| to Activate | Make more carbons and add more names to the Memo
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| Approved, subject to comment | Redraw the "d-----" thing
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| Casual work atmosphere | We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up, but we know where there are some good resales shops
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| Channels | The trail left by inter-office memos
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| Close project coordination | We should have asked someone else; or, let's spread the responsibility for this
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| Committee | Where the unqualified and un-thinking do the unnecessary
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| Competitive salary | We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors
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| Conference | When people gather together, who individually can do nothing, and decide, together, that nothing can be done!
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| Consultant or Expert | Any ordinary guy with a brief case more than 50 miles from home
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| Customer satisfaction is believed assured | We are so far behind schedule that the customer will be happy to get anything from us
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| The design will be finalized in the next reporting period | We haven't started this job yet, but we've got to say something
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| The designs are well within allowable limits | We just made it stretching a point or two
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| Developed after years of intensive research | It was discovered by accident
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| Duties will vary | Anyone in the office can boss you around
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| The entire concept will have to be abandoned | The only guy who understood the thing quit
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| Expedite | To compound confusion with commotion
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| Extensive effort is being applied on a fresh approach to the problem | We just hired three new guys; we'll let them kick it around for a while
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| Forwarded for your consideration | You hold the bag awhile
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| to Implement a program | Hire more people to expand the office
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| It is in process | So wrapped up in red tape that the situation is almost hopeless
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| Join our dynamic team | We all listen to nutty motivational tapes
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| Join our fast-paced company | We have no time to train you and you'll have to introduce yourself to your co-workers
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| Let's get together on this | I'm assuming you are as confused as I am
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| Major technological breakthrough | Back to the drawing board
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| Meeting | A mass mulling by masterminds
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| Modifications are under way to correct certain minor difficulties | We threw the whole thing out and are starting from scratch
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| Must be deadline oriented | You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day
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| Must have an eye for detail | We have no quality control
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| No phone calls please | We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality
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| A number of different approaches are being tried | We don't know where we're going, but we're moving
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| Preliminary operational tests are inconclusive | The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch
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| Problem-solving skills a must | You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos
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| A program | Any assignment that can't be completed by one telephone call
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| Project slightly behind original schedule due to unforeseen difficulties | We are working on something else
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Reliable source
Informed Source -- | The guy you just met
The guy who told the guy you just met
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| Requires team leadership skills | You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect
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| Seeking candidates with a wide variety of experience | You'll need it to replace three people who just left
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| Seeking enthusiastic, fun hard-working people | ...who still live with their parents and won't mind our internship-level salaries
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| Some overtime required | Some time each night and some time each weekend
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| Test results were extremely gratifying | It works, and we are surprised
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| Under active consideration | We are looking into the files for it
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| Under construction | Never heard of it
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| We are making a survey | We need more time to think of the answer
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| We will advise you in due course | If we figure it out, we'll let you know
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| We will look into it | By the time the wheel takes a full turn, we assume that you will have forgotten about it too
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_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Write back to share more not listed here: mcaughey AT umich DOT edu | _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Brought to you by...
Many of these were shared with me by my dad Gerald Alan Caughey (deceased), mechanical engineer at a variety of places including Andrew F. Caughey and Associates, Bechtel, Austin, and Ford Motor Company - Thanks, folks, for sharing the humor!
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