CERK goes AWOL! (5/5)
There Is No Get-Out-of-Jail-Free Card if You Smart-Mouth the Brass
by Christina Kamnikar (w/Jamie Randell & Lisa McDavid's bits too)

Monday morning, 4 AM or so, July 29th -- 96th Precinct Lockup

        "Tell me, Ms. Kamnikar. Didn't you believe me when I said I'd kill
you if you did this again?" Lacroix wasn't really asking for information; 
questions like that are only asked to remind someone that they've done
something that could be considered mortally stupid. 

        Almost literally so, in this case. 

        "Did what?" Chris smiled blindingly, recovering her equilibrium
quickly. "I didn't do anything. Well, nothing you can prove, anyway." She
shrugged and idly ran her fingers down the wall, apparently studying the
phone numbers written there. 

        "You hijacked my radio station. In the middle of my broadcast. And
gave it to those two juvenile delinquents!" snarled the vampire, eyes
glowing yellow. Jamie was extremely glad there were steel bars between him
and the two of them, although it wouldn't stop him if he got *really*
pissed-off. 

        "So what," the Merc Mommy General said, folding her arms over her
chest in defiance. Jamie noticed that despite the bravado, Chaos kept her
back against the wall as far away from Uncle as possible. "What are you
objecting to? The illegal acts? Or the fact that someone else has
something you consider *yours*? Oooo, can't have that, can we?" 

        "You know you'll get it back eventually," Jamie pointed out. 
Lacroix switched his laser-eyed glare to her, but the Web Goddess held her
ground, sighing in resignation. "Now really, admit it. You're glad we're
back." 

        This was so unexpected that Lacroix gaped at her. "WHAT?" 

        "You missed us, didn't you?" Jamie smiled endearingly, and by now
Chris was also staring at the Natpacker/Merc in amazement. "All of us
Listfolk---we're your best audience. Even Chris, though she hates your
guts, knows practically all your monologues by heart." 
        "Do not." 
        "Do so." Jamie took a tentative step toward the bars and raised
her eyebrows. "C'mon. You know you never have as much fun as when we're in
town, making your life interesting." 
        "Interesting." Lacroix said in a dead voice. "Hijackings. Being
forced to wear obscene clothing. Videotapes of me in compromising
positions. Being drugged, hypnotized, HUMILIATED--- Interesting?!? NONE of
that is even slightly *interesting*!" He stepped back from the bars in
frustration, words temporarily failing him as he gestured in futility. 
"It's insanity, torture, sheer, unadulterated hell---" 
        "So why haven't you left town already?" Chris asked with a big
grin. She always regarded Lacroix with the mixture of fascination and
horror that a mongoose feels for a snake; a combination of "ewwwww, kill
it, kill it, kill it now" and "pretty, pretty cobra... what are you going
to do next?"  Being able to torment him from inside a safe jail cell was a
dream come true. 
        The vampire straightened even more than usual, shot her a dirty
look, and coldly informed Jamie, "I did *not* miss you. I want you to go
away right after you give me back my radio station." He sounded like a
six-year-old demanding that his older sister give him his dump-truck. 

        "Well, guess you better get used to us being around then,
Lacroix,"  Chris said, putting her hands behind her head, "'Cause I can't
get it back for you for nothing. And it'll be a while before those two
make a mistake.  Of course, you can always hire me to hijack it back for
you---at a substantial price---" 
        Lacroix snarled again, fangs, eyes, and facial muscles getting
into the act before he regained control of himself, then calmed as
suddenly as he'd gotten angry. "Very well. I trust you're prepared for an
extended stay here. I understand the food is excellent." He turned and
stalked for the door. 
        "You should know!" Jamie called after him, and added to his
retreating back, "It's okay if you can't admit it. We know the truth. 
You're thrilled we're in Toronto." The sound of the door slamming was her
only answer. The WebGoddess sighed, and said to Chris, "He's really glad
to see us. I could tell." 
        The MMG rolled her eyes, and lay back down on the bench, wondering
how long it would be until the arraignment. 

        It turned out that arraignments began at 6:30 AM. Which was
unfortunate, because Chris didn't make much of an impression at that hour
of the morning, especially when she'd only had four hours of sleep. As a
Natpacker/Merc, all Jamie needed was some caffeine, and she appeared
bright and non-threatening, but Chaos resembled one of those wanted
posters of women who'd been caught smuggling chocolate through customs
from Turkey.  Consequently, the bail set for Jamie was slightly lower than
it was for Chris. 
        "$10,000? Where am I going to get ten thousand dollars?" Jamie
asked in dismay. 
        Chris shrugged as they left the courthouse. Twenty-five thousand
dollars wasn't exactly what she'd been hoping her bail would be, either. 
"Actually, you only have to come up with $1000, a bail bondsman will pick
up the rest of the tab." 
        "I don't have a thousand dollars either." 
        "Which is why I am now going to call Dianne, who will come down
here and post bail for us out of the General Merc Fund," Chris said
patiently. "God, what I'd give for a shower. I hope erica and Bianca are
having fun with CERK... I haven't even gotten to listen to it since we
were arrested." 

        The Grand High Poohbah was not amused. 
        "You're in big trouble, Chris."
        "Oh, please. You know Jamie was perfectly safe with me---"
        "That's not the point! She's supposed to go on trial in an hour!"
        "She's no more guilty of treason than _I_ am. Just easily swayed. 
Maureen's still there, isn't she? You can put her on trial. And if you
come get us out of jail, you can still put Jamie on trial for treason
too---not that it'll stick." 
        "That's about the only reason either of you is getting bailed out,
you know that." Dianne sounded like she was speaking through gritted
teeth.  "So we can clear up the questions about Jamie. Otherwise..." 
        "Just get here soon, okay?" 

        The sighs of relief that greeted the tall red-headed Merc as she
walked into holding were heartfelt, but not quite heartfelt enough, in the
GHP's opinion. "Are we through being reckless?" Dianne asked severely, as
the sergeant opened the cell door. "Are we through taking off without
back-up? Are we through with not telling the GHP where we're going?" 
        "Sure," Chris said, eyes wide in mock-innocence. "And right after
we get out of here, I'm going over to CERK to apologize to Lacroix." 
        "No need to be sarcastic," Dianne said, her mouth twitching in an
involuntary grin. "Jamie, where's your jacket?" She put a hand out to stop
her MMG from leaving the cell. "Uh-unh. You're not going anywhere." 
        "Dianne?" Jamie said uncertainly, looking from one of her
Merc-Mommies to the other. "What are you talking about?" 
        "I'm only bailing out *you*, Jamie. Chris has to learn a little
humility." 
        "You can't do this," Christina responded in a flat voice. "You
can't. You're not allowed to. There's money in the General Fund earmarked
for this sort of thing." 
        Dianne smiled and helped Jamie on with her coat. "Yes, there is,
but nothing says I can't let you stay here for a while. There's no more
Strikeforces planned for at least a few days; and Abby has the trial well
under control. And frankly, I want you to be somewhere I *know* you can't
get out of for a while." 
        "You're going to interfere with me protecting Jamie!" Christina
protested. "You know she hired me to keep her from being kidnapped!" 
        "Kidnapped from her _faction_, Chris. Right now, she's going to be
with her faction. Us. The Mercs. Surrounded by us. Perfectly safe. Don't
worry, we'll take care of your client for you." Dianne waved nonchalantly
as the door cut off her view of the speechless Mercenary General watching
them leave.