[Scene: Palpatine's office. Threepio enters.]

Palpatine: Rise and report.

Threepio: The Smugglers' Quarter is emptied. Thirty men guard the castle gate.

Palpatine: Double it. The queen must be safe.

Threepio: The gate has but one key, and I carry that.

[Amidala enters the office.] Palpatine: Ahhh, my dulcet darling. Tonight, we marry. Tomorrow morning your men will escort us to Naboo orbital station, where every ship in my armada waits to accompany us on our honeymoon.

Amidala: Every ship but your four fastest, you mean. [pause] Every ship but the four you sent.

Palpatine: Yes. Yes, of course. Naturally not those four. Threepio: Ahem. Your majesty.

Amidala: You never sent the ships. Don't bother lying. Doesn't matter. Anakin will come for me anyway.

Palpatine: You're a silly girl.

Amidala: Yes, I am a silly girl, for not having seen sooner that you are nothing but a coward with a heart full of fear.

Palpatine: I would not say such things if I were you.

Amidala: Why not? You can't hurt me. Anakin and I are joined by the bonds of love. And you cannot track that, not with a thousand bloodhounds. And you cannot break it, not with a thousand lightsabers. And when I say you are a coward, that is only because you are the slimiest weakling ever to see the galaxy.

Palpatine: I would not say such things if I were you!

[Scene: Pit of Despair. Palpatine leans over Anakin, still strapped to the machine]

Palpatine: You truly love each other, and so you might have been truly happy. Not one couple in a century has that chance, no matter what the holovids say. So I think no man in a century will suffer as greatly as you will.

[Palpatine takes the control of The Machine, and puts it to the highest setting]

Lord Maul: Not to 50!!!!

Anakin: [ assorted screams and wails ]

[Scene: Village road near the Smuggler's Quarter.]

Obi-Wan: Yoda! Yoda! Listen! Do you hear? That is the sound of ultimate suffering. My heart made that sound when Darth Maul slaughtered my Master. The man in black makes it now.

Yoda: The man in black?

Obi-Wan: His true love is marrying another tonight, so who else has the cause for ultimate suffering?

[They attempt to move through a crowd going in the opposite direction.]

Obi-Wan: Excuse me. Pardon me, it's important. Yoda, please. [Yoda stands up straight] Yoda: MOVE, you all will. [the crowd parts, mumbling "we should move..."]

Obi-Wan: Thank you.

[Scene: Outside the secret entrance to Pit of Carkoon. The two have stopped the Gungan Jar Jar, who is pushing an astromech droid]

Obi-Wan: Where is the man in black? You get that from this grove, yes?

[Jar-Jar has a rather stupid look on his face, but this should not be taken to mean that he was hiding something. He's always got that look.]

Obi-Wan: Yoda, jog his memory.

[Yoda hits Jar-Jar with a Jedi mind probe, who looks dazed for a second and collapses]

Obi-Wan: You over-did it, Master. The Force has a strong influence on the weak-minded. And various pathetic life-forms.

Yoda: I'm sorry, Obi-Wan. Mind whammy him so hard, I did not intend. [Obi-Wan draws his lightsaber.] Obi-Wan?

Obi-Wan: Master Qui-Gon, I have failed you for twenty years. Now our misery can end. Somewhere, somewhere close by is a man who can help us. I cannot find him alone. I need you. I need you to guide my saber. Please, guide my saber.

[Obi-Wan stumbles around, led by the saber. The lightsaber hits a tree. The tree promptly begins to burn. A few minutes later, a stair is revealed in the pile of ash.]

[Scene: Pit of Despair. Anakin is lying, dead, still strapped to the machine.]

Yoda: Dead he is.

Obi-Wan: NoooOOOOoooo! Is just not fair.

[Scene: Luke's bedroom]

Luke: Ben, wait. Wait, what did Yoda mean "He's dead"? I mean, he didn't mean dead. Anakin's only faking, right?

Ben Kenobi: You want me to read this or not?

Luke: Who gets Palpatine?

Ben Kenobi: I don't understand.

Luke: Who kills Senator Palpatine? At the end. Somebody's got to do it. Is it Obi-Wan, who?

Ben Kenobi: Nobody. Nobody kills him. He lives.

Luke: You mean he wins? Why didn't you tell me?! By the Emperor, Ben, what did you read me this thing for?

Ben Kenobi: You know, you've been very sick and you're taking this story very seriously. I think we better stop now.

Luke: No, I'm okay. I'm okay. Sit down. I'm all right.

Ben Kenobi: Okay. All right. Now let's see, where were we. Ohhh, yes. In the Pit of Carkoon.

[Go to Scene 14]

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