Things That Make You Go "Hmmmmmmm.....?"
v Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Gardening Rule: When
weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a
weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it.
If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
The easiest way to find
something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Never take life seriously.
Nobody gets out alive anyway.
There are two kinds of
pedestrians -- the quick and the dead.
Health is merely the
slowest possible rate at which one can die.
The only difference
between a rut and a grave is the depth.
Health nuts are going to
feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Have you noticed since
everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about
seeing UFOs like they use to?
Whenever I feel blue, I
start breathing again.
All of us could take a
lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
Why does a slight tax
increase cost you two hundred dollars, and a substantial tax cut saves you
Politics is supposed to be
the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close
resemblance to the first.
How is it one careless
match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to
start a barbecue?
v Can you cry under water?
v How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
v If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
v Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going?
v Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
v Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
v What did cured ham actually have?
v How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
v Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
v If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?
v Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
v How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?
v Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
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