[Back to Scene 5]

[Scene: The slope of a hill in a boulder-strewn area. Nute Gunray sees the black figure of the Sith Lord Vader moving towards them]

Nute Gunray: INCONCEIVABLE! Give her to me. Catch up with us quickly.

Yoda: What do I do?


Yoda: Oh good, my way. Thank you, Nute Gunray. [Yoda pauses, thinking] Which way's my way?

Nute Gunray: Levitate one of those rocks, get behind the boulder. In a few minutes the man in black will come running around the bend. The minute his helmet is in view, HIT IT WITH THE ROCK!!

Yoda: Not very sportsmanlike, my way is.

[Vader approaches the boulders, then slows down. A rock disintegrates against a nearby boulder.]

Yoda: I did that on purpose. Miss, I do not.

Sith Lord: I believe you. [pause] So what happens now?

Yoda: No tricks, no weapons. A true Jedi seeks not these things. Skill against skill alone.

Sith Lord: You mean, you'll put down your rock and I'll put down my lightsaber and we'll try and kill each other like civilized people?

Yoda: Do. Or do not. There is no try.

Sith Lord: Frankly, I think the odds are slightly in your favor at unarmed combat.

Yoda: It's not my fault, having the highest Midiclorian count. Exercise do I not.
[Vader puts down the lightsaber, and begins to pummel Yoda, missing each time. Yoda responds with a variety of Force-attacks.]

Sith Lord: Look, are you just fiddling around with me or what?

Yoda: You must FEEL the Force flowing through you. [The Sith Lord dodges Force-blows from Yoda] You're quick.

Sith Lord: And a good thing, too.

Yoda: Why are you wearing a mask? Burned by acid, you were? Or dropped in a lava pit?

Sith Lord: Oh no, it's just they're terribly comfortable. I think everyone'll be wearing them in the future.

Yoda: Why you are giving me so much trouble, I understand now.

Sith Lord: Why's that, do you think?

Yoda: Fought one person alone, have I not done so recently. Fought gangs have I, for charities and fundraisers.

Sith Lord: Why should that make such a [Sith Lord strains as a Force-lightning bolt hits him] difference?

Yoda: Well, you see, fighting half a dozen people, use different moves one does, than when you only have to be worried about ... one.
[Yoda drops unconscious to the ground]

Sith Lord: I do not envy you the headache you will have when you awake. But, in the meantime, rest well, and dream of small, pointy-eared women.

[Back at the ruins on top of the Cliffs of Despair. Palpatine is looking at the scuff marks on the ground. Lord Maul stands nearby, as do a number of soldiers.]

Palpatine: There was a lightsaber duel here. It ranged all over. They were both masters.

Lord Maul: Who won? How did it end?

Palpatine:The loser... ran off alone, and the winner followed those footprints... toward the Trade Federation outpost.

Lord Maul: Shall we track them both, my Master?

Palpatine: The loser is nothing. Only the Queen matters. Clearly this was all carried out by droid soldiers of The Trade Federation. We must all be ready for whatever lies ahead.

Lord Maul: Could this be a trap, Master?

Palpatine: I always think everything could be a trap...which is why I'm still alive.

[Go to Scene 7]

[Go to the Index]

[Yoda begins levitating boulders.]

[Yoda looses his Force-lightning* at the Sith Lord.]

*Force-generated Lightning Bolts:A seldom-used skill of Jedi used to keep enemies at something farther than one lightsaber's reach. (Note-this is especially useful in Yoda's case, as his lightsaber's blade is 0.47 meters long.) Lightning is generated by accumulating massive amounts of static electricity and discharging it in a single release. The total energy in a single bolt can be calculated and is: Ma x C x (1/ [(1/T) +1]) x Ra x Fe, where Ma= average cellular Midiclorian count, C= total number of cells in the Jedi, T = Time between discharges (If it's the first, then T=infinity) and Fe is the Force Electrical Constant= 3.2e-4 Volts. Ra, the Robe constant= 1.200451. A master with a robe can store marginally greater charge. One of the disadvantages of Force lightning is that it dissipates as it travels, so that the bolt is nearly as clumsy and random as a blaster at great range.

[There was a lightsaber duel here...we must be ready...]