A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you
shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny.

He replies, "None, they all fly away with the first gun shot."
The teacher replies "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

Then Little Johnny says "I have a question for YOU. There are three women
sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of
the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and
sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.

Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied "Well I suppose the one that's
gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
To which Little Johnny replied, "The correct answer is the one with the
wedding ring on...but I like your thinking."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 >

 > Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.

"Why?" asks the father.

"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' I said '6.'"

"But that's right!"
"Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"

"What's the fucking difference?" asks the father.

"That's what I said!"

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++



Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to
learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a
multi-syllable word?'

Little Johnny waves his hand, 'Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!' Miss Rogers:

'All right, little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable word?'

Little Johnny says, 'Mas-tur-bate.'

Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful.'

Little Johnny says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blow job."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to
go to the bathroom.

He yelled but, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!"
The teacher replied, "Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use in
this situation.

The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.' Please use the word
'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go."

Little Johnny thinks for a bit, then says, "You're an eight, but if you had
bigger tits, you'd be a ten!!!"

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of
hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.

First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father bought my
mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
"Very good,> Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.

"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said.

"Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on little Johnny.

"Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was
pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, ...just fucking beautiful!'"

+++++++++++++

A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her
fourth grade class because she realizes Little Johnny's propensity for
sexual innuendo. But Johnny remains attentive throughout the entire
lecture. Finally, towards the end of the lesson, the teacher asks for
examples of sex education from the class.

One little boy raises his hand; "I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs."

"Very good, William," said the teacher.

"My mommy had a baby," said little Esther.
"Oh, that's nice," replied the teacher.

Finally, little Johnny raises his hand. With much fear and trepidation, the
teacher calls on him.

"I was watchin' TV yesterday, and I saw the Lone Ranger. He was surrounded
by hundreds and hundreds of Indians. And they all attacked at one time. And
he killed every one of them with his two guns."
The teacher was relieved but puzzled, "And what does that have to do with
sex education, Johnny?"

"It'll teach those Indians not to fuck with the Lone Ranger."

++++++++++++++++Taking Precaution
 >> > > -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
 >> > >
 >> > > This old man in his eighty's got up and was putting on his coat.
 >> > >
 >> > > His wife said, "Where are you going ?"
 >> > >
 >> > > He said, "I'm going to the doctor."
 >> > >
 >> > > And she said, "Why? Are you sick?"
 >> > >
 >> > > "No," he said. "I'm going to get me some of those new Viagra pills."
 >> > >
 >> > > So his wife got up out of her rocker and was putting on her sweater
 >> > > and he said, "Where are you going?"
 >> > >
 >> > > She said, "I'm going to the doctor too."
 >> > >
 >> > > He said, "Why?"
 >> > >
 >> > > She said, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing again,
 >> > > I'm going to get a tetanus shot."