This 93 year old frisky swinger had his eyes on this young woman. He
sashays
up to her and says, "I'll bet you can't guess how old I am."
The young lady looks him over, up and down and says, "I bet I can."
She
tells him, "take down your pants and turn around." He does as
directed and
she says, "You're 93 years of age." The man exclaims, "How
did you know?"
She says, "You told me yesterday."
> One evening, a man was at home watching tv and
> eating peanuts. He'd toss
> them in the air,then catch them in his mouth. In
> the middle of catching
> one, his wife asked a question, and as he turned to
> answer her, a peanut
> fell into his ear. He tried to dig the peanut out,
> but only succeeded in
> pushing it deeper into his ear. He called his wife
> for assistance, and
> after hours of trying to remove the peanut, they
> became worried and decided
> to go to the hospital.
> >
> > As they were ready to go out the door, their
> daughter came home with her
> date. After being informed of the problem, their
> daughter's date said he
> could get the peanut out.
> >
> > The young man told the father to sit down, then
> shoved two fingers up the
> father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the
> father blew, the peanut
> flew out. The mother and daughter jumped and yelled
> for joy.
> >
> > Once the young man had gone, the mother turned to
> the father. The mother
> said, "That's wonderful! Isn't he smart? What do you
> think he's going to be
> when he grows older?"
> >
> > The father replies,"From the smell of his fingers,
> our son-in-law"!
If you ever lived or visited Florida I'm sure you will appreciate this story.
It was written by a young pupil, who was to tell how they spent their
vacation.
"We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma & Grandpa.
They used to
live in a big brick house, But Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida
and now they live in a place with a lot of other retarded people.
They live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass.
They
ride around on big tricycles and wear name tags because they don't know who
they are anymore. They go to a building called a wrecked center, but they
must have got it fixed, because it is all right now.
They play games and do exercises there but they don't do them very well.
There is a swimming pool, too, but they don't know how to swim anymore
because all they do is jump up and down in the pool with their hats on. I
guess they forgot how to swim.
At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it.
He
watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out. Then
they
go cruising in their golf carts.
My Grandma used to bake cookies and stuff, but I guess she forgot how.
Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And they eat the same thing every
night. Early birds. Some of the people can't get past the man in the
dollhouse to go out. So the ones who do get out and bring food back to the
wrecked center and call it pot luck.
My Grandma says Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I
should work hard so I can be retarded someday, too. When I earn my
retardment I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people
out so they can visit their grandchildren."
This man was in a long line at the grocery store.
As he got to the register he realized he had forgotten
to get condoms. So he asked the checkout girl if she
could have some condoms brought up to the register.
She asked, "What size condoms?"
The customer replied that he didn't know.
She asked him to drop his pants. He did, she reached over the
counter, grabbed hold of him, then picked up the store
intercom and said, "One box of large condoms to
register 5."
The next man in line thought this was
interesting and, like MOST MEN, up for a cheap thrill.
When he got to the register, he told the checker that he
too had forgotten to get condoms, and asked if she would have
some brought up to the register.
She asked him what size and he stated that he didn't know.
She asked him to drop his pants. He did, she gave him
a quick feel, picked up the store intercom and said,
"One box of medium-sized condoms to register 5."
A few customers back was this teenaged boy. He thought what
he had witnessed was way too cool. He had never had
any type of sexual contact with a live female, so he
thought this was his chance. When he got up to the
register, he told the checker he needed some condoms.
She asked him what size, and he said he didn't know.
She asked him to drop his pants and he did.
She reached over the counter, gave him one quick squeeze,
then picked up the intercom and said,
"Clean up at register 5!"