coming out!" Julie ran to get the van, while Perri and Cath scrambled to get in place and waited for Abby to walk in their direction... **************** Abby breathed in the fresh air. Bookstores were heavenly, but musty. A second deep breath and Abby started walking down the street. *It could be worse,* she thought to herself. *We could be stuck in total daylight in Vegas in the summer!* As Abby shivered away the thought, branches rustled suspiciously behind her. (Okay, so what do suspicious branches sound like? I dunno, it just sounded cool! ) She turned on her heel and looked upon two of her friends. "Perri! Cath! What are you doing out at this... err.. hour?" "We were looking for you, of course!" Perri answered quickly. "Uh, yeah. The Mercs told us you'd be here tonight. So, here we are!" Cath followed. "We need you to do something for us..." Just as Abby was going to ask what they needed, a black van screeched around the corner. The side door flew open. "What?" Abby turned around, confused. "Get In!" Cath and Perri shouted in unison. They shoved their friend into the van and jumped in after her. To Abby this seemed like a bad recreation of the A-Team. But she was soon to find out it was much worse... "Abby! So glad you could make it!" Maureen smiled smugly. "Mo..." Abby felt like the Titanic -- cold and sinking fast. Like any good Merc, though, she decided to see this through to the end. (Semper Fi and all that.) "It's so nice to see you again... I figured after your little melodramatic speech at the Deli the Pack would've had you sedated. I mean, c'mon! 'As god is my witness, someone will be made to _pay_ for that!' Scarlet, you're not." The NatPacker sniffed loudly. "Be quiet, or I'll be forced to torment you endlessly." "What'cha gonna do? Make me watch the All Nat Channel? Oooh, I'm scared!" "Julie," Mo looked at her old friend. "Call her." Julie picked up the van's cell phone. The trapped Merc tried to figure out what number she was dialing, but it wasn't clear. *Drat! Shoulda taken that Merc 405 lecture, Memorizing Enemy Phone Numbers Quickly!* Abby thought to herself. "Hi, is Mary Sue there? Sure, I'll hold... Mary Sue! Hi. It's Julie! I just met this girl in Toronto, and we started talking about vampires... Yeah. hehehe. What else is there to talk about? You're sooo right!... Uhuh... Well, she'd really like to discuss your vampire cures with you..." "Nnnnnnoooooooooo!" Abby's scream shook the whole van. "I'll do anything you want! Please! Spare my sanity!" Perri was just about to comment on Abby's sanity, when Mo stood up. (Which goes to show how TARDIS like this van was... What *was* up with the spa in the back?) "Uh, never mind, Mary Sue..." Julie said quickly. She hung up before she could be talked to death. "Okay, Abby, here's what you're gonna do. You will call an appeals court into session. You will fill the jury with NatPackers. I will have a jury of my peers! And that's peers with an 'e', not an 'i'. I will Overcome! I will survive!" Suddenly Cath and Perri broke into the Gloria Gaynor '70s hit. They even did a little disco kick-line - not bad for choreography inside a moving van. "Sure, okay, will do! Anything you need! Just keep Mary Sue away!!!!!!" With that, Abby was dumped out of the van and sent on her mission. "Do you think she'll do it?" Julie asked. "Oh, yes!" Maureen replied. "*Anything* to keep away from Mary Sue..."