OCT 2001


IN SEARCH OF SILVER LININGS...So far, there’s only two positive things to come out of the September 11th terrorist attacks: it’s brought the country together like never before and you finally don’t hear anyone saying how different everything would be if only Al Gore was president.

THE INCREDIBLE SHRINKING BUDGET... Sounds to me like a Re-Ron, like a repeat of the Reagan strategy of increasing defense spending and cutting taxes to eliminate the Democrats’ ability to provide more for social programs. Well, to that I say, "No Mo’Ron II."...And the more they talk about not touching Social Security the more insecurity they breed. The President said senior citizens need "to know that every Social Security promise will be fulfilled. Social Security checks will arrive on time." (As if this was all about the Postal Service.) Yeah, they’ll arrive on time, but they just might be kind of skimpy down the road....Yogi Berra was right, "It’s deja vu all over again."


STUPID AS A FOX... Mexican President Vicente Fox surprised everyone at his White House press conference when he challenged the Bush administration to achieve a new immigration policy by the end of the year. Recall that this overture is tied to the Bush proposal of allowing some portion of illegal aliens to remain in the US (details STILL to be arranged)....well....In response to immigration reformers and business interests the White House has essentially said: "Not to worry, the plan wouldn’t mean rounding up every single illegal alien." No kidding; that would be too much work. They’d have to hire Mexicans to do it.


CURIOUS GEORGE IN MOTOWN...Even he wasn’t sure why he was there, but the President was indeed invited to Detroit’s Labor Day Parade by Teamster President Jimmy Hoffa Jr. [Coincidentally, this was the same week DNA information proved that Jimmy Hoffa Sr.’s hair was found in Chuckie O’Brien’s vehicle from ’75. Entering the vehicle outside a metro-Detroit restaurant, it was the last time Hoffa Sr. was seen alive.] The President enjoyed himself at the event, saying, "Everybody was real nice.They even offered to give me a ride to the airport."...Inviting GW to a Labor Day parade is sort of like having Jerry Falwell at a Gay Pride march.


SPECIAL DELIVERY... Union membership in the United States has declined to the point that Labor Day is being reconsidered as a variation on Mother’s Day. And holding true to the second-class treatment of women, when the change comes rest assured that you will no longer get the day off.

SOFT-SOAPING...Zest has a new soap out called "Rainforest Falls." That way consumers can think of how the packaging contributed to the earth’s destruction all the while they use it. The only problem is, afterwards, instead of squeaky clean, it makes you feel kind of dirty.


"ONE PILL MAKES YOU LARGER, AND ONE PILL MAKES YOU SMALL"... Binge-drinkers and alcoholics everywhere welcomed the new hangover pill to ameliorate their conditions the morning after - reminding me of the morning-after birth control pill. How long before they create one pill that does both? It only makes sense - that’s how most unplanned pregnancies begin in the first place.


POWER TO THE PEOPLE...I think it was a populist schizophrenic who once said, "There are so many voices not being heard."


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