Ø Florida
Bumper stickers
>
> FLORIDA: If you think we can't vote, wait till you see us drive.
>
> FLORIDA: We count more than you do.
>
> FLORIDA: If you don't like the way we count then take I-95 and
> visit one of the other 56 states.
>
> FLORIDA: We've been Gored by the bull of politics and we're Bushed.
>
> FLORIDA: Relax, Retire, Re Vote.
>
> FLORIDA: What comes after 17,311?
>
> FLORIDA: Where your vote counts and counts and counts.
>
> FLORIDA: This is what you get for taking Elian away from us!
>
> FLORIDA: We're number one! Wait! Recount!
>
> Palm Beach County: So nice, we let you vote twice.
>
> Palm Beach County: We put the "duh" in Florida.
>
> Sign on I-95 : Florida this way, no that way, 5 miles, wait 10...
>
> Pro-electorate's choice: Abort the pregnant chads.
>
> The people have spoken. Now shut up and listen while the lawyers
> told you what they said.
>
> FLORIDA: We can't vote, but you should see how we handle 15 bingo cards!
Ralph returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the
doctor has
told him he has only 24 hours to live. Given this prognosis, Ralph
asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees, and they make love.
About six hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, "Honey,
you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one
more time?" Of course, the wife agrees, & they do it again.
Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that
he now has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife's shoulder and asks,
"Honey, please . .just one more time before I die."
She says, "Of course, Dear." & they make love for the third time.
After this session, the wife rolls over & falls asleep.
Ralph, however, worried about his impending death, tosses & turns,
until he's down to 4 more hours.He taps his wife, who rouses. "Honey,
I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could . . ."
At this point the wife sits up & says, "Listen Ralph, I have to get up
in the morning...You don't!"
TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY AT THANKSGIVING,
BUT AREN'T
Reach in and grab the giblets.
Whew, that's one terrific spread!
I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.
Tying the legs together will keep the insides moist.
Talk about a huge breast!
"and he forced his way into the end zone..."
She's 5000 pounds fully inflated and it
takes 15 men to hold
her down.
It's Cool Whip time!!!!
If I don't unbuckle my pants, I'm going to burst!
It must be broken, cause when I push on the tip, nothing squirts
out!
Ø >
>The two major presidential candidates today agreed that Americans are
> > >seeing too much inappropriate material in popular
entertainment.
However, they disagreed on the details.
> > >
> > >The Republican candidate, George W. Bush, stated that there
is too much
> > >bloody violence in the movies and on television.
> > >
> > >Vice President Al Gore, his Democratic opponent, stated
meanwhile that
> the media presents Americans with too much sex and frontal nudity.
> > >
> > >In other words, Bush says there is too much gore and Gore
says there is
> too much bush.
An old lady had always wanted to travel abroad. Now that
she was getting on in years, she thought she would really
like to do so before she died.
But until now, she'd never even been out of the country. So
she began by going in person to the Passport Office and
asking how long it would take to have one issued.
"You must take the loyalty oath first," responded the
passport clerk. "Raise your right hand, please."
The old gal raised her right hand.
"Do you swear to defend the Constitution of the United States
against all its enemies, domestic or foreign?" was the first
question.
The little old lady's face paled and her voice trembled as
she asked in a small voice, "Uhhh... all by myself?"
*********************************************************
The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle. He
called his kids together to ask which one should have the
present.
"Who is the most obedient?" he asked. "Who never talks back
to mother? Who does everything she says?"
Five small voices answered in unison. "You do, Daddy!"
**********************************************************
A pretty girl is driving through the west. Her car runs out or
gas, and an Indian comes along on a horse, and gives her a ride
to a gas station.
Every few minutes he lets out a wild whoop that would curdle
milk.
Finally, he drops her off with a final "Yiiieee-yiiieee-yiiiee!"
and gallops off.
"My god!" says the gas station guy. "What were you doing to that
Indian to make him holler like that?"
"Why, nothing," says the girl. "I just sat behind him with my
arms around him, holding onto his saddle horn."
"Lady," says the guy, "Indians don't use saddles."
****************************************
"May I take your order?" the waiter asked.
"Yes, how do you prepare your chickens?"
"Nothing special, sir," he replied. "We just tell them
straight out that they're going to die."
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN"
> Wine her,
> Dine her,
> Call her,
> Hug her,
> Support her,
> Hold her,
> Surprise her,
> Compliment her,
> Smile at her,
> Listen to her,
> Laugh with her,
> Cry with her,
> Romance her,
> Believe in her,
> Cuddle with her,
> Shop with her,
> Give her jewelry,
> Buy her flowers,
> Hold her hand,
> Write love letters to her,
> Go to the end of the earth
and back again for her.
>
>
> "HOW TO IMPRESS A
MAN..."
> Show up naked.
> Bring food.