Nude Pictures Of Britney Spears
What Should I Do If The Internet Goes Down?
Mail-Order Grooms Shipped To Order
I Still Live With My Parents
Ginger Ale Canada Dry Schweppes
ginger ale Canada Dry

CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE

Text Ads on The Toque starting at $35/Month!
Cheap Auto Insurance Rates
Car Insurance Comparisons
Health Insurance Plans
Get House Insurance Online
Home Theater Systems
Free Internet Phone Calls
Generic Viagra
Tramadol
Cialis
Auto Loans
Global Express Rx Pharmacy Source
Viagra Cheap
Protect The Bald Beaver
Cialis
Visit Spamland!
Levitra
Tramadol
Fioricet
Generic Viagra Online
Lavitra
Cialis
Your Resume On A Grain Of Rice
Cialis
Generic Viagra
Generic Cialis
Are You An Update-Aholic?
Buy Viagra
Prevent Internet Electrocution
Cialis Reference
Levitra
Lose Weight Fast. Dump Your Boyfriend
Order Viagra Online
Viagra
Bored? Try Real-Life™
Cialis
Buy Cheap Canadian Bacon
Cialis
Invoice Factoring
Funny, Strange, Bizarre New Stories & Pictures!
How To Make A Fortune In Pimping
Lexus Club
Phentermine
Teach Voodoo At Home
Phentermine
Soma
Tramadol
Viagra
Learn The Secrets Of Telekinesis
Viagra
Advertise on The Toque for $35/month!
 

ginger ale Canada Dry
Ginger Ale Exports Leave Canadians Bubbling Mad

THE CANADIAN SHIELD-- An international agreement hurriedly signed in the 1970's with the United States is giving Canada an upset tummy. Increased American demand for Canadian ginger ale is straining Canada's natural resources, and the new Liberal government, pressured by American market interests, has hastily agreed to continue exporting one of the country's liquid treasures as part of the North American Free Trade Agreement.

ginger ale Canada Dry
The Ginger Springs in Ontario was once a popular resort.

"With the major cola juggernauts this agreement made perfect sense when it was signed," said Pierre Gingembre, Canadian Minister of Lagers, Soft Drinks, & Confections. "The plan was to allow secondary carbonated sugary beverages greater access to international markets. In that sense, it's worked very well. Perhaps too well."

With an increased interest in natural, healthy alternatives to caramel-based colas, soft-drink drinkers are turning to carbohydrate-reduced products such as Canadian ginger ale. Demand from both Canadians and Americans has increased by over 300% during the last three decades. And unfortunately, an escalator clause in the agreement forces Canada to sell as much of the refreshing soda as they are able--and Canada is unable to cut supplies to protect domestic sales.

American officials are quick to point out that the agreement does allow Canadians to import as much RC Cola as they need, although it would be too cruel to enforce that clause.

Nationalists believe the effervescent springs are a precious resource that must be protected, and that the taps to the Yanks should be turned off, bottling up the American supply.

"Let's keep Canada for Canadians," said Alice Walleye, an advocate for dumping the 1973 treaty. "Pumping this bubbly natural treasure South to American bottlers means less Canadian ginger ale for Canadians. Our heritage is at stake. This blatant sell-out by the Canadian government leaves a bitter taste in the mouths of all Canadians, that not even a refreshing ginger ale can wash away. Although that bitterness could be from drinking Fresca."

The ginger ale springs form from the endless kilometres of ginger veins in the Canadian Shield in Northern Ontario and Western Quebec. Highly mineralized waters react with ginger-rich streams and pressurize and carbonate to form ginger ale naturally. Before the springs were realized, most of the ginger ale was schwepped into the Atlantic Ocean. Not dissimilar to the cola fields of Cenral Africa, where refreshing Coke and Pepsi are created, ginger ale remains one of the world's only natural soda beverages.

Known for their restorative and rejuvenating qualities, the ginger ale springs were once considered to be the true fountains of youth. But despite the claims, all the early explorers, trappers, and voyageurs found was gastronomic relief, and more than a few bubbles up their noses. Prime Minister Mackenzie King proclaimed ginger ale as Canada's national beverage in 1936, and exporting was restricted until 1966, at the beginning of the American cola wars.

The 1973 Ginger Ale Export Agreement was an attempt by the Trudeau government to prevent foreign companies from buying up all the controlling interests in the springs. Since then Canadian ownership of the known springs remains at 58%, but the agreement forces exports to rise with American demand. Most springs have been capped and spigoted, and only a few open springs remain in their original pristine condition.

Americans have a long history of trying to get a controlling interest in our ginger ale springs. The Monroe Doctrine of 1823 had an appendix (B) that attempted to claim the entire Canadian Shield as belonging "naturally" to America, but ran into a snag because of the word "Canadian" in the name. There was also a brief skirmish along the Manitoba/North Dakota border in the 1920s, but it was small-time news compared to the headline-grabbing stories of prohibition.

In the meantime, bottled-up emotions over the export of Canadian ginger ale to the Americans are spilling over. In an attempt to capitalize on the "ginger" interest several brewers are experimenting with ginger lagers and considering promoting the use of 7-Up as a substitute to blend with Canadian rye whiskey.

Our effervescent springs are a precious resource that must be protected. Pumping this natural treasure south to american bottlers will only diminish and reduce the unique qualities of our tasty Canadian resource.ginger ale Canada Dry

ginger ale Canada Dry

Archived Stories

 
Advertise on The Toque for $30/month
Aurora Nest Personals Cialis generic Allure Personals Cialis Levitra Raisins By The Pound Tramadol Mail Order Brides, Grooms, And Ushers Cialis Acclaim Credit Cards Cialis Nationwide Home Loans Tramadol Online Health and Dental Insurance Fioricet Become An NHL Star Overnight Learn Swedish While U Sleep Top Selling Come-Ons Popular Bowling Bloopers Discount Buttered Popcorn Safe Memory Implants Fioricet Wholesale Vegetables Online Bootleg Jay Leno Reruns Legal Hair Extensions Cialis Used Jokes Cheap Visit Beautiful Spuzzum Delicious Corn Lose Weight Fast. Dump Your Boyfriend Nerd And Geek Personals Curb Road Rage Without Using The Finger Hair Falling Out? Buy A Hat! Online Multiplayer Minesweeper

 

  

Join Our Mailing List
Send This Story To A Friend
This fictional story about Canada Dry ginger ale is intended for adults.
The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire.
Tell us what you thought. Visit our Message Boards. HOME | DISCLAIMER | ABOUT US Copyright 2005-2001 The Toque Entertainment.