Rethinking NASCAR

I find a lot of humor in NASCAR --500 miles of left turns?-- and I've often wondered why it has become so popular.

NASCAR's origins are in bootlegging -- in modifying and driving cars that could outrun local law enforcement authorities. Which means that NASCAR owes a huge debt to the Christian conservatives who declared alcohol illegal in the first place. (If you like irony, and I know you do, check out the Christian aspect of NASCAR.)

I grew up thinking of NASCAR as the sport of poor white southerners. Think Southern Culture on the Skids and Dirt Track Date and you've got a pretty good idea of what I mean.

And yet, NASCAR has become wildly popular nationwide. Michigan suburbanites can name several NASCAR drivers. The Michigan International Speedway in Brooklyn is regularly packed with fans. Life-sized images of drivers emblazon soft drink machines nationwide. What gives?

My pet theory is that Americans, driving fools that we are, project ourselves onto NASCAR drivers. That is to say, millions of Walter Mittys commute to and from work every day, getting out of the post first at tollbooths, clinging to the inside track on long, sloping curves and cursing the opposing drivers who cut them off before the next exit. If you can't handle the speed in the left lane, you need to get over to the right lane with the rest of the milk trucks! And cell phones? Puh-leeze. You don't see Jeff Gordon with no stinkin' cell phone, do you? Where's the purity, for crying out loud?

Of course, the most basic similarity with commuters and bootleggers is driving as fast as you can without getting caught. Stop blushing. You know I'm right. You can't drive any Metro Detroit freeway at or below the speed limit without being rear-ended, headlight-flashed and flipped-off, so you might as well enjoy it, right? And you can't deny the rush of adrenaline you get when you come over a rise only to see Los Federales parked on the median and you pump your brakes and quickly veer to the right to hide amongst the milk trucks, watching your rear-view to see if The Man is coming after you.

Add a couple of G-forces and we're just like the guys at MIS, right?

Or maybe that's just me.

I owe Danica Patrick for this rethinking of NASCAR. I support women breaking into male bastions. Especially when the women in question are really hot.



(I have it on good authority that this life-size cutout is on a 27.5-year backorder.)

Still, one cute woman winning races isn't enough for me. It's too easy to bring in one telegenic female racer and say, "We're not all white men." I mean, when Ms. Patrick raises the take at the gate, all the white men benefit, too. No, I need a stronger commitment from NASCAR.

I'll become a fan when I see black men racing. Openly lesbian women and gay men racing. Transgendered men and women racing. Obese parents with screaming-children-in-the-back -seat-passing-onion-rings-and-Cokes-around racing. Arab women in hajibs racing.

Only then will the NASCAR circuit look like my view of I-275.

(Psst, Danica! Call me!) :-)

More Pettifoggery from the Schrieber Campaign

Is the Paul Schrieber for Mayor Campaign running scared?

Today's Ann Arbor News included a letter from Normal Park Neighborhood Association president (and Schrieber campaigner) Lisa Wozniak, as well as one from Lorie Thoms of the now-defunct YCFE.

Ms. Wozniak takes issue with Steve Pierce's use of a single pronoun by choosing a narrow interpretation of "we." Clearly, Mr. Pierce could have meant "we" because he is an Ypsilantian and was discussing an Ypsilanti issue. But Ms. Wozniak's interpretation allows her to accuse Mr. Pierce of taking credit for someone else's work. This, of course, is such a character flaw that the reader --if there is any justice in the world-- should run shrieking into Paul Schrieber's camp.

In general, I recommend voting for the candidate who uses the broadest possible interpretation of "we."

Ms. Thoms (letter available only in today's print edition) contests the claim that Steve Pierce hosted ycfe.org for free, disregarding the larger argument that Mr. Pierce supported YCFE in blocking the rollback of the 2002 charter amendment. In any event, she says, Paul Schrieber was more supportive of YCFE, and therefore deserves the (now-defunct) YCFE vote.

First, let me say that I enjoyed working with Lorie in 2002 and 2004. She's witty and fun and a dogged campaigner. I would enjoy working with her again.

However, the civil rights enshrined in our city charter are a testament to all Ypsilantians and our sense of justice. The former members of YCFE do not own the issue. (For another perspective, check out Barb's & Celeste's letter to Lisa and Beth.) Not only do they not own the issue, it's a non-issue. All three mayoral candidates stated their loyalty to the charter.

What remains is the public animosity of Lisa Zuber, Beth Bashert, Lorie Thoms and, now, Lisa Wozniak.

But where is Paul Schrieber? Does he condone these attacks on Steve Pierce? If so, it's a side of Paul that I've never seen, and one I don't like. If not, he's showing that he can't lead his own campaign and, by extension, city government.

Stress Relief.

Delicious.

I recommend manic mode.

Happy Birthday, Dad.

I believe this is from a 1967-8 press release when Dad left Copley Press in L.A. for Madison Avenue, which makes him 29 or 30 years old at the time.

I was really angry with him when he died. He had talked me out of visiting him when he was hospitalized for emergency heart surgery, and then he died within 48 hours of leaving the hospital. It was my decision not to see him, of course, but for a long time I blamed him. I blamed him for a lot of things, actually -- the divorce, and then the kidnapping, and always, always moving. Moving was his solution to most any problem, even though it should have been obvious that he carried his problems where ever he went.

But when I see him here, I remember meeting him at the train from NYC: he smelling faintly of aftershave and cigarette smoke, his cheek at once clammy and scratchy against mine, and I, wrapped in his raincoated embrace, feet dangling, happy.

Today Bob Touchberry would have been 68 years old.

The 7/27/06 Ypsilanti Mayoral Debate

I enjoyed Ypsi-Dixit's report on the recent mayoral debate. Perhaps you will, too.

A Riddle

Q. Why do television hosts continue to interview Ann Coulter?

A. Because spitting cobras don't speak English. (cue rimshot)

thankyouthankyouverymuch. I'm here Tuesdays and Thursdays.

New Understanding.

I used to believe in the deliciousness of righteous anger, but I was wrong.

There is only anger, self-righteousness, and the deliciousness of wallowing in either.

More on the Zuber/Bashert Endorsement

Go vist Cam's blog. He did some research into DDA minutes in 2002 and came up with shocking results.

Family Man, Musician, Writer ... Crimefighter

I hope he can continue his work now that the world knows his secret identity. On the other hand, the suit and cape required costly dry cleaning, so this may turn out for the best.

Bad guys beware: you can't outrun Pat in the 440, even at 47 years old.

He wishes he weren't a wiener thief

TIME.com: Toying With Terror Alerts? -- Page 1

Josh Marshall's first article for Time, and it's a good'un. We've all suspected that the alerts were theatrics. I'd even argue that terror alerts are terroristic themselves. Josh thinks we've already seen the start of the fear mongering in preparation for the November elections.


TIME.com: Toying With Terror Alerts? -- Page 1

Dirty Politics in the Ypsilanti Mayoral Race

[I finished the bulk of this post on July 5, shortly after I heard about the "YCFE endorsement" of Paul Schrieber. Real life interrupted my train of thought and my publishing. My apologies.]

In a Democratic town, a three-way mayoral race among Democrats will spill some blood. That is, you can expect some hard feelings among friends who once strategized together, stuffed envelopes together, knocked on doors together and who (now) oppose each other.

But do you really have to go so negative on your neighbor? Do you really have to act so ... Republican?

Paul Schrieber's webpage now proudly displays an endorsement by the chairs of the now-defunct Ypsilanti Campaign for Equality (the first endorsement by YCFE in a local election, I believe.) I have a lot of respect for Paul, which is why I think he should divest himself of that endorsement as quickly as possible.

Some disclosure is necessary:

• I support Steve Pierce for mayor
• I worked for YCFE during the last charter amendment campaign
• I worked with Beth Bashert (YCFE co-chair) on the 2004 Democratic Coordinated Campaign out of Alma Wheeler Smith's office

Lisa Zuber and Beth Bashert are certainly entitled to support Paul Schrieber as long as they speak as individuals. Instead, they chose to use the YCFE logo as though all of YCFE had decided to endorse Paul. Just like the president of UAW Local X who wants to support Candidate Y doesn't have the right to use the organization's name without the organization's consent, Lisa and Beth don't have the right to speak for everyone who supported them in 2002.

Moreover, Lisa and Beth apparently didn't ask each candidate for their stance on YCFE issues.
In the endorsement letter, Lisa and Beth chose to diss both Lois Richardson and Steve Pierce with this paragraph:

Lois Richardson, also a 2006 candidate for mayor, was the only city council member who did not support us in the 2002 campaign. Steve Pierce is the third 2006 mayoral candididate. As president of Ypsilanti’s DDA in 2002, he refused to endorse us.

I don't know whether Lois Richardson supported YCFE four years ago, although I can imagine that gay rights isn't a popular issue in the First Ward. I also don't know what Ms. Richardson thinks now that she wants to represent the entire city and not just the First Ward. It seems to me that either Lisa and Beth weren't duly diligent as YCFE officers ... or maybe they want revenge for 2002. Or perhaps both.

I've seen the revenge streak before.

* * *

It was the 2004 school board elections; incumbents Tom Reiber and Willie Washington as well as newbie Cameron Getto were on the ballot. Washington was seen as too easily influenced by the superintendent. Getto ran on holding the superintendent accountable. Reiber was outspoken in his criticism of the board as a rubber stamp for the superintendent. We respected Reiber and needed him to overturn the board majority.

But Mr. Reiber had written a letter to the editor of the Ypsi Courier supporting the charter amendment in 2002. His letter was then used by the anti-gay rabble as the sole elected official in Ypsilanti who wanted to remove civil protections for the LGBT community. I knew Tom to be a fair man who would not tolerate discrimination, despite his opposition to the legality of the charter amendment.

The word came back to the campaign that Lisa and Beth were ready to blast Reiber for his letter in 2002. A number of YCFE supporters and community gay activists served as go-betweens, learning Reiber's stance on discrimination, and convincing Lisa and Beth that he had had a conversion of sorts. They could put the guns back in the cabinet. YCFE did not denounce Reiber, and he went on to win handily.

* * *

Lisa and Beth have now launched a similar vengeful attack on Steve Pierce. In 2002 they asked him for a DDA endorsement of YCFE, and he said he wasn't inclined to come out in support of either side of the issue. Technically, what Lisa and Beth claim is true--as DDA President, he didn't endorse them.

What Lisa and Beth conveniently forget to mention is Pierce's personal support for YCFE. His company, HDL, hosted ycfe.org for free, thereby giving an international voice to the fight in Ypsilanti.

Steve Pierce spoke to people about the importance of turning back the anti-gay charter amendment, as I did. He put "No" signs in his yard, as I did. But, apparently, nothing can atone for not explicitly endorsing YCFE.

What price this pound of flesh?

* * *

The icing on the cake of vengeance comes in the final sentence: "We believe that if either Richardson or Pierce becomes mayor of Ypsilanti, our cause will no longer enjoy strong political support in this community."

Are Lisa and Beth implying that Lois Richardson and Steve Pierce don't support gays?

If pettifoggery were the standard, some might agree. But Lisa and Beth never asked Lois Richardson or Steve Pierce about their stance on the Ypsilanti City Charter. In fact, they know that Steve Pierce supported them.

These two "beacons" of civil rights failed the most basic test of civil liberties.

Mr. Schrieber, you should disavow this endorsement.

July 2: Happy Birthday, Julie!

Often Julie's birthday is overlooked because of the holiday, so please call or write with your good wishes.

On the Ypsilanti High School Mascot

In May, a majority of the Ypsilanti School Board voted to stop using the image of a Native American as its mascot. The school's teams will remain the Braves, however.

It's a schizophrenic decision, to be sure. How could the Board recognize the racism of the image but not the word? The answers, I've decided, are in the National Anthem and context.

The one argument you can't win regards Braves supporters' bond with The Star Spangled Banner. At the beginning of every sporting event, YHS fans scream "...and the Home of the Braves!" They sing it, their grandparents sang it, and they want their grandchildren to sing it, too. It's almost too cruel a punishment to ask Braves supporters to give up the Six Words, to give up their unique status as National Anthem singers and as Americans. No other word will do.

So Braves supporters searched their dictionaries for another meaning of braves. The first definition of "brave" as a noun is a Native American warrior. But the second meaning of "brave" is a courageous person. At last, Braves supporters can be consoled that even though millions of people (and especially major league baseball fans) think of a Native American when they see Braves, the Ypsi Braves are different. We're actually the other kind of Brave, the not-necessarily-Native-American courageous-type people. I recommend that all the new Braves stuff be given an asterisk, with "see definition #2" in small print. Or maybe, "Not really racist." A little clarity can't hurt.

The non-Native American Braves solution came from Board President Andy Fanta, who searched far and wide to find a working example of a Braves team without a Native American logo. He came upon the Bradley University Braves, who divested themselves of their Indian logo in 1991.

If Ypsilanti High School can't be right, at least it won't be alone.

Mr. Fanta told me that no one has litigated Bradley over their use of Braves. I should have told him that if your team name requires you to estimate the likelihood of a lawsuit, you should probably find another name.

The problem with the Fanta Solution, which ends the more egregious display of racism while giving plausible deniability to the other, is that the Native American community is still justifiably offended. At the board meeting when the vote was taken, Native Americans expressed their gratitude for the incremental change, praised trustees Getto and Doyle, looked forward to a brief rest, and resolved to come back again next year. Clearly, the Fanta Solution was not a solution.

After much consideration, I have decided to jump into the breach with my own plan: the Touchberry Modest Proposal. I offer the Ypsilanti School Board a contextual solution, a teaching point, a singable name, and a logo. In return for this package deal, I ask nothing for myself.

It's really very simple: change Braves to Slaves.

We know that people of all races have been captured and forced to work for other societies. Of course, most Ypsilantians would immediately think of the American slave trade that kept African-Americans in bondage for some 300 years. But, if we can look beyond our own narrow history, we can see that slavery is as old as tribal warfare. Slaves built civilizations in Egypt, Athens, Rome, and Russia. Shorn of their innate nobility, slaves suffered inhumanely and yet survived (somewhat) to create the world's cultures. So let's not look toward the slaves' suffering but rather to their accomplishments despite their suffering.

Talk about a teaching moment! When students learn of the universality of slavery they will realize how much they have in common with each other and with African-American students in particular.

Singability is, of course, the crucial point, so a solid rhyme like brave/slave is the next best thing to the word itself. I'm confident that the National Anthem transition will be smooth, although I anticipate a few fans accidentally singing Braves instead of Slaves once in a while. Tradition is hard to break, after all.

And the logo? I imagine a pair of purple manacles connected by a three-link chain on a yellow field. Perhaps a crack is beginning to form in the center link. But probably I should leave the symbology to the students themselves.

We have a new school board now, a board substantially different from the one that chose the Fanta Solution. I look forward to presenting my modest proposal.

[revised 7/2/06, 10:06 a.m.]