Story from the WordPerfect helpline.

Needless to say the HelpDesk employee was fired. However, he/she is currently suing the

WordPerfect organization for *&Termination without Cause.

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee:

Ridge Hall computer assistant; how can I help you?*

Yes, well, I*,m having trouble in WordPerfect.*

What sort of trouble?*

Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went

away.*

Went away?*

They disappeared.*

Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?*

Nothing.*

Nothing?*

It*,s blank; it won*,t accept anything when I type.*

Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?*

How do I tell?*

Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?*

What*,s a sea-prompt?*

Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?*

There isn*,t any cursor: I told you, it won*,t accept anything I type*

Does your monitor have a power indicator?*

What*,s a monitor?*

It*,s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it

have a little light that tells you when it*,s on?*

I don*,t know.*

Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the

power cord goes into it. Can you see that?*

Yes, I think so.*

Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it*,s plugged

into the wall.*

. . . . . . Yes, it is.*

When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were

two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?*

No.*

Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the

other cable.*

. . . . . . Okay, here it is.*

Follow it for me, and tell me if it*,s plugged securely into the

back of your computer.*

I can*,t reach.*

Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?*

No.*

Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?*

Oh, it*,s not because I don*,t have the right angle - it*,s because

it's dark.*

Dark?*

Yes, the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming

in from the window.*

Well, turn on the office light then.*8

I can*,t.*

No. Why not?*

Because there*,s a power outage.*

A power . . . a power outage? Aha, okay, we*,ve got it licked now.

Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer

came in?*

Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.*

Good. Go get them, and unplug

your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then

take it back to the store you bought it from.*

Really? Is it that bad?*

Yes, I*,m afraid it is.*

Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?*

Tell them you*,re too fucking stupid to own a computer.*