English is the CRAZIEST language!


English is the craziest language!


We'll begin with a box and the plural is boxes;

But the plural of ox is oxen not oxes!


Then one fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,

Yet the plural of moose should never be meese!


You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,

Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice!


If the plural of man is always called men,

Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?


If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,

And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?


If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,

Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?


Then one may be that, and three would be those,

Yet hat in the plural would never be hose!

(And the plural of cat is cats, not cose!)


We speak of a brother and also of brethren,

But though we say mother, we never say methren!


Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,

But imagine the feminine, she, shis, and shim!


So English, I fancy, you will agree,

Is the craziest language you ever did see!


And more, from a different e-mail later:

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.

Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

Why is it that painters paint and teachers teach but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

Then, if the teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?

One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?

Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.



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