Now, the Post-Christmas Let-Down

Dear Pat Fitzgerald,

It was a great Christmas. Really. No, I'm not just trying to make you feel better. It's just that I had hoped for... something more. I mean, the Scooter's good -- don't get me wrong! -- but I had hoped for the Turdblossom, too. It's okay. Maybe I'll get it later? I'd really appreciate it.

And that "Undersecretary of State" I saw in your catalog? When, um, do you think you could deliver him? If he's the one I've been eyeing, he'd be so much better on a trophy rack than in the U.N., don't you think?

Okay. That's enough for now.

Oh -- and I promise to be good.