On the Ypsilanti High School Mascot

In May, a majority of the Ypsilanti School Board voted to stop using the image of a Native American as its mascot. The school's teams will remain the Braves, however.

It's a schizophrenic decision, to be sure. How could the Board recognize the racism of the image but not the word? The answers, I've decided, are in the National Anthem and context.

The one argument you can't win regards Braves supporters' bond with The Star Spangled Banner. At the beginning of every sporting event, YHS fans scream "...and the Home of the Braves!" They sing it, their grandparents sang it, and they want their grandchildren to sing it, too. It's almost too cruel a punishment to ask Braves supporters to give up the Six Words, to give up their unique status as National Anthem singers and as Americans. No other word will do.

So Braves supporters searched their dictionaries for another meaning of braves. The first definition of "brave" as a noun is a Native American warrior. But the second meaning of "brave" is a courageous person. At last, Braves supporters can be consoled that even though millions of people (and especially major league baseball fans) think of a Native American when they see Braves, the Ypsi Braves are different. We're actually the other kind of Brave, the not-necessarily-Native-American courageous-type people. I recommend that all the new Braves stuff be given an asterisk, with "see definition #2" in small print. Or maybe, "Not really racist." A little clarity can't hurt.

The non-Native American Braves solution came from Board President Andy Fanta, who searched far and wide to find a working example of a Braves team without a Native American logo. He came upon the Bradley University Braves, who divested themselves of their Indian logo in 1991.

If Ypsilanti High School can't be right, at least it won't be alone.

Mr. Fanta told me that no one has litigated Bradley over their use of Braves. I should have told him that if your team name requires you to estimate the likelihood of a lawsuit, you should probably find another name.

The problem with the Fanta Solution, which ends the more egregious display of racism while giving plausible deniability to the other, is that the Native American community is still justifiably offended. At the board meeting when the vote was taken, Native Americans expressed their gratitude for the incremental change, praised trustees Getto and Doyle, looked forward to a brief rest, and resolved to come back again next year. Clearly, the Fanta Solution was not a solution.

After much consideration, I have decided to jump into the breach with my own plan: the Touchberry Modest Proposal. I offer the Ypsilanti School Board a contextual solution, a teaching point, a singable name, and a logo. In return for this package deal, I ask nothing for myself.

It's really very simple: change Braves to Slaves.

We know that people of all races have been captured and forced to work for other societies. Of course, most Ypsilantians would immediately think of the American slave trade that kept African-Americans in bondage for some 300 years. But, if we can look beyond our own narrow history, we can see that slavery is as old as tribal warfare. Slaves built civilizations in Egypt, Athens, Rome, and Russia. Shorn of their innate nobility, slaves suffered inhumanely and yet survived (somewhat) to create the world's cultures. So let's not look toward the slaves' suffering but rather to their accomplishments despite their suffering.

Talk about a teaching moment! When students learn of the universality of slavery they will realize how much they have in common with each other and with African-American students in particular.

Singability is, of course, the crucial point, so a solid rhyme like brave/slave is the next best thing to the word itself. I'm confident that the National Anthem transition will be smooth, although I anticipate a few fans accidentally singing Braves instead of Slaves once in a while. Tradition is hard to break, after all.

And the logo? I imagine a pair of purple manacles connected by a three-link chain on a yellow field. Perhaps a crack is beginning to form in the center link. But probably I should leave the symbology to the students themselves.

We have a new school board now, a board substantially different from the one that chose the Fanta Solution. I look forward to presenting my modest proposal.

[revised 7/2/06, 10:06 a.m.]