Father John:
>> It was time for Father John's Saturday night bath, and young nun,
>> >>Sister Magdalene had prepared the bath water and towels just the
>> >>way the old nun had instructed. Sister Magdalene was also instructed
>> >>not to look at Fr.John's nakedness if she could help it, do whatever
>> >>he told her to do, and pray. The next morning the old nun asked Sister
>> >>Magdalene how the Saturday nightbath had gone.
>> >>
>> >>"Oh, sister," said the young nun dreamily. "I've been saved."
>> >>
>> >>"Saved? And how did that fine thing come about?" asked he old nun.
>> >>
>> >>"Well, when Fr. John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to wash him,
>> >>and while I was washing him he guided my hand down between his legs
>> >>where he said the Lord keeps the Key to Heaven."
>> >>
>> >>"Did he now?" said the old nun evenly.
>> >>
>> >>Sister Magdalene continued, "And Fr. John said that if the Key to Heaven
>> >>fit my lock, the portals of Heaven would be opened to me and I would be
>> >>assured of salvation and eternal peace. And then Father John guided his
>> >>Key to Heaven into my lock."
>> >>
>> >>"Is that a fact?" said the old nun even more evenly.
>> >>
>> >>"At first it hurt terribly, but Fr. John said the pathway to salvation
>> >>was often painful and that the glory of God would soon swell my heart
>> >>with ecstasy. And it did, it felt so good being saved."
>> >>
>> >>"That wicked old Devil!" said the old nun. "He told me it was Gabriel's
>> >>Horn, and I've been blowing it for 40 years!"

>> >>
>> > THE BLIND MAN'S LUNCH
>> >>
>> >>A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is
>> >>also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.
>> >>
>> >>"I'm sorry sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a
>> >>unwashed fork from a previous customer, I'll smell it and order from
>> >>there."
>> >>
>> >>A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks
>> >>up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to
>> >>him.
>> >>
>> >>The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath,
>> >>"Ahh, yes that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes."
>> >>
>> >>Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards the kitchen.
>> >>
>> >>He told his wife what happened.
>> >>
>> >>Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings
>> >>him a menu again.
>> >>
>> >>"Sir, remember ? I'm the blind man." "I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you.
>> >>I'll go get you a dirty fork."
>> >>
>> >>The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man.
>> >>
>> >>After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great, I'll
>> >>take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli."
>> >>
>> >>Once again walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is
>> >>screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind
>> >>man comes in he's going to test him.
>> >>
>> >>He returns the following week but this time the owner sees him coming
>> >>and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Mary, rub this fork on your
>> >>panties before I take it to the blind man."
>> >>
>> >>As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.
>> >>
>> >>"Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you. I already have the fork
>> >>ready."
>> >>
>> >>The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and
>> >>exclaims, "Hey! I didn't know Mary worked here!"