for David Tillinghast
What was it I wonder?
in my favorite weather in the driving rain
that drew me like a living hand
What was it
like a living hand
that spun me off the freeway
and stopped me
on a sidestreet in California
with the rain pelting slick leaves down my windshield to see the words of my brother's poem
afloat on the bright air,
and the knife I almost lost
falling end over end through twenty years
to the depths of Spring River—
the knife I had used to cut a fish open,
caught in time
the instant where it falls
through a green flame of living water.
My one brother,
who saw more in the river than water
who understood what the fathers knew,
dove from the Old Town canoe
plunged and found his place
in the unstoppable live water
seeing with opened eyes
the green glow on the rocks
and the willows running underwater—
like the leaves over clear glass in the rain—
While the long-jawed, predatory fish
the alligator gar
watched out of prehistory
schooled in the water like shadows
unmoved in the current,
watched unwondering.
The cold raw-boned, white-skinned boy
curls off his dive in deep water
and sees on the slab-rock
filling more space than the space it fills:
the lost thing the knife
current swift all around it
and fishblood denser than our blood
still stuck to the pike-jaw knifeblade
which carries a shape like the strife of brothers
—old as blood—
the staghorn handle smooth as time.
Now I call to him
and now I see
David burst into the upper air
gasping as he brings to the surface our grandfather's knife
shaped now, for as long as these words last,
like all things saved from time.
I see in its steel
the worn gold on my father's hand
the light in those trees
the look on my son's face a moment old
like the river old like rain
older than anything that dies can be. |