Enter solus.
O curse'd puff of sweetness, spint(2) a-stick
To foil care-watched waists the likes of mine.
O scrumptious well-scorned sin: pray tempt me not;
I love thee well, too well to do me well.
To take, to mouthe,(3) to feel my o'er-bound gird(4)
Resplendant in the spun-puff's sticky strength:
No! No! I touche(5) thee not! I curse the cals(6)
That courst(7) uncaring through my fatted frame.
And yet, I love thee well; my strongness weaks.(8)
Alas! My figure bodes a heavying.
If every will-wish could a cal o'er-take,
Then would I lose the weights that lump my mass;(9)
But how the lumps of sheen-fraught puffs appeal!
So juice, my mouth, and can(10) the sex appeal.
Exeunt.
________
1. By the Bard: in the style of Shakespeare
2. spint: spun
3. Mouthe: mouth, masticate, to eat
4. o'er-bound gird: over-bounded girdle; too tightly bounded waist
5. touche: touch, touche'; a pun: the speaker seems to be fencing with herself; ironic in that at the end, she's foiled again
6. cals: calories
7. courst: coursed, flowed
8. my strongness weaks: my will-power weakens
9. lump my mass: disfigure my body; in other words, the author is allergic to food: when she eats, she breaks out in lumps
10. can: archaic mid-20th century, means to put away in junk pile
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last edited: 26 April 2000