In a message dated 3/27/00 8:15:52 PM EST, Bubette47 writes:

 A mama mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole all live in a little mole
hole.  One day the papa mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air
and says, "Yum! I smell maple syrup!" The mama mole sticks her head
out of the hole, sniffs the air and says "Yum! I smell honey!" The baby
mole tries to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air, but can't
because the bigger moles are in the way so he says, "Geez, all I can
smell is....
 > >
 >>>
 >>>
 >>>
 >>
 >>
 molasses

Three guys and a woman were sitting at the bar talking about
their professions.

The first guy says, "I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E., you know... Young,
Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist."

 The second guy says, "I'm a D.I.N.K., you know... Double Income,
 No Kids."

 The third guy says, "I'm a R.U.B., you know... Rich, Urban,
 Biker."

 They turn to the woman and ask her, "What are you?"
 She replies, "I'm a WIFE, you know... Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc."

Al Gore was brainstorming his campaign strategy with Bill
Clinton at a Georgetown restaurant when the waitress came
to take their order. Gore ordered a salad and water, and
Clinton studied the menu for a second. Then he looked
up, smiled, and said, "I'll have a quickie."

The waitress was offended. "Mr. President," she said,
"Considering all that your wife went through last year with
Monica Lewinsky, I think that that's in particularly poor
taste."

Al Gore leaned over to Clinton, looked at his menu, and
whispered, "Uh, Bill, I think that's pronounced 'quiche.'"

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God.
 > "Lord, I have a problem!"
 > "What's the problem, Eve?"
 > "Lord, I know you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of
 > these wonderful animals and that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm just not
 > happy."
 >
 >   "Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.
 > "Lord, I am lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples."
 > "Well Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for
 > you,"
 > "What's a man, Lord?"
 > "This man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie,
 > cheat, and be vainglorious; all in all, he'll give you a hard time. But.
 > ...he'll be bigger, faster, and will like to hunt and kill things. He
 > will look silly when he's aroused, but since you've been complaining, I'll
 > create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs. He
 > will be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and
 > kicking a ball about. He won't be too smart, so he'll also need your
 > advice to think properly."
 >
 > "Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.
 > "What's the catch, Lord?"
 > Well... you can have him on one condition."
 > "What's that, Lord?"
 > "As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring... So you'll have
 > to let him believe that I made him first. Just remember, it's our little
 > secret...... You know, woman to woman."

BE ON THE LOOK OUT FOR THE FOLLOWING VIRUSES:
   
     CLINTON VIRUS
     Gives you a 7 Inch Hard Drive with NO memory.
   
     VIAGRA VIRUS
     Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy.
   
     LEWINSKY VIRUS
     Sucks all the memory out of your computer, them e-mails
     everyone about what it did.
   
     RONALD REAGAN VIRUS
     Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.
   
     MIKE TYSON VIRUS
     Quits after two bytes.
   
     OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS
     Your 300 MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 100 MB, then slowly expands
to 200 MB.
   
     DR. JACK KEVORKIAN VIRUS
     Deletes all old files.
   
     ELLEN DEGENERES VIRUS
     Disks can no longer be inserted.
   
     TITANIC VIRUS
    (A strain of the Lewinsky Virus) Your whole computer
     goes down (but I think "we go on").
   
     DISNEY VIRUS
    Everything in your computer goes Goofy :).
   
     PROZAC VIRUS
     Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn't care.
   
     JOEY BUTTAFUOCO VIRUS
     Only attacks minor files.
   
     ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS
     Terminates some files, leaves, but IT WILL BE BAAAAACK.
   
     LORENA BOBBIT VIRUS
     Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy, then discards
        it through Windows

Dr. Seuss Explains Why Computers Sometimes Crash



If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is interrupted

at a very last resort, and the access of the memory makes your floppy disk

abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

>

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash and the double-clicking

icon puts your window in the trash; and your data is corrupted cause the

index doesn't hash Then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna

crash!

>

If the label on the cable on the table at your house says the network is

connected to the button on your mouse, but your packets want to tunnel to

another protocol that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,

and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, so your icons
in the window are as wavy as a souse; then you may as well reboot and go out

with a bang 'Cuz sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!

>

When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy in the disk and the macrocode

instructions cause unnecessary risk then you'll have to flash the memory and

you'll want to RAM your ROM. Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to

tell your Mom!