Love and Hate

On Tuesday, March 2, 2004, The Ann Arbor News published my letter defending gay marriage:

Denying others fails to assist marriage

Can someone please tell me how a “Defense of Marriage Act” is supposed to defend my marriage? Defend it from what? I am a happily married woman. I have been married to my husband since 1990. My marriage does not need defending, thank you very much. Just how is denying gay and lesbian couples the right to lead a normal life, free from harassment, doing me a favor? Is that supposed to strengthen my marriage? I honestly cannot see how.

If two people are in love and have made a life-long commitment to one another, that is a good thing. If they have decided they want to be married, they should be married and society should wish them well.

Society benefits from stable relationships. I applaud the courage of San Francisco mayor Gavin Newsom, who had the city’s marriage licenses changed to be gender-neutral. I hope more politicians will follow his lead.

Conservatives who tout family values should want more couples to get married, not fewer. If a gay or lesbian couple wants to get married, what reason is there for anyone to disapprove, other than mean-spirited, small-minded hatefulness?

Riin Gill, Ann Arbor

 

Two days later I received this letter in the mail:

Wow, it’s like someone was trying to reinforce my stereotype of homophobes as semiliterate yahoos. He says it’s not hatefulness? He’s so full of hate, he’s seething. He’s so full of anger, he’s sputtering incoherently. And he’s so full of anger, he sends rage-filled letters to anyone who writes a letter to the editor he disagrees with. He sent a letter to my husband a few months ago, and that one actually contained thinly veiled threats of physical violence. Interestingly, he put his name and return address on the envelope he sent me; the envelope my husband received was anonymous. The letters are clearly from the same person though (“man & women?” He’s dreaming of a harem apparently). I guess he felt safe revealing his identity with me, having only addressed me as “lady.” After calling my husband a “faggott” (sic) several times and implying that he might break his teeth, and apparently delivering the letter by hand (no postmark and the stamp was taped on, the message being “I know where you live”), I suppose he felt he needed to remain anonymous.

Now, can someone explain to me why people who merely want to get married are considered a threat to society?