[Back to Scene 12]
[Scene: Palpatine's office. Threepio enters.]
Palpatine: Rise and report.
Threepio: The Smugglers' Quarter is emptied. Thirty men guard the castle gate.
Palpatine: Double it. The queen must be safe.
Threepio: The gate has but one key, and I carry that.
[Amidala enters the office.] Palpatine: Ahhh, my dulcet darling. Tonight, we marry. Tomorrow morning your men will escort us to Naboo orbital station, where every ship in my armada waits to accompany us on our honeymoon.
Amidala: Every ship but your four fastest, you mean. [pause] Every ship but the four you sent.
Palpatine: Yes. Yes, of course. Naturally not those four. Threepio: Ahem. Your majesty.
Amidala: You never sent the ships. Don't bother lying. Doesn't matter. Anakin will come for me anyway.
Palpatine: You're a silly girl.
Amidala: Yes, I am a silly girl, for not having seen sooner that you are nothing but a coward with a heart full of fear.
Palpatine: I would not say such things if I were you.
Amidala: Why not? You can't hurt me. Anakin and I are joined by the bonds of love. And you cannot track that, not with a thousand bloodhounds. And you cannot break it, not with a thousand lightsabers. And when I say you are a coward, that is only because you are the slimiest weakling ever to see the galaxy.
Palpatine: I would not say such things if I were you!
[Scene: Pit of Despair. Palpatine leans over Anakin, still strapped to the machine]
Palpatine: You truly love each other, and so you might have been truly happy. Not one couple in a century has that chance, no matter what the holovids say. So I think no man in a century will suffer as greatly as you will.
[Palpatine takes the control of The Machine, and puts it to the highest setting]
Lord Maul: Not to 50!!!!
Anakin: [ assorted screams and wails ]
[Scene: Village road near the Smuggler's Quarter.]
Obi-Wan: Yoda! Yoda! Listen! Do you hear? That is the sound of ultimate suffering. My heart made that sound when Darth Maul slaughtered my Master. The man in black makes it now.
Yoda: The man in black?
Obi-Wan: His true love is marrying another tonight, so who else has the cause for ultimate suffering?
[They attempt to move through a crowd going in the opposite direction.]
Obi-Wan: Excuse me. Pardon me, it's important. Yoda, please. [Yoda stands up straight] Yoda: MOVE, you all will. [the crowd parts, mumbling "we should move..."]
Obi-Wan: Thank you.
[Scene: Outside the secret entrance to Pit of Carkoon. The two have stopped the Gungan Jar Jar, who is pushing an astromech droid]
Obi-Wan: Where is the man in black? You get that from this grove, yes?
[Jar-Jar has a rather stupid look on his face, but this should not be taken to mean that he was hiding something. He's always got that look.]
Obi-Wan: Yoda, jog his memory.
[Yoda hits Jar-Jar with a Jedi mind probe, who looks dazed for a second and collapses]
Obi-Wan: You over-did it, Master. The Force has a strong influence on the weak-minded. And various pathetic life-forms.
Yoda: I'm sorry, Obi-Wan. Mind whammy him so hard, I did not intend. [Obi-Wan draws his lightsaber.] Obi-Wan?
Obi-Wan: Master Qui-Gon, I have failed you for twenty years. Now our misery can end. Somewhere, somewhere close by is a man who can help us. I cannot find him alone. I need you. I need you to guide my saber. Please, guide my saber.
[Obi-Wan stumbles around, led by the saber. The lightsaber hits a tree. The tree promptly begins to burn. A few minutes later, a stair is revealed in the pile of ash.]
[Scene: Pit of Despair. Anakin is lying, dead, still strapped to the machine.]
Yoda: Dead he is.
Obi-Wan: NoooOOOOoooo! Is just not fair.
[Scene: Luke's bedroom]
Luke: Ben, wait. Wait, what did Yoda mean "He's dead"? I mean, he didn't mean dead. Anakin's only faking, right?
Ben Kenobi: You want me to read this or not?
Luke: Who gets Palpatine?
Ben Kenobi: I don't understand.
Luke: Who kills Senator Palpatine? At the end. Somebody's got to do it. Is it Obi-Wan, who?
Ben Kenobi: Nobody. Nobody kills him. He lives.
Luke: You mean he wins? Why didn't you tell me?! By the Emperor, Ben, what did you read me this thing for?
Ben Kenobi: You know, you've been very sick and you're taking this story very seriously. I think we better stop now.
Luke: No, I'm okay. I'm okay. Sit down. I'm all right.
Ben Kenobi: Okay. All right. Now let's see, where were we. Ohhh, yes. In the Pit of Carkoon.
[Go to Scene 14]
[Go to the Index]
["Rise and report...my queen must be safe."]
["...you are nothing but a coward with a heart full of fear..."*
*Editor's Note: If Master Yoda was in this scene, he would quickly point out that fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, and hate leads to suffering. It is likely he would also make some comment about fear being the path of the dark side of the Force. Master Yoda doesn't appear until Palpatine kills Anakin a short while later, however, and isn't available to make this observation.
["Not to fifty!!!" Lord Maul's research subject expires.]
Footnote- Jedi Mind Trick (also Jedi Mind Whammy): A venerable technique
that involves placing a thought or idea in the victim's mind and gently pushing
it until the victim believes that the idea is their own and acts on it. An
especially useful trick, it works on many aliens but generally fails to defeat
anybody with credits on the brain.
[Pathetic life-forms are especially vulnerable to Mind Tricks.]
[Obi-Wan dealt with Anakin's death surprisingly well.]