Michigan ...


Melanie Caughey






Have a nice day!...



"...As many times as you need to, tell yourself, "It's over. It's gone. It doesn't matter anymore." Just like you do with those books you love so much, you turn the page. Same book, okay, but new chapter." - paperback, McKevett, G.A., Death by Chocolate(2003, New York, Kensington Books), pg 283

And, on a light & humorous note, below are "Engineering Definitions" and "Corporate Lingo", mixed together in alpha order by phrase
to Activate Make more carbons and add more names to the Memo
Approved, subject to comment Redraw the "d-----" thing
Casual work atmosphere We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up, but we know where there are some good resales shops
Channels The trail left by inter-office memos
Close project coordination We should have asked someone else; or, let's spread the responsibility for this
Committee Where the unqualified and un-thinking do the unnecessary
Competitive salary We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors
Conference When people gather together, who individually can do nothing, and decide, together, that nothing can be done!
Consultant or Expert Any ordinary guy with a brief case more than 50 miles from home
Customer satisfaction is believed assured We are so far behind schedule that the customer will be happy to get anything from us
The design will be finalized in the next reporting period We haven't started this job yet, but we've got to say something
The designs are well within allowable limits We just made it stretching a point or two
Developed after years of intensive research It was discovered by accident
Duties will vary Anyone in the office can boss you around
The entire concept will have to be abandoned The only guy who understood the thing quit
Expedite To compound confusion with commotion
Extensive effort is being applied on a fresh approach to the problem We just hired three new guys; we'll let them kick it around for a while
Forwarded for your consideration You hold the bag awhile
to Implement a program Hire more people to expand the office
It is in process So wrapped up in red tape that the situation is almost hopeless
Join our dynamic team We all listen to nutty motivational tapes
Join our fast-paced company We have no time to train you and you'll have to introduce yourself to your co-workers
Let's get together on this I'm assuming you are as confused as I am
Major technological breakthrough Back to the drawing board
Meeting A mass mulling by masterminds
Modifications are under way to correct certain minor difficulties We threw the whole thing out and are starting from scratch
Must be deadline oriented You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day
Must have an eye for detail We have no quality control
No phone calls please We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality
A number of different approaches are being tried We don't know where we're going, but we're moving
Preliminary operational tests are inconclusive The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch
Problem-solving skills a must You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos
A program Any assignment that can't be completed by one telephone call
Project slightly behind original schedule due to unforeseen difficulties We are working on something else
Reliable source
Informed Source --
The guy you just met
The guy who told the guy you just met

Requires team leadership skills You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect
Seeking candidates with a wide variety of experience You'll need it to replace three people who just left
Seeking enthusiastic, fun hard-working people ...who still live with their parents and won't mind our internship-level salaries
Some overtime required Some time each night and some time each weekend
Test results were extremely gratifying It works, and we are surprised
Under active consideration We are looking into the files for it
Under construction Never heard of it
We are making a survey We need more time to think of the answer
We will advise you in due course If we figure it out, we'll let you know
We will look into it By the time the wheel takes a full turn, we assume that you will have forgotten about it too
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Write back to share more not listed here: mcaughey AT umich DOT edu
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Brought to you by...
Many of these were shared with me by my dad Gerald Alan Caughey (deceased), mechanical engineer at a variety of places including Andrew F. Caughey and Associates, Bechtel, Austin, and Ford Motor Company - Thanks, folks, for sharing the humor!



June 2012