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President Bush wants to make one thing clear: This war is not about oil, it's about gasoline."

Jay Leno

President Bush announced tonight that he believes in democracy and that democracy can exist in Iraq. They can have a strong economy, they can have a good health care plan, and they can have a free and fair voting. Iraq? We can't even get this in Florida."

Jay Leno

"President Bush has said that he does not need approval from the UN to wage war, and I'm thinking, well, hell, he didn't need the approval of the American voters to become president, either."

David Letterman


"We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq.  There's just one problem - it's in North Korea."

Jon Stewart


"In California, 50 women protested the war with Iraq by lying on the ground naked and spelling out the word peace. Right idea, wrong president."

Jay Leno


"In a speech earlier today President Bush said if Iraq gets rid of Saddam Hussein, he will help the Iraqi people with food, medicine, supplies, housing, education - anything that's needed. Isn't that amazing? He finally comes up with a domestic agenda - and it's for Iraq. Maybe we could bring that here if it works out."

Jay Leno


"The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow 'Operation Re-elect Bush' doesn't seem to be popular."

Jay Leno


President Bush spent last night calling world leaders to support the war with Iraq and it is sad when the most powerful man on earth is yelling, I know you're there, pick up, pick up."

Craig Kilborn


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