Excerpt from Mike Valenti's Rant

on the MSU loss to Notre Dame   | 9/25/2006

link to audio at the House Rock Built

Mike:

I will throw the phone number out to the people. If you have thoughts on Michigan State Notre Dame, get em out. But let, let me start by saying this: there is a fifty-fifty split with blame for Michigan State's outright choke job. Repeat that for you: choke job. If you want to see the definition of choke in the dictionary, you will see the Michigan State Spartans. What I saw on Saturday night, in a driving rain, with my onions soaked, with my voice shattered, was an out-and-out choke job. (choking noise) Choke.

Terry:

We didn't need that this morning buddy boy.

Mike:

From the very top to John L Smith to the very last player on this football team with an irrelevant number and no name - it was an out-and-out choke job. You will never sell me that Notre Dame won that football game. On the contrary, mon frere, Michigan State handed it away like a nice three-button coat at the Salvation Army.

Now let's play the blame game. Everybody wants to know, what does Mikey V think, woah, woah, Mike must be real upset. Yeah, no, re- no really? I'm absolutely furious. It's a fifty-fifty split on blame. Fifty percent of it goes to my boy, Drew Stanton. Now I love Drew. But I got bad news for you: I can't defend you when you play that way. And as bad of a job as that coaching staff did, putting you in bad spots, you have to make better decisions. You gotta make plays. You wanna be an all-Big Ten quarterback, you wanna be the big shot, you wanna be an All-American, Drew I can't help you. You can't have the last three drives of that game be on you with three turnovers. You can't. You can't throw a pick-six, you can't throw a game-ending interception, and you can't fumble on your doorstep. You just can't do it. As much as I defend Drew Stanton, not today. I can't make that case, Drew played very poorly. First half, he lit it up. Second half, I thought the coaches did an absolutely disgraceful job of getting Drew in rhythm and allowing him to make plays. But late in that game, Drew had the opportunity to simply eat the football and keep that clock moving; he didn't do it. He made bad reads, he made bad decisions, and ultimately, had a big hand in them losing this football game. That's on Drew Stanton.

And you know what? It's time for Drew to step up in a big game. It's time for Drew to play the way he plays against Kent State, and Indiana, and Hawaii, and Illinois, and you know what? It's time to put it up against the big boy, or I can't defend you any more, Drew. Played real well against Notre Dame for two and a half quarters last year. Held on for a victory. You've played real well for a half against Michigan, or for three quarters against Ohio State. It's time to play, Drew.

And not all of it's on this kid. And that leads me to the second point. The rest of Drew Stanton's teammates oughta be ashamed of themselves. Ashamed. That was despicable what went down in the second half of that game. Despicable. And I'm not gonna call out individual players. Me saying Drew Stanton didn't play well is different than sitting here and calling out kids for choking. I'm not gonna sit here and name the kids that choked. But lemme tell you something. There's a bunch of em up there in East Lansing. A bunch. And it hurts my heart to say it. But you know what? Every single stereotype about Michigan State University football came true on Saturday night. They choked. They absolutely gagged. While Notre Dame played with fire, emotion, poise, and tact, Michigan State sat there and choked on applesauce. (choking noise) They choked.

Terry:

Sounds like you choking, buddy boy.

Mike:

They choked! So no I'm not gonna name names. But they absolutely choked! (suppressed sobbing)

Terry:

Okay, hey. Time- listen, n- woah woah woah woah woah woah no no no, let's take a time out.

Mike:

Shut up, I'm not finished!

Terry:

You're not gonna be able to finish, Mike, you're, you're losing your voice!

Mike:

If you wanna know why my voice is gone, it's because -

Terry:

Mike, just stop! You're losing your voice already!

Mike:

I was busy firing up my section! I did my job! I paid my seventy-five dollars, and I got a bunch of old asses off their feet, into the air, and got em cheering their ass off! (Okay) I didn't choke! I showed up to play! (I, I know. But buddy-) I'm not finished. (But, but, b-) Stifle!

Terry:

But we're twelves minutes into the show.

Mike:

Don't wanna hear it.

Terry:

But you're about to lose your voice, Mike!

Mike:

Lemme get- just lemme get done with this!

Terry:

Okay- you're not gonna be able to finish!

Mike:

It doesn't matter.

Terry:

Oh boy.

Mike:

Doesn't matter! Drew Stanton needs help. He can't do it alone. And you know what I saw at the end of that game? I saw a kid that had an entire program on his back! And he had the other twenty-two guys who play, begging him, telling him, "Look, we can't do anything! Help us!" You know what? It's time for everybody else to step up. Drew made a lot of bad decisions. Lotta bad plays. But I'll be damned if there are a lot of players in this country that can do it all by themselves. Don't get it twisted, he ain't Vince Young. Even Vince had help. I'm disgusted with the guys that strap on those uniforms. Make plays! You're at home, at night, third-largest crowd in the history of that stadium, with a thirty-seven twenty-one lead. Make plays! Don't sit there and pucker! Make plays! (pounding table) You don't sit there and turn to your quarterback, and- with a puppy-dog look, and say, "Help us! We don't know what we're doing out here! Help us!" Make plays! Stand together as a team and make plays!

Now lemme get to the coaches.

Terry:

No. (Wait) Wait, wait, (Wait, wait) stop, stop but- before you go, (Drink) before you go, hang on, (Drink) we're- we're- yeah, (Drink) we're- get- drink some of that water.

Mike:

NO!

Terry:

Yeah-

Mike:

NO!

Terry:

Hey, we're gonna have to get this guy some hot tea and honey.

Tom:

Drink.

Mike:

I'm not fooling around, both of you shut up!

Terry:

But- I know you're not, but you're- your voice is leaving Mike, you don't realize it!

Mike:

You know what? I've been begging for a day off. Good. Now let me finish. Just sit back. Cuz I ain't fooling around. This weekend pissed me off.

Terry:

Obviously. I tried.

Mike:

Lemme get to the coaches, cuz it's fifty percent on them.

Tom:

How about the good time you had with your dad this weekend?

Mike:

Tom, I'm not screwing around, this is what I discussed with you, shut up. Fifty percent is on the coaches. Lemme start in the first half. Before the half ends, Notre Dame has the football with a little over a minute. (pauses)

Terry:

Told you. This is not gonna happen.

Mike:

Let me finish!

Terry:

You're not gonna be able to finish, Mike, listen to your voice!

Mike:

Michigan State is pounding Notre Dame, and they took their foot off the accelerator. They mismanaged the clock - again! They didn't use their timeouts right - again! And they allowed an opponent to get into halftime and make adjustments - again! It's the same tired-ass story. Note to John L Smith: learn the effing rules and understand that your timeouts are not like cell phone minutes - they don't carry over!

Terry:

(suppressed laughter)

Mike:

Notre Dame got away. They had em by the throat, and instead of cutting it real deep and watching the blood squirt all over, you let em get into halftime so Fat Boy could feed em pudding.

Second of all. Shame on this coaching staff for puckering. It is evident to me they cannot coach with a lead. Thirty-eight seventeen to Notre Dame last year. (sucking sound) Pucker, pucker, pucker! Pucker up, change what you're doing, and allow the opposition back in. Thirty-four seventeen to Michigan two years ago. Pucker, pucker, pucker! It's the same story.

Now look, I can't totally sit here and tell you it's all Dave Baldwin's fault. It's not. The offensive line was atrocious. But here's where the coaching staff is liable. Put the best eleven guys on the field! Jehuu Caulcrick was a bowling ball! Yet Javon Ringer saw exclusive carries in the second half. Explain it! Somebody in East Lansing today, have the balls to ask Dave Baldwin, "Where the hell was Jehuu Caulcrick?" It was clear Notre Dame didn't want any part of him. They didn't wanna touch him! Caulcrick was a beast! Yet Javon Ringer saw all the carries. Second of all, what the hell are you doing in the shotgun in a monsoon? You're asking Drew Stanton to run the option in Hurricane Katrina. You're coming out five wide; run the football!

Third of all - and this is where I really get upset. Get Chris Smeland out of town. He is the single worst defensive coordinator ever born into this world. This guy is absolutely atrocious. Hey Smeland, here's an idea! You've got your secondary floating around on dinghies - maybe it's not a good idea to bring back-to-back zero blitzes with no safety help. Maybe! Let alone the fact that your stupid-ass blitz packages never get home - ever! Ever! You are the worst defensive coordinator ever! I would rather have H.R. Pufnstuf with Teddy Ruxpin as an assistant than to have you in this booth one more week. You're atrocious! Take your wristbands and stick em! The same communication breakdowns that we have seen since you got here end up costing us another game! Not to mention the fact you put the kids in terrible spots. What are you blitzing like that for?! Have you ever heard of a zone blitz? You know, the same thing that Notre Dame did to Drew, dropping two-deep tackles and getting a pick? Have you ever heard of disguised coverages? How about giving your kids safety help in the middle of a monsoon? Don't leave em on an island!

Sick of this! I'm sick of dealing with this. These kids fought their asses off. And yes they puckered, yes they choked, but the coaches weren't there to put em in good spots. Third and three, up by two scores, in the middle of a monsoon, Dave Baldwin throwing the football. And they come back late, you gotta run to win, and you don't put your most imp- im- important back in the game. Here's another idea - why wasn't the field goal unit ready at the end of the game? God forbid if they'd tripped over themselves and gained twenty yards, they wouldn't even have gotten a field goal off! The unit wasn't even ready!

I'm tired. I'm tired of it. I just dropped my father off at the airport. Guy feels terrible about himself. Had to watch another one of these things. Six hundred and forty miles - thank you, Northwest - to see that. You know what the sick part is? He only gets to one game a year, and this is at least the third time he's caught this crap. I'm tired. I'm hurt. I'm, I'm emotional, I'm shot. I got nothing left. I got nothing left.

You got kids taking a knee on kickoffs, inexplicably. You got a senior quarterback who's put in awful spots, and then makes, in turn, awful decisions. You're not putting the best eleven guys out on the field. And you know what? Defensively, they may not be good, but I'll be damned - they were doing an unbelievable job without bringing the house on Brady Quinn. Why bring it in a monsoon? Why? I'm not asking you to rush three. I'm not asking you play prevent. It's called a middle ground - find it. But back-to-back zero-coverage blitzes with no safety help are suicide - especially because your blitzes never get home. Ever.

Lastly - when I speak of Michigan State and I talk about what they should be, what they can be, what they might be, it's nights like Saturday, games like Saturday that are every reason they're not. And this is not just a John L Smith issue. It is this staff. I think when push comes to shove, John L Smith is probably a decent football coach. But this staff is killing him. This staff is killing him. He delegates too much power to them. You tell me if Nick Saban were around, tell me he wouldn't take this defense over next week. But instead, John L's playing buddy system. Chris Smeland's his boy. Chris Smeland should have been fired after two thousand and four. How this guy still collects a paycheck's beyond me. Full rack of calls - we'll get to you, coming up. And eventually, Foster'll talk. Twelve-seventy, X-Y-T.

Transcription by Jesse Sielaff   | jesse.sielaff@gmail.com