Paranoia: When did you first...?


i didn't they watch us all. all the time...

Gertrude the

About noon, last Sunday; The clock ticked I felt a rush of wind between my toes


just last year

An Unknown Agent

when i wasn't born

An Unknown Agent



when I noticed the Men in Black using our driveway.


when i first heard of their plan to enslave my mind and do their dirty-work for them. -they just had had to call and ask you know, but no. (i believe they fear me because of what i don't know i know.)

An Unknown Agent

i can't remember

Dali Dolly

When I was six the local school board marked me. Most people don't realize that after one year of evaluation this is done to all school children, and the school board (actually the most powerful and influential of all organizations, the illuminati must clear all practices and procedures with the School Board (hereafter referred to as simply SB) and induction into any conspiracy must be reviewed by a panel of elected board members before any individual is approached, accepted or blackballed. (I personally have been blackballed by seven conspriatorial societies due to a bathroom accident I experienced in first grade and because I fail to close all parentheses when applying for admission.)


when they kicked me out of school locked me up and called my momma a nigger lover


When I joined them.

Jacques Collin

pigs - dicks. me - magellan. my pre-pubescent wrists easily navigated their handcuffs. orwell was right - love killed me.


when i said something and everyone just stared at me and i realised i said something out of the normal, forgetting to control the impulse

An Unknown Agent

when i made the first plans about killing the pigeons, they spotted me down. but i got away and accomplished my mission.

An Unknown Agent

when will u stop asking questions!? i just came for a cup of coffe


When I rebelled against the order of things, went against the flow, as Asian philosophy would put it.


Government agencies are malevolently innocent. The problem is that they really do feel like they know just what is best for everyone.


The phone rang. It never rings. EVER.


When I lead my FIRST protest against G.W.


I'm no one special. They see us all as a threat, some more than others. Mankind should be paranoid as cynicalism leads to questioning and questioning leads to the truth. Why would they not consider us a threat? We're a threat to ourselves, why not the state?


before kindergarten i saw the little boys lined up at the busstop with their bookbags and i saw this..quasi military junior exercises. and i thought year i may as well die, for i am going to that prison myself.


after the 04 election. also, urban outfitters gives 94% of its political contributions to republican organizations. this past election, they sold a shirt that said "voting is for old people." i dont shop there anymore

An Unknown Agent

When they stole my bicycle.


The minute I set foot into my kindergarten class. All of those eyes peeking out of the Dr. Seuss books. All watching me and taking notes.


not yet


when i first really looked at a dollar bill. ha


About a year and a half ago. It seemed altogether obvious.

Red is Dead

There is no box you can tick for being intersex. I cannot be pigeon-holed by them.

An Unknown Agent


An Unknown Agent

bobmb threats


When I got the letter from the college.


they broke my nose then stole my wallet


a couple of weeks ago


when the towell was in the shower, along with the toilet

Eliphas Levi

When the doctor slapped me!



An Unknown Agent

When I first heard of these agencies.

An Unknown Agent

Last tuesday about four thirty in the morning when I was walking

An Unknown Agent

when the men carrying me away explained it all to me

Marcus Versus

When the first judge spoke and no body laughed.


when i started work with the benefits agency

Annie Debauch

when i was incarcerated.

Kevin Harvey

When I was arrested in 1968.

Frater Euphigmius J. Maligny

They do??? AAAAHhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!


When the FBI wrote against Discordians...

An Unknown Agent

About 6 months ago, when these obvious antics began. My favorite is the not so subtle hand motions sending messages to their cohorts.


when i met my dad


When I was 11 or so and deliberately started toying with the school rules.


When I was 11 or so and deliberately started toying with the school rules.

An Unknown Agent

when i became a student


ever since i was in middle school


Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahaha when mankind decided they needed to expand from tribal lifestyles to societies.

Red the orange

During the renaissance.

An Unknown Agent

wqhen they began lurking in the shadows and trying to evesdrop on my conversations with myself.


wqhen they began lurking in the shadows and trying to evesdrop on my conversations with myself.

An Unknown Agent


You'd really not care

When they wrote down my birth certificate. The government keeps tabs on everyone.

An Unknown Agent

the moment of conception or yesterday, I cannot remember too clearly


when my father was imprisoned for the second time because someone heard him say that he didn't find cheese(feta, the only one around)and I was expulsed from school, friends and neighborhood and interned in a work camp. I was 14..I know I must have been a stupid to fully know so late in life.


The day before I was born.


I decided that long before i was born...

An Unknown Agent

when i belched in a libary and got the evil look

An Unknown Agent

When I emerged from the womb and saw a line of neatly dressed men. One of them was crying, all the others were staring silently in my direction, a look of serious business on their faces.


i was born, need i say more?

An Unknown Agent

When I was flying head first, handcuffed into a jail cell as the arresting officer sang God Bless America.

Amena Divine


An Unknown Agent

when i woke up that morning and i found a probe in my ass.

mask smith

just before the fall of Rome

doggman ta'boo

shortly after i started attending public school & realized that there is no good questions. look these bastards have no sense of humor. they are all troglydites and they spawn


the day before they decided..

jackal riot

when i decided on tentative immersion in the bright horizon of the end of people and all problems


When I refused to consider them as such.

Kristin K.

2nd grade. My teacher, Ms. Kean, called me "unique" to my face in a not-so-positive fashion.

Osiris the White

Tuesday at 3:am.

An Unknown Agent

When my parents told me so.

Mengaris Frustica

While in the womb I passed the time listening to as small radio passed to me by a kindly gaenocologist. While serching for a popular music station I inadvertantly picked up THEIR signals.

Chad Robb

I consider most govornment tyrrany, and so, a threat to free thinkers.

An Unknown Agent

when they stole my comb at the air port

An Unknown Agent

When god told me so in a dream that I was daniel

lick the knife

about the time my dad started talking about how the government follows him around. im his offspring. he could have infected me with his crazyness. well, thats what they think.

An Unknown Agent

at my early age


oh no!quite the opposite,in fact.the institution welcomed me with open arms.and i am very happy here.though the've taken my pencils......


after it was too late

An Unknown Agent



age 6.


I first decided that when I felt patronized at age 4.


I believe it was fifth grade. I don't really remember why. I think it had something to do with being aroused by non-sentient objects.


3yrs ago

The bigger "e"

Whenever they decided that I was a threat.

An Unknown Agent

i read that fact on a scrolling news bar on cnn. also i had a long sit down with my cat, who informed me of the interests and opinions of certain agencies.

An Unknown Agent


An Unknown Agent


An Unknown Agent



i dont know that one so ill say............12

An Unknown Agent

i was 5 and i dialled a number(secret #) just mucking around then they started watching me.


when all the world leaders started listening to me and not their own agencies and institutions. i think they were jealous and felt unloved so i refered them to the oprah whinfrey show (man, she has a hard name) and dr. phil. it was resolved that it all stemmed back to a childhood accident involving a roto-rooter, garden gnomes, and a suspect fish dinner that made them ill. thats right, all of the government agencies and institutions had this same childhood accident independent of each other. except for the british MoD. they just watch too much tele.


when there was a news broadcast about it...

An Unknown Agent

When they kept insisting that I pay taxes.


Age of 13.


they pushed me under their desk and i hid there all day

i have no name


preston the super phro

The SECOND Michael Jackson had a top one hit.

A Glass Onion

The day the music died

Nino Toro

When they held me upside-down, smacked my ass and cleaned my mother's blood off of me. Then... had nerve t' revoke my a-e-i-o-umbilical cord!

Oprah Einstein Less

When they held me upside-down, smacked my ass and cleaned my mother's blood off of me. Then... had nerve t' revoke my a-e-i-o-umbilical cord!

An Unknown Agent

when i realized i had classified government files stored on my hard drive.

An Unknown Agent

They do?Why?They really shouldn't,I'm a nice person.Besides,I feel suicidal quite often,so in case they'll read this too,I have a message:don't bother to hire someone to kill me,I'll probably do it myself in the near future.

Gij Gothlow

I didn't - agencies leave me alone - it's everyone else that's the problem.

An Unknown Agent



the jury is out on that one....

John the Hat

the day I was born

Conan the Librarian

When I saw an old letter they sent my parents reminding them that abortion was legal up to 10 years after conception.

Monsieur Moonbucket

During a snowstorm in my pantry.


I play music. I think. I do not vote republican. I've always known I was considered a threat or a nuisance.

Noah Harvey

After I had to write an article about those standardized bubble tests for my sixth grade class newspaper. I had seen right through there ploy. I shouldn't have let them know I was on to them.

Prince Eric

I didn't, they don't care about me/know I exist

lily jean

when they took my library card

An Unknown Agent

Right when I answered that last question.


after stopping vary bad agendas and projects that would have killed millions that they were part of,agents of satan stuff.

An Unknown Agent

sept 2 1901

Jim Morrison

When I saw the service charge for the wire tap on my Ameritech phone bill

Gaynor Evelyn Sweeney

I never realised I could be so important.

An Unknown Agent

first letter from FBI


Just this moment.

An Unknown Agent

in the 1950s

melting slowly

First coherant thought.


when the aforementioned mantises came w/ tracking dedvices already attached

pixie christ

when i read this question and realized that my whole life should be a lot more insane than it is. they're doing SOMETHING to me. i know it.

An Unknown Agent

bling bling. what do you know about matthew smith and Hitler?

hugh knox

at age five

An Unknown Agent

Agencies? We're talking horned monkeys and winged catelope!

An Unknown Agent

Oh I've always known it.

ego squid

they were already watching me when i was five years old


2001, in a politics class. I phoned CSIS for research. I jokingly asked if they could send me my file and the officer said - no, sorry, we dont show subjects their file, but if youve called us then you do have one...

An Unknown Agent

In fourth grade- I came home one day and my father asked me, "And how was indoctrination today?" (He's an Anarchist)

a plauge upon both of your houses.

When I was old enough to hear the qoute by someone or other saying that we need a revolution every one hundred years to keep the government from become corrupted to the point at which it is irreconcilable. Whats it been, three hundred years?


When those men sat in those parked cars for no apparent reason, pretending they were not watching us walking back from uni, when the phone had an odd echo, when someone was reading my emails without permission, anyway i did not decide anything, i'm just having fun being paranoid while trying to get on with my life and my secret, subversive mission against the establishment.


(Rambling denied)


On Christmas, 2001. 11 am, I think. Or was it 11.30? Must consult my diary...

Miopic(I have oil wells)

When they put up this site to try and catch me.


after i sent that letter to ronald reagan about how much he was spending on the budget and my indian friend told me that they had a folder on me at the white house.

arrogantly me

I think it was ....wait a minute....I still dont know who is going to be reading this,so by answering the qstn,I might be letting others know how Long I have known that they knew of my I will merely answer it as such:BLUE SKIES ARE DARKEST AT NIGHT:those that 'know me' will know what it is that I mean,those that have no idea what I am talking about will be unable to understand that last sentence,to those people,I say"HA HA HA "

name?why?who wants2 know?why so many questions?who cares?dammit,ANSWER ME!!!

I am still in the process of deciding that,when the polls close,Ii will let this site know of my decision,not till then and not before hand,either....

normal human being

When the suits followed me. If it's the white coat men you're fine, but you know they hate you when the suiyts come.


The night the bed fell.

d. karezza

Approximately 825 days before I was begotten between two luscious smooth-skinned teenagers in a seat on the fairground wheel in Marseille, I had already drawn the conclusion that the two things that are most important to life are the two things that cannot be rationally defended. One those grounds I concluded within 55 days that all institutions are by their very nature indefensible, not least in their attitude to Art. Spitting on Graisin's "Two Muleteers of Graz in a Time-Dilating Oscilloscope" is far worse than any holocaust or grand calamity, because the enormity is aesthetically eternal. I must elaborate about the nameless entities below. Look in the works of Dali, Fuseli, Escher, Ernst, Tarpon, Roland, Messier, Varden, Bairns, Teschler, Lupov, Serenin, de Phairin, and most of all the eternal Zhubinski. You will always find them where the weir of intellect brims over, ahh, my darlings.

Shaye St. John

I am not afraid of the government. My paranoia manifests itself in the everyday, ordinary occurnces most people do not notice, but I do.

An Unknown Agent

I don't know, really, it's something I've always been aware of.


When I got a letter...stating My tax refund would be to my home in two weeks... and it took three days. I think they were monitoring my responses. I dont like to be monitored.

Gary Wynn Kemper

When thay started locking me up in my crib from day one.

blah blahblah

when i was officially reprimanded by my employing government department for refusing to wear a tie.


At my baptism when they tried to drown me.

An Unknown Agent


An Unknown Agent

When I read Orlene Baird.

An Unknown Agent


An Unknown Agent

When I realized that people have nothing better to do but be irritated.

An Unknown Agent



when i got invited into mensa at 4.5 years old

Irwin P Hedgehog

in a pre-foetal stage when faced with the option of birth as a human or alternative incarnation as a fly on the wall. i presently am the oldest six-legged creature alive.

dale smosny

As soon as they hired me.


when i was aged 5


watching john ashcroft testify before congress. that should cover everything.

static rover

When I started to... well... I'm too apathetic for them to worry about me.


I wish!


can`t say.. can show

An Unknown Agent

i hope they don't


When i was sent back to the gymnasium.

Lazy ol' Me.

when I realized about the cookies. I'm completely insane, by the way.


How dare you imply that I feel ANYTHING?! That empassions my rage to NO END!


October 30, 2001

the family poo

i heard them on the shortwave radio, during the cold war. their signals were disguised as random, high-pitched sounds.

An Unknown Agent


An Unknown Agent

when i started hearing the "Buggs" in my room


JF days before/above/beyond the firestorm of 30985-B

the scratch

when i stopped watching television.

An Unknown Agent

Pyro- When they decided that skateboarding was a crime!


WhEn ThEy ToLd Me I aM iNsAnE, aNd ThReW mE oUt ThE tHiRd StOrY wInDoW!


i dont believe in the government anymore


When hacking became illegal


When I first made myself a threat to them

"Henry Quirk"

When I was told I had to pay taxes...thieving bastards.


The first time that somebody looked at me while I was talking and said "your^“re weird", I knew that the next morning I will be monitored.

william woon

since i started to gon web sites and post my points of veiw to persons/sheep who will not give a fuck

Amena Divine

When i was 6 and was being watched by cameras in my room. Mom also had a mood ring rigged up with a spy camera to keep an eye on where i was waaaay before mini-spy cams existed. I was a pioneer in hidden camera paranoia.

An Unknown Agent

when they allowed cars, bingo halls, mcdonalds, walmarts, SUVs and cell phones to spread and multiply.

An Unknown Agent


wolf saunders

last week when the black berets turned up.

peace in a can

When my friends had to sign their souls over to the military.

courtney labia

as soon as i acknowledged their lack of acknowledgement. im a ghost in this town.





An Unknown Agent

every tomorrow and after that


when i got fitted for my shock collar


when I was 4, in my first school day


when i realised that pizza van had been sitting outside my house for about 3 weeks

Sleazeface McDougal

When the nuisance as such elaborated into the metaphorical spirito-leisure hole of the "haves" who tie knots around those who use lava soap on poodles.


when i started to see what world really was

Juna Glow

When the FBI couldn't even find my house.

An Unknown Agent

When I slipped and fell into the collective unconscious and had a staring contest with the Shadow of humanity.

Optional O. Opt

The Office of Information Awareness.


All the time!


That bitch of a fifth grade teacher took away my sno-cone for no reason. I watched her pitch 50 cents worth of banana heaven into the garbage bin.

An Unknown Agent



government must oppose itself to free thought free thought is the life of the people life is that which it creates so the government opposes itself to the people


bureaucracy is beautiful

An Unknown Agent

they are? oh my god! hide me!!!!


at birth


its what we've made thats threat.


that information is classified mista, now if you'd just like to back away slowly i'm sure we can resolve this without the loss of too much ketchup


at about the age of 14 when they stole and murdered my step father because he knew too much and was trying too hard to better are bitter world. (seriously)

An Unknown Agent

When I went to their website by mistake


During an episode of Charles in Charge. The one where buddy does something and Charles berates him. Mr. Howe realizes that all his dreams are out of reach and during his drunken tirade at the children a split second ad for Folger's coffee was spliced in.


When they carted me off to a fucking girls school. I enjoyed the psych ward more!!


about a year and a half ago


when my grandfather gave me a copy of J. Edgar Hoover's file on him and my great-uncle as a birthday present and told me it was still active


I'm not a threat,I'm not that important.

What is this "name" you speak of I own it not and if I did I don^“t think I could get it in the computer.

When the locust came hither and said unto me ^”Beware the chicken and free they self from the feed. Watch thy ears and know thy heart most of all when in bed with a hornet so that you might not be stung. BEWARE the acrid smoke and filthy people of the garbanzo bean and know thee that I know thee. Feed thy self, not, on the flesh of thy neighbor, but rather on a person at least 3.7 blocks away, so as you will not be discovered. Sell thy penal structure only when hunger has festered in you and in your children like in so many African children. Impart death and dismemberment only when you shall be rewarded with a mighty beating and gooseberry ice-cream. Fend off the hordes of darkness with a giant poll slapping stick and almond slap, almond slap. Pick ye now your favorite dish or forever be remember as among the infidels of the worst kind. Your name is known to me and I shall it write it in the book of the vial ones, if you do not pick your favorite dish! . Make hast to the chapel of coruscating beatitude that I hath built in land of Israel. This chapel shall be the center of your faith and you shall defend it against all who rise against it. You shall be unto a son to me if you do these things and your reward shall be eternal.^‘

Juliette du Soleil

I first noticed the above when an undercover agent crossed his and/or her fingers at me and declaired me a "hazard".


porn e-mail

Your mother's only child

When I was anally probed for the first time, I asked "WHY?" I found it a perfectly reasonable question, but alas, the one that probed erupted, like a doomed volcanoe, and covered me in a foul lava-like substance. It was all down hill from there.


when i was asked to leave home for not doing anything. i just locked my door and went back to bed.


always had it inside

evil horse

robotic MI5 marsupials live in my ante chamber


February 19, 2001. M.E.P.S. Building, Pittsburgh,Pa


first time i got a letter adressed to my neighbor.


i haven't decide that i'm a threat to anything or anyone.

An Unknown Agent


An Unknown Agent

4 months ago

nobody: alias El Gordo

when I instigated revolt


in fifth grade when the DARE folks came to our school. I could tell I was their type.

An Unknown Agent


My name is not an ption ad my parents didnt ask me

The first time I need them to help me.......

An Unknown Agent

When my first letter to the editor was published.

Reverend Xenakaboom

The minute I was born


Shortly after learning the words "government," "agency," "institution," "threat," and "nuisance."


At age 13.


when i get kicked out of a school bookstore for letting the manager know they sold thesauruses without "G"s.


age 12


When I began working for one


After the 4th attempted hit

( less that self, more than other )

when I tried to get a "peace bond" against my landlord, a Greek mafioso, who was threatening me, only to be told by the Judge that if I didn't cease this petition I would be arrested. My lawyer, after correcting me on the pronounciation of the landlords name, insisted I give him another $500 of he would let them do it.




approx 8 months ago now


When my friends started getting rejected for security clearences for government jobs. They only thing in common was me...


They called me crazy, stopped listening to me and tried to gently get me to change


When I saw my face on the back of a soy milk carton...


That one time when an entire car full of really mean guys with dark glasses and bug guns came to my house to sell magazines... yeah... that just looked a little too suspicious...


When they tried to assinate me during dinner. I mean, I was sitting there, grazing, minding me own business, then WHAMO! This farmer comes walking over to me with this prod type thing.

ralph the bear

when I was twelve

Dr. Mantle Hood

i never decided

Arbitrary string of Latin characters

Paranoia doesn't necessarily involve government agencies or institutions. At least not those of this world.

An Unknown Agent

when a man in a black suit and a pimp hat came and smashed my artwork at a show because the government didn't believe that abstract expressionism and surrealism could gell in the same work.


when albania said that i ain't welcome there no more.



What's in a Name ....a name's not always of our choosing

when i read that thinking was not neccesary under any governing and also is dangerous


Three Wednesdays ago I discovered I could chew through leather straps designed to securely restrain a mad chimpanzee on PCP. I am unstoppable.

An Unknown Agent

Last year, since I moved country


Hahaha, when I awoke.

ARP (2)

About three seconds ago, when I read the question.

Debbi Irene

I didn't


september, 1987. secret service and FBI mostly. other 3 letter acronyms deleted in the interests of national insecurity.


When you asked me the question. So five seconds ago.


I believe it was when I tried to get a bank teller to argue with me about the possibilities that, seeing as how it's possible that FDR knew about, and possibly even condoned Pearl Harbor, whos to say that it's immpossible that Bush knew about, and possibly even condoned 9/11? How badly does he want that oil pipeline to go through Afghanistan? How much money did daddy give the Mujahideen when he was head of the CIA? Why have they still not totally stamped out the "evil doers," if they are indeed still trying at all? Doesn't this all just reek of 1984 to you? The bank teller freaked, and security threw me out on my ass. Ever scince, I seem to get pulled over an awful lot, and I swear to god my phone is tapped.


when my first girlfriend mysteriously left me

Noah Freedman

Hey, they found me...


the day i painted the town red

antiputti gal

in my past life time.

Edith Bunker

At the time of my assassination in 1986.

An Unknown Agent

When I first understood the electoral process.

An Unknown Agent

this morning

jack ass


Camel L. Leopard

When they put me in a van and caught it on fire. Or was that the neighbors when they heard I was poisoning them? I don't know, it had to be around that time anyway.



An Unknown Agent

When the radio in my head started playing CIA transmissions through my teeth each time the orthodonist tightened my headgear.

An Unknown Agent



ever since i heard about communication satellites operate phones.

An Unknown Agent

I guess that would be the time with the sirens...

An Unknown Agent

never did dude

An Unknown Agent

When I got denied that grant from the National Endowment for the Arts.

An Unknown Agent

No credit cards


not me, my radio show.


When I bought my first my little pony

Dale Smosny

They always have. Especially since I've worked for them.

An Unknown Agent

the day i was forced to sign a contract to reformat my body and install hardware around my spine


All the time ,they don,t know what I know.

Sean k.


Whats it to you?

i think i will decide that in about 14 hours 23 miniutes 14 seconds. thats when they come you know.


When I took a dislike to blind patriotism, and ultranationalism. That, and when I started reading _The Anarchists Cookbook_.


When I was seven years old. I came home early on a Friday. the school closed early that day. I was riding my bicycle. The sky was overcast. The cool filling threatened to burst from me. It wouldn't be three years until I was enlightened, but this was the start.


The very first day I began working in them.


37 hours before the darkness descended

sayid-set von schtiegenvundt III

When certain government agencies or institutions wrote me a letter that explicitly stated, "We consider you a threat nad a nuisance."


The second the light from an uncertain cold touched the tip of my nose and I had to cough

An Unknown Agent

When I was born, 3000 years ago.


kindergarten, schoppenauer was too much for my 2 1/2 year old comrades

Arizu Teotlcoatl

The day we moved suspiciously leaving all our belongings behind and crossing a river. Then everyone got uptight when the man with the flashlight and the dogs stopped the car...

anne o'neame

when they made me pay taxes

F.R. Dinglemonger

One time it possessed me and I became sick and turned a strange green, pinky, red, orangey, yellow collor and then I floated above the ground, the only thing I could see was a lone hair ball on the top of a tall book shelf in my room that my flumpogus hacked out and it landed there a long time ago during a projectile cough

Kitten Van der Klumps

we first saw it parked where it is


when the black on black cars starting appearing in my rearview mirror more and more frequently.

Fyodor Vlokov

i can feel my heart beat beat beat ohhhhhhh beat me.

An Unknown Agent

when I tryed to test my electric toenail clippers on passerby


at a very tender age. my first steps were defined as a threat and nuisance to the institution

P.A.Mama's secretary

When she made me her secretary and it came upon, the feeling the realization of her.

An Unknown Agent


An Unknown Agent


Adam Varo

I wanted to be a marine but I'm allergic to bees.



Ms Kitten Van der Klumps

When P.A.mama made me her secretary

Gwendolyn Von Burden

In regards to confirming my decision of a cleansing phobia, I realized I was a threat or nuisance by numerous institutions when they started following me and shouting at me to just "Go away", thus my fear of dissolving. Rational.

P.A. Mama

when I joined mensa and became a communist, oh and bought a gun along with starting my own propaganda as the new leader into a new movement...also I bought prunes that told me so

el mariem

THE FREAK My dear you see there was no other way It was a bad one you know we tried To help it but It wouldn't follow the right path My dear you see something had to be done It was a danger to us all you know It wasn't born right Someone had to clean the mess up My dear you see it's best this way No one could have helped it For its own good we Had to put it away for a while You understand we are very sorry I know you don't blame us have no regrets We'll give you poison To heal your wounds with Sincere Sympathy From A Friend Who Wishes You Well

An Unknown Agent

When they started putting airborne viruses into my air conditioning system and then spiking my Ny/Dayquil with mind control drugs.

When I didn't see a UFO but was looking for one -- it was obvious they shot it out of the sky to prevent me from learning the TRUTH about de-evolution.

An Unknown Agent

Stupid question. They don't think I'm a threat yet. If they thought I was a threat, I'd be dead now.


When I started watching the X-files.

An Unknown Agent

when i didn't get hired because of my record


When that darn helicopter turned up!

An Unknown Agent

Kindergarten, when i started asking questions. never stopped asking why.

An Unknown Agent

age -2098.89


When they came over and put that little star badge on me and told me, "loooooook, wear this all the time so we can give you special stuff."


On my birth day the men in black suits tried to return me to my mother's womb. She had signed a form several months earlier and it clearly stated in the micro print that I was to be born later. I was 22 years old that day and still bear the scalp scars.

Chelsea FOX

When they sent me a barking telegram that barked so.

An Unknown Agent

I didn't decide, I don't care, they decide...


Because they gave me a pill for it

david pasquinelli

when they left me stranded in the forest and shot me with the black sun. My dad was there too but he is only my reflection, reflected in a graphite mirror.


they keep "losing" my records- everyone (several doctors, grade schools, 2 colleges, a number of present and past employers). i think the government is destroying them for some reason.

rudy sinclair

I get spam it clogs my arteries processed e-meat for fat bankers ploys the evil desperate evil because they are annoying win lose indifferent the bankers bank the coppers cop the pyramid prevails and so I fry spam in the crenulations of my jigsaw

An Unknown Agent

I dont


last week, on a the rain...



An Unknown Agent

that day


About a year ago.


Yeasterday. Just before they knocked at my boudoir door.

An Unknown Agent


An Unknown Agent

They do who? why/ Waht Me#'?


when god told me...hmm...i must have been 6 maybe 7 months old in 1866.

An Unknown Agent

Wjen I read this.

Emperor Lettuce

When they asked me if I had any grey poupon.

An Unknown Agent

everything is made in china

An Unknown Agent



When I realised the paperwork I cause.


shortly after puberty

Generalissimo Nemo

1st time was as soon as I got learned to write.


the day they rolled me into preschool with my nine-inch heels and spurious collection of mouth-watering juicy fruit gum(ummmmm juicy fruit!)


When they knew me on a first name basis


At the signing of my birth certificate

An Unknown Agent

ten minutes after my sister's conception

An Unknown Agent

When I realized I was a threat.

Mr. Aluminum Siding

When I was arrested. Again.


day b4 yesterday when they told me so

cKey Headrubby

the government loves me. i am like a fetus in it's loving, paternal embrace.


i didn't like my piano teacher. she had a mustache

An Unknown Agent

I was busy with some manual task when a squadron of helicopters descended on me


When Bush became president.

An Unknown Agent

upon receipt of my tax return.

Kent Kemmish

When I was given a tesseract for my fourth birthday.


4.30 tuesday the 5th of febuary 1997.


they are not nearly intelligent enough to see beneath their greed and control battles to see me. : )

daemon protocol

When I was fourteen years old! I write papers with conspiracy theories! Help!


yes/no ans.

Neq The Sword


An Unknown Agent

The NHS don't like me!

Deformed Void

When I was born.

An Unknown Agent

nononononononono! It's not them, jeez. It's the Forces of the Universe that are trying to awaken humanity for some strange and probably misguided reason and they want to use ME as their pawn!

"magistrate" Anna Owomoyela

They've always been after me.


Governments are torn out of the wombs of the people stone cold alive. hahaha

An Unknown Agent

If i play my cards right, they won't know about me for at least another ten seconds...

Tera Corazone

When I received my Social Security card.



An Unknown Agent

when they made me pay taxes

Katie Joy

At about 14 (in 1984) when I was at a Cicle Jerks show. (Actually way before that!)

An Unknown Agent

I guess when they find out that I am a copy of the other unknown agent(s?)?

An Unknown Agent

About the time I realised my soul to be captured by the devil - or i sold it? Everybody bargains with their souls, It's immanent to trade, as the soul does not exist outside ones investments. My girlfriends (+) seem to turn out to as devillish.


when they touched my testicles for scientific research

Little Nemo

I experienced a paradigm-shift in my world-view at the age of e1even.


see Bilious IV, Pope, The


a few years ago

Bilious IV, Pope, the

My father taught me a secret: never trust nobody. All the rest followed.

The Log Lady

High school. I've had a constant feeling of guilt and uneasiness since I turned 12.



An Unknown Agent

When I marched around the playground chanting "Margaret Thatcher: Milk snatcher".

John (Magoo) Mac Innes

Uponreaching the age of two years.

An Unknown Agent

When I started paying taxes

Reverend Ruben Lucid

no, seriously, are you on a cell phone?


When my elementary school installed an intercom system, and periodically left it on, so that they could listen in on what me and my pseudo-friend-quasi-classmates were saying in class, from the comfort of their plush, cramp office.


when i entered public education.

An Unknown Agent

When my turtle began asking me questions about my personal life.


When I was hired by them. Really.

An Unknown Agent

when i found myself assaulting a dog.


when I realised, I sever contact with the world

An Unknown Agent



when i told them to give me my citizenship :)

David Ponder

when the police sniffed me out with a K9 unit for violating curfew. --true, believe it or not.

An Unknown Agent

the day i was born

An Unknown Agent


An Unknown Agent

When I was arrested for not wearing pants in front of the prime minister saying "go on have a go"

mike gangel

at the age of reason

Lisa Keilman


Ted LaBoube

Never really

Erin Santarc

at 13

Shelby Cowley



I was printed and mugshot twelve minutes after birth. Also the radio collar is a dead giveaway.

An Unknown Agent

as i started to take this survey a bell rang

Chris Johnson

When I heard those terrible words "Stop Trator"

An Unknown Agent

when i began the routine smoking of mariajuana

John D. Devine

When the well dressed man in the dark glasses began taking photographs of me and my friends.


When I started working.

An Unknown Agent

when I saw the National Lottery on television and realised I was supposed to be excited by it

Snow White and Blood Red

Fourth grade, when I was first punished for my natural childlike honesty

Heavy depressed but fun to play

I believe it was when some people said that I wasn't allowed to sit on a monument for died soldiers in WO2.

Emperor Zorg

When the Catholics stole my favorite compact disc



An Unknown Agent

as i started to take this survey a bell rang


When they started drug testing


4:30am Sunday 23rd January, 1892


i didn't. aren't you listening to me.


When I got a job

An Unknown Agent

when their mom called my mom and told her so. she grounded me.

An Unknown Agent

When they started keeping track of my income and making me pay taxes.


...::well, we're all nuisances::...

too paranoid to give out

If you could trust the government... mmm... I don't know...


when i realized how intelligent i was.


everytime I travel, I always get stopped. I also got booted from the states last year. I went to spain, and they though that I was a french terrorist!...and i'm banned from canadia (it's not my fault!!!)


about 7 minutes after the memo came out


When the memo arrived.




yesterday at 28 o'clock


It all started when MENSA kicked me out because I made all thoses smarty pantses look stupid when they found out that after a 7 year membership in their "club" I was found out to be a blithering idiot of miniscule intellectual proportions.

Les Mouches

They have a file for everyone living in the USA, but mine seems to be missing!

Liam Chaelber

My file in the underground government vault has SUB-SECTIONS! One for each personality. These guys came to my house, called themselves IRS guys and audited my sock drawer for evidence against Nixon. BOING! The CIA was AIC backwards. The AIC is a secret government organization called AIC. The letters stand for something, i just cant remember. Like REM, only they aren't rock stars. I am currently stricken with the Hanta Virus and know that those darn AIC members are laughing all the way to the CDC.

An Unknown Agent



When my phones were tapped by the Central Bank and I found Alan Greenspan rummaging in my trashcan

An Unknown Agent

when I bought a loaf of bread with a listening device in the crust

Eddie Encino

Sunday morning.


They still don't realize just how much of a threat I am...

Dozzent E. Quate

When I began working within the maw of the unilateral single thought anti-empathetic that is bureaucracy, the four demensional manifestation of all that is redundant and misaligned. That which exists as rationale alone; complete in itself. All warm and fuzzy; hungering for my blood.


About the same time I first applied for government-backed student loans

Eddie Encino

On Christmas, my dad told me that I was the Lord. Since then...I guess.


when they showed up at my door with a picture of me and three roosters.

Chris Wyczolkowski

I felt out of place in third grade I knew I was different in sixth By high school I knew they could know me, But not until recently did I realize that they have known


Middle School


They still don't realize just how much of a threat I am...

An Unknown Agent

Never really.


the day after yesterday.

An Unknown Agent

When I realised I was sentient.


When they assumed I was a citizen by being born.

Curt Esser

right now


when i first started being an individual

An Unknown Agent


An Unknown Agent

age 4

An Unknown Agent

when I questioned and was recieved as as such


I decided one day on a bus. I was stuck in between a conversation of two strangers that i did not want to hear. A conversation that i did not agree with. It made me very angry that i an ease dropper, could say nothing. I wondered if these people really knew that they were saying such terrible things in public... that is when i recieved my parinoia.. are my thoughts heard? if so i must start thinking differantly just to prevent the spread of bad entities.


Last Year.


are you a police officer? you know you have to tell the truth if i ask


this morning.

Joshua the Nordic degenerate

when they said I am "mentally demented fool"


at a very early age in the primary school when teacher expresses her/his annoyement with me.


during the anal probe


see above, article 30, section 1.5, clause B, with emphasis on subclause ^ 


well i dropped my newt the other day. i blame YOU.


When i first heard the word "conspiracy."


I haven't yet, but probably will when I'm incarcerated for doing something that has no ill effect on society

An Unknown Agent

When O.J. accused me of things I had never done(that you know of, anyway. Or do you?) I may have to kill you now. I know where you live.

An Unknown Agent

They day I was born the took my parents away and replaced them with pod people who fit in but I don't fit in so how can they be my parents? I must go, they're watching me right now.

An Unknown Agent

upon my first arrest (offense will go unstated)

An Unknown Agent

after leaving the military. What is this for anyway?


Even if they did I wouldn't care. I'd rather go buy a friend some flowers just to be nice.


When they told me so.

An Unknown Agent

umm please


Ever since my mother decided that we were being investigated and 'watched' by mysterious onlookers in the backyard, AND 3-(HIT)Men tried to kill her? Ya just never can tell. Ahh....Tired.


When they told me to stop not eating.

An Unknown Agent

When I began to think on my own I realized that all authoritative institutions that function based on bureaucracy are corrupt and find me as a part of the problem.


When a man in a train station greeted me with the coded phrase "Tickets, please".

An Unknown Agent

completely wacko

Eric Payne

Is this a secure chanel?


The moment I started working for my governmental agency as a naive occupational safety and health specialism. (Franz Kafka worked at a similar job once, I understand, while in Prague.)


when they arrested me for possesing dried plant material. and then of course i read newspapers, and so know that governments and corporations consider EVERYONE a threat or nusicanse.


At 15.45 on Thursday the 10th February, this year, after washing my hair.

Chris Leary

On December 12 of last year I went into hiding for a brief period to escape The United States Former Defense Counsel Mission, which had targeted me for a variety of unique and steady incidents which they deemed unrecognizable under heavy scrutiny in the "you shouldn't do that any more" sense of the word".


Just now


It wasn't really a conscious decision, I've never really got around to making the decision, they certainly don't consider me a threat, yet, although I'm certainly considered a nuisance contributing to queues


When I invaded Moldava. Who knew anyone would support the government? Two mountain ranges and an economy based on 900 numbers do not a soveriegn nation make.

Peter Gunn

Last Thursday


at the age of 7 when i saw a campaign commercial and i hated it. i knew that they knew that i didn't like it.

An Unknown Agent

When? Who? Me? Not me?

Guarded One

When I was discharged from the military in 1992. :>)

Guarded One

When I was discharged from the military in 1992. :>)

Guarded One

When I was released from military service in 1992.


oh, gee, i don't know...let me see... i suppose when, in frustration over my proclivity for probing inquiries, they finally resorted to logically-fallacious appeals to force and coercion, i.e., imprisonment,excommunication,disinheritance,the sulphurous gaping pits of a blazing hell, various and sundry forms of exile and ostracism, etc.

An Unknown Agent

when I asked an agency to spell my name correctly.

Mosquito Christ

when I went to school, and took "that" test


when I was old enough to understand it

Who wants to know anyway?

Who else has enough funding to repeatedly,and unsuccessfully, try to assassinate a single person besides the government?? (When I was 12!)


I have yet to make that determination.


When I first realized that the NSA wants OldManMurray for threatening webpages.




about three seconds ago


when they began tapping my phone and putting lsd deposits into my toilet water,to turn my pets against man has no best friend


after the creation of the last 7 dragon balls

An Unknown Agent

When I began working for the government.


25 1 1986

Shi Juna

When they put me on hold...


I have trouble making decisions. What do you think ?

Ryan O'Connell

At the age of 5 when my kindergarten school was taken over by terrorists. That's true too.


last tuesday

Eat Me

when they showed up at my door and escorted me into the car...

the rabbit

When I found myself in a tavern full of apes!

When D. L'Oscar

Right after you did.

krystal kirby

I think the agencies is a big threat to use

An Unknown Agent

Day 1

Rose deBoueff

Is this line secure?

His Honorable Feces

When they told me so.


10 minutes before birth i was assaulted by a conservative jigalo


When they... wait... what the hell is that? what the hell *is* that? Is that looking at me?

An Unknown Agent

Whene i learned some top classified information on cover ups and aliens.


The government is not outside our circle of power, for they are only human. The more they realize this, the more they attempt to fool themselves into thinking that they are capable of changing it. It is as futile as an octopus flailing its tentacles while lying on its back in the sand. It thinks it is still in control, when it is in fact slowly dying.


My mind is so twisted and perverted that the government needs to protect me to prevent other nations from kidnapping me and using them to annoy each other. :-)

The Panda

When they knocked on my door Dark sunglasses Plastic smile Grimace Are you the Panda? Ah, no...... May we come in? Ah, no.......

Yasir Araphat

When the S.W.A.T. team assaulted me in Meijer.


When that military doctor slapped my ass when I was born, my eyes were opened to the sadomasochistic pedophilia of the U.S. government representatives. Ever since they realized that I realized that, they've realized that they have to keep me from coming to other such realizations.

An Unknown Agent

when this website first asked me, i knew. i don't know how, but i just knew. there's something suspiscious about sites that ask pointed questions about things that would be asking pointed questions about my answers to pointed questions...

An Unknown Agent

There was that one time they arrested me...


When their mom called my mom and told on me.

An Unknown Agent

When I was two the CIA tried to take my candy. Numerous therepy sessions later and I still can't eat jelly beans.


the question should read when is it first required that a youth must, ie; attend school, or become vacinated. I feel most threatened by the represinative of government that is closest to me, witch-eveer it might be!


in kindergarten...when they wouldn't let me take my finger paintings home......


When I got my first tax bil

Baron Saturday

I was an altar boy.

Bill Corpse

When they started driving by my driveway really slowly twice a day.


when I found a bug in my room... damn thing, not the kind with the wires, nah those are everywhere, just this tiny wood bug... stupid hunched over thingy


When they started following me around and letting me know about it.

An Unknown Agent

when my feet and hands were marked with ink. must know where the children are...may get lost.

endless, nameless

once they realized i would bring about in this country the new pseudomusical order pioneered in japan by keiji haino and brought into the limelight by kurdt kobain, they knew i had to go. we certainly can't have people's minds blown by their listening choices, can we. things that move beyond g-c-d, lyrics not able to have all nouns replaced with pepsi... grr!

Roy & Garry

I get it now this is all a BIG BIG game, and I'm losing . . .


Wella, the onla govermenta peopla are the butta munchin mousas!!! Ia knewa theya wanna mea deada ata mya birtha!!! Theya sawa thata a stronga sparra bea borna anda theya geta scared!!! Warbeak born abouta 3 yeara agoa. Buta thata 25 or maybe justa 3 yeara in sparra yearas. WHYA ARA YOUA ASKA SOA MANYA QUESTIONA??? YOUA NEVERA DEFEATA WARBEAK!!!

Al Holloway

When I got the vote.


that has never really happened. I am more afriad of business organizations

An Unknown Agent

early childhood

Jesper Larsen

When I first wiped my own arse.

Tragedy Anne

49 years, 6 months, 3 days, 23 hours, and 19 minutes ago to be exact


Kicked out of school, 16 different jobs at age 21. You decide.


After the unabomber called ME for his llast lifeline. how would I know the capitol of Botswana!?!

An Unknown Agent

yesterday at 9:45 am (approximately)

An Unknown Agent

When I discovered the transmitter on the beach.


WHen I tried to blow up the pentagon.

An Unknown Agent

One word: Chuck Norris

An Unknown Agent

all the free blowjobs


SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. They will hear you, and then we will both be screwed.

An Unknown Agent

when I first heard about the "Bohemian Grove"


When I worked for one they began telling me so.

Opt I. Onal

not up to me is it?


I was 6 and colouring in a picture of Fireman Sam when my teacher asked "and do you like firemen - they ARE important aren't they, fighting all those nasty fiers. Now don't you play with matches....."

An Unknown Agent

I never decided that.

girl with arms

when they fucked me in Nam/i miss you.

An Unknown Agent

in high school when we used to get harassed for skate boarding or playing hacky sack on the sidewalk

An Unknown Agent

when they let me out of the lab, yet are trying to catch me again...I must know something

An Unknown Agent

I never decided it - they did!


when I've born

An Unknown Agent

when they bombed my house and strafed my collection of SS-20 MIRV.


I think it was in 1857 in a previous incarnation.




To suppose that I made this decision is to presuppose that I ever held any other opinion.


When they forced me to live in a town secretly ruled be an ancient evil force.



An Unknown Agent

when i first shaved


When a sattelite fell out of the sky with my name on it.

Salt Chunk Mary

When I became a woman, around 1973.

Steve Billingsworth

When my school started telling me to leave because they had been watching my every move and did not appreciate my hbits and lifestyle.

Hydrangea Hard As Steel

In third grade when my mom told me I could go to jail for forging her signature on my weekly homework checkoff sheet.


Ah! So you admit that they do!

Steven Swain

When that FBI guy twisted my arm around my back and whispered in my ear that he can find out where I live. You think I'm kidding?


When they gave me a driver's licence.

An Unknown Agent

I do not think that they even care they just need my soul to make conformity a solid institution.

angry sheepdog marie

ANTS !!! ANTS ANTS ANTS EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK, ANTS!!! Also that one time "Pizza Hut" mysteriously called and asked for someone named "Rhonda" and then "apologized" because they "dialed the wrong number." And I said listen you rat batards...

sweet pea

when I tied myself to the inside of the prime Minister of Canada's toilet bowl and before he sat down I popped out and "forced him to see MY WAY OF THINKING", kidding. Seriously folks, Im a canadian, you got yourself one hell of a screwed up gov't. what the hell? U guys need help. sit back, put your heels up....take a clue from us. If you act like that bee acts...uh uh, your workin' too hard!


When they caught a glimpse of my red hair and the fire in my eyes. When they knew that I knew.

Leathal Carter

Other kids got to go to public school. I went to public storage. I played with tape. Scotch was my only freind.


As soon as I discovered that they know all about me

dhole phrenetic

They may consider me a threat, but I don't feel threatened becuase I am wholly unmoved by their presence.


When I first realised it.

An Unknown Agent


An Unknown Agent

at the tender age of 4

An Unknown Agent

3:17am august 5th, 1987


during the third guitar solo in the song freebird

An Unknown Agent



When I recieved an envelope from publisher's clearing house telling me that I was scheduled to win 11 million dollars-- that's when I knew they had me by my balls. Luckily, however, being a woman, I have no scrotum. So I escaped, but only by the skin of my piano.

bro gUrU

seems like only yesterday.


When I became one of the people my parents warned me about co-mingling with!.


I knew before i was born

An Unknown Agent

never did.



An Unknown Agent

to moment that i saw they were forming new psyic cults by making people eat the radioactive stuff in smoke decectors more than that the point at which information like this can be broadcast over cable

An Unknown Agent

In the Year of the Onion.

An Unknown Agent

sixty nine days

"you're killin' me"

right after I typed the previous message

jac beury

what is half of infinity?

An Unknown Agent

when I turned the key of my truck


I have the power to make others speak/act out my thoughts

An Unknown Agent

Oh, I see what this is. Well I guess it all started when I got caught burning the couch. The police came and put me in a mental facility and after I chewed the bars so that they were only 2/16" thick (they tasted kinda like cheeze whiz)and escaped into the woods I found myself running from big scary guys with guns screaming "dont let her out of your firing range". I think that's maybe when it all started.


Well, U know, I guess the first sign was when all major publishers turned my devastatingly honest poems down.

Blah blah blah, so forth and sew on, dot dot dot.

When I heard the words "Freeze! FBI!"

An Unknown Agent

When they firebombed my house

Les Miserable

When I was give an SS number... I did not have it tatooed on my arm


They haven't yet, I've been keeping them ignorant by wearing a tin foil hat.


BEFORE I was born


Ummmm...I never did that...but HELL! Thanks a lot!


they do? About age 13/14 same as everyone, no?

An Unknown Agent

Around kindergarden. Public school is the first indoctrination center



An Unknown Agent

4th Grade. Mrs. Kellog got arrested and taken away. It turns out that she had supplementing her meager 1978 teachers salary with a little pot selling on the side. I was so sad, her permanent substitute Ms. Carr had horrible breath.

Hanklin Rutherford Nu

Name, Rank, Cereal preferences. (See collusion between Pop Tarts / Smuckers circa 1988)


when i started being one

Golden pussycat

So far, that's merely an aspiration of mine.


while reading the tabloids, during a particularly long line at the supermarket

An Unknown Agent

When I asked personal permission from the President to be granted The status of my own country, and a small donation of $2M to help me get on my feet.

An Unknown Agent

standing in line at the department of motor vehicles


They havent. I'm not nearly cool enough or paranoid enough to be a threat.



Zhara um Nikko

After reading Noam Chomsky

An Unknown Agent

when i saw the raindrops clinging to the agent's mirrored lenses.


When they stopped tapping my phone line


When I wanted to transition to living full time as a woman at work. I looked better than most of the gg's there.


i'm not the nuisance.......they are. You should see my phone bill. MY GOD!!!


they donīt consider me anything at all... they just like to make everybody paranoid.

An Unknown Agent

When I heard about a friend of my brother's being hit by a UPS truck.


Haven't you SEEn the X-Files?


It's not the government! This is from a high power, a darker side!


Government? Ha! It's not the government. It's YOU!!! YOU BASTARD! Stay away from me! You're one of THEM! One of the people.....


I didn't get invited to the inaugural ball. I'm still bitter about that

Tuna Colada

when my dog chewed up my telephone....the animals know these things...they can sense it!


the first time i had sex which was on prom night and under the influence of some unknown hallucinegetic drug.


January 30, 1972.


I read it all on a web page like this.

my name

when i threw up janet reno's leg.

Johnny Flashdance

Tomorrow unless you carry the one


oh, not that sort of paranoia. paranoia about creepies gonna git me.


I hear them laughing all the time...


when i registered for selective service

James Rush

After the first time they locked me up, and said I was a threat.


I haven't decided.


I haven't decided.


when i started enjoying explosives, and lost all discrepincy


When the FBI came to our school, and the agents kept looking at me suspiciously, then they'd take out their walki talkies and communicate something to one another after I passed.


when they shot me in the knee cap for having sex, with chelsea clinton, it didn't stop me (she's on her 7th baby, they've all been sold to the queen to train as a cheap replacment for corgi's)

you know when people say "no way hose"?...well i'm hose...ok name is *Fay* :)

ok, well you know those commercials for mountain dew where they are always saying: "are you an UN?" ok..well they have those little guys in the black suits following kids around and they wear black sunglasses too.....well those same type of people are CONSTANTLY after me...except, i highly doubt they're monitoring what kind of soda i buy at the store... although, if anyone here was wondering that, its pepsi

An Unknown Agent

After my 3rd birthday, when i received a form to prove my untoilet-trainedness.

An Unknown Agent

I haven't decided yet.

An Unknown Agent

Just this year really.

jamison sechser

when i regained consciousness i was strapped to a gurney with 2 guys chanting kill kill kill in my ears while watching a video composed entirely of large vicious barking dogs.


I should not answer

An Unknown Agent



haven't come after me yet - when they do I won't run - I'll KILL!!!

An Unknown Agent

they said they were from the government & that they were here to help

(the plastic clown

when i could no longer enter certain parts of the airport


when they took away my ammo box


When i was really little and strangers kept trying to give me this certain candy and one time they tried to get me into their black van but i ran really fast even though I was really little.


When I was thrown in jail for pissing all over some fucking wall in NY.


the first time I had sex

I want my Monkeyman

When I realized that all the peole outside of my office window were wearing red teeshirts. They are. I can see them now.



An Unknown Agent

well bleeding on a cheerful monday mornings floor, ruined the carpet.


When I first started writing anti-government articles for a newspaper


when i was so preoccupied with/by (is it with or by?!) the life of one timothy mcveigh, but those are the yesteryears. can't you see that i'm in the middle of something here?

An Unknown Agent



I have never decided that, and I resent the assumption. I am actually quite helpful to a variety of government agencies, most especially the agency that manufactures government cheese. I have just signed a bill into law that will force all government cheese to be renet-less. I am working on a new bill that will make camembert the standard by which all government cheese is judged. Write to your congress-person in support of this bill!

An Unknown Agent

since my penis got up and walked away from me.


Recently yet not completely sure of it.


when the FCC came to take away my computer....

Drew Smith

The government thinks I'm a nuisance?

benny contagious

well, ever since i started selling children on the black market ive had this black van parked outside my house...its funny really, cuz theyre my #1 customers...oh well i live.


Last year, when the mailman kept trying to make me sign over my life for a ticking box

An Unknown Agent

Born with the knowledge

An Unknown Agent

Early Thirsty.


When the principal told me so.

Rob Turner

Are they? Oh No!

kelly d.

perhaps inside


2 years prior to my birth (1844)

An Unknown Agent

I think it was the time when I cut myself with a razor sharp politician


I hadn't thought of that yet. All I've worried about *so* far are the tourists. They're everywhere. Damn flowered shirts and videocameras....*grumble*...

Tonglen Dorje

Even I don't think that I pose a threat to the government. Why would I flatter myself? Refusing to play the work, consume, work, consume, die game might be a nuisance, however, it won't destroy the economie. They DONT care.

An Unknown Agent

they have always been there someone is always watching you.


when they sent me those dreams about the horses and told me i am the tampon of society

Sara Elizabeth

Remember that show Cops? They had a local version in my hometown. I always thought that was kooky.`


When it was decided that I was sent to another country as an offensive strike against Telly Tubbies and Spice Girls.


After I was removed from Jerry Falwell's Christmas card mailing list.


I am above the law. They are not aware of my existence.


when i realized that the stench of bacon and doughnuts clings to my clothes

Andrew A.

I registered as a communist as a joke in highschool , and to this day around election time I recieve questionaires concerning my political affiliations.


when i was an evil look in my father's eyes...yep when the government learned about daddy's little squirt


when they hauled me away the 13th time to the mental instatution(aka Vista del Mar's children unit of the psycho ward) and uhh.. when hunter s thompson and that monkey from dexters lab started to communicate with me through the toaster

An Unknown Agent

Which government? What have heard? Oh man! I knew this would happen some day.

An Unknown Agent

they don't they need my common sense

Johnny Deformed



when i was 6


10 years from now.

Nothing Nowhere

the moment i realized that the cut on my hand that i had no idea where it came from came back ever 3 months 1 week and 2 days. its a small mark. i think they have to change the batteries in whatever lies underneath the mark.

Brian, Stacey, and Benny

Since the moment of our collective births.

frances gomeztagle

During a rally once I saw a policeman on a horse smile at me ant tip his hat. i replied that I would not succumb to that type of salute; what a pervert.

Haans Bals von gunten

that would be around the time I began to harbour the thoughts of purchasing a Mauser rifle.


When you brought it up


A few months ago when I was abducted by aliens and all these guys in blacks suits came to my door and aked me to go with them.


um never????

When my aluminum foil and Tool CD's, along with Beethoven, started disappearing and then reappearing days later.


when they send the men in suits to "cut me a new belly button"

An Unknown Agent


Artichoke Man

When I invented the nickle-plated, double-backed, self-addressed, user-friendly, auto-flush, toe jam remover. It was a thing of beauty. I knew instantly that I would make a mark on the world with my invention if only I could get the financial backing. I went to the bank where I had deposited all my toothbrushes and asked to speak to the branch manager. "I'm sorry, he's in a meeting," is what the nice pert lady behind the counter said to me. "I must speak to him!!!! I stand to make millions off of an invention that I have recently constructed in my basement. If this thing sells I will have unlimited income and can buy MANY, MANY, MANY more toothbrushes to deposit into my bank account. NOW, GO TELL THE MANAGER THAT!!!!!"

The Pope

Last Thursday


well, actually the baseball association here hates my dad, and they hate me, so they give me the shaft and cut me from the high school baseball team.

An Unknown Agent

oh, my heart, they haven't discovered it yet...please to shush.


When I spoke my mind in school and got 3 days in the hole. Shit is not a cussword!


I would have to say that it was when I was arrested. They said it was a mistake, but potatoes have eyes, and we never tell... Never.

David Christian Kennedy

I realize the world sees me as a virus, and why not, I think they're right. Infectious symptoms - saying what you think, believing in something, and feeling you have a larger purpose than customer service


Why are you telling me this?


A shoe box full of earwax was left in my car. I went home.The phone rang, but when I answered it,they hung up.Later that night, I woke to the sound of laughter in the hall. I knew then that they knew that I knew.

An Unknown Agent

A few years ago, as I was drug half conciense to the car by my hair and hand cuffs.

paul fiasco

radio buttons saying such things as "always trust the microsoft corporation" and messages coming from the tv. found ham radio software that intercepted thought suggestions over electromagnetic waves and began hearing a new rattling noise outside of my bedroom - they had clearly used the now loose drainpipe to gain access. also, started being accused of random crimes by strangers at school and pressured for information.


june 17, 1629

An Unknown Agent

when i ate my pickle

Horatio Hupnagel

When I realized my telephone was tapped, although they've undoubtedly had me under heavy surveilance for a good 10-15 years before that. It all goes back to my involvement with the Carter administration.

An Unknown Agent

Seven months ago, in a cofee shop, while watching my friend drink Revolution cola.

Dozzent E. Quate

During my last sentence of solitary confinement after a rather nasty bit of human carnage (I still maintain I thought I was turning the grinder OFF!) I had a vision wherein Scully appeared to me in the nude and told me the truth was NOT out there but in databases in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Damn Wolverines!


after my first arrest. like there's a law against keeping dead girls in your basement. fucking fascists!


when they said, "hey you! we (are government agencies or institutions) consider you a threat or a nuisance!" im quick *beam*


i haven't yet made a mark

An Unknown Agent

3 years ago

An Unknown Agent

Nov. 23 1963

Sennex D.

June 15, 1972, I walked into a government office for the first time, and they knew who I was.


When my eyes were opened.

An Unknown Agent

When they came at my door, saying that they needed to do some checkups for a national poll.


January 5, 1981. 1:01:36 GMT

An Unknown Agent

i haven't...I can't see why they would consider a number a nuisance...

An Unknown Agent

when they killed my cat.






When I received a warm thank you note for the large navel lint ball I sent to the Democratic Party.


About five seconds ago. Thanks for the tip. :)


When my mail and phone started having sex in the afternoon while I went to the bank to pay all their bills.


When all the police, the judges, my governor, and the president began to know me by name and then started writing hate mail to me and signing it "Monica Lewinsky"


when they began browbeating me


well, if a government agency is highschool, then as soon as I entered, they didn't like me at all. The cops in my area don't like me either, that happened when I turned about 15.


since my birth

Pail Edification

after first reading "the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy". about 10 years old... Then, the kurt vonnegut and robert anton wilson sort of confirmed it... the ferret droppings were good signs, too.


when i had to decided to leave the country of my birth

Eman Rouy

When I ran for president. I only got one vote, it was from my dead grandmother, I knew our electoral system was corrupt.


When my momma told me pot was illegal.

R. Smith

When I realized all people are real.

Undine Sarcophogus

my first day of public school

Don't you ever call me that again!

I was clued in first by the voices in the quizinart and later informed by Lady Chaunceley (also known as Koko) that the pigs were hot on my tail. To which I replied, "I have no tail!"


never did.


Should i?

Ryan of Rosewood

I rather not discuss it- you never know who read these things.

tinky winky

be bold be strong

Nad Suckmore

Ever since I joined the military.

Clever, Clever

since I saw the fab flick Enemy of the State. a modern classic in its own right. Really. I saw it 57 times, only 68 times less than titanic.


when i was hit by a large automobile for no reason


When I was arrested for the first time at age 3


It was when they stole my trash, and tapped my phone...or did they tap my trash, and steal my phone....


Never, though I watch the X-files.

Shoulders Bag

When they founded the cats. pickles

Doe, John Doe

never... uncle sam leaves me alone and I leave him alone- besides where else could I voice my concerns like this and not be arrested or worst?

An Unknown Agent


killer penguin

after i told my second grade class i was a north korean communist spy, ms. simpson called the FBI. soon, the dogs started barking, and men with guns watched me from the tv

William Cipkala

When I first dreamed about in 1988. It was a Wednesday.

HMS The Pickled Quim

When I was told by an agent of a certain government agency or institution that they considered me a threat or nuisance.



An Unknown Agent

the day the call up came


Well, that would have been when I was still in mother's womb. I managed to fit all of that expensive equipment in there without her noticing. It's a good thing I kept the sound turned off; if she heard my neuro-quasi speculator beeping, I'd be in for one helluva beating once I made it outta her tummy.

(naomi wilson)

The listening device concealed as a ruler in my pencil case from third grade was the first clue.

An Unknown Agent

2 years ago.

Ms. Nomered

When my parents got a letter from my teacher informing them I had been neglecting my work. But, the idiots...they were misinformed...not only had I been neglecting my work, I had been shoving it into my desk making a nest to make a nest for the space pods.

An Unknown Agent

I have been in psychological exile since before I was born.

It's written down somewhere, if I can just find it...

When they told me to. Didn't they tell you too?


when the fbi followed me to my grandmother's house

Sweet James

When they got to vote and I didn't.

An Unknown Agent

When I was 13. All of the sudden, gsdfsdf;ksdhhk;ear

kenneth frieze

cant remember!

An Unknown Agent

After my 30th or 40th phone call to Revenue Canada...


In the mean time take cover. Far is coming below the shambles of my dishonesty.lkjgkjfdwerpioqwyguvn .z,xcjur

An Unknown Agent

When they tried to have me forcibly removed. And succeeded.

floridaL manthiaS

I laugh at the petty nuances of certain government agencies. Let them come near to my satin retinas. A THREAT? A NUISANCE? I am, I will, I never was. I shall shatter a frozen pea. Throwing frozen everywhere. The cold cameras see me all, Today. Devil food cake is dark, Angel food cake is light.. Devil food cake is dark light dark light dark light dlight. N*U*I*S*A*N*C*E chromasome seven two seven - DELETE (Y/N) :>_ phenyLketonuric xW2

Michael Lane

When they shot my dog.


That would be a horribly flattering view of myself...I am perhaps as likely to hurt myself with my ability to vote as they are to intentionally waste their time with me

Chemical Geezer

When a "friend" of mine dropped a television on my head.

john adams

The overthrow is approaching, this we know. And only a matter of time until the chicken headed will return to their respective chicken coupes.

An Unknown Agent

This morning.


Three days before I was conceived.


When they cut off my left hand and force fed it to my cat.


decide? isn't it common-knowledge?

Stu (optional) Neville

I don't think I've ever been considered. Or even have done. At least not until now.


when they hired me to follow myself CJ- don't say the name of the book don't say it, don't whisper it don't write it in the mail.

adrian noble

five minutes ago




When they asked me to move with all of my possessions to the far side of the moon.....

An Unknown Agent

about 1.5 yrs ago


when I realized that I was being followed in the grocery store

An Unknown Agent

when the fbi came around the first time

Trevor H. VB

about the time i turned thirteen. a man in a black suit told me that my tail was on fire

The Tolar of Turlington

who cares? what matters is that i did decide it.

raloT divaD

when i was 12


i never decided that; when did i say that?

david tolar

after i went through puberty

R. Mutt

When I was concieved

I am not David Tolar



when i went to kindergarten and my teachers kept telling me to 'keep going, never give up' in my ears, but then they put my name on the board and punished me.

shimon palmer

Well folks how can I tell you but I am them dirty Gov't agencies. Yup, this sure does hurt but it's the damn truth. Well, why do I consider you jerk-offs to be such a slobberin'nuisance? Quite simple! Cause your a lousy bunch of dirty assholes! Yeah you dumb fuck shit brains! Allways comin around here with s'more dirty laundery y'want me to sort out for your cheap ass! Well surprise surprise, shmucks, you can do it yerselves this time, cause I Outta here! Yup, you bettcha! I allready submitted my letter of resignation and police should soon be comin to get you for buggin me all these years.

The Golden Ship Was, Oh! Oh! Oh!

When they started paying local homeless people to harrass me and break into my vehicles.


when i realised they were pointedly ignoring me.

An Unknown Agent

the "Official Nuisance Certificate" arrived in the mail, smelling faintly of artificial flowers.

An Unknown Agent



The day I ran for office.



Derek Greene

When I realized the man wearing camouflage in my tree, staring at me through binoculars, the weird click sounds during my telephone conversations, and the infrared beams located strategically throughout my house were not my paranoid hallucinations.


After i did that one thing to piss them off!

An Unknown Agent

When I started using an alias.

Jerry Schwartz

When I realized that they all ignore me.

jason cotton

when iu was born


MAy 7, 1841

Anton Trebelmungen

After about the eleventh transfer to another department.


i'm not the threat,it's my evil invisable twin

An Unknown Agent

WHen they hung me for treason

An Unknown Agent


An Unknown Agent


Jenafer Herling

When i did a lot of drugs

Brett Edwards

Me, a threat? No, see, I've got clearance, since I work in the "Satellite Gov." bunker deep under Kyle field on the Texas A&M campus. Iwas even sent on a liason job to Area 51....oops, um, can I edit this later?

An Unknown Agent

Just the other day when i got this letter....

Dalliesque poster - Imposter

WHAT! I am a nuisance? of course! how come i never thought of this earlier! farewell cruel world!




i decided that the government decided that i was a nuisance when i decided that the government couldn't decide what i de cided when i said that they decided to consider me a nuisance. all this for the sake of art... god bless america.

Chile con Gato

When I was arrested for vandalism of a semantic phrase (city code 1313131: look it up, dover. None of the parents got arrested, just the guy who finked on them).

mark dolph(optional)

The day I was arrested for being drunk in denver, and pissed off at an asshole for inviting me in the first place.

vest boy

When I saw wag the dog I realized that I was not the only one I have come to just live with lie's!

Josh Clemants

They don't know yet


The moment they first employed me.



Marc Dunlop

I live next door to the Federal building here in town. Suits walk around the perimeter, they juxtapose my paranoia.

Ratmoler Hamstak

Sometime between 73 years into the future and that frozen, black bit of time embedded in the ancient ice of my undefrostable freezer.

Dale M Houstman

I wrote a threatening (if absurd) letter to President Nixon, and was visited by two smiling Secret Service agents, who secretly serviced me. I suppose they blew up the photos they took and spliced it on to a half dog/half parrot mutant. And thus was born Clinton... We all have to come from somewhere!

An Unknown Agent


dusty poo

it was red, i think morning, and there was coffee in my hair

(jamie vermillion)

january 10, 1846. president james k. polk sends me an anonymous letter threatening my canary.


At or shortly after birth.

Ratmoler Hamstak

It was not so much a decision as an itchy vapor.


they sent me a letter


The decision was made when I went to grab a number at the local deli line, only to find the number dispense had just emptied. Clearly this was the first step to persecution.


I've always known and they've always known that I could call their ducks in a second and blow their whole schism to slide -rule the round ball we all call home.

Evan Smith

No comment on the grounfs it may incriminate me


When I read [Harlan] Ellison and felt my kindred souls warning bell chime.

Anessa Kali

when i saw them as the same.

An Unknown Agent

they have nt


There was no decision. The knowledge simply arrived intact.

hUgo bAll

THEY sent you didnt they...

An Unknown Agent

The first breath i drew

An Unknown Agent


An Unknown Agent

The first breath i drew

An Unknown Agent

They have NO idea as to how dangerous I am

Shelwood Buchanan

When I began recieving cable for free


after John Wilkes Booth broke his leg. . .



An Unknown Agent

when the libaray wouldnt leave me alone about a copy of moby dick on tape that i never ever borrowed.

Fontana Fallopia

During my Q&A I asked for world peace and I looked hot accepting my crown. Backstage Ed McMahon was waiting, still...


It's not the goverment, benign and ineffectual. It's God.


When they started punishing me by taxing my income.

muno's teeth

soon after the experiment

An Unknown Agent

two days ago


age 3

small egg iriwi

their not, that all been taken care of.


when they questioned the neighbours.


Is this thing on?


considered a threat or a nuisance, me?

An Unknown Agent

This morning


I hadn't -- but you can bet I will from now on! Yikes!

john adams

When they began killing off anyone and everyone who considered questioning their motives.


When the Income Tax people sent me a third demand for interest on tax I already paid.

Lisa Busch

When the strange men in black suits showed up on my doorstep. They wanted to talk to Sam. I said no.

An Unknown Agent

At the age of 15.


US immigration/detroit/1963


When they started to interfere with my mail.


i dont acknoledge those kinds of bastards ... the shishi will protect me from their tyrany.

I respectfully refuse to answer on the grounds that my answer may tend to incriminate me.

After I wrote thousands of letter requesting that Ho Chi Minh's birthday be declared a national holiday. And that they make you make Art stop following me.

laurilaurilaurilauri, egocentric can't spell lauri

when I was born in a white room where I was born in a white room, it's only rain and Fatagama

Virgil Clemens

When I stepped on pregnant donkey & Watergate broke & the worst president was born.(Thankfully, THAT president died of leukemia & rat chips at the age of 16.67 days)


When I was labeled "gifted" by the school system and sent to a "special" school.

(agent orange optional)

when i had to remove do not cross signs from the souls of my keds. who butt are blinde needed such sines to reveal the emminant domain of three ton metal objects hurtling by at thirty miles per houri...

R. Norman

May 10, 1994

The Benevolent General Malarkey

When the hounds of hell confiscated my negative ion neutralizing transmogrification unit/ cheese grater.


When I was arrested during an acid trip in 1979.

B. C. Flooshartz

It was when I realized, that they are all them, and only I am me. They don't let me out to see the grass much any more.

Kenneth Alquist

When i received the weekly newletter "we the government feel that you are a nuisance or threat to us."

Jeff Richards


An Unknown Agent

When I started outsmarting my teachers.

Josher Q. Habbittforming

Ever since they saw me in the park.

doug jett-case sensitive

age 12




they do not consider me a threat, yet , but they do think i am annoying I understooded it when I was 14 years old ( simply)


When people started turning around to stare at me on the street. Never a good sign.


Fed. Tax Audit, 1995


Just now. What's for dinner? I am tired of hummingbird-tongue soup.


The men in white coats want to study me.

This is not optional



When they kicked in my door last year for an over due parking ticket.

flap Jack Charlie

thirty seconds after I ruled out the possibility that Clinton was really a hippy



William Van Nguyen


An Unknown Agent

The very first time I blew a rasberry at the very mention of Zeno's paradox.

An Unknown Agent

Look, I don't know who sent you but it's like I told the other fella, I'm not now nor have I ever been. Give us a kiss, Cowboy.


When I saw the nurse of the government hospital lifting me up and saying what an ugly baby I was.


there are government agencies?

Inca Atahuallpa

When my Person did his first Iq test.


When they came to my house, repelled into the bedroom window, and censored me.

Still Me

When I heard it from my mother.


When I was mauled by a falling piece of cheese that laughed onto my English teacher.

Karel Jasper, the 44th Lord Andross

at age 13.

An Unknown Agent


Albert Silverman

By Title 17 section 106 I conclude you are a law-breaker.

Old Skratch

"Soft-core" pornography. I don't see the point.


Me, a threat, hell no! But the Doctor's know it all.


When my english teacher tried to subvert me to doing proper scholarly work and I told her that she was wrong. Now she respects me because I fought her, and she is the vice-principal.


When I realized that religion was created by the government for the purposes of taking the masses minds off the government.

Jamie Reid

I wasn't entirely sure on the day that the unmarked police car followed me all the way around the traffic circle twice. But when the vice-squad arrested me for "causing a disturbance" by putting up an anti Vietnam war poster on a day so cold that the paste turned to ice on the metal post, I knew for sure something was wrong.

An Unknown Agent

When I was 15 and a Supreme court of Texas told where the cure for AIDS was at. In which she tried a case to insure its secrecy.


When i was five i buried my sister's toys because I didn't like her.

Jose Rivera

when they began to follow my every move especially in the bathroom


When I left the oven on for too long and mice started forming lines to the watery meatloaf.

KAZ, occasionally known as (optional) to my closest strangers.

when they started sending me nasty e-mails in my head. THE WEE PENCIL PUSHING GADGY BASTARDS!! I HATE EVERY THIRD ONE OF THEM!!!!

delroy thomas

in fifth grade i had to go to the psychologist's office, because my teacher had been snooping around in my desk and found my notebook filled with perverse profanities and caricatures of super mario with phailic representations

i can't tell enemy spies are watching

2 weeks ago...........

Not You or God

when they shot my poodle. oh wait, Mother did that. nevermind. i love the government.

mockingbird franklin

i'm committing thoughtcrimes as i type. when i started finding dirt and leaves on my floor after spending the day inside.. they're watching me from the skies.. ready to send me to room 101..

some strange girl

early may of '95.

An Unknown Agent

I can't say.

Standard Feature

Two years ago at two in the morning on a Kansas highway.




When I filed my first 1040-EZ.

I resent the implications that I would ever suspect our glorious leaders.....this is being recorded. Isn't it......and stand behind them 100%..........I mean it,,,,,,,,,,,did you say that this is recorded? And I am 100% for whomever is in the moment. And would never involve myself in anything unamerican (that can be proved) nor unhealthy...except for the life time achievement award from Joe Camel.


When a college spent $40,000 in legal fees to keep me from attending said institution.

Arthur "A" Blank

My mother never spoke well of me to the neighbors and they repeated it.

Ronald Donn

At birth

An Unknown Agent

when they deported me (the first time)

Laura Baldwin

My congressional representative told me so...

A Vial of Microbes Fighting Amonst Themselves

My first clue was when they put me in jail.

Charles Kazimer

When they built a missle silo in my backyard.


i can't remember...they took that with them on their little visit to my brain

Rev. Stygmata

I can't recall after the mind wipe.

Ithica Apa Mach-lean Selfcontradiction

When I started considering them one.

Tiago Borges da Silva

When they said at school that they don't believe I can talk about a concept!


It was actually at the hospital the day after birth.

Timothy Daniel Constantine Tolle

When I found out that my grandparents worked with the Communist Party in the 1940's. The Los Angeles Police Department summarily executed without just reason or probably cause my great uncle, in the back of the head, in a bar, in Los Angeles.

Alan Haley

As soon as the mothership lifted off.

NoMaD the Lost

I didn't...I'm completely really...honest!!!

An Unknown Agent

hospital ... the tattoos ... I don't like kittens I also resent this page ... I need elaboration on parts above ... bastards

Baron Saturday

Can't say, but when those cops came looking for my fetus, that was kinda weird.

A Humble Heather

When being an ex-pat no longer meant staying in the same hotel suite that Michael Jackon once stayed in.

An Unknown Agent

When I started working in one.

Charlie Melvin

when i was born

Aliss de Cent

What are you talking about? I don't know anything.

wendy kroy

i'm still deciding

can I do that? isn't my what's in a name?name in me?

When the Secret Service asked the FBI to compile a file on me. No lie.

An Unknown Agent

the day i was born

An Unknown Agent

upon purchasing art as investment


When my contacts in Peru and Germany called to inform me that someone had been asking questions about me (I was 14 at the time).


When they asked me to go home.

I should be doing the dishes right now

When McDonald's raised the price of the two cheeseburger meal.


When the men in black siuts and Ray Bans knocked on my door and said, "We consider you either a threat or a nusance, good day."

An Unknown Agent

Disclosure not satisfactory due to current market.

An Unknown Agent

I was born into it

An Unknown Agent

when i last stole a body to live in.

David Magdziarz

When I found myself smiling at the cat as if it were not God, but at least a pretty good likeness of J. Edgar Hoover.


when they killed Socrates.

ramona w. sparrow (sometimes...)

besides birth?...


In elementry school


When did they replace the soft paper sticks of Q-tips (tm) with plastic ones?

An Unknown Agent

About a year ago...


who are you, that i may know you?


When I started listening to Flavor Flav. I mean really *listening*.

Heather Reddy

after i spent a summer leafletting for the socialist party (for entertainment; not out of any great ideological convictions..)

John la Fournier

If one examines dialectic nationalism, one is faced with a choice: either accept capitalism or conclude that context comes from the masses, but only if truth is interchangeable with reality. The subject is interpolated into a cultural paradigm of expression that includes art as a whole. However, Habermas suggests the use of dialectic nationalism to read and analyse class. Saussure uses the term 'cultural capitalism' to denote the role of the reader as artist.

William Lee

when i talk on the phone for long periods of time, i hear a clicking noise ON MY END.

Ian McDonald

As soon as I was hired.


When I understood what the Police consist of: years ago.


the day i was born


middle school.

Marvin is not my name

When they ought to buy a piece of my soul when I wasn't paying them itand when I lost my attention to this question.

An Unknown Agent


Joshua McFadden

When they wouldn't return me home until I was processed in triplicate.

An Unknown Agent

Just now.

An Unknown Agent

When they told me to sit down and quit being a female dog (last phrase their words!).

(joan gosselin

When I found curar in the glue on the return envelop for my income tax report.


This guy insisted i put it back where i found it. That's when I left the brothel in a fury.

James M.

When I first looked into her eyes...


They wrote a letter to me reading... "Dear unsmooth, You are an asshole. we hate you, and know of your secret plan to eat the earth in an attempt to establish unilateral numerical disarmament Your actions are being monitored, even in a 70,000 strong crowd at the concert you were at two days ago we were watching you with the secret cameras installed in The Edge's head. Please be aware that if you pose enough of a threat, further action will be taken, eat my shorts. Admission is at the ticketholders' own risk E.J. Holden Observation Facility Royal Mounties

Skeezer Meany

A lady at the DMV called me a nuisance, and a teacher at a local school threatened to have me thrown out of her kindergarten class.


when i pushed through my mom's loins and got a smack on the ass.




firt july, 74. Bastards, I'll show em.

simple servant of the vast countenance



They sent me to the supermarket to buy some corn on the cob, I never eat corn but I did just this once. Now the cob is controlling my mind. Don't eat the corn!


When I was in sixth grade I refused to pledge to the flag and Mrs. Cecil, this jowly old all-American McCarthyite made leave the room when the pledge came on each morning and made me read this book called A Man Without A Country about a man who defected and lost citizenship and weeped because he missed America so much and was exiled. Can't people think for themselves ? Who the hell are these people to make kids pledge to political ideals of which they can't even conceive. And they call me unAmerican?

eugene keam

sixth grade


When the FBI took lots of pictures of me.


What! ummmm, drugs man????


when i was born and they tried to put me back


i could tell you......but then i'd have to kill you

An Unknown Agent

as diapers dawned on my spider clicks

An Unknown Agent

Hearing my thoughts out of the mouths of babes hurts me when my mind is full of crap not fair to them. and the feeling of pshcic vampires have stolen my mind


When I first started working for one. Keep your friends close but your enemies closer.


When I robbed their bird-feeders

Citizen Khan

When the baby Jesus told me to vote for Lyndon LaRouche. They got mad when I stayed home and watched porno movies instead

Karl Marx

When my writings were banned by the Prussian government in 1843.


Barbara Walters gave me a knowing wink during a "48 Hours" segment on the Ruby Ridge seige in Idaho.


When I blew up that truck

Chled Chledychledchledchledchledchledchledchledchledchled

I dont know of any government agencies or institutions that consider me a threat; not being formally connected with any of these groups as such, it would be out of my scope to know what they think of me.


I think it was that court martial.


time is irrelevant in my cafe

Mary "Lucky" Fortuna

when i was fired from my job as a cook at the girl scout camp for my habit of rousing the nymphets in the middle of the night for skinny dipping and snipe hunts. belief was reaffirmed when the black cars started following me home from the next job, wherein i dressed in a reindeer suit and waved at passing traffic to draw customers to Moose & Da Sharks T-Shirt shop; actually, it started with the stories my mom used to tell us about the little girl and her baby brother who one day accepted a ride in a strange car with dark windows, the driver never spoke a word, they just drove and drove and drove and never arrived anywhere; i would wake up shaking in the night from that one...

An Unknown Agent

soon after the first glimbse of light forged its way through the happy glow of youthful play.

Jeremiah Seabird

The minute you suggested it might be a consideration.


Right after they killed me that first time. But I wasn't really sure until they turned me into a tomato.


when they signed the release of public records a few years ago.

honeyed silence

when i ate my first meal in the ward and realized i was miserable.


they do? oh, great, more bother.

Dave Earp(optional)

When I was in the Army in 1969 and I began organizing week- end trips to DC to protest the war.

Andrew, son of my dad.

when I saw Billy Clinton eating a potatoe, and I called him, and he said he eats potatoes alot. An obvious sign that he knew that I knew, and I couldn't let him know that I knew that he knew, so I shouted FOUNTAIN PEN! and hung up the phone.


When I was arrested for treason.

Chris Dunn

Government agencies are the least of my worries.

Mahatma H Nobel-Faraday II

Shortly before I recieved a nasty letter outlining the reasons why I am considered a threat and a nuisance (oh yes, I am considered as both by numerous countries. Peru especially), and shortly after I filled Times Square with rotting household vegetables, old trees, tired housewives, drunken judges, and freemasons on galloping tortoises. Governments do NOT take kindly to old trees.

Kirk McKinlay



Just this moment

jon Love

Fear and Loathing In Los Vegas

Peggy Sue

When I bit off Pres. Clintons (very) little Jimmy.


creation of non smoking areas

Yvan Greenberg

When I was born.


I threaten no one but myself. I am a 30 year old woman, who modelled her way through college, who is full of cerebral drivel, about Spirit rapes and Aphrodite's vagina. Anyone threatened by me is either my former agent or a current editor.

M.C. Fine

When they hired me.


When the schools started serving out punishment on a silver spoon that was actually abestos coted lime stone or what have you or I have not a clue X-files helped also

jon Love

when I counterfieted those 1 dollar obligations


when the questions and answers to this survey started changing "mysteriously" as i was perusing them.


various whores looking for Mr. Long Shlong.

Daniel Nooter

Boxing Day (Canada).

Raheem al-Maqtul Bey

Oh no, they consider me an asset, because after I was expelled from my Intel assignment, they protectively kept a very close watch over me, even going so far as to help me decide which mail i was going to get, and which phone calls. All of my freinds are from the intel community, & I can't seem to make any other kinds of freinds. They just disappear.

An Unknown Agent

when I read the book of the subgenius while on PCP

An Unknown Agent

When they took the seats out of the city council room when I showed up.

Walter Johnson (optional)

When I had sued The Ohio State Univ.; and beat them at their own game.

Bryan Hunter

When my tax returns started getting smaller, and everyone else became sedate and happy.


When I found myself being more polite to Mr. Police Officer, sir, than I ever was to any of my parents. Automatically, without questioning why. That really freaked me out, that even I was that conditioned to subjugate myself to authority. (shiver)


i can not tell...

Paradoxos Alpha

When my mail to a Discordian cabal in Iowa was returned, ureceived by the addressee, but opened and mutilated by the post office.


when my school started sending home letters stateing I am" not living up to my potential

shaine alaine

i see a leading question

An Unknown Agent

A few years ago, they started calling me and then hanging up the phone. I discontinued my service and immediately my rent went up and the open pet policy in my building changed. I was fired from my job, and the only place I could afford was a rooming house with phone provided. The calls started immediately and continued untill I bought a caller I.D. System. I

Mike Flannery

when i first watched goonies

An Unknown Agent

When they put me on hold.


when I got caught doing something I don't think I'll say here....who told you to ask that? =)

An Unknown Agent


An Unknown Agent

when the apple turned black

a soluable fish

When they told me I couldn't burn a peice of colored cloth because it was a symbol


When I saw the FBI filming me.

(The)Dewar Walls

When a priest told a lie.

Peter Denton

Never a threat, although the nuisance factor did surface at times most unlikely...

Pseudoannie & pseudojohn

pseudojohn replies, "1960s;" pseuodannie replies, "1970s."


After I heard the pop behind me and discovered, latewise, it was my mother's wishing well giving up the last gulp of medicine for childrearing techniques born in coats and stiff.

An Unknown Agent

people Park, berkeley california 1969


i GLUED my great grandmother to the toilet and ever since then I have been receiving phonecalls from sirens.


when i went to school for the first time

March 12, 1943 8:56 and 47 1/2 seconds

your name

it was decided for me.

An Unknown Agent

whaen I began workinhg for one

imeing froomersmelt

When I raised my right hand and swore to defend the Constitution.


When I decided they all fuck off.


When I realized that everything in this world is just a bunch of bull to be disregarded and shoved to the side.

eL gremliN

When them jackbooted Guvment thugses busted down me DOOR, raided in on my house, with they guns and they grenades, tanks bombs battons sleeping gas. They putted me up in the HANDCUFFS, ya know?


When they began their considerations.


when they gave me money so i could write music.

Soodow Nymn

This does not compute


Watch "Un Chien Andalou". It explicitly tells of how and why

mark hawkins

When I lost my Social Security card to a group of G-men

the adhesive fairy

i cant remember





An Unknown Agent

when they told me that I would never realize my dream of bieng a sanitation engineermy


When the FBI planted a surveillence camera in the sprout of my bathtub faucet.

Dik Tibbetts

when thay sent the man dressed as my mommy to come and tell me that they were not out to get me he was not my mommy I killed him dead then, just because I killed the fake mommy, they put me in a home

jim clancy

when the board of education changed my grades in order to keep me out over power


They are trying to expell me because i do not believe in slaughtering goats

josh morgan

I am.

David Boyle

When I crossed the line between having the right to individuality and truly appreciating it.


The moment I typed this. Wait! There it goes again

Zardoz the ever-living

When I found a wasp in my underpants drawer.

Jinx EST, Nov. 21, 1998


So far too small and broke to even appear on the radar screen


When they shot me

An Unknown Agent

when they tried to kill me

An Unknown Agent

when they started to look like an option


Last week.

An Unknown Agent


Surrounded by Idiots

Just now.

An Unknown Agent

When I discovered that everybody has a price.


Back in the summer of '93, that's when I first started writing things that can get a person in trouble. Now I write everything in code.


when i began stealing their cigars and selling them to their real estate properties






When the phone calls began And the anonymous letters And the secret, hidden sounds of narrowed eyes

The Chimp

when the van came and parked across the street for two months

Claude Balls

The blood! the blood! it makes my ganglia twitch


When banks began fingerprinting me everytime I try to cash a check. They're definitely on to me, man!

An Unknown Agent

when they mysteriously confiscated that cheese sandwich last thursday.


I hear clicking noises when I work on my computer Obviously they are tapping my modem line.


when I was walking down the street in '71 (17 yrs old) and a cop stopped me and looked for needle tracks on my arm. I had long hair and was skinny, but I didn't shoot up,at least not yet

Deft Touch

They are beyond threats

Tia Lagargye

I never said that sweetie


when they tried to kill me

Wes Fleming

That's a good question.


when i was concieved in the womb.

Not Galadriel.

The moment we became aware of their existence. The feeling is mutual.

An Unknown Agent

when the institution rejected me

maria oblongata

immediately prior to consiousness

Jenny Bryan

when i got into my first car accident

The Grand High Penguin


Flynne Bondolini

when they told me so


After working about six months as a government contractor.

Lyle Nisenholz

When I realized I only had three days to drink my half gallon of milk before the date expired

When I assasinated the president. That kind of pissed them off.

An Unknown Agent

the moment i started working for them

Les Ismore

2 days prior to being born

An Unknown Agent

I'll have to think about that...

An Unknown Agent

when I became aware of their own paranoia.


when police officers began asking me about crimes i have no knowledge of.


when they kept laying me off!!!!

sarah r.

After the surgery.

Rev. Father POPE SiGRiD Fenderson V, KSC etc.

This survey has been usurped by the People's Liberation Front of Algiers. You will no longer address any enquiries to the dog SiGRiD Fenderson. You will contact ONLY US.

I'm a liar

I knewed it once now i'm so mad I can't think mean too and vile and pernicious plotting scheming and out of character oh I'm am so evil they don't know it yet

An Unknown Agent

They do?

Poisoned Ooze Toad

When the postmaster in my village said in hushed tones "did you get the job?" with the government. When my banking career was cut as short as NEA funding.

James V. Cervantes

Upon consideration of my first decision.

An Unknown Agent

They tried to tag me at birth.


When we were forced to stand in alphabetical order in kindergarten... made it easier for them to find me. But I was smart, I ALWAYS stood out of place. That's why it's taken them so long to get me.

Tim Drage

As often as twice daily.

jon Love

when I found a US Government ball-point-pen lying next to this machine I'm using now!

Eric Domazlicky

When I found that someone had stolen my entire sock drawer.

josh morgan

When the army recruiter continually called my house, I told him I was a bisextual atheist anarchist. They are constantly trying to find out more about me by tricking me into filling out detailed surveys.

la reine

When did I have my first conscious thought?

karen anne

somtime well after the fall of the roman empire, but significantly prior to my birth.




When I started working for one.

An Unknown Agent

yesterday @ 11:32

Barnacle Bob

Right after that phone call in Atlanta.

Matthew Friday

when i found out that i needed to apply for the draft to get financial aid

E. Rubin-Vega

When "Singing in the rain" was slipped surreptitiously as the soundtrack for the remake of "Apocalypse Now", I became convinced that eavesdropping devices were placed under my pillow, thus, stealing my dreams and making them sadly popular song themes to thoughtless commercial movies.


I never decided anything. Did I tell you I made any decisions, here?




When first they realised how much of a threat to their devious purposes my very perspecacity was, and how much of a nuisance my investigations into their nefarious activities could be.

peter ekman

first moment

Glen Gallier

When they MADE me get and use an SSN!

An Unknown Agent

See above - I am not a threat, rather the perfect aging yuppie lab rat.

jon Love

the Pope hates me now for sure


when we got that Christmas card from the Clintons

Big Chikeee(optional)

When George Bush and Brian Mulroney spanked me with my pants pulled down while they screamed "whoah doggie there's a mother load a commin!"

An Unknown Agent

This guy in a suit and dark sunglasses came to my house and said "I'm with the government, and we consider you a threat and a nuisance"


Whee! I have not been discovered yet!


When I had my first real law suit. I won the case and the criminal got to keep the money. The concept of defending the innocence is a bazarre idea to the justice department.

Dave HowardI am he who has become myself

tommorrow at 5:00 AM

leighton zenon taylor

the only people who find me threatening is small children and dogs. or maybe they just like yelling at me. as for institutions, i am the anti-christ. as for governments, yours should be an option. and the cocain import agency.

An Unknown Agent

when i was born to them as a number, not an individual

An Unknown Agent

when they took away my gun rights


It wasn't a matter of "deciding"!! You're chosen early on by the Others, and the Government and other institutions have been on the trail of the others from the start. So when you're contacted by an Enlightener they warn you it will happen.

Leslie Kleinberg

I don't think they do. (Too bad?)


They don't have sufficient IQ to figure that out. I've always known I am, but the key to being a succcessful threat or nuisance is discretion.




Shortly after birth.

Your Name Here

right before the world ended.




After the Rosenburg trial

Albert A. Clay

When the library seemed to fine me a lot more than it did anyone else in my family. They made my books disappear and then made me pay for them...

An Unknown Agent

when, at 13, i was asked to leave a public shool for slapping a teacher - who called me a bitch in fromt of 30 classmates.


When first arrested.


When my seventh-birthday package had been badly re-wrapped by clumsy agents.

The Mugician

30 years before I was born


Soon after I kept seeing someone in the bushes.

Rev. Father POPE SiGRiD Fenderson V, KSC

Probably the first time I had been arrested, thrown in Castro's jail, released as a double-agent, decapitated, burned, and had my ashes spread over the jungles of Venezuela.

Jesse "Jigs" Walker

I was 19. They were VERY LARGE. One of them was the Pope; one was Al Gore; one has since gone on to fame and fortune as "Niles" (NOT his real name!) on "Frasier." They dragged me into an underground steam tunnel, put a bucket over my head, beat me senseless, and demanded I STOP sending them vigilant letters. BUT I DIDN'T. THE MAN CAN'T BUST OUR MUSIC! PASS IT ON!


whats a government? something to eat?

An Unknown Agent

8 yearq old, lost in skiing in mountain, send by parents in those mountains

jeli ian neck(optional)

when i wuz a foetus

Ralph McGinnis

That time in New Orleans At that poetry reading

Axaxaxax Mlo

I am not at liberty to release that information on an unsecured channel.

Redcap (avec Wit)

'Nam it was ruff, man rough

jeff the lynks

i'm workin' for

Reece R. Dano

I received a notice my last electorial ballot didn't count because I didn't exist in my county's files.

An Unknown Agent


rachel I kerley

In kindergarten, "This will go on your permanent record, you don't want that do you?"

Francis Heaney

You'll have to check the court records.

Lord Chrisna

When I started tying string across roads in parks and sprayong pentagrams on walls in shaving foam. -Age 10

Daniel Postellon optional)



When I found taps in every major body cavity.


when i told them what it was about while grasping my tit in one hand and a severed head in the other

An Unknown Agent

I am that government agency...the first time must have been when I woke to find my hand clutching some amorphous growth in my shorts...after administering a severe beating to the rude intruder, I realized that it must have been a trap, luring me away from the site of spontaneous urination which was obviously the primary target.

Xerxes Alexandrovitch

The Friday night when the ATM ate my card and laughed.


see above

The fool

When I was born. Being different is difficult for normal to accept. It ruins well thought out power cycles. I have a tendency to ruin anything planned or thought out. I just don't know when to quit knowing.

An Unknown Agent

In my mid-twenties. It's a tragedy, really.

Josh Ronsen

Um, that would be the day when I got a letter in the mail that said "Josh, we consider you to be a nuisance. Happy Holidays, The Government."


I have known this fact all my life.

Derrida on crack

as soon as they tried to hire me

An Unknown Agent

When I joined the foreign legion


When they came to my house and shot my dog.


When I started working†üÝr the cia.


I'm sorry, that information is confidential.


When they threw me in jail and took all my money.

Onan Isticfingerdipper

I knew that they considered me a nuisance when I tried to start my own personal mint! So, now I struggle very hard to NOT be labled as a "Politically Undesirable!" It ain't easy...'cause I tell everybody that clothes are a conspiracy and you can't get back in the garden if you are ashamed of your lovely, beautiful body which is the highest expression of the Spiritual the Universe has ever manifested. Appreciation of sensual pleasures is the very essence of Spirituality. The Pope has snt out the Boys to get me but I've evaded them now for many years. I know what that Apian Way stems from: Egypt and the Bull! Ha! Apiculture is one of my many hobbies....astrophysics and Quantum Theory and Zoololgy and uh...duh...worms! Worms are good!!!! So are spiders and snakes and duckbilled platypussies! I like Platypusses!!!! They solved the problem! "Which came first, the Platypus or the egg?" Ha! The hand reaches out of the Cracked Cosmic Egg with a "creative spirit" and draws and paints the very Idea of the existence of anything! Poor homo sapiens beating his brains out at the epitemological barrier, never knowing that the event horizon of knowledge locks us into a Universe which will always be Mysterious. The Implicate Order will never be comprehended by any of us. God is NOT infinite. What defines God!? No infinite Being could be comprehensible to himself! Now Eternal...that's another matter altogether.....ooops You are sending subliminal telepathic post hypnotic suggestions to me over these wires and they are striking my retina and flowing into the nucleus of my atoms! Let go!!!!

anne kaider

When they sent my income tax refund to my ex-husband.


Never presumed the government gave a shit about me. But I could be wrong

Apple Woman

at birth

An Unknown Agent

The first time i walked into a DMV.


I had to return my US citizenship


Yesterday, when I received the notice in the mail.

Rod Christopherson

When my friend was booted out of boot camp for POT.


Near puberty.

An Unknown Agent

the jury is still out.

Suran Song

When I found out my father was imprisioned durring the McCarthy Era.


When I went to college.

John Thomas

After I discovered a secret government conspiracy I can not talk about.

An Unknown Agent

When I was arrested for stealing a Kentucky Colonel cardboard statue in college.

Carolyn Chick

hey- you ruined my birthday surprise

An Unknown Agent

When I assisted in burinig a U.N. flag at the Capital building in Austin, TX for the 4th of July.

Alan Scott

Rephrase the question: when did I decide that I considered certain agencies and institutions threats and/or nuisances? The day a nonexistent person with a bizarre permutation of my name, at my address, received armed forces recruit- ment brochures.


The day i discovered i am trully unimportant in macrocosmic reality.

An Unknown Agent

on the eve of the third aspect of could smell the jalopies they rode in on a mile away, hooting and panting somewhere between delirium and patriotism.


when the aliens landed in my back yard, kidnapped me, and then told me that newt is really darth vader

just call me RB

Uncertain. Somewhere between the arrival of the third letter from the IRS, and the fifteenth AOL disk.




They first found me a threat when I suggested that maybe it was time my generation took over running the country with me and several friends in charge


When the ybegan reading my mail, tapping my phone, and sending assassins after me. I got suspicious then that something was wrong.

andy k.

that was two years ago when the cops asked why i stole these handcuffs.

Nate Gerheim

When I was assualted ny a teacher and the school did not apprehend him whatsoever.

gertrude stein

when i was banned from preschool

Tony Daniel...

When I started making various monuments and gov't buildings out of mashed potatoes...

Leo A. Toznet

I didn't. They don't. I do, however, consider THEM to be. [Note: "threat" and "nuisance" are crypto-synonyms.]



An Unknown Agent

Joe McCarthy lives in my pants

An Unknown Agent

next week friday

Orlene Baird

When welfair got smaller and I had to nourish myself on the corpses of rats.


The first time I had my public library priveleges suspended (age 11).

del soba


An Unknown Agent

When they tortured me with a wet buffalo. I have dain bramage.

Jim McClure

I recently submitted a portrait of James Hetfield to our school art show and was rejected because they felt the picture was to Satanic. I then relized whose ball the court was in.

An Unknown Agent

When I refused to run to first base

Thomas Cox


(onothing or ducktape or nightshade or rainbow brite or sunflower

when i was forced to leave my house wearing a disguise because if i didn't i would be removed from my dorm to another "appropriate facility"


when the cia stole my birthday.

Walker, Lord of the Mole People

when I finally went to a REAL doctor


the time I got my toe stuck in the running board of the old car

Heath Ivan Hewett

Right On. . .

An Unknown Agent

How did you know I've decided? No comment.

Tera Corazone

At birth

An Unknown Agent

When I opened the first link in the rear end of of my tenure


The microphones. In the muffins. Disguised as poppyseeds. Always make sure you crush every seed between your teeth.

An Unknown Agent

When my FBI file Collaps-ed Under iTs own Gravitational feild... I don't think I have a file - Lady Raven

Bryan Price


Dee Hart

in 1985

Brian Barrett

When the MIB's came to my front door posing as Mormans. Everyone knows that the Mormans are a front for the hostile takeover of the world by a Lizard Species that evolved from dinosaurs and created the technology for intersteller flight 500 million years before man existed. Where do YOU think the dinosaurs went?

jen weintraub

When I was strip-searched for drugs on a night bus from Amsterdam-Paris at the French border. I was the tender age of 17 and knew enough French to understand that French policewomen can be nasty

a whisper breathed by the breath of death

Suddenly, I heard Alice scream at the top of her balconies- racing to the ledge a cuckolded her flazamatats in a desperate effort to say her from fingernails- This, unforntunately, just convinced the butler and maid to remove thier aprons and toss kitchen sinks in the hedges- He gargled her drainage system while she called out "WAR AND FAMINE AND HIGHER EDUCUATION" with the sound triccelwompz sounding against a yellow bell- I looked at Alice struggling in the desperate vines of Yore- she looked at me, filled with ennui- There was only one thing I could do...

Mike L.

When I bombed the capitol and they tried to murder me.

An Unknown Agent

I am filling in this block in protest of your remark below that elaboration on the matter of mass humanity's dangerous ignorance of nameless faceless and antagonstic entities is unnecessary. althoughimyselfwouldneverofferelborationonthissubjectbecause theywouldfindoutandbeveryveryangrywithme

Bob Brault (bro)

When I got ahold of my file from the bureau after anti-war protests during the Viet-nam era.

Chris Lott v1.0

After I found men in black waiting in my closet with guns when I got home.

Karl Schmidt

When I heard that the government keeps tabs on those children who test in upper IQ ranges. I'm not sure if it's true, but it makes ya think.



An Unknown Agent

when they killed my mom and left a note on her body that said,"we consider you a threat and a nuisance."


When I learnt all the MEn In BLacks first names...


when the fbi stopped my when i 7 years old.

Rick Hansen

When I started filling out this survey.

An Unknown Agent

Just now.




Watch Andre Tarkavskies film "Andrea Rubeluv" the mid-evil icon painters had there eyes poked out by the princes men who they had just finished painting his castle , the prince did not want his brother to use the icon painters as well for his castle


When I was arrested for trying to sleep at the mayor's house.


When they started listening.

K. Cranford

When I started working for one of them.


They haven't found me or identified me yet and they never will


At the age of 16 when they visited my neighbors, after we moved to a new appartment and they asked the neighbors what do they know about me. So right from the first day I lived there the neighbors were afraid of me.


When they marked me with a number in an identity card.


My 8th grade couselor sent me as an outpatient to the Texas Research Institute for the Mental Sciences because my test scores were high and my grades were low. The nice lady said my family was too close.


When the FBI crashed my sister's shit!

An Unknown Agent

When those dudes wearing dark suits and sunglasses kicked my ass

Steve Shimada

when i came to the realization that everything i'm experiencing is being recorded. i was pissed when i first saw DeadAt21 because it cheapens my fear to the MTv level.


After I stole some Top Secret Codes for my own, selfish personal use. Actually, I hired James Bond to steal them for me. Looked him up in a the Yellow Pages.

Wolf (David Crossman)

When I came to the realization that the average IQ of a polititian was roughly 75, and that of their advisors was 130.

An Unknown Agent

Lask week.


I'll take the 5th...

Carolyn Hendra

When the FBI agents moved in. They don't take showers, like my cheese, or offer fair and reasonable offerings to my teddy bear. By the way, you can cash this computer in for a ten percent senior discount at K-Mart, blue light special in isle three. I'll Get You muy pretty, and your little dog, too. And then we will eat you two times, and feed you to the FBI agents, they ate all my damn cheese.

Bryan Donnell

Whenmy fingerprints got zapped on Kroger's UPC scanner and rang up 2 for a the price of ones'mo

Keith Dorwick

coming out

Gillian 'Mad Skirt' Jaysmith

I haven't decided that they consider me a threat. But I'm sure if they did I wouldn't get a chance to wake up to it. A nice feather pillow placed on my face every night is my teasing way of encouraging them to think that (a) this bimbo might know something and (b) I'm gagging for a wet job. NB please clean your mind up, I don't need the government for sex.

An Unknown Agent

When I stopped paying my student loan back.

Mark Thomas

when they came to my door in september, 1989.


upon waking but decided it was too time consuming to waste time on time on time

Dan Lyke

When that white van with all of the antennas started showing up everywhere I went.

An Unknown Agent

The day I was born.
Go to:
Functionless Form
Hummingbird:  A Pseudo-Periodical