Auction Session
Session 1
Session 2
Session 3
Session 4
Session 5
Session 6
Session 7
Session 8
Session 9
Session 10
Session 11
Session 12
Session 13
Session 14
Session 15
Session 16
Session 17
Session 18
Session 19
Session 20
Session 21
Session 22
Session 23
Session 24
Session 25
Session 26
Session 27
Session 28
Session 29
Session 30
Session 31
Session 32
Session 33
Session 34
Session 36
Session 37



"Pah-thet-ic." -- Dwinn, surveying the web-page for the first time

Auction Session

"If there are an infinite number of shadows, how do you count them?" -Joe
"Joe, if there's an infinite number of shadows, there's an infinite number of numbers!" -Jason

"Pagers use microwaves?" -Mer
"You never feel warmer when you get paged?" -Joe

"Hakthla loogey." -Dwinn

"So who is this?" -Stark
"Cecily." - Jasper
"Hi, Cecily. Are you awake? No, you're dead." - Stark/Jill

"It's not like that I came out to the desert with a huge stash of drugs - I'm living off the land here!" -Jason, re: Fletcher's mescaline habit

"I've been in the desert on a drug with no name..." - Joe

"She has a dry accent." -Mer
"It's a dry place." -Joe

"That was so good I have to commend you even though I got slammed." Joe to Jason

"When someone asks if you're the game master, say yes!" -Mer

"I feel enlightened." -Jason, heavy on sarcasm.
"You should be smacked." -Mer
"That is the path to enlightenment." -Joe

"I grew up in 'insert village'." - Dwinn

"You get the notion she's starved for intelligent conversation." -Mer
"Well, then, barring any calamity, I will try and provide it." -Dwinn

"She begins the long, halting story of your conception." - Mer

"And he introduced himself as... crap!" Mer, forgetting the name of an NPC
"How did he get any with a name like that?!" -Dwinn

"Somewhere out in shadow is a man wearing a tube top made of grass."-Joe
"Now we're epic." -Dwinn

"We had soap? That city rocked!" -Jason
"It was harsh and full of lye." -Mer
"Just like me." -Jason

Session 1

Everyone talks animatedly in a variety of conversations
Sudden silence descends
"Did Jill just say 'orgasm'?" -Mer

"She pauses, lowering the basket she's carrying... you do have baskets, right?" -Mer

"Why is the world flat?" -Joe
"'Cause someone stepped on it." -Jason

"Do you have a means of crossing the ocean?" -Joe
"They're called boats." -Mer and Jill

"Mentos - the bastard maker." -Jason

"It's hard to get mushy when you have lice." -Mer

"I put Camille down my shirt." -Stark discussing her chameleonic mini-dragon
"It blends perfectly with your breasts." -Mer

"She hangs up and starts pacing." -Jill
"In the phone booth?" -Mer

"Look, would you rather be dead or have sex?" -Harrison

"She looks helpless, confused... like she wants a chocolate cat." -Mer

"I thought you won the endurance auction?" -Jason
"Nope." -Julie
"You should have. You'll need it." -Jason

"If you see a bunch of yaks eating dirt, and locals being oppressed by Communists, you're in Tibet." -Joe

"It's a woman, wearing a green silk dress, which does not have pointy ears." -Mer

"You do understand that part of my making a living is using my mouth on a daily basis?" -Griffin

Session 2

"He tries to hold his stomach through all this." -Joe
"What's going to happen to your stomach if you don't hold it?" -Mer

"Do you have pants?" -Mer to Joe

"So, it looks like he has pants, with something hanging down in front." - Joe

"I'm here to eat burritos and kick ass!" -Dwinn, portraying Blaise
"And I'm all out of burritos!" -Jason

"As much as I wouldn't have expected it, your vocabulary is more advanced than mine." -Griffin to Shen

Session 3

"What's in the Playmate?" - Dwinn
"Beverage." -Jason

"It was obviously player to GM, because I didn't have a stupid accent." -Jason

"She is standing there in a nightgown - her hair is wet, ansd she's bleeding all over." -Jill
"It's kind of sexy..." -Mer
"In a snuff film kind of way." -Julie

"By then the demon was gone and she was just locked in the bathroom... That's happened to all of us." -Joe

"In fact, there's been a suspicious suspension of--" -Mer
"Disbelief." -Dwinn

"I b'lieve that if I walk up to the Beholder and say 'Into the teddy bear,' he's a-gonna be skeptical." -Fletcher

"It's hard to freeze stuff in nature." -Jason
"Except in winter..." -Mer

"You're more primate than I am." -Joe
"I'm just prime ass." -Jason
"I am not writing that down." -Julie
"But it's your duty! Your sacreligious duty!" -Mer

"If you've got a gun, how much trouble can you have finding something to eat?" -Fletcher

"Look. I've been trying not to ask this, but we're not supposed to be here, are we?" -Shen, after Grayson comes in with a crossbow bolt through his shoulder.

"The man's gone missing. We're trying to make sure he's not lost." -Grayson

"He looks like some sort of soothsayer. Do these mean anything?" -Griffin, showing Grayson the trumps he found
"They're just cards... look, that's one of him." -Grayson
"How vain." -Griffin

Session 4

"And, you have to chew them really well or they climb back out." -Joe

"I want to be a demon when I grow up." -Jason

"Is this conversation happening in character?" -Joe
"Yes, but not quite this badly." -Mer

"They're asking for white males." -Mer
"Which everyone knows you are." -Jill
"I'm a Latino it." -Mer

"It's just like you're Mer-babbling at me!" -Mer, to Jason

"You're degenerate." -Jason, to Joe
"He's de-Joe-nerate." -Mer

"Return me to the fictional world; this one is foul." -Joe

"Did you write down that her name sounds like a disease?" -Joe, in reference to the npc Lachesis

"He's courting her, I think." Lachesis, about the sorcerer who sent Hakthla after Cecily
"Somebody needs to read Miss Manners." -Julie
"Well, you know, 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus'." - Joe

"I knew it looked like I was crucifying him, but I meant to be doin' him a favor." -Fletcher

Session 5

"You guys are pathetic." -Dwinn

"It's like Kansas - it's in the middle. You can't move it." -Mer

"And I've also got this whack-ass sorceror 'courting' me." -Cecily
"Whack-ass, indeed." -Harrison

"Would it be very evil of a several-hundred year-old man to seduce such a young woman?" -Grayson
"Now we're getting somewhere." -Joe

"I play just like Griffin would, except he's competent and I'm not." -Dwinn

"I have angst." -Jill
"You're having sex, not angst!" -Mer
"Who says the two can't go together?" -Joe

"If we're all friends and they're all dead, what's to argue about?" -Fletcher, on the approaching riders

"I hope he's not my father." -Jill
"You should have thought of that." -Mer
"She did, and discarded it." -Julie
"She can always claw her eyes out later." -Mer
"Out, out, vile jelly!" -Dwinn

Session 6

"This campaign needs a 'Love Boat-esque' opening." -Joe

"'Live and let me kill people' is my attitude." -Fletcher

"On our first trip, the sheep were much more friendly." -Mer

"The pursuit of science is never wrong." -Harrison
"I'll put that on your tombstone." -Cecily
"And what will we put on yours? 'Demon hunting is never wrong'?" -Harrison
"How about 'My brother drove me to an early grave'?" -Cecily

"It is hard to keep an inner peace with people like you around." -Shen
"This is the sound of one hand slapping." -Dwinn

"What's your brother doing? I can't see." Stark
"I'm not supposed to move, you said." -Cecily
"Just look over there." -Stark
Cecily does, and Stark gives her a shot
"Bitch!" -Cecily

Session 7

"I see dead people." -Jason
"You are dead people." -Mer

"We trust the wind to heal." -Ilie
"They're like Christian Scientists, but more passive." -Jason

"I wonder if it's possible to see double if you only have one eye?" -Fletcher, as he drinks himself into a stupor

"She's not being totally logical. She's a woman." -Jill, on her character, Stark

"Can I get a look at the guy, or is he totally cloaked... in the cloak?" -Julie

"Let's get you near the fire." -Stark
"Can I stand in it?" -Harrison
"Not twice." -Jason

"You hear the winged sounds... of wings approaching." -Mer

"He's married, in a fourth-dimensional sense." -Joe, regarding Dragos

"You could fly ahead." -Stark
"It is a two day journey. I will not allow you to accompany yourself alone." -Dragos.

Proposed Session Title: "Crack-addled NightMer"

"Dwinn is Chandler." -Mer
"I'll be Joey. I'd rather be stupid than ambiguous."-Dwinn

Session 8

"Dwinn, do some of your moves." -Mer
"In public?" -Dwinn

"They're bumpy cookies." -Mer
"They're ribbed for her pleasure." -Joe

"The great Wind will pass..." -Joe

"I try and teach him to play the flute... no innuendo there." -Jill
"He actually knows how. He amazes you with his prowess." -Mer

"Sometimes there are games of chase and pursuit." A moment later... "You're not writing that down, are you?" -Mer
"It's my duty. My sacreligious duty." -Julie

"It's the wild leather chicken." -Julie

"Julie, there's a dark shadow with wings standing outside your cave entrance." -Mer
"It's Hakthla! He says, (in a "Pillow Talk" voice), "Let's bury the hatchet, baby. I want to be your Beholder of Love." - Jason
(Also in "Pillow Talk" voice) "I don't need three eyes to see how beautiful you are." -Dwinn

"What form does the wrath of your gods take?" -Stark
"Sometimes it is subtle and tormenting, but usually it is just lightning." -Priestess

Session 9

"Forever far from being the sharpest knife in the drawer." -Jason, about Shen

"You break a lot of wind. That's what he likes about you." -Dwinn

"[Harrison and Fletcher] jerk apart hastily." -Mer
"Ewww." - the group
"They were bent over a book!" -Mer
"Bent over?" -Jill

"How many points do you have in sarcasm?" -Joe, to Jason

"People don't think necromancy is bad because they've been fooled all these years. It's pretty bad." -Fletcher

"They don't fight you, they greet you." -Mer
"I always get those two mixed up." -Jason

Session 10

"I was going to describe the architecture of the town." - Mer
"Frank Lloyd Wright?" - Dwinn
"Falling Water?" - Mer
pause "You will die." - Dwinn

"She's wearing a white robe." -Mer
"Is it see-through, seeing as we're under water?" -Joe
"Are you asking as Joe or Shen?" -Mer
"Well, Joe's not here to see this, unfortunately." -Joe

"I'm just going to let you kill a whole race of people so you can feel bad for a couple of sessions and leave me the fuck alone." -Mer to Jason

"This is a gated underwater community?" - Jill

"Fletcher, you begin to feel woozy. You must have had bad fish." -Mer
"I've had bad stuff." -Jason

"What's the effect of casting a lightning bolt under water?" -Dwinn
"What's the effect of being poisoned in the midst of your enemies?" -Jason

(After Fletcher lightning bolts himself to stay conscious, mildly electrocuting everyone else in the room)
"I thought the adrenaline would keep me awake, like pinching myself to stay awake." -Jason
"Well, then why didn't you just pinch yourself?" -Julie
"What kind of flair for dramatics is that?" -Jason

"I think that if I share all his memories, I'd know what certain of his gestures would mean." -Joe about Leiko
"He means, 'Come now! Timmy fell down the well!'" -Mer

"Next time I'm going to pay more points for a monopoly on treacherous behavior." -Jason

"There's that mountain in Hawaii that's always gently splooging, and then there's Mount St. Helen's." -Joe
"Joe, for you I'm always gently splooging." -Jason

"Someone put a sleep spell on you and then went and worked treachery in your kingdom. Now you're up to date." Fletcher, to Lewella

"We'll see how boring she thinks I am when I rip off her arms and pick my teeth with her abalone..." -Joe

"All I know is that if you're ever stuck somewhere, all you need is Dworkin and a spoon to get out." -Joe

"You have a plan?" -Lewella
"A plan always comes to me. Usually too late." -Fletcher

"Hello! Play with me!" - Mer

"There's a resounding *BOOM* which shakes the entire place, then a deep, resounding silence." - Mer
"More silence than there was before?" -Julie
"Yes." -Mer
"Wow..." -Julie

Session 11

"So he intends to use it [the mirror] for himself." -Fletcher
"Well, my brother is more of a 'for the greater good of all mankind' guy." -Cecily
"That's even worse." -Fletcher

"I just felt like stabbing [Reginald] in the kidney a little bit."- Jason

"You're probably one of those chicks who hates foreplay." -Fletcher
"What?" -Salome

"I can be subtle. I just don't feel the need to among friends."-Jill

"Stark is short for 'Stark Raving Mad', apparently." -Merrie

"I have a trump of the place." -Griffin
"No offense, Griffin, but there's no time like not now." -Fletcher

"I'm glad I have no power-hungry sorcerors after me." -Stark
"No, it's better to have complete strangers bone you for prophecy." -Jason

Session 12

"You could live a lot longer eating me than I could eating you." -Joe

"This place reminds me a little of Cecily's bathroom." -Shen
"I'm glad I never used it." -Griffin
"No, not the design. After the demons came." -Shen

"If I couldn't kill myself, I'd set fire to the whole place. Wouldn't that piss him off." -Julie
"Ha ha. I'm laughing at you from beyond the grave." -Dwinn

"They park, or whatever it is boats do." -Mer

"It's Jay. Everything is better than what he could have said." -Mer

"I'd advise you to stroke his genitals, but that might make him want to bite you more." -Joe

"Let's put it this way: I'm a big fan of lift and seperate, not lift and smoosh." -Mer

"You don't need a mental health complex in a city with no people!" -Jason

Session 13

Regarding evil twins...
"They need to do some studies to see if twins have evil tendancies and shoot that theory down." -Dwinn
"Like the evil one couldn't fool the tests." -Jason

"I don't know what I'm saying." -Mer

"Contributions are log, trumps, and can't eat cookies the right way." -Jason, on the GM's strange habits

"This is above the level that's above me." -Joe

"They're programmers. They do error checking in the last stage. They're trying to fix the problem where it kills people in version 3." -Jason, on Luke and Merlin

"Somewhere there's a shadow that's all paved over." -Joe
"That's just the parking lot for the next shadow over." -Dwinn

On the fallen Ygg...
"It's not still warm, is it? It's not like we did this?" -Joe
"Rigor has set in." -Dwinn

Session 14

"All paranoid people prefer to be talked about in the third person." -Jason

Regarding Gerda... "In her case, her womanhood is purely a medical condition." - Fletcher

"Discretion is the better part of not getting your ass kicked." -Julie

"Think of the money we could make renting a saddle shop at Ygg." -Jason

"Fletcher thinks, 'You can't begin to understand the deficit of my character.'" -Jason

A little redundancy goes a long way...
"She won't admit or confirm it." -Merrie

Session 15

Regarding the pre-game stupidity
"How do I log that?" -Joe
"You don't." -Mer

"We're an army in our own minds." -Julie

"Gerda gives you a look." -Mer
"She wants me." - Jason
"...dead." - Joe

"It created a little piece of Chaos in the heart of Order." -Matthias
"That sounds like us." -Cecily

"[Gerda] laughs." -Mer
"She wants me." -Jason
"Or maybe she's hysterical... which might lead to her wanting you." -Mer

"Wind spirits are neutral in and of themselves. Their application for good or evil depends on the application of the person applying them... that didn't come out right." -Griffin

"Any chance of us getting the rest of our belongings up here?" -Cecily
"You mean your weapons." -Matthias
"That's the majority of my belongings." -Cecily

"You took peyote too?" -Mer, to Jill/Stark
"She's totally my peer pressure bitch." -Jason

"Unprovable points are by definition not wrong." -Joe
"Prove it." -Jason

"Let's go see if they can direct us in the direction of the kitchens." -Julie

Session 16

"These grapes are turgid..." -Mer
"... and that's how we ended up not gaming, Your Honor." -Joe

"Can I do pahren with only one hand?" -Joe

"You know, I'm happy to be of assistance." -Fletcher
"Especially at the expense of another living creature." -Joe

"You all act like there's nothing we can do to get out of this. There's actually hardly anything we can do to get out of this." -Fletcher

"If I die, let this be a lesson to you to plan your things out before you do them." -Fletcher

"I'm just ticking off all we know." -Cecily
"All the time." -Dwinn

"[Rhiannon] would have been voted off the island a long time ago." -Dwinn

"Brand's death curse - may you never ride a horse again." -Joe
"Boy, Dworkin'd be pissed." -Jason

"It's 'you may never go home again', not 'you may never go anywhere again.'" -Jason

"Manners are everything." -Jason
"Especially when you have no character." -Joe (?)

Session 17

"I just gave him a taste of the golden rule." -Jason
"Do unto others as you would want done unto you?" -Mer
"I usually just shorten it to 'See how you like it, Bub'." -Jason

"I have a spell that lets my instruments play themselves... the musical ones." -Dwinn/Griffin

"You are devilishly witty." -Matthias
"You saw the group I came in with. One of us has to be." -Griffin

"Carrots harvested by the full moon are more powerful than normal carrots." -Syrana

"What are you doing?" -Fletcher while Merlin scalps an unsuspecting NPC
"You said [we needed] savoir faire. Nothing says savoir faire like a dried scalp." -Merlin

Session 18

"This is more entertaining than informative." -Joe, on Jason's game log

"Do you think Mer is really using the bathroom, or is she just doing plot in there?" -Joe
"I can hear you! -Mer from bathroom
"Let's hope one is not just a metaphor for the other." -Jason

"We will not be hucking items across the Pattern - this is not an Italian wedding." -Joe

"If anyone can keep his mind blank, I think it's Shen." -Mer

"A few puncture wounds are one thing, but I don't want her hitting me with the sword. She could whack off something I need." -Jason

"Ah, yes, Matthias. He has the twin singularities... hey wait a minute." -Gerda/Mer

"My mother would be the perfect woman [for you]." -Gerda
"'Cept we don't believe in necrophilia." -Fletcher

Session 19

"There's a gleam in your eye that you've never seen... but everyone else has." -Mer, describing Luke's trump of Cecily to Julie

"They're applying pressure... and suction." -Mer, on treating Luke's wound

"Wait, gun powder doesn't work here." -Cecily
"What they're using is pink." -Stark

Session 20

"It's her pee-psyche. Her strength of will when she urinates is phenomenal." -Jason, about Mer

"If you leave too much wadding in the cannon and it can't fire, is it artillery sclerosis?" - Joe

"It just proves that if you meet a virgin in an Amber campaign, fuck her before the plot catches up with you." -Jason

"You date a man with only one eyebrow and you can't handle Liam's sideburns?!" -Jason, to Mer

"I'm thnking about getting a Soloflex or something to cut down on fat." -Jason
"I'm thinking about getting a tapeworm." -Joe

"Somewhere between plumbing and plot, there's Mer." -Joe

"I'm sure you could get Harry to hold a seance." -Julie
"Let's all join hands together and contact the plot!" -Dwinn

On to Session 21 quotes Back to FFH Index