Title: Blond, Blonder, Blondest (01/01)
By: Berg Oswell, Mercenary
Time: Monday, July 29th, 11:00 am
(Takes place right after the kangaroo court :)
Place: Merc Central

        As I dragged Maureen the Mad out of the courtroom, kicking,
screaming, and threatening, I paused to wonder just why I do this.  The
answer was immediate.  I'm in it for one thing.  The chocolate and the
covert ops.  Er, two things.  The chocolate, the covert ops, and the
glory.  Er, well, we both know where that was leading, so let's not. 

        Resuming the march, we passed down a long, dark hallway, finally
ending up at The Door.  Now, The Door is *big*.  It looks like it could
keep FoDs away from the last souvlaki in the world.  Pressing my palm to
the scanner, I pushed the door open with my foot. 

        Within was the Place of Punishment.  A hard metal chair sat bolted
to the floor, before a massive TV, and a bank of several VCRs.  After
getting Maureen settled (a process involving half a dozen manacles), I
inserted a small needle into that special little nerve cluster that
paralyzes you below the neck.  I then attached the special helmet, and
sealed it in place. 

        Now, the stage was set.  A single button push would bring the TV
to life, showing carefully selected FK episodes in all their Nat-less
glory.  Simultaneously, a hose attached to the helmet would flood the poor
former-GHP's head with peroxide and a few other interesting chemicals,
turning her into the blondest blond since LaCroix. 

        And just to prevent any dodgy moves like her closing her eyes, I
taped her eyelids open.  As I left the room, I hit the little red button,
and listened to the screams of horror as I walked back down the long
hallway, satisfied with a job well done.