Things That Make You Go "Hmmmmmmm.....?"

v     Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

v     Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it.  If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

v     The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

v     Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

v     There are two kinds of pedestrians -- the quick and the dead.

v     Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

v     The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. 

v     Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

v     Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they use to?

v     Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

v     All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

v     Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars, and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

v     Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

v     How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a barbecue?

v     Can you cry under water?

v     How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

v     If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

v     Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going?

v     Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

v     Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

v     What did cured ham actually have?

v     How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

v     Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

v     If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?

v     Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

v     How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?

v     Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.


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