A surgeon went to check on his very famous patient after an operation.
She was awake, so he examined her. "You'll be fine." he said.
She asked, "How long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex
life again doctor." The surgeon seemed to pause which alarmed the girl.
"What's the matter Doctor? I will be alright won't I?"
He replied, "Yes, you'll be fine, Miss Lewinsky. It's just that no one
has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out.
A koala bear and a hooker go back to her place and
>> >> they get undressed. The koala bear goes down on the
>> >> hooker ... for 3 hours straight. She has multiple
>> >> orgasms!!! After 3 hours he stops, gets up and puts
>> >> on his little koala clothes. The woman is hanging back
>> >> huffing and puffing from exhaustion. Oh God, that was
>> >> great! Now I need my money." The koala bear just
>> >> looks at her and shrugs.Then the hooker says, "No, I
>> >> need my money. I'm a hooker and this is how I make a
>> >> living." The koala bear just looks at her and
>> >> continues to put on his clothes. Then the hooker gets
>> >> up and runs to the bookshelf, grabs a dictionary and
>> >> thumbs it to "hooker." She hands it to the koala bear
>> >> and it reads: "HOOKER: person who has sex for money."
>> >> Then the koala bear turns the page to "koala bear"
>> >> and walks out the door. The hooker reads: "KOALA BEAR:
>> >> eats bushes and leaves." >>
A groom passes down the aisle of the church to take his place
By the altar and the best man notices the groom has the biggest, brightest
smile on his face. The best man says, "Hey man, I know you are happy to
be getting married, but what's up - you look so excited!"
The groom replies, "I just had the best blow job I have ever
had in my entire life and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to
me."
Now the bride comes walking down the aisle and she, too, has
The biggest, brightest smile on her face. The maid of honor notices this and
says, "Hey, girlfriend, I know you are happy to be getting married but
what's up - you look so excited!"
The bride replies "I have just given the last blow job of my
entire life."
This woman dies and goes to heaven. While waiting in line, she hears
>>this terrible screaming and moaning. This disturbs her somewhat, so she
>>tracks down St. Peter to find out what is going on. "Oh that" he
says,
>>"that's just the woman in front of you. They are drilling holes in her
back to
>>attach her wings." The woman is still a bit upset by this and is
pondering her
>>position when the screaming starts again. This time it is louder and more
blood curdling
>>than before. She calls St. Peter over again to find out what is happening to
the woman now. "Oh that" he says, "they're just drilling holes in her head
to
>>attach the halo." The woman decides that she wants out and tells St.
Peter that she has changed her mind and wants to be sent to hell. "Are you sure you
>>want to go there?" he says. "It's a terrible place, you'll end up
getting
sodomized and raped and even worse!" "That's
okay" says the woman, "I already have the holes for that !"
A man was walking home alone one night
when he hears a BUMP...BUMP...BUMP..."
behind him. Walking faster, he looks back,
making out an image of an upright coffin
banging its way down the middle of the street
towards him..."BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...
The man begins to run towards his home, and
the coffin bounces quickly after him......
faster...faster...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP.
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys,
opens the door, rushes in, and locks the door
behind him, however, the coffin crashes through
his door, with the lid of the coffin clapping...
BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...on the heals of the terrified
man.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks
himself in. His heart is pounding.
With a CRASH, the coffin breaks down the door.
Coming slowly towards him, the man screaming,
reaches for something, anything...all he can
find is a box of cough drops!
Desperate, he throws the coughdrops at the
coffin...and...of course...the ...coffin stops!
Happy Halloween!!