Except that her dreams had rarely contained peace.
"Do you think," she began, turning to her hovering companion, "is it possible that he...?" She closed her lips on the rest of the question. She knew she had weaknesses, and the girl before her was no doubt intimately acquainted with each and every one of them, yet she couldn't bring herself to speak them aloud. She had debased herself enough for one lifetime.
The blue-haired spirit guide who had come to escort her to the next world looked at the reposing body in sympathy. She pulled a book from the sleeve of her kimono and read from it, her eyes widening occasionally and a blush creeping across her cheeks. "I think he loved you," she said at last. "As much as he could love anyone."
The warrior woman nodded, truly grateful. "I'm ready now. Take me out of here."
Botan smiled cheerfully and motioned for the Seishi spirit to climb behind her on the floating oar. "You'll like this journey. Your memories of this life will be washed away so you can start fresh and clean in the next."
"*All* of my memories?" Soi wrapped her arms around the guide's waist as the oar levitated higher into the air. Did she even recall any events, any moments, she would wish to preserve?
Perhaps only one: A tall, golden-haired stranger freeing her from what had seemed her destiny, an existence as yet one more child prostitute. In that instant, she had become his. With her death, she had repaid her debt.
Judging by the answer she received, however, the girl had misunderstood her motive. "Don't worry. Everything you've done in this life," she hesitated, evidently contemplating what some of those deeds had been, "is recorded in Enma Daioh-sama's book. Nothing is completely forgotten."
The war-torn countryside receded beneath them as they soared through the sky at a dizzying pace. Then the air around them seemed to condense, focusing into a whirling abstraction directly in front of them. Without pausing, they dove into the portal, emerging over an unfamiliar mountain range guarding a bleak landscape, barren despite the river that should have turned it lush and green.
The Seishi broke her brief silence, asking now while it might still matter. "Does my past disgust you?"
"No, not at all!" Botan hastened to assure her. "It's just... I mean, I've been guiding souls for many years, and I've known of far worse, both in acts and suffering." She shifted slightly under her passenger's grip. "Sometimes I wonder, though, what it must be like to experience the things I read about, especially when it's someone with your...um..."
"Specialty?" Soi prompted, her eyes brightening with genuine amusement. She leaned forward and rubbed her cheek against her guide's warm one, nearly sending them into an unexpected spin. She had always believed in repaying the kindness of others, perhaps because she never received it in large enough quantity to take it for granted. She no longer possessed a body to use as coin, nor tactical information her host needed, but maybe in this realm of spirit her skills would be sufficient.
"H--hai." Botan swallowed. She brought them in for a landing before the gate of an immense fortification. Speaking through an odd device, she gained easy access. The oar disappeared with a practiced gesture.
The Seishi regarded her companion as they followed the length of a stone corridor. "I could satisfy your curiosity," she offered when it became clear the other was interested, but too polite to pursue the topic.
The girl stopped walking and faced her. "Really, that's not necessary," she said with a light--if somewhat embarrassed--expression. "Thank you, but I should be seeing you to your next incarnation, and if I don't deliver you on time, I--" The remainder of her protest was cut off as Soi captured her mouth in a deep, lingering kiss.
The warrior held the kiss until she could feel the other's surprised resistance melt away. Then she slowly drew back, her tongue caressing the lower lip before separating entirely. She traced her guide's throat with teasing fingertips and noted the rapid pulse. She said nothing, letting her touch express her query.
Botan's breath came in shallow gasps for several moments until she once again found her voice. "Or," she suggested, "we could rest a while before the next stage of your journey."
The Seishi stroked the girl's thigh through the kimono, pleased by the answering shiver. "Don't count on getting too much rest," she advised.
Smiling with an enticing blend of innocence and impishness, Botan led the way to her quarters. The room, when they arrived, turned out to be small and sparsely furnished. A bed, wardrobe, and dressing table with mirror formed the complete set.
What it lacked in content, however, it made up for in girlish charm. Pale blue and white patterned sheets adorned the bed, topped with two matching pillows and a stuffed white bunny. A circular carpet graced the floor, so thick and soft it would be a luxury to run bare toes through it. A lopsided stack of books leaned against one wall, squares of paper with scribbled notes shoved between the pages.
Rather than moving immediately to the bed, Botan paused in front of the mirror. She unfastened her obi but didn't let her kimono fall open. "It's all so fast," she murmured. She turned to face her bemused guest. "Not just this," she continued, including the both of them in her gesture. "Everything. Zip!--and it's gone. That's why..."
"Sometimes it can be that way. Yet it can also seem an eternity, beyond endurance. I imagine many are thankful for your arrival." She caught sight of her reflection, pale skin wreathed by hair that had at last gained its freedom. "I was."
The girl reached out, as if to touch, but stopped short. "You're so beautiful. I wish I could give you all the sweet memories you deserve--receiving flowers from your loved one, holding hands in the moonlight, sharing that first, precious kiss." Her eyes sparkled as she imagined scenes of romance. "You'll have a chance at them, in your new life. Next time we meet, I want you to be happy to see me, but only because you're filled with good memories and need me to empty you, to make room for more."
This wasn't what Soi had expected. She clasped the girl's outstretched hand and held the palm against her cheek. If she had possessed a heart, it would be fluttering. "What about you? What do you want for yourself?"
"I want to learn. To have this moment last forever."
The Seishi tugged, drawing her closer, and twirled her so that their gazes met in the mirror. She encircled the slender waist with her arms and slid the front of the garment open, exposing the lighter pink beneath. She explored slowly, at first, giving her inexperienced partner time to absorb the lesson. Soon, however, the spirit guide mastered the preliminaries and began to throw herself into the activity with her innate exuberance.
Though the motions were the same as in many a previous encounter, the warrior found herself learning as much as she taught. While she demonstrated the pleasures of agile hands on willing flesh, of taste and touch, of two people wrapped in a natural rhythm, Botan took her one step beyond, into the delights of spirit and mind.
Rather than concentrating on physical technique, on duty, on power, the girl focused on the joy of discovery. When their loving made her happy, she smiled and laughed. If she knew where she wanted to be stroked, she asked, then responded with words of encouragement and gratitude. After she had been taken past speech, she continued to strengthen the invisible connection between them with her expressive eyes and the honesty of her passion.
Soi had never participated in a joining so mutual and fulfilling. She cradled her relaxed pupil, savoring the feelings while she could. Never before had she appreciated her situation enough to want it to last--though she gave of herself willingly to her commander, he took all that she offered and returned nothing, leaving her drained. Now, however...
Botan sighed softly and squirmed into a sitting position, her hair tumbling down over one shoulder, having been released from its binding at some point. "It's time," she said, her voice still low and husky. "I must see you on to your next life." She bowed her head, the cascade of blue obscuring her face. "It is my thanks to you, to see that you will find your happiness."
The warrior brushed back the girl's hair, baring everything. "What if I told you I already have?"
"But--" Confusion, wonder, and hope mingled. "I'm not supposed to detain you from the fate determined by Enma-sama. I can't let my personal feelings interfere, not even if--" She broke off with a small gasp.
"Not even if what?"
The spirit guide looked away from her charge. "I couldn't tell you. We had only a short time, so I thought I could pretend long enough to carry out my duty. I thought that if I made light of it, I could create a memory to last forever...and you would never have to know."
Soi pushed herself up, a tightness gripping her chest. "Know what?"
"I..." She took a deep breath and turned back. "I love you."
It was the first time. In all her existence as a Seishi, no one had ever said those words to her and meant them. "You..." She couldn't doubt the truth of it, not when the admission had cost so much. "How?"
"I don't know! When I saw you, it was like recognizing the mate to my soul. That's why I waited with you, to watch Nakago carry your body to the Imperial Palace. I wanted to be complete for as long as I could, and I would have done anything if it helped you to be content."
"Will you do this one thing for me now?" She conveyed her intensity by laying a gentle hand on her lover's thigh. "Will you let me stay?"
"I'm sorry. It's not up to me." She paused to retrieve the Book of Enma from its pocket in her kimono, dropped in a silken pile beside the bed. "You have to go where your destiny leads."
Soi pressed her lips together with the stubbornness that had enabled her to bear the cruelties inflicted upon her by an unfair world, forging strength out of adversity. "Not if it leads away from you."
The girl heaved a sigh, this time in frustrated exasperation. She opened the book and flipped to the end. "No matter how it may seem, I'm sure Enma-sama has..." She froze, eyes locked on the page.
"What is it?" the Seishi demanded, prepared to fight to preserve this measure of freedom.
Botan smiled. Then she giggled. She closed the book, pleased laughter making her almost giddy. The book slid from her hands onto the discarded kimono.
"What?" Soi repeated, this time puzzled.
The spirit guide threw her arms around the woman's neck and hugged her with a contagious joy. "Enma-sama has marked you with a request for special service, due to your training."
That information quelled her growing desire to laugh with the girl. She knew what "special service" her training had enabled her to perform for Nakago. She had done it out of love for him. She would *not* be trapped into that again, not even for the Lord of the Dead. "Oh, he has?" she asked coldly.
"Yes!" Botan went on, drawing back enough to meet her gaze. "He selected you as a member of his elite guard. With your military history and knowledge of battle ki, you're perfect."
"Elite...?"
"It's your choice, of course, whether you wish to serve. He doesn't need a reluctant guard. But if you do stay, it would mean we could be together. That is what you want, isn't it?"
The Seishi's lips curved into a satisfied smile. She returned her lover's embrace, easing them both back under the blanket. There was no hurry. They had all the time in the world.