>FBI posture:
>
>1993-We, in no way, fired any flammable materials at the Branch
>Davidian building. No military personnel participated in the law
>enforcement operation.
>
>1999-We launched two flammable CS {Control Substance (tear gas)}
>grenades at the building, but they had absolutely nothing to do with
>the subsequent fatal fire. The military's counter-terrorism "Delta
>Force" was not at the site.
>
>2005-The two flammable CS grenades could have, in a very remote
>possibility, initiated the fire that engulfed the Branch Davidian
>building. It is highly unlikely, though. Delta Force was on site, but
>only in an advisory capacity.
>
>2011-OK. Fuck it. We started the fire. One guy from Delta Force and one
>guy from the FBI fired the CS grenades.

The Buffalo Theory
> ------------------
> A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest
> buffalo. When the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and
> weakest ones at the back that are killed first.
> This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole,
> because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps
> improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
> In much the same way the human brain can only operate as
> fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol,
> we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the
> slowest and weakest brain cells first.
> In this way regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain
> cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's
> why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

THE BATTLE OF BOBBIT HILLBILLIES
Come and listen to my story 'bout a man named John.
A poor Ex-Marine with a little fraction gone-
It seems one night after getting with the wife
She Lopped off his Dong with the swipe of a knife.

PENIS, That Is.

Clean Cut.

Missed His Nuts.

Well, the next thing you know there's a Ginsu by his side
And Lorena's in the car taking Willie for a ride
She soon got tired of her purple-headed friend
And tossed him out the window as she came around a bend

CURVE, That is

Tossed the Nub.

In the Shrub.

She went to the cops and confessed to the attack
And they called out the hounds just to get his Weenie back
They sniffed and they barked and they pointed "over there!"
To John Wayne's henry that was waving in the air.

FOUND, That Is

By a Fence.

Evidence.

Now Peter and John couldn't stay apart too long
So a Dick Doc said, "Hey, I can fix that dong."
A needle and a thread is all we're gonna need
And the whole world waited 'til they heard that Johnny peed

WHIZZED, That Is

Even Seam,

Straight Stream

Well he healed and he hardened and he took his case to court
With a half-assed lawyer cause his assets came up short
They cleared her of assault and acquitted him of rape
And his pecker was the only thing they didn't show on tape

VIDEO, That Is

Unexposed.

Case Closed.

Ya'll Sleep on Your Stomachs Now, Ya Hear.....

THE ORIGIN OF CHAPSTICK

An old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day.
The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as
the cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail a few feet
in front of the sheriff. "Howdy, stranger..."
"Howdy, Sheriff..."
The cowboy then moved slowly to the back of his horse, lifted its
tail, and placed a big kiss where the sun don't shine. He dropped the horse's
tail, stepped up on the walk, and aimed towards the swing doors of the
saloon.
"Hold on, Mister..."
"Sheriff?"
"Did I just see what I think I saw?"
"Reckon you did, Sheriff...I got me some powerful chapped lips..."
"And that cures them?" the Sheriff asked.

"Nope, but it keeps me from lickin' 'em."


>> > > Eeewwwwwww!