"Wise
men make proverbs , but fools repeat them." -- Samuel Palmer
"It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims." -- Aristotle
"It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books
of quotations." -- Sir Winston Churchill
"Plato was a bore." -- Friedrich Nietzsche
"Nietzsche was stupid and abnormal." -- Leo Tolstoy
"The Earth is degenerating today.
Bribery and corruption abound.
Children no longer obey their parents,
every man wants to write a book,
and it is evident that the end of the world is
fast approaching."
-- Assyrian tablet, c. 2800 BC
"Too many pieces of music finish
too long after they end." -- Igor Stravinsky
"Mr. Wagner has a beautiful moments but bad quarters of
an hour." -- Gioacchino Rossini
"In the end, everything is a gag." -- Charlie Chaplin
"There are some experiences in life which should not be
demanded twice from any man,
and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem."
-- George Bernard Shaw
"Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung." --
Voltaire
"Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back
and, instead of bleeding, he sings." -- anonymous
"If Beethoven had been killed in
a plane crash at the age of 22,
it would have changed the history of music...and
of aviation." -- Tom Stoppard
"You can't imagine the extra
work I had when I was a god."
- Emperor Hirohito of Japan (1901-89), during
his visit to London
"I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother
took me to see him in a department store,
and he asked for my autograph." -- Shirley Temple
"I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white
dude would come into my neighborhood after dark." -- Dick Gregory
"God does not play dice with the universe,
but he occasionally racks up the planets for
a game of billiards." -- stolen
"If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?" --
Stephen Wright
"I bought some batteries, but they weren't included."
-- Steven Wright
"What if there were no hypothetical
situations?" -- unknown
"People can have the Model T in
any color -- so long as it's black." -- Henry Ford
"Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?" --
Woody Allen
"Vote early and vote often." -- Al Capone
"If I were two faced, would I be wearing this one?" --
Abraham Lincoln
Dorothy asked the Scarecrow, "How can you talk if you
haven't got a brain?" She looked at him puzzled. The Scarecrow answered,
"Some people without brains do an awful lot of talking." She replied, "
That's true." -- Wizard Of Oz
"Behavioural psychology is the science of pulling
habits out of rats." -- Dr. Douglas Busch
"Clothes make a man. Naked people have little or no influence
on society." -- Mark Twain
"A friend is someone who will help you move.
A real friend is someone who will help you move
a body." -- anonymous
"In the days before volcanoes were invented, lava had
to be hand carried down
from the mountains and poured on the sleeping
villagers.
This took a great deal of time." - stolen
"This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should
be thrown with great force."
-- Dorothy Parker
"A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only
advise his clients to plant vines."
-- Frank Lloyd Wright
"Sometimes you're the windshield,
Sometimes you're the bug."
--Dire Straits
"See what will happen if you don't
stop biting your fingernails?"
-- Will Rogers, to his niece on seeing the Venus
de Milo
"Volvo, Video, Velcro: I came, I
saw, I stuck around." -- unknown
"If you can't beat your computer
at chess, try kickboxing." -- unknown
"Having a smoking section in a restaurant
is like having a urinating and non-urinating section in a
swimming pool." -- unknown
"Very funny Scotty, now beam me
my clothes!" -- bumper sticker
"I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters
bit trying for the plays of William Shakespeare, but all they got was the
collected works of Francis Bacon." -- Bill Hirst
"He is no fool who gives what he
cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose." -- Jim Elliot [martyred (1959)
Christian missionary)