After a while, I started saving .sigfiles I'd known and loved. Here's the collection as of today.
::::::::::::::
adams.1
::::::::::::::
``A Woollcott second edition.''
-- Franklin Peirce Adams, replying to Alexander Woolcott's boast:
`What is so rare as a Woollcott first edition?'
::::::::::::::
anonymous.1
::::::::::::::
I've looked all over my keyboard and I can't find the "PGP" key.
-- Name deleted, to protect the guilty.
::::::::::::::
anonymous.2
::::::::::::::
"I used to really hate Ameritech, but now I have Verizon."
--unknown person at local technical meeting (SEMiSLUG)
::::::::::::::
anonymous.3
::::::::::::::
"I don't like being quoted."
-- anonymous
::::::::::::::
anonymous.4
::::::::::::::
``Stand on the shoulders of those who have gone before rather than
their feet.''
- Paraphrased from Steve Landers, who thinks he got it from Peter Salus
::::::::::::::
anonymous.5
::::::::::::::
"The box said Windows 95, Windows NT 4.0, or better .. so I installed Linux."
(.sig message from unindentifed poster)
::::::::::::::
arnold.1
::::::::::::::
``Kill them all. God will know his own.'' -- Abbot Arnold, justifying
the slaughter of civilians and non-combatents during the Albigensian
Crusade, 1210. Nowadays we'd call that terrorism and genocide. --scs
::::::::::::::
babbage.1
::::::::::::::
"On two occasions I have been asked [by members of Parliament], 'Pray,
Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right
answers come out?' I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of
confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question."
::::::::::::::
bandy.1
::::::::::::::
"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of Windows 95, I
will fear no users, for I am root. Thy coffee and beer, they comfort me."
Tim Bandy, Message-id <bandy.814930919@itlabs.umn.edu>
::::::::::::::
bennett.1
::::::::::::::
``Tom was a Perl God. And God didn't like this, but Tom's a God so there
isn't much God could do, so He couldn't stop Tom from saying things like
"install an operating system on your poor lonely computer the way God and
Dennis intended."'' Andrew Bennett, MIT
::::::::::::::
beowulf.1
::::::::::::::
`He has has been an evil man and ours and the world's enemy, but in Valhalla
all earthly enmities are put aside, for all who go there, so it is said, are
soon united in common hatred of the catering staff.'
-- Tom Holt, "Who's Afraid Of Beowulf?"
::::::::::::::
beowulf.2
::::::::::::::
As the keel slid into the water, Starkad gave a great shout.
`Is that his battle cry?' Hildy asked.
`No,' said Arvarodd, `the keel went over his foot.'
-- Tom Holt, "Who's Afraid Of Beowulf?"
::::::::::::::
beyondananda.1
::::::::::::::
Of course God loves you--He's just not ready to make a commitment.
From "Swami Beyonananda's Guidelines for Enlightenment"
::::::::::::::
beyondananda.2
::::::::::::::
And when you're tempted to practice tantrum yoga, remember what we teach
in Swami's Absurdiveness Training class: "Don't get even, get odd."
From "Swami Beyonananda's Guidelines for Enlightenment"
::::::::::::::
beyondananda.3
::::::::::::::
If you're looking to find the key to the Universe, I have some bad news
and some good news. The bad news is - there is no key to the Universe.
The good news is - it has been left unlocked.
From "Swami Beyonananda's Guidelines for Enlightenment"
::::::::::::::
beyondananda.4
::::::::::::::
Realize that life is a situation comedy that will never be canceled. A
laugh track has been provided, and the reason why we are put in the
material world is to get more material.
From "Swami Beyonananda's Guidelines for Enlightenment"
::::::::::::::
blake.1
::::::::::::::
``If NT is the answer, you didn't understand question.'' -- Peter Blake
::::::::::::::
bobs.1
::::::::::::::
"...and those who filled out FOB cards in the heated passion of a Bobs
concert, but didn't respect a capella the next morning when they awoke."
-- Friends Of the Bobs (FOB) Society renewal card, December, 1991
::::::::::::::
bofh.1
::::::::::::::
"There's no problem so large it can't be solved by killing the user
off, deleting their files, closing their account and reporting their
REAL earnings to the IRS."
- The Bastard Operator From Hell, #8
::::::::::::::
bowden.1
::::::::::::::
He doesn't know the meaning of the word fear. In fact, I just saw his
grades and he doesn't know the meaning of a lot of words.
-- Bobbie Bowden (Florida State University football coach)
::::::::::::::
brinner,roger.1
::::::::::::::
The plural of anecdote is not data.
-- Roger Brinner
::::::::::::::
brooks.1
::::::::::::::
``Software construction is a creative process. Sound methodology can empower
and liberate the creative mind; it cannote enflame or inspire the drudge.''
--Fred Brooks, The Mythical Man Month, pg 202 (1996 edition)
::::::::::::::
buckley.1
::::::::::::::
``The potheads I went to high school and college with have gone on to:
perform open-heart surgery, start new businesses, raise families, win
Pulitzer prizes, pay taxes and pilot fighter jets in time of war.''
Christopher Buckley, San Jose Mercury News, Oct 21, 1996
::::::::::::::
buckley.2
::::::::::::::
``The only career avenue [[potheads]] were not able to pursue was working
for the CIA, whose polygraphs they flunked, unlike, say, other more reliable
American intelligence operatives such as Philip Agee, Edward Howard and
Aldrich Ames.'' Christopher Buckley, San Jose Mercury News, Oct 21, 1996
::::::::::::::
buffet.1
::::::::::::::
``I never in my wildest dreams thought I would ever see the day I would
be considered family entertainment.''
-- Jimmy Buffett, liner notes to `Feeding Frenzy'
::::::::::::::
buffy.1
::::::::::::::
A lot of educators tell students, "Think of your principal as your pal."
I say, "Think of me as your judge, jury, and executioner."
Principal Snyder, on Buffy The Vampire Slayer
::::::::::::::
burroughs.1
::::::::::::::
Paranoia means having all the facts.
-- William Burroughs
::::::::::::::
byer.1
::::::::::::::
Plot is like a spine... if you rip it out, something dies.
-- Reporter Josh Byer, reviewing "Clueless" in March 1996.
::::::::::::::
cabell.1
::::::::::::::
"The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds;
and the pessimist fears this is true."
-- James Branch Cabell, from 'The Silver Stallion', 1926.
::::::::::::::
campbell,mrs.1
::::::::::::::
Do you know why God withheld the sense of humor from women?
So that we may love you instead of laugh at you.
-- Mrs. Patrick Campbell (English actress)
::::::::::::::
campbell.1
::::::::::::::
``However, there are sex laws that can be used to get anybody for
anything. So they got him under the `Indecent Advertisments Act' of
1889 which covers all manners of displays and exhibitions, especially
a twelve-foot Mister Stiffy.'' -- Eddie Campbell, Bacchus #16
::::::::::::::
campbell.2
::::::::::::::
``There is sufficient body of legal precedent allowing that you can't have
obscenity when you have a work that has ideas of even the slightest social
importance. Ideas, Mr. Bacchus. What did your wooden pecker represent?''
``I have no idea. It was my birthday.'' -- Eddie Campbell, Bacchus #16
::::::::::::::
capote.1
::::::::::::::
``He's a second-rate Stephen Birmingham. And Stephen Birmingham is
third-rate.''
-- Truman Capote, on Louis Auchincloss
::::::::::::::
cargill.tom.1
::::::::::::::
``If you think C++ is not overly complicated, just what is a protected
abstract virtual base pure virtual private destructor, and when was the
last time you needed one?'' -- Tom Cargil, C++ Journal
::::::::::::::
chapman.1
::::::::::::::
``We had one person at SGI who lives way back in the hills ("mountains"
to you folks east of the Rockies; what you call mountains we call hills, and
what you call hills we call landscaping) . . .''
Brent Chapman, private email
::::::::::::::
churchill.1
::::::::::::::
`All babies look like me.' Winston Churchill, quoted by William Manchester
in "The Last Lion: Visions of Glory", pg 36.
::::::::::::::
churchill.2
::::::::::::::
"[Churchill] called [Prime Minister Clement] Attlee `a sheep in sheep's
clothing,' and `a modest man with much to be modest about.'"
"The Last Lion: Visions of Glory", pg 34, by William Manchester
::::::::::::::
churchill.3
::::::::::::::
"[Prime Minister Clement] Attlee, arriving first, had stepped up to the
urinal trough when Churchill strode in on the same mission, glanced at him,
and stood at the trough as far away as possible. `Feeling standoffish
today, are we, Winston?' Churchill said: `That's right. Every time you see
something big, you want to nationalize it.'"
"The Last Lion: Visions of Glory", pg 35, by William Manchester
::::::::::::::
churchill.4
::::::::::::::
"Field Marshall Montgomery once urged Churchill not to study military
logistics. `After all, you know,' he said, `they say that familiarity breeds
contempt.' Churchill replied `I would like to remind you that without a degree
of familiarity we could not breed anything.'"
"The Last Lion: Visions of Glory", pg 34, by William Manchester
::::::::::::::
churchill.5
::::::::::::::
"On [Churchills] 85th birthday a back-bencher in the House, assuming that
Churchill was out of earshot, told the MP beside him: `They say the old
man's getting gaga.' Without turning, Winston said: `Yes, and they say he's
getting deaf too.'"
"The Last Lion: Visions of Glory", pg 34, by William Manchester
::::::::::::::
churchill.6
::::::::::::::
"Lady Astor neither gave or asked for quarter, and she got none from him.
At a dinner party she told him: `Winston, if I were your wife I'd poison
your soup.' He replied, `Nancy, if I were your husband I'd drink it.'"
"The Last Lion: Visions of Glory" by William Manchester, pg 34
::::::::::::::
churchill.7
::::::::::::::
"But [Churchill] was at his best baiting public men who crossed broadswords
with him. It was Churchill who called John Foster Dulles `the only bull who
brings his own china shop with him,' and who coined the progression `dull,
duller, Dulles.'" "The Last Lion: Visions of Glory", pg 34, William Manchester
::::::::::::::
churchill.8
::::::::::::::
"When [Prime Minister] Clement Attlee was in Moscow, Churchill said of the
Labour MPs he had left behind, 'When the mouse is away, the cats will play.'"
"The Last Lion: Visions of Glory", pg 34, by William Manchester
::::::::::::::
clayton.1
::::::::::::::
``You gotta distinguish between telling a tale for amusement, as in "Well,
there I was facing down the crowds at Riotcon...", and telling it for the
record, as in "Well, you see, officer, it happened like this...". (Actually,
that might not be the best example.)'' -- Chris Clayton, in private email
::::::::::::::
coleridge.1
::::::::::::::
``The happiness of life is made up of minute fractions - the little soon
forgotten charities of a kiss or a smile, a kind look, a heartfelt
compliment, and the countless infinitesimals of pleasurable and genial
feeling.'' -- Samuel Taylor Coleridge, `The Friend. The Improvisatore'
::::::::::::::
conway.1
::::::::::::::
``There's only one Larry [Wall]. We're just fortunate that he's a
sufficiently large value of one.''
Damian Conway, message <200008041845.EAA20488@indy05.csse.monash.edu.au>
::::::::::::::
cook.1
::::::::::::::
``A committee is a cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and then quietly
strangled.''
-- Sir Barnett Cocks
::::::::::::::
cowboy.1
::::::::::::::
``Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew. Your mouth is
probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.''
From `Don't Squat With Yer Spurs On: A Cowboy's Guide To Life'
by Texas Bix Bender
::::::::::::::
cowboy.2
::::::::::::::
``If you find yourself in a hole the first thing to do is stop diggin'.''
From `Don't Squat With Yer Spurs On: A Cowboy's Guide To Life'
by Texas Bix Bender
::::::::::::::
cowboy.3
::::::::::::::
``It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.''
From `Don't Squat With Yer Spurs On: A Cowboy's Guide To Life'
by Texas Bix Bender
::::::::::::::
cowboy.4
::::::::::::::
``Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from
bad judgment.''
From `Don't Squat With Yer Spurs On: A Cowboy's Guide To Life'
by Texas Bix Bender
::::::::::::::
cowboy.5
::::::::::::::
``Always drink upstream from the herd.''
From `Don't Squat With Yer Spurs On: A Cowboy's Guide To Life'
by Texas Bix Bender
::::::::::::::
cowboy.6
::::::::::::::
``If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then
to make sure it's still there.''
From `Don't Squat With Yer Spurs On: A Cowboy's Guide To Life'
by Texas Bix Bender
::::::::::::::
cowboy.7
::::::::::::::
``When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be
surprised if they learn their lesson.''
From `Don't Squat With Yer Spurs On: A Cowboy's Guide To Life'
by Texas Bix Bender
::::::::::::::
cozens.1
::::::::::::::
``Just imagine we are meeting the aliens for the first time. Most
people would just shoot them to see how many points they are worth.''
Simon Cozens in msg <20000803081115.A31631@justanother.perlhacker.org>
::::::::::::::
deGourmant.1
::::::::::::::
Women still remember the first kiss after men have forgotten the last.
-- Remy de Gourmant (French writer)
::::::::::::::
dole.1
::::::::::::::
The Internet is a good tool to use to get on the Net.
-- Presidential Candidate Bob Dole
::::::::::::::
dolly.1
::::::::::::::
I look just like the girls next door... if you happen to live next door
to an amusement park.
- Dolly Parton
::::::::::::::
dolly.2
::::::::::::::
I'm not offended by all the dumb blond jokes because I know I'm not
dumb... and I also know that I'm not blond.
- Dolly Parton
::::::::::::::
dye.1
::::::::::::::
"Heresy! Heresy! May you be imprisoned for life with nothing to read
but the collected works of L. Ron Hubbard! Dissing anything by Gene
Wolfe -- may the Dianetics crowd seize your credit card! May a large
donation be made in your name to the American Nazi Party!" -- Charles Dye
::::::::::::::
eco.1
::::::::::::::
`DOS is Protestant, or even Calvinistic. It allows free interpretation of
scripture, demands difficult personal decisions, imposes a subtle hermeneutics
upon the user, and takes for granted the idea that not all can reach
salvation.' -- Umberto Eco, in "Espresso," September 30, 1994.
::::::::::::::
einstein.1
::::::::::::::
"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits."
- Albert Einstein
::::::::::::::
farrell.1
::::::::::::::
When women hold off from marrying men, we call it independence.
When men hold off from marrying women, we call it fear of commitment.
-- Warren Farrell (American Psychologist)
::::::::::::::
feiffer.1
::::::::::::::
"Artists can color the sky red because they know it's blue. Those of us
who aren't artists must color things the way they really are or people
might think we're stupid."
-- Jules Feiffer
::::::::::::::
ferber.1
::::::::::::::
At one Round Table meeting Edna Ferber wore a tailored suit similar to the
one worn by Noel Coward.
``You look almost like a man,'' Coward said as he greeted her.
``So,'' Miss Ferber replied, ``do you.''
::::::::::::::
flynt.1
::::::::::::::
``If your engineers aren't that bright, it doesn't say much for
the fellow who hired them.''
-- Clif Flynt
::::::::::::::
franke.1
::::::::::::::
"There are trials that trick you into loneliness;
There are tears that burn until they fall;
There are needs that tear you when you turn away when they call;
But there are hearts to hold you when you've done your best,
For the love you leave within their lives,
And there are friends to hear if you should cry,
to pray if you should die,
and there are songs that sing us all."
-- Bob Franke, "A Healing In This Night" (from `In This Night')
::::::::::::::
gates.1
::::::::::::::
"There are no significant bugs in our released software that any
significant number of users want fixed."
-- Bill Gates, 1995 interview in Focus Magazine (Germany)
::::::::::::::
gates.2
::::::::::::::
"The reason we come up with new versions is not to fix bugs. It's
absolutely not. It's the stupidest reason to buy a new version I ever heard."
-- Bill Gates, 1995 interview in Focus Magazine (Germany)
::::::::::::::
gehm.1
::::::::::::::
``Mountain Dew looks like robot pee to me.''
Barry Gehm, message-ID: <v01530501aed5cd1f3844@[165.124.100.42]>
::::::::::::::
gehm.2
::::::::::::::
`Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced.'
- Gehm's Corollary to Clarke's Third Law
::::::::::::::
gehm.3
::::::::::::::
`Have you noticed that, when we were young, we were told that "everybody
else is doing it" was a really stupid reason to do something, but now it's
the standard reason for picking a particular software package?' -- Barry Gehm
::::::::::::::
gencon.1
::::::::::::::
"No matter which hotel you stay at, all the fun people are at the
other one."
"Everything I Need To Know I Learned At GenCon"
::::::::::::::
gencon.2
::::::::::::::
"Chain mail and leotards are not a fashion statement. They are a
fashion question."
"Everything I Need To Know I Learned At GenCon"
::::::::::::::
gencon.3
::::::::::::::
"In a sea of tee shirts, the guy in the suit is the one who wants
something."
"Everything I Need To Know I Learned At GenCon"
::::::::::::::
gencon.4
::::::::::::::
"If you seem to be having fun, people want to be with you."
"If you're whining, they don't."
"Everything I Need To Know I Learned At GenCon"
::::::::::::::
gencon.5
::::::::::::::
"Having a talent is a gift. Using it is courageous. And being paid
for using it is a miracle."
"Everything I Need To Know I Learned At GenCon"
::::::::::::::
gerber.1
::::::::::::::
I'm a comic book writer, because I love the smell of fame
and glamour in the morning.
-- Steve Gerber, creator of `Howard the Duck'
<http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/Sgerber/homepage.htm>
::::::::::::::
gilder.1
::::::::::::::
"For the last five years, the number of machines on the network has been
rising between five and 10 times faster than the number of transistors
on a chip." `THE COMING SOFTWARE SHIFT' by George Gilder, Forbes, 8/8/95
::::::::::::::
glass.1
::::::::::::::
``...when software projects fail to achieve cost and schedule targets,
it is often those targets themselves that are at fault.''
--Robert Glass, ``Software Runaways'', pg. 8.
::::::::::::::
goff.1
::::::::::::::
"Forget your stereotypes, your fears. Straight people are not what you
have been led to believe. They're a wonderfully diverse bunch, though the
flamboyant ones hog all the media attention."
-- Michael Goff, former editor of OUT
::::::::::::::
graves.1
::::::::::::::
"If real security is not available, the goal should be to eliminate
the false sense of security that encourages people to leave sensitive
files out in the open."
- Rich Graves
::::::::::::::
gt-pfrc.1
::::::::::::::
"We don't want to rule the world, we just want to make it more...interesting."
Proposed motto for General Technics/Permanent Floating Riot Club
::::::::::::::
haldeman.1
::::::::::::::
"Bad books on writing and thoughtless English professors solemnly
tell beginners to WRITE WHAT YOU KNOW, which explains why so many
mediocre novels are about English professors contemplating adultery."
-- Joe Haldeman
::::::::::::::
hall.bill.1
::::::::::::::
Poor people won't be able to afford to smoke anymore. The only
pleasure left to them will be pulling up a chair and watching some rich
person die of lung cancer.
-- Bill Hall, in the Lewiston, Idaho Tribune, May 19, 1998
::::::::::::::
hall.bill.2
::::::::::::::
``If we don't start marrying cows and chickens, we are doomed.''
Bill Hall, Lewiston, Idaho, Tribune, December 11, 1989
::::::::::::::
hall.bill.3
::::::::::::::
``If cats are so smart, how come, after all these generations among us, they
haven't learned English? The French did. The Germans did. The Italians
did. The Vietnamese did. And some of the Norwegians.''
-- Bill Hall <http://netnow.micron.net/~philco/billhall/hall12.htm>
::::::::::::::
hall.bill.4
::::::::::::::
`[Our ancestors] were essentially people who would stuff any fuel into their
faces they could. The only reason some of them ate more vegetables than meat
was because deer can run faster than potatoes. They weren't essentially
vegetarian. They were essentially slow.' Bill Hall, Idaho Tribune, 1/17/90
::::::::::::::
hamilton.1
::::::::::::::
"Egypt blames the losses [to Israel] on the advice they got from Russian
military advisors. Not every army should retreat to the capital and wait
for winter to set in."
Argus Hamilton
::::::::::::::
heinlein.1
::::::::::::::
"Space travel in the near future is likely to be a marginal proposition
at best, subsidized for military reasons. It could die out--then undergo
a renascence through new techniques and through new economic and political
pressures." -- Robert Heinlein, circa 1960
::::::::::::::
hepburn.1
::::::::::::::
``Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of
your arm. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands,
one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.'' -- Audrey Hepburn
::::::::::::::
higgins.1
::::::::::::::
``She was only a rocket scientist's daughter, but she left the boys
exhausted behind her.''
Bill Higgins
::::::::::::::
holbrook.1
::::::::::::::
"She was energetic and vivacious, qualities he'd found lacking in
herbivores."
-- Bill Holbrook, `Kevin and Kell', http://gmcclel.bossnt.com/kk/backgr.htm
::::::::::::::
holmes.1
::::::::::::::
``Men may be pardoned for the defects of their qualities -- if they
have the qualities of their defects.''
-- Oliver Wendell Holmes
::::::::::::::
illiad.1
::::::::::::::
'"Mortal" and "morsel" are pretty close in my book.' -- Cthulhu
(as told by Illiad in `User Friendly', 3/31/2001)
::::::::::::::
irving.1
::::::::::::::
``In the sixties, I hated the sixties; in retrospect, I hate the decade
even more.''
-- John Irving
::::::::::::::
jefferson.1
::::::::::::::
It does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods or no
god. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.
-- Thomas Jefferson
::::::::::::::
jillette.penn.1
::::::::::::::
``Sure, there are things in the sky that we can't identify. But there
are things in my refrigerator that I can't identify. That doesn't mean
they're space alien leftovers.'' --Penn Jillette
::::::::::::::
johnson,lyndon.1
::::::::::::::
Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. One is to let her
think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it.
-- Lyndon B. Johnson
::::::::::::::
johnson,samuel.1
::::::::::::::
``The pleasures of sudden wonder are soon exhausted, and the mind
can only repose upon the stability of truth.''
-- Samuel Johnson
::::::::::::::
jong.1
::::::::::::::
``You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a
smart woman with a dumb guy.''
- Erica Jong
::::::::::::::
joy.1
::::::::::::::
Joy's Law: "Let's be truthful, most of the bright people don't work for
you -- no matter who you are. You need a strategy that allows
for innovation occurring elsewhere." (Bill Joy)
::::::::::::::
keillor.1
::::::::::::::
A marriage, to be happy, needs an exterior threat. New York provides that.
-- Garrison Keillor
::::::::::::::
killey.1
::::::::::::::
"I heard Oliver Stone's next movie was going to be about OSF."
Paul Killey
::::::::::::::
kinky.1
::::::::::::::
"Where there's a will, there's a lawyer."
Kinky Friedman, `God Bless John Wayne'
::::::::::::::
kirrily.1
::::::::::::::
``At present, the only working implementation of a Perl parser is in the
perl interpreter. (Slightly more error-prone implementations can be
found in the brain of anyone who uses Perl extensively.)''
`Perl 6 Requirements Document' (proposed), by Kirrily Robert
::::::::::::::
knuth.1
::::::::::::::
I have been a happy man ever since January 1, 1990, when I no longer had
an email address. I'd used email since about 1975, and it seems to to me
that 15 years of email is plenty for one lifetime.
-- Donald Knuth
::::::::::::::
lackey.1
::::::::::::::
``Reality check time, people, here's a whole ROLL of quarters, there's
the clue machine, GO BUY SOME.''
--Mercedes Lackey, on fans who believe her books are reality
::::::::::::::
lamb.1
::::::::::::::
``Personally I wouldn't take advice on how to raise a child from
anyone unless maybe they had a child of their own old enough to get
picked up by the police a few times.''
Colin Lamb, email message <0041200001105735000002*@MHS>
::::::::::::::
lamb.2
::::::::::::::
``... went to see a sneak preview of `The Lost World.' I was going to dwell
on all that was wrong with this movie, but decided instead to focus on what
was good about it instead. Here goes: It finally ended, and this proved
to me that God exists and it is a good and merciful God.'' -Colin Lamb
::::::::::::::
langan.1
::::::::::::::
So please, *please*, PLEASE wear your seatbelt. . . . And if you
won't do that, please talk to your family about organ donation. If you
won't save your own life, maybe you can at least save another.
Betsey Langan, Message-ID: <9dhk3u$i9v$1@eeyore.INS.cwru.edu>
::::::::::::::
lavin.1
::::::::::::::
``Who likes music that's repetitious? Sensitive New Age Guys.
Who likes music that's repetitious? Sensitive New Age Guys.''
"Sensitive New Age Guys", Christine Lavin
::::::::::::::
lavin.2
::::::::::::::
"There's a very fine line between a groove and a rut.
Fine line between eccentrics and people who are just plain nuts."
-- Christine Lavin, "Prisoners Of Their Hairdos"
::::::::::::::
leblanc.1
::::::::::::::
"I think of perl as the APL of the 90's."
Dave LeBlanc, in comp.lang.tcl,
Message-ID: <36827987.980606765@news.accessone.com>
::::::::::::::
leininger.1
::::::::::::::
Not all wisdom is on the web.
A large amount is still only available through FTP...
-- Bill Leininger
::::::::::::::
longcor.1
::::::::::::::
"Well old demon liquor has cause me trouble and folks say I'm headed for worse.
But it's no problem, I know my limit. It's just that I pass out first."
Michael Longcor "I Can't Party (As Hearty As I Partied When I Partied At 21)"
::::::::::::::
macaullay.1
::::::::::::::
``The more I read him, the less I wonder that they poisoned him.''
-- Thomas Babington Macaulay, on Socrates
``I drank what?''
-- Socrates
::::::::::::::
mccarthy.1
::::::::::::::
``Every word she writes is a lie, including `and' and `the'.''
-- Mary McCarthy, on Lillian Hellman
::::::::::::::
mcconnell-j.1
::::::::::::::
"...nonlethal measures now permitted to the sea lions, such as barking loudly
at the intruders and biting their butts, don't work for long. Experiments
with other repellents like dummy game officers and EPA employees have had
only limited success." -- Joe McConnell <http://www.coast.net/~mccon>
::::::::::::::
mcconnell-j.2
::::::::::::::
The overwhelming danger in any reuse-based development trend is that
some of the things that get reused, shouldn't.
Joe McConnell, message-ID: <19980305183959.11827.qmail@ic.net>
::::::::::::::
mcconnell-s.1
::::::::::::::
``Like testing, debugging isn't a way to improve the quality of your
software; it's a way to repair defects. Software quality must be
built in from the start.'' -- Steve McConnell, `Code Complete', pg 624
::::::::::::::
mcconnell-s.2
::::::::::::::
``If you're a software engineer, your basic building material is human
intellect and your primary tool is *you*.''
-- Steve McConnell, `Code Complete', pg 755
::::::::::::::
mcmicking.1
::::::::::::::
``I felt rather debauched this morning (my body is a temple: last night,
it was to Dionysis) . . .''
Blade McMicking, msg-id <E0zcjFg-0000WX-00@mail2.toronto.istar.net>
::::::::::::::
mencken.1
::::::::::::::
A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks; a woman loses
hers after four kisses.
-- H.L. Mencken (American writer, 1888-1956)
::::::::::::::
metzger.1
::::::::::::::
". . . most statements that Republicans are worse are based on wishful
thinking by Democratic sympathizers." -- Perry Metzger, message
<199511210028.TAA15346@jekyll.piermont.com>
::::::::::::::
mickins.1
::::::::::::::
I love the lines the men use to get us into bed. "Please, I'll only put
it in for a minute." What am I, a microwave?
-- Beverly Mickins (American comedienne)
::::::::::::::
microsoft.1
::::::::::::::
``That's our advantage at Microsoft; we set the standards and we can
change them.''
--- Karen Hargrove, Microsoft (from Feb 1993 Unix Review editorial)
::::::::::::::
mockapetris.1
::::::::::::::
`... I suppose this is another case of those darn IP/TCP guys who work
in practice but not in theory.'
Paul Mockapetris, Message-ID: <199507250035.AA08794@zephyr.isi.edu>
::::::::::::::
mok.1
::::::::::::::
All the second-rate superheros get TV shows, even the pre-Crisis Flash
But not me, I guess that I don't rate,
My comic book's been cancelled more than Dr. Fate
I know that I'm no Brainiac but I'm no fool,
I know not even Peter David can make me cool
I am Aquaman.....
`Arthur Curry' from Ookla the Mok's ``Less Than Art''
::::::::::::::
moran.1
::::::::::::::
``There are two natural classes of predators in this country; the
very poor, by circumstance, and the very rich, by training.''
-- Daniel Keys Moran
::::::::::::::
moriarty.1
::::::::::::::
"I AM *CHEAP*."
-- Usenet posting <1993Mar1.210416.793@tc.fluke.COM> from
The Napoleon of Crime, aka Jeff Meyer
::::::::::::::
morningstar.1
::::::::::::::
The Pseudo Politically Correct term that I would use to describe the mind
set of postmodernism is "epistemologically challenged": a constitutional in-
ability to adopt a reasonable way to tell the good stuff from the bad stuff.
-- Chip Morningstar in <http://www.communities.com/paper/deconstr.html>
::::::::::::::
morse.1
::::::::::::::
Rep. Steve Largent, R-Okla. "No culture that has ever embraced
homosexuality has ever survived." Steve, no culture has ever survived.
They all decline and fall. Homosexuality somehow stays with the human
race, though. -- Rob Morse, San Francisco Herald-Examiner
::::::::::::::
nather.1
::::::::::::::
``ELIZABETH ZWICKY . . . Her proposal for the SAGE-AU Pair program, in
which young, nubile system administrators would work for very low wages
in foreign households on wretched Sun 3/50s was soundly rejected . . .''
Wendy Nather, translating Elizabeths bio from Japanese
::::::::::::::
nather.2
::::::::::::::
``Being normal and responsible can be a strain, especially if it's not your
natural state.'' Wendy Nather, Message-Id: <H000056b0d6082de@MHS>
::::::::::::::
obs.1
::::::::::::::
* Progress (n.): The process through which Usenet has evolved from
smart people in front of dumb terminals to dumb people in front of
smart terminals. -- obs@burnout.demon.co.uk (obscurity)
::::::::::::::
oconner.1
::::::::::::::
"You can't blow my brains out. I work for Ford." Mike O'Connor
::::::::::::::
omens.1
::::::::::::::
"The road to Hell is paved with frozen door-to-door salesmen. On weekends,
many of the younger demons go ice-skating down it."
-- "Good Omens", by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett
::::::::::::::
omens.2
::::::::::::::
"Although it's not what you and I would call dancing. Not good dancing
anyway. A demon moves like a white band on `Soul Train.'"
-- "Good Omens", by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett
::::::::::::::
omens.3
::::::::::::::
"Voodoun is a very interesting religion for the whole family, even those
members of it who are dead."
-- "Good Omens", by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett
::::::::::::::
omens.4
::::::::::::::
"Shadwell hated all southerners and, by inference, was standing at the
North Pole."
-- "Good Omens", by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett
::::::::::::::
parker.1
::::::::::::::
``The affair between Margot Asquith and Margo Asquith will live as one of
the prettiest love stories in all literature.''
-- Dorothy Parker, reviewing the autobiography of Margot Asquith
::::::::::::::
peanut.1
::::::::::::::
""
-- Mr Peanut in "K-Tel Presents 30 Great Rock Instrumentals"
::::::::::::::
peanut.2
::::::::::::::
"When Dexter's on the Internet, | "Make me taste like things I've never
can Hell be far behind?" | tasted before!" Mr Peanut to Candied
scs@spamtrap | Bergen in `Caramel Knowledge'
::::::::::::::
peanut.3
::::::::::::::
"SuperNut? The Legume of Superheros? Kernel Kaos? Suicide Shell? Listen
fella, you must be the wrong office. Berger's down the hall."
``Mr. Peanut Meets Dick Giordano''
::::::::::::::
peanut.4
::::::::::::::
"When I think of your delicately roasted, lightly salted kernels conmingling
with her caried teeth, withered gums and sagging tongue, it makes me want
to puke." Mr. Peanut in "Harold and Maude"
::::::::::::::
peanut.5
::::::::::::::
"Go-ol-lee, Seargent, are you sure you haven't got me mixed up with my
brother, Gomer?" Mr. Peanut, in The Andy Griffeth Show
::::::::::::::
peanut.6
::::::::::::::
"What do any of us want, Mr. Shell? A decent standard of living, a
little respect, a quarter ton of peanut butter mousse."
--Mister Nobody to Mister Peanut
::::::::::::::
peanut.7
::::::::::::::
"And the 1993 Acadamy Award for `Best Music In An Animated Feature' goes to
Suicide Squid and Mr. Peanut for the title song in `Shellfish Love'."
::::::::::::::
peanut.8
::::::::::::::
"USL will show that any person who has had previous exposure to cooked, salted
legumes should be enjoined from future activities in similar product
development activies, in particular in relation to BSPI."
-- Excerpt from United Saltpeanut Laboratories suit against Bob's
Salt Peanut, Inc.
::::::::::::::
peanut.9
::::::::::::::
"Peter Pan? I prefer to think of it as a bedpan. Now, if you were to
nickname it Skippy . . ."
-- Mr. Peanut in "The Hospital"
::::::::::::::
peed.1
::::::::::::::
"The Gods are not a vending machine. Sometimes you don't get what
you asked for in the manner you expect it. And sometimes you don't get
it at all. Ok, so maybe the Gods are a vending machine."
-- Mary Cruickshank Peed
::::::::::::::
peta.1
::::::::::::::
"Part of PETA's philosophy centers on the equality of human beings with the
rest of the animal kingdom. The groups founder, Ingrid Newkirk, was quoted in
the Sept. 1989 issue of Vogue as saying, `A rat is a pig is a dog is a boy.'"
The Scientist, Vol:6, #11, pg 8, May 25, 1992
::::::::::::::
phillips.1
::::::::::::::
Some days it just doesn't pay to chew through the leather straps.
-- Emo Phillips
::::::::::::::
plouff.1
::::::::::::::
Latest in series of out-of-context quotes. Collect them all!
"They're beating us in every way except the way we want to be beaten."
-- Maurita Plouff
::::::::::::::
prine.1
::::::::::::::
"I'm sitting on the front steps drinking Orange Crush,
wondering if its possible if I could still blush, oh yeah."
John Prine, "The Sins of Memphisto"
::::::::::::::
probert.1
::::::::::::::
"Ignoring all SUN's posturing and spin-control marketing, I think the bottom
line is that SUN has been making a transition over the last several years
from DEC-envy, to Bill-Gates-envy."
Dave Probert in in comp.sys.sun.misc article <probert.699728622@orcas>
::::::::::::::
probert.2
::::::::::::::
"Ace/MIPS [i.e. the ultrix/OSF version] was another of Ken Olsen's little
jokes, mostly on MIPS."
Dave Probert in in comp.sys.sun.misc article <probert.699728622@orcas>
::::::::::::::
pyle.1
::::::::::::::
``Talking Blues is an ancient form of rap.''
-- Chuck Pyle, the Zen Cowboy, in `Camel Rock', Bee'n'Flower
Music, Box 385, ElDorado Springs, CO 80025 1-303-543-0888
::::::::::::::
pyle.2
::::::::::::::
``I do a thing call `Tantrum Yoga.' It's where you hold your breath until
God gives you your way.''
-- Chuck Pyle, the Zen Cowboy, in `Camel Rock', Bee'n'Flower
Music, Box 385, ElDorado Springs, CO 80025 1-303-543-0888
::::::::::::::
pyle.3
::::::::::::::
``...I said `You mean I'm addicted to being angry for feeling guilty
that I'm ashamed of being afraid?' He said `Yeah,' and started to walk
away. As he left I think he said `God be with you' but I'm kind of hard
of hearing and he might've said `God, you're pitiful!' '' -- Chuck Pyle
::::::::::::::
pyle.4
::::::::::::::
"Hi, this is Chuck and your call means a lot to me. If I should return
while I'm gone, please detain me until I get back." BEEP!
-- Chuck Pyle, the Zen Cowboy, in `Camel Rock', Bee'n'Flower
Music, Box 385, ElDorado Springs, CO 80025 303-543-0888
::::::::::::::
rfc1925.1
::::::::::::::
"With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine."
RFC-1925
::::::::::::::
rhudi.1
::::::::::::::
If you think about it, the first phone call ever made was for tech
support: "Watson, come here, I need you!"
-- Rhudi
::::::::::::::
robbins.1
::::::::::::::
Those cute error messages are why I love unix though I probably will
never understand it. It's the only OS that can make me laugh whilest
it's busy stabbing me in the back. 8-)
Marge Robbins
::::::::::::::
rodgers.1
::::::::::::::
"I'm not here to make a political statement for blokes (men), but I do hope
I'll be the first of many more to come. "I'm not into that gender specific
stuff." -- Brad Rodgers, 27, who won the Miss Victoria Fundraiser,
qualifying him for the finals of the Miss Australia contest.
::::::::::::::
rogers,ian.1
::::::::::::::
Give me convenience or give me death.
Ian C. Rogers, message <199801190358.TAA06888@ghostfacekiller.biggun.com>
::::::::::::::
rogers.1
::::::::::::::
I took back my hand and I showed him the door. |
No dollar of mine would I part with this day | Stan Rogers,
For fueling the engine of a bloody cruel war | "The House of Orange"
In my forefathers' home far away. |
::::::::::::::
rose,g.1
::::::::::::::
Latest in a series of out-of-context quotes. Collect them all!
"Next weekend I have about 15 nubile virgins descending on my home..."
Greg Rose, email message <199703041029.VAA06410@avalon.qualcomm.com>
::::::::::::::
rose,m.1
::::::::::::::
"... the author isn't sure what the members of the International Standards
community are being paid for, but let's face it, if their job is to produce
usable technology, then `Wrong is Right.'"
Marshall Rose, "The Internet Message", pg. 300
::::::::::::::
ryder.1
::::::::::::::
When a man goes on a date he wonders if he is going to get lucky.
A woman already knows.
-- Frederick Ryder
::::::::::::::
schneier.1
::::::::::::::
``. . . a society that can zero each other's credit ratings is a
polite society.''
From Bruce Schneiers report on a hackers convention
::::::::::::::
schneier.2
::::::::::::::
``It was wrong for the hotel satellite dish to end up in the elevator,
but you'd think they would attach it to the roof a little more securely.''
-- From Bruce Schneiers report on a hackers convention
::::::::::::::
schneier.3
::::::::::::::
"Digital files intrinsically undermine the scarcity model of business:
replicate many copies and sell each one. Companies that find alternate ways
to do business . . . are likely to survive the digital economy."
Bruce Schneier, <http://www.counterpane.com/crypto-gram-0011.html>
::::::::::::::
scrimgeour.1
::::::::::::::
Next in a series of out-of-context quotes! Collect them all!
"Hello, I think my knob's fallen off."
- Howard Scrimgeour (as reported by Mike Wallis)
::::::::::::::
seaman.2
::::::::::::::
``Aaaahhhh *thud*. Sorry. I just fell off my soapbox.''
-- Lucy Seaman, email message <v01540b01af4f1629ba83@ppp50.cu.soltec.net>
::::::::::::::
seaman.3
::::::::::::::
``Thank you for [[writer being incredibly insulting to an unnamed writer.]]
This is something all writers secretly cherish in the darkest part of the
arctic basement of our hearts. I played Fill In The Author with it. Bad
karma, no biscuit.'' -- Lucy Seaman, private correspondance.
::::::::::::::
semen.1
::::::::::::::
"'Order of semen and fries' -- I've heard that a million times."
Gennette Fox, owner of an artificial insemination supply house
offering drive-thru service in Mehaska County, Iowa.
::::::::::::::
shaver.1
::::::::::::::
"Most technologies are in need of replacement or a serious re-engineering
by the time they become major market players. Witness the AT architecture,
the WWW and Wired."
Mike Shaver, msg: <DJz8r2.6x8@cunews.carleton.ca>
::::::::::::::
shepps.1
::::::::::::::
"Home pages are the pet rock of the 90s. We all have them, we all think
they're very cute. But in a few years we're going to look back and be
pretty embarrassed." -- Tony Shepps <toad@pond.com>
::::::::::::::
shoales.1
::::::::::::::
"Captain Kirk and I both want the same thing: the whole-hearted devotion
of a naive alien. And if certain things stand in our way -- Klingons for
Kirk, reality for me -- well, we just have to suck in our guts, set the
phasers on Stun, and hope for the best." Ian Schoales (Merle Kessler)
::::::::::::::
shula.1
::::::::::::::
"Success isn't final, and failure isn't fatal."
Don Shula
::::::::::::::
silverman.1
::::::::::::::
Bob Silverman, writing to an idiot in sci.crypt:
``Do yourself a favor. When your IQ reaches 50, *sell*. You will
make a profit.''
::::::::::::::
snow.1
::::::::::::::
You know why God is a man? Because if God was a woman she would have
made sperm taste like chocolate.
-- Carrie Snow
::::::::::::::
snow.2
::::::::::::::
Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make
thousands miserable?
-- Carrie Snow
::::::::::::::
standish.1
::::::::::::::
``All success is rooted in either luck or failure. If you begin with luck,
you learn nothing but arrogance. However, if you begin with failure and
learn to evaluate it, you also learn to succeed.''
The Standish Group <http://www.standishgroup.com/chaos.html>
::::::::::::::
stefferud.1
::::::::::::::
``. . . X.400 has gone from "Being the Future" to "Being the Past",
without "Passing Through The Present" . . .''
Einar Stefferud, Message-ID: <6855.827559940@odin.nma.com>
::::::::::::::
sternlight.1
::::::::::::::
to sternlight: (verb) the act of igniting a common fart. While this does
produce occasional flashes of illumination, the negative side-effects
grossly outweigh the value obtained. See also "bull---- lamp".
::::::::::::::
steuber.1
::::::::::::::
``Anyone using MFC desperatly needs a nasal enigma.''
David Steuber
[[ No, I don't know what it means, either. But it sounds interesting. -scs ]]
::::::::::::::
sun.1
::::::::::::::
" . . . introducing what amounts to a half-decade of vaporware . . . "
Comment in Open Systems Today, March 15 1993 on Sun's
announcements of SPARC chip releases through 1997.
::::::::::::::
tangalan.1
::::::::::::::
"Moms are scary. I can't believe I'm going to BE one of those scary people!"
- Lyn Tangalan when somewhat less than 9 months pregnant
::::::::::::::
tara.1
::::::::::::::
"Alright, back off! I've got a loaded baby here, and I know how to use it!"
Tara Barber, msg <9607161734.AA0045@barber.ctext.com>
::::::::::::::
tchrist.1
::::::::::::::
One of tcl's cute points is that John managed to finally get people
to (nearly) always put braces where God and Dennis intended. :-)
Tom Christiansen, Message <4pkam5$9hn@csnews.cs.colorado.edu>
::::::::::::::
terry.1
::::::::::::::
`Yes, hate is good... Our goal is a Christian nation. We have a Biblical
duty, we are called by God, to conquer this country. We don't want equal
time. We don't want pluralism.' -- Randall Terry, founder of Operation
Rescue, quoted in The News-Sentinel, Fort Wayne, Indiana. 8-16-93
::::::::::::::
thompson.1
::::::::::::::
The TV business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic
hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs.
There's also a negative side.
-- Hunter S. Thompson
::::::::::::::
tina.1
::::::::::::::
She (astonished): "I'm so drunk I can't feel my knee!"
Me (reasurringly): "I can feel your knee."
She (interested): "I'm so drunk I can't feel my thigh!"
::::::::::::::
tomblin.1
::::::::::::::
``I love this fucking job. This job loves fucking me.''
Paul Tomblin, message <E94Ds4.4oG@xcski.com>
::::::::::::::
tomlin.1
::::::::::::::
"I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific."
--Lily Tomlin
::::::::::::::
tornquist.1
::::::::::::::
1984-ish statement of the year:
"The average consumer doesn't understand what they're giving up when they
block cookies . . . Today's invasion of privacy is tomorrow's convenience."
Stefan Tornquist, marketing director at Bluestreak.com Inc
::::::::::::::
vidal.1
::::::::::::::
``Truman Capote has made lying an art. A minor art.''
-- Gore Vidal, on Truman Capote
::::::::::::::
vonnegut.1
::::::::::::::
``I tell you, we are here on earth to fart around, and don't let anybody
tell you any different.''
Kurt Vonnegut, quoted in Harpers (11-95)
::::::::::::::
wainwright.1
::::::::::::::
"The doctor said `Kid, it's something that you ate or drank
or something that you did and it's all in your head,
and it's spreading down to your toes.'"
Loudon Wainwright III, `The Doctor', from "History"
::::::::::::::
washington.1
::::::::::::::
The United States is in no sense founded upon the Christian doctrine.
-- George Washington
::::::::::::::
wegryn.1
::::::::::::::
`Is it a co-incidence that winner, weiner, and whiner are all spelled
similarly? I think not!' Me, referring to a high-placed executive.
`Well, they're all lips and assholes.' Response from someone who'd
rather be anonymous.
::::::::::::::
wilde.1
::::::::::::::
``There are two ways of disliking poetry; one way is to dislike it, the
other is to read Pope.''
-- Oscar Wilde on Alexander Pope
::::::::::::::
williams.1
::::::::::::::
``Phone-based communications tend to require . . . reliability levels
that would make most Microsoft engineers choke on their morning Starbucks.''
"Linux answers call of Net telephony", by Sam Williams, in Upside Today
http://www.upside.com/texis/mvm/story?id=39748e220
::::::::::::::
wired.1
::::::::::::::
"`Wired' works, on the most basic level, by tweaking its readers' anxieties,
constantly reminding them that they are hopelessly behind the times . . . "
Keith White, "The Killer App: `Wired' Magazine"
::::::::::::::
wired.2
::::::::::::::
"I sometimes have to sacrifice readability when I'm pushing the edge of
the envelope on design."
-- John Plunkett, editor of `Wired', as quoted by Keith White in
his article, "The Killer App: `Wired' Magazine"
::::::::::::::
wolfe.1
::::::::::::::
Better to be good without reason than to be evil for a hundred good reasons.
-- Gene Wolfe
::::::::::::::
wood.lloyd.1
::::::::::::::
`Open Source hardware' effort begins from scratch. Reinvents fire; begins
work on wheel, with aim of working upwards to full open-source computer
powered by open-source electricity, initially from open-source treadmills.
Prediction #8 for 1999, from Lloyd Wood
::::::::::::::
zale.1
::::::::::::::
``So when you say you love me, you mean I'm utterly boring.''
``Yes. But the *best* boredom a man ever had.''
-- Helen, Sweetheart of the Internet <http://www.peterzale.com>
::::::::::::::
zappa.1
::::::::::::::
Remember, there's a big difference between kneeling down and bending over.
-- Frank Zappa
::::::::::::::
zwicky.1
::::::::::::::
First in a series of out-of-context quotes. Collect them all!
"Let's outlaw sex." -- Elizabeth Zwicky
::::::::::::::
zwicky.2
::::::::::::::
"I explained this carefully in Switzerland as a bizarre US concept,
and then had to explain it over again to my father as a bizarre business
concept, since he works in Academia, not in the US proper."
-- Elizabeth Zwicky, private correspondance
::::::::::::::
zwicky.3
::::::::::::::
``As UNIX guru-types go, I'm sweet, patient, and comprehensible.
Unfortunately, UNIX guru-types don't go very far that direction. I
used to think this was a peronality flaw . . . ''
Elizabeth Zwicky, private correspondance
::::::::::::::
zwicky.4
::::::::::::::
``I have been tracking this problem for days; I have pursued it with forks
and with soap, with knives and with care, with spoons and with hope. I
have tracked it up hill and down dale, with a classic display of the sort
of perverse brilliance customary to my tribe.'' -- Elizabeth Zwicky
::::::::::::::
zwicky.5
::::::::::::::
``. . . [person] said "Well, it seems to have a lot of momentum." Of *course*
it has momentum. You gain momentum very fast when you're rolling downhill out
of control. What I want here is not momentum. What I want is *progress*.''